I see fine hi hey my name is Dylan
what’s your name Andrea hi Andrea Andrea
are you thinking about suicide right now
yeah what you just heard is an example
of what it feels like to actually pick
up the phone as a crisis line counselor
so my name is Dylan and I’m a suicide
crisis line counselor and volunteer for
a crisis line that’s part of the
National Suicide Prevention Network and
I’m here to basically share with you
some of my experiences in order to
actually just inspire you and motivate
you to begin to consider the importance
of listening in your own life so let’s
actually break down exactly what that
first chip is like okay so I pick up the
phone and I’m talking directly to people
who want to kill themselves right people
who have suicidal ideation people who
have attempted suicide even that day or
numerous times in their lifetime people
who may have a desire for suicide but
not necessarily a plan or access to
those means which we actually define as
intent and capability third-party
callers people who are actually calling
about their loved ones or their friends
people who are concerned after seeing an
Instagram photo for instance that got
them really alarmed so it’s also not
uncommon to actually get a group of 13
year old prank callers no matter who
that first caller is it’s terrifying to
pick up the phone and I didn’t want to
see the wrong things right I really
wanted to make sure I was saying the
right things and a lot of times I didn’t
really know what to say but eventually I
learned to just keep be open hearted and
willing to just adopt an entirely new
skill set because listening really isn’t
easy it’s not easy
fact it’s actually really difficult to
listen and it wasn’t until I actually
started volunteering on a crisis line
that I realize just how challenging it
was for me to listen in my own everyday
life so just like all of you here are
some of the things that I do okay even
to this day sometimes I’ll ask someone a
question twice literally minutes after
asking them it because I just totally
blanked on me what they were exactly
saying or sometimes I’ll ask someone
will tell me their name and I’ll almost
immediately forget it
because I’m thinking about an attribute
of that person that’s standing out to me
in some way or you know someone will
tell me hey Dylan what’s new and I’ll
almost immediately respond you know good
how are you without really thinking of
what they were asking right so like all
of you these little things I end up
doing these things a lot and I still do
this to this day so it’s clear that
listening really is a problem for a lot
of us and you know let’s just throw in
the mediated role of Technology into the
mix okay the inundation of information
through your social media channels and
your platforms just multiple you know
images and information being thrown at
you every day plus using multiple tabs
and windows when you’re working you know
but the barriers to listening they’re
not only external barriers they’re
internal barriers too so take for
example your disposition to want to
finish the other person’s sentence or
just you know when thinking of something
to say next thinking of something to say
next when someone’s trying to talk to
you or even actually trying to make up
solutions to what you deem as their
problems when they’re talking to you all
of these we’ve done in some sort of way
right and all of these facets actually
obstruct our ability to listen making
listening really an super arduous task
in today’s age so as the president
founder of cal state la’s chapter of
nami which stands for the National
Alliance on Mental Illness I’m actually
really concerned about the degree to
which we don’t really listen to our own
mental health and AIDS
consider how two-thirds of students who
were struggling with mental health
issues don’t actually go and seek
treatment according to a 2015 survey
from the American College Health
Association now I really wanted to found
this chapter to initiate a real dignity
stigmatization of the discussion of
mental health issues the issues that I
was hearing from all the callers and the
lines so issues like social anxiety
depression social phobia psychosis the
chapter basically represents the role
that education and social supports can
play in really just initiating a more
honest conversation about mental health
on a college campus so at this point I
think we can all kind of intellectually
at least understand the importance of
listening right we can kind of think
about it and be like okay listening is
probably important I don’t do it as much
as they probably should or at least I’m
not doing in the right way that I
probably should but it wasn’t until
listening was actually a matter of life
or death that I began to realize just
how you know I was making these exact
same mistakes so I struggle to this day
to listen to callers while also
providing with them resources and
helping them find resources that could
really help them so this story begins
with the caller will call mark and Mark
was a teen caller and he was telling me
how he actually wanted to kill himself
because his father had physically
attacked him the night before and it was
really difficult listening to Mark’s
story and heartbreaking at times but I
pushed forward with a demographic
question and without really you know
telling him to tell me more about his
