[Applause]
beautiful search the term feminist what
is it you think you’d find go on do it
and while you’re doing it consider this
is what you’re seeing portraying angry
women
picket signs the reasonable campaign
group the elusive redhead now generally
speaking when we think of this term
feminist the first image to pop into our
heads is usually just that angry women
with picket signs protesting against I
don’t know fair wages cases of sexual
violence or abort anti-abortion laws now
can you even envision an alternate
reality which when you made that exact
same Google search my face popped up
allow me to introduce myself my name is
Nick and two things that you must know
about me or that I have a tendency to
look like a Tyrannosaurus Rex when I get
a really enthusiastic about anything and
I am an AB feminist and before I go into
what feminism means to me there are some
misconceptions that I feel I must clear
up that you may have and that Google
really has for starters there is a
substantial difference between militant
feminism and what I like to call
realistic feminism bills in feminism is
in no way different than the opposite
extreme misogyny militant feminism is
man-hating
plain and simple now in a different
sphere realistic feminists strive for
both the equality and equity of both
genders and while there are a great many
realistic feminists out there the
preachings of militant feminists are the
first to reach our ears seemingly only
because they can yell more loudly and
this takes us back to a Google search
the media has thus perpetrated an image
wholly inaccurate of feminism as with
all groups whether political religious
or activists the members that should be
heard are often the ones that are
drowned out but this isn’t to discredit
the enormous strides taken in the last
150 years you’ve got a long road ahead
of us
there’s no point in stopping not now
what feminism means to me may be
different from the set definition every
day I wake up and I go to school and my
mom goes to work and generally speaking
that’s been our paradigm for the last 17
years mind you she’s actually had a life
before me so she’s been doing this for
quite some time
feminism for me is women going out and
making them a name for themselves
providing if you will it’s my mom
being the best boss meaty person
imaginable it’s one of my best friends
being one of the smartest in the grade
well also juggling an exhausting social
life and a series of other horrible
teenage responsibilities that I’m sure
we’re all terribly familiar with and
it’s me staying on one side standing up
for what I believe is right for what I
believe we all as individuals deserve
that’s equal footing so I ask regardless
of gender or age to help shed this false
identity feminism even the men out there
especially the men out there since the
dawn of civilization there has been this
notion that all men are meant to be
these strong powerful stoic creatures
sculpted out of marble and with the
sweep of an armed man commands an entire
army and declares himself protector of
all that is good and pure I mean we’ve
seen this all throughout history right
the entirety of Spartan culture the mere
existence of Alexander the Great Chris
Evans men you don’t have to look like
that we don’t have to look to such an
unrealistic expectation which society
unfortunately it’s just thrust upon us
and this is especially important for our
young boys who are thinking that this is
what being a man is all about being a
man is complicated being a woman is
complicated
being human is complicated that’s just a
fact of life in all cases as we’ve seen
there seems to be this sort of big
standard that we imagine ourselves
needing to live by so I ask you do we
really need to live by these standards
and if your answer is no then well why
do we just
that way to be human there’s no set way
to being a man as well being a man means
more than brawn and protein shakes being
a man means more than innate empowerment
being a man means knowing how would you
use that power and when and where to use
that power to stand up for your
daughters and sisters and wives and
mothers because there are some men as
there are some women who don’t take this
seriously enough and we need to show
them that we mean business and that
change is inevitable
yes it’s taken us this long to come this
far but it takes so many years for coal
to turn into a diamond now the other
reason we should take us take this into
consideration is for the sake of our
poor horrible malleable fluctuating self
esteems like many of you I spend an
inordinate amount of time on the
internet and as mentioned in the
previous talk by Megan Ramsey boys and
girls are constantly and heavily
bombarded by body Stander’s or as we the
youth call it body goals and for those
of us that don’t meet these requirements
it cuts especially deep but for as long
as society has been talking about body
image for girls we seem to have
forgotten that this hurts boys just as
badly particularly because we are meant
to be strong and silent and not express
pain regardless of the circumstance no
one looks like that rather in incredibly
small percentage of population actually
looks like that and that’s what’s
considered attractive sorry
no real guy is sculpted like an Adonis