story so I asked him I asked mark what
gender he identified as and actually
before he even began to speak I started
writing down mail and he replied with
transgender I wasn’t really listening I
wasn’t really listening at all actually
I realized in that moment that I was
basically forming opinions I was coming
to conclusions
I was not staying present with mark
even with your best intentions of being
empathetic it doesn’t really mean you’re
actually listening someone this is why I
admire counselors on our shift on a
typical four-hour shift they can talk to
seven eight nine ten callers and they
can give each caller their fullest
attention callers who have spent years
on the lines even decades on the lines
tell me that their listening skills are
actually always improving and the truth
is that your listening skills like mine
can continuously be developed and honed
in on and grow my time as a crisis line
counselor has actually allowed me to
embody a whole different approach to
listening so in their pioneering book
are you listening which was published in
1957 by mcgraw-hill dr. Ralph Nichols
and communication expert Leonard Stevens
tell us that the average Americans rate
of speech is 125 words per minute so
although a lot of researchers actually
debate how our brain is really
functioning while we think stay with me
here most researchers actually agree
that our brains a primary mode of
thought is actually through language and
functions at a much much faster rate
than that at the rate of speech so what
does this mean for all of us right this
basically means that when we find
ourselves listening to someone we’re
actually filling in the gaps with our
own thinking so I want to end this talk
with an example that Nichols and Stevens
provide us with that I think we can
relate to all on some level so let’s
think back to having that meeting with
our boss or we really found ourselves
listening
so our boss is trying to tell us of a
new program or a new initiative that
they really want to implement right and
they really want our help with it so we
listen we sit there and we listen but
eventually because of the slower rate of
speech relative to our brains
capabilities we actually begin to
subconsciously sidetrack mentally and we
start to think of things like you know
your more recent breakup your friends
your anything really you know just how
you were a rockstar work the other day
reminding yourself to bring up how you
almost prevented a company-wide
catastrophe because this is the meeting
to bring it up whatever it really is we
can do this for a while okay so we can
sort of sidetrack mentally and then come
back again to the meeting and then
sidetrack mentally and then come back to
the meeting again but eventually we
actually end up daydreaming a little bit
longer than we anticipated and as
Nichols and Stevens put it by the end of
the meeting we have literally almost
missed half of what our boss has tried
to illustrate to us on some level I’m a
crisis line counselor I spend four hours
on a typical shift talking to people who
want to kill themselves I am a student
and forever will be I founded a chapter
of Nami on campus but one thing I’m not
is a better listener because of any of
these things really because listening is
actually a choice that we all have to
make on a minute-to-minute second the
second basis all the time and it’s a
choice that we make to actually more
deeply connect with ourselves while also
bridging that understanding between one
another but most importantly true
listening can actually save someone’s
life thank you so much
you
what’s your name Andrea hi Andrea Andrea
are you thinking about suicide right now
yeah what you just heard is an example
of what it feels like to actually pick
up the phone as a crisis line counselor
so my name is Dylan and I’m a suicide
crisis line counselor and volunteer for
a crisis line that’s part of the
National Suicide Prevention Network and
I’m here to basically share with you
some of my experiences in order to
actually just inspire you and motivate
you to begin to consider the importance
of listening in your own life so let’s
actually break down exactly what that
first chip is like okay so I pick up the
phone and I’m talking directly to people
who want to kill themselves right people
who have suicidal ideation people who
have attempted suicide even that day or
numerous times in their lifetime people
who may have a desire for suicide but
not necessarily a plan or access to
those means which we actually define as
intent and capability third-party
callers people who are actually calling
about their loved ones or their friends
people who are concerned after seeing an
Instagram photo for instance that got
them really alarmed so it’s also not
uncommon to actually get a group of 13
year old prank callers no matter who
that first caller is it’s terrifying to
pick up the phone and I didn’t want to
see the wrong things right I really
wanted to make sure I was saying the
right things and a lot of times I didn’t
really know what to say but eventually I
learned to just keep be open hearted and
willing to just adopt an entirely new
skill set because listening really isn’t
easy it’s not easy
fact it’s actually really difficult to
listen and it wasn’t until I actually
started volunteering on a crisis line
that I realize just how challenging it