and also happens to be 64 we’re told
from an entirely young age to be happy
with who we are so why aren’t we it’s
entirely possible that it’s something
primitive something Neolithic like how
when we were Neanderthals women with
larger breasts and wider hips were
always preferred because it meant a
better chance of one us passing down our
genes and to the offspring actually
surviving same goes for males at the
time bigger and beefier males were
always preferred because it meant a
better chance of one defending the tribe
from enemy invaders and to defending the
tribe from while
animals but let’s face it are we really
fighting with other tribes over
territory and natural resources and are
we really bending off attacks from wild
boars every other day in a modern sense
it’s because these same standards have
prevailed they’ve only just adapted with
the times and if feminism has based
itself on anything it’s disrupting these
same standards for women
so let’s disrupt some per men in the
process so we talked we’ve talked about
how about society’s perceptions of the
body specifically yours like you as an
individual and how you have a right to
look a certain way and be treated a
certain way now do you also have a right
so the way you are treated physically
you may want to embrace yourself as I
move into the second more explicit and
personal area of my talk sexual violence
it’s not a joke the word rape is tossed
around like it doesn’t mean what it does
and I know this from personal experience
a particularly common joke amongst
teenage boys makes light of prison rape
for example don’t drop the soap or
aren’t morning hookups fun not if you’re
in prison mind you these are only two of
a multitude of other existing and
popular rape jokes
and what these jokes to do with their
constant reinforcement is that they act
as a sort of numbing agent on our
collective minds making us young boys
think that this sort of thing can’t and
won’t happen much less hit anyone we
actually care about an incredibly close
friend of mine was sexually assaulted
last night and some of you may be
thinking oh he’s only talking about this
and he only cares because this happened
someone close to him wrong this is the
second time it’s happened and I never
want to let it happen again
but I can’t do that no one person can do
that so how do we go about facing this
reality
step one is protect yourself in both
these cases the big the perpetrators
with someone close someone trusted the
notion that you are going to be snatched
off the street and have unspeakable
things done to you in the back of some
bad
by some creepy stranger is mostly wrong
not entirely but mostly generally
speaking in cases of sexual violence the
perpetrator was in fact someone close
and someone trusted now the second step
is don’t victims in yourself again in
both of these cases the victims felt as
though it was as though it was entirely
their fault that this happens them but
this could not be further from the truth
yet it is a very real part of our
culture many of us will be attending
colleges in the United States where
thousands of girls are sexually
assaulted on college campuses but the
number of reported cases it is projected
to be substantially lower than the
actual amount why it’s because many of
these victims are fed the notion that
this event was their fault that somehow
they had caused it this is victim
shaming is a very real part of our
culture and institutions need to support
just justice to perpetrators much like
the case of brock turner the stanford
rapist yes he was taken to court and yes
he was sentenced but to three months out
of initial 20-year sentence to put this
in perspective I’ll give you an example
in the United States federal law
mandates that if you are caught with any
amount of marijuana in your possession
you can be sentenced with up to one year
in a federal prison and up to a maximum
fine of $1,000 now it is beyond
infuriating that kids found committing
substantially minor crimes are being
given longer sentences than actual
criminals naturally boys get sexual
assault as well and I know this sounds
weird but bear with me but cross college
campuses the United States the numbers
for young men reporting sexual assault
are shockingly low lower than that of
women a 2012 report by the CDC claims
that one in five women is projected to
be a victim of sexual violence and one
in 71 men is also a victim but experts
say that this fight that this number is
most likely much higher as and I quote
incidents of sexual violence are
severely underreported in the United
States particularly among male victims
this brings us back to shame in this
particular shame derives from a notion
that all guys
sex all the time no means no even if he
says it and if the statistics look like
this over the United States what do you
think they look like here and I might
work and me get out work and are they
even reported and I know I have no right
to tell the victim how they should feel
how they should react but as though but
as a witness to not one but two such
events I can guarantee you that shaming
yourself is never an option now for the
last I don’t know like 12 minutes we’ve
been talking we’ve covered a number of
topics but nothing stands out more
consistently than shame and how society
deals with it this is the Merriam
Webster’s dictionary of definition of
Shannon and from a psychological
standpoint shame is considered as an
internal state of inadequacy dishonor
disrepute or regret shame is like a
leech latching on say anything at cam
and draining the life force out of it we
know this we do it to ourselves and we
do it to each other on a pretty regular
basis again it’s just another part of us
being human but to combat shame of this
nature what I propose are two things
self respect and common decency let’s
start with self respect being you is
hard being you in this reality is
arduous beyond measure being one of
today’s youth in today’s reality is
especially difficult and as a number of
the youth I can vouch for that
we’re told and untold and told yet again
that the way we look matters as it
defines us as who we are and who we will
be that if you are a guy you need to be
a chiseled demigod and straight up pick
fruit from trees and if you are a girl
you need to have a size zero waist and
just please everybody by just standing
there to be completely honest from bring
one guy that looks like Chris Evans
there’s at least three that look like
Danny DeVito and I’ve learned so much
more from Danny DeVito than I ever will
through Chris Evans now the second theme
of this talk is comedies
again from incredibly young aids were
taught to treat each other the same way
we want to be treated
this goes for how we want to be treated
physically and how we want to be
perceived if someone asks you to be
treated a certain way by all means do it
but if there is even the slightest
inkling it out of doubt that this goes
against their wishes
just stop let’s leave it there mind you
this can literally apply to just about
anything what I want to leave with you
today is as a self-proclaimed feminist a
guy and as he and as a youth is that I
want to live in a world in which men and
women can both be perceived equally and
fairly and so with that I’ll leave you
with something I can go to just about
any city on the planet and no one will
care I can go to just about any city on
the planet and I can take a walk and I
can do that the whole time feeling safe
but too many men too many of my friends
don’t have that luxury and I cannot
believe I actually have to call it a
luxury to many of my friends can’t even
go to the bathroom alone in certain
situations so what do I want you to do
with this I want you to take this image
and keep it and pass it down to your
kids because one day our sons and
daughters are going to take a walk as
well and all we want is for them to feel
loved to feel safe let’s feel respected
[Applause]
beautiful search the term feminist what
is it you think you’d find go on do it
and while you’re doing it consider this
is what you’re seeing portraying angry
women
picket signs the reasonable campaign
group the elusive redhead now generally
speaking when we think of this term
feminist the first image to pop into our
heads is usually just that angry women
with picket signs protesting against I
don’t know fair wages cases of sexual
violence or abort anti-abortion laws now
can you even envision an alternate
reality which when you made that exact
same Google search my face popped up
allow me to introduce myself my name is
Nick and two things that you must know
about me or that I have a tendency to
look like a Tyrannosaurus Rex when I get
a really enthusiastic about anything and
I am an AB feminist and before I go into
what feminism means to me there are some
misconceptions that I feel I must clear
up that you may have and that Google
really has for starters there is a
substantial difference between militant
feminism and what I like to call
realistic feminism bills in feminism is
in no way different than the opposite
extreme misogyny militant feminism is
man-hating
plain and simple now in a different
sphere realistic feminists strive for
both the equality and equity of both
genders and while there are a great many
realistic feminists out there the
preachings of militant feminists are the
first to reach our ears seemingly only
because they can yell more loudly and
this takes us back to a Google search
the media has thus perpetrated an image
wholly inaccurate of feminism as with
all groups whether political religious
or activists the members that should be
heard are often the ones that are
drowned out but this isn’t to discredit
the enormous strides taken in the last
150 years you’ve got a long road ahead
of us
there’s no point in stopping not now
what feminism means to me may be
different from the set definition every
day I wake up and I go to school and my
mom goes to work and generally speaking
that’s been our paradigm for the last 17
years mind you she’s actually had a life
before me so she’s been doing this for
quite some time
feminism for me is women going out and
making them a name for themselves
providing if you will it’s my mom
being the best boss meaty person
imaginable it’s one of my best friends
being one of the smartest in the grade
well also juggling an exhausting social
life and a series of other horrible
teenage responsibilities that I’m sure
we’re all terribly familiar with and
it’s me staying on one side standing up
for what I believe is right for what I
believe we all as individuals deserve
that’s equal footing so I ask regardless
of gender or age to help shed this false
identity feminism even the men out there
especially the men out there since the
dawn of civilization there has been this
notion that all men are meant to be
these strong powerful stoic creatures
sculpted out of marble and with the
sweep of an armed man commands an entire
army and declares himself protector of
all that is good and pure I mean we’ve
seen this all throughout history right
the entirety of Spartan culture the mere
existence of Alexander the Great Chris
Evans men you don’t have to look like
that we don’t have to look to such an
unrealistic expectation which society
unfortunately it’s just thrust upon us
and this is especially important for our
young boys who are thinking that this is
what being a man is all about being a
man is complicated being a woman is
complicated
being human is complicated that’s just a
fact of life in all cases as we’ve seen
there seems to be this sort of big
standard that we imagine ourselves
needing to live by so I ask you do we
really need to live by these standards
and if your answer is no then well why
do we just
that way to be human there’s no set way
to being a man as well being a man means
more than brawn and protein shakes being
a man means more than innate empowerment
being a man means knowing how would you
use that power and when and where to use
that power to stand up for your
daughters and sisters and wives and
mothers because there are some men as
there are some women who don’t take this
seriously enough and we need to show
them that we mean business and that
change is inevitable
yes it’s taken us this long to come this
far but it takes so many years for coal
to turn into a diamond now the other
reason we should take us take this into
consideration is for the sake of our
poor horrible malleable fluctuating self
esteems like many of you I spend an
inordinate amount of time on the
internet and as mentioned in the
previous talk by Megan Ramsey boys and
girls are constantly and heavily
bombarded by body Stander’s or as we the
youth call it body goals and for those
of us that don’t meet these requirements
it cuts especially deep but for as long
as society has been talking about body
image for girls we seem to have
forgotten that this hurts boys just as
badly particularly because we are meant
to be strong and silent and not express
pain regardless of the circumstance no
one looks like that rather in incredibly
small percentage of population actually
looks like that and that’s what’s
considered attractive sorry
no real guy is sculpted like an Adonis
and also happens to be 64 we’re told
from an entirely young age to be happy
with who we are so why aren’t we it’s
entirely possible that it’s something
primitive something Neolithic like how
when we were Neanderthals women with
larger breasts and wider hips were
always preferred because it meant a
better chance of one us passing down our
genes and to the offspring actually
surviving same goes for males at the
time bigger and beefier males were
always preferred because it meant a
better chance of one defending the tribe
from enemy invaders and to defending the
tribe from while
animals but let’s face it are we really
fighting with other tribes over
territory and natural resources and are
we really bending off attacks from wild
boars every other day in a modern sense
it’s because these same standards have
prevailed they’ve only just adapted with
the times and if feminism has based
itself on anything it’s disrupting these
same standards for women
so let’s disrupt some per men in the
process so we talked we’ve talked about
how about society’s perceptions of the
body specifically yours like you as an
individual and how you have a right to
look a certain way and be treated a
certain way now do you also have a right
so the way you are treated physically
you may want to embrace yourself as I
move into the second more explicit and
personal area of my talk sexual violence
it’s not a joke the word rape is tossed
around like it doesn’t mean what it does
and I know this from personal experience
a particularly common joke amongst
teenage boys makes light of prison rape
for example don’t drop the soap or
aren’t morning hookups fun not if you’re
in prison mind you these are only two of
a multitude of other existing and
popular rape jokes
and what these jokes to do with their
constant reinforcement is that they act
as a sort of numbing agent on our
collective minds making us young boys
think that this sort of thing can’t and
won’t happen much less hit anyone we
actually care about an incredibly close
friend of mine was sexually assaulted
last night and some of you may be
thinking oh he’s only talking about this
and he only cares because this happened
someone close to him wrong this is the
second time it’s happened and I never
want to let it happen again
but I can’t do that no one person can do
that so how do we go about facing this
reality
step one is protect yourself in both
these cases the big the perpetrators
with someone close someone trusted the
notion that you are going to be snatched
off the street and have unspeakable
things done to you in the back of some
bad
by some creepy stranger is mostly wrong
not entirely but mostly generally
speaking in cases of sexual violence the
perpetrator was in fact someone close
and someone trusted now the second step
is don’t victims in yourself again in
both of these cases the victims felt as
though it was as though it was entirely
their fault that this happens them but
this could not be further from the truth
yet it is a very real part of our
culture many of us will be attending
colleges in the United States where
thousands of girls are sexually
assaulted on college campuses but the
number of reported cases it is projected
to be substantially lower than the
actual amount why it’s because many of
these victims are fed the notion that
this event was their fault that somehow
they had caused it this is victim
shaming is a very real part of our
culture and institutions need to support
just justice to perpetrators much like
the case of brock turner the stanford
rapist yes he was taken to court and yes
he was sentenced but to three months out
of initial 20-year sentence to put this
in perspective I’ll give you an example
in the United States federal law
mandates that if you are caught with any
amount of marijuana in your possession
you can be sentenced with up to one year
in a federal prison and up to a maximum
fine of $1,000 now it is beyond
infuriating that kids found committing
substantially minor crimes are being
given longer sentences than actual
criminals naturally boys get sexual
assault as well and I know this sounds
weird but bear with me but cross college
campuses the United States the numbers
for young men reporting sexual assault
are shockingly low lower than that of
women a 2012 report by the CDC claims
that one in five women is projected to
be a victim of sexual violence and one
in 71 men is also a victim but experts
say that this fight that this number is
most likely much higher as and I quote
incidents of sexual violence are
severely underreported in the United
States particularly among male victims
this brings us back to shame in this
particular shame derives from a notion
that all guys
sex all the time no means no even if he
says it and if the statistics look like
this over the United States what do you
think they look like here and I might
work and me get out work and are they
even reported and I know I have no right
to tell the victim how they should feel
how they should react but as though but
as a witness to not one but two such
events I can guarantee you that shaming
yourself is never an option now for the
last I don’t know like 12 minutes we’ve
been talking we’ve covered a number of
topics but nothing stands out more
consistently than shame and how society
deals with it this is the Merriam
Webster’s dictionary of definition of
Shannon and from a psychological
standpoint shame is considered as an
internal state of inadequacy dishonor
disrepute or regret shame is like a
leech latching on say anything at cam
and draining the life force out of it we
know this we do it to ourselves and we
do it to each other on a pretty regular
basis again it’s just another part of us
being human but to combat shame of this
nature what I propose are two things
self respect and common decency let’s
start with self respect being you is
hard being you in this reality is
arduous beyond measure being one of
today’s youth in today’s reality is
especially difficult and as a number of
the youth I can vouch for that
we’re told and untold and told yet again
that the way we look matters as it
defines us as who we are and who we will
be that if you are a guy you need to be
a chiseled demigod and straight up pick
fruit from trees and if you are a girl
you need to have a size zero waist and
just please everybody by just standing
there to be completely honest from bring
one guy that looks like Chris Evans
there’s at least three that look like
Danny DeVito and I’ve learned so much
more from Danny DeVito than I ever will
through Chris Evans now the second theme
of this talk is comedies
again from incredibly young aids were
taught to treat each other the same way
we want to be treated
this goes for how we want to be treated
physically and how we want to be
perceived if someone asks you to be
treated a certain way by all means do it
but if there is even the slightest
inkling it out of doubt that this goes
against their wishes
just stop let’s leave it there mind you
this can literally apply to just about
anything what I want to leave with you
today is as a self-proclaimed feminist a
guy and as he and as a youth is that I
want to live in a world in which men and
women can both be perceived equally and
fairly and so with that I’ll leave you
with something I can go to just about
any city on the planet and no one will
care I can go to just about any city on
the planet and I can take a walk and I
can do that the whole time feeling safe
but too many men too many of my friends
don’t have that luxury and I cannot
believe I actually have to call it a
luxury to many of my friends can’t even
go to the bathroom alone in certain
situations so what do I want you to do
with this I want you to take this image
and keep it and pass it down to your
kids because one day our sons and
daughters are going to take a walk as
well and all we want is for them to feel
loved to feel safe let’s feel respected
[Applause]
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