was for me to listen in my own everyday
life so just like all of you here are
some of the things that I do okay even
to this day sometimes I’ll ask someone a
question twice literally minutes after
asking them it because I just totally
blanked on me what they were exactly
saying or sometimes I’ll ask someone
will tell me their name and I’ll almost
immediately forget it
because I’m thinking about an attribute
of that person that’s standing out to me
in some way or you know someone will
tell me hey Dylan what’s new and I’ll
almost immediately respond you know good
how are you without really thinking of
what they were asking right so like all
of you these little things I end up
doing these things a lot and I still do
this to this day so it’s clear that
listening really is a problem for a lot
of us and you know let’s just throw in
the mediated role of Technology into the
mix okay the inundation of information
through your social media channels and
your platforms just multiple you know
images and information being thrown at
you every day plus using multiple tabs
and windows when you’re working you know
but the barriers to listening they’re
not only external barriers they’re
internal barriers too so take for
example your disposition to want to
finish the other person’s sentence or
just you know when thinking of something
to say next thinking of something to say
next when someone’s trying to talk to
you or even actually trying to make up
solutions to what you deem as their
problems when they’re talking to you all
of these we’ve done in some sort of way
right and all of these facets actually
obstruct our ability to listen making
listening really an super arduous task
in today’s age so as the president
founder of cal state la’s chapter of
nami which stands for the National
Alliance on Mental Illness I’m actually
really concerned about the degree to
which we don’t really listen to our own
mental health and AIDS
consider how two-thirds of students who
were struggling with mental health
issues don’t actually go and seek
treatment according to a 2015 survey
from the American College Health
Association now I really wanted to found
this chapter to initiate a real dignity
stigmatization of the discussion of
mental health issues the issues that I
was hearing from all the callers and the
lines so issues like social anxiety
depression social phobia psychosis the
chapter basically represents the role
that education and social supports can
play in really just initiating a more
honest conversation about mental health
on a college campus so at this point I
think we can all kind of intellectually
at least understand the importance of
listening right we can kind of think
about it and be like okay listening is
probably important I don’t do it as much
as they probably should or at least I’m
not doing in the right way that I
probably should but it wasn’t until
listening was actually a matter of life
or death that I began to realize just
how you know I was making these exact
same mistakes so I struggle to this day
to listen to callers while also
providing with them resources and
helping them find resources that could
really help them so this story begins
with the caller will call mark and Mark
was a teen caller and he was telling me
how he actually wanted to kill himself
because his father had physically
attacked him the night before and it was
really difficult listening to Mark’s
story and heartbreaking at times but I
pushed forward with a demographic
question and without really you know
telling him to tell me more about his
story so I asked him I asked mark what
gender he identified as and actually
before he even began to speak I started
writing down mail and he replied with
transgender I wasn’t really listening I
wasn’t really listening at all actually
I realized in that moment that I was
basically forming opinions I was coming
to conclusions
I was not staying present with mark
even with your best intentions of being
empathetic it doesn’t really mean you’re
actually listening someone this is why I
admire counselors on our shift on a
typical four-hour shift they can talk to
seven eight nine ten callers and they
can give each caller their fullest
attention callers who have spent years
on the lines even decades on the lines
tell me that their listening skills are
actually always improving and the truth
is that your listening skills like mine
can continuously be developed and honed
in on and grow my time as a crisis line
counselor has actually allowed me to
embody a whole different approach to
listening so in their pioneering book
are you listening which was published in
1957 by mcgraw-hill dr. Ralph Nichols
and communication expert Leonard Stevens
tell us that the average Americans rate
of speech is 125 words per minute so
although a lot of researchers actually
debate how our brain is really
functioning while we think stay with me
here most researchers actually agree
that our brains a primary mode of
thought is actually through language and
functions at a much much faster rate
than that at the rate of speech so what
does this mean for all of us right this
basically means that when we find
ourselves listening to someone we’re
actually filling in the gaps with our
own thinking so I want to end this talk
with an example that Nichols and Stevens
provide us with that I think we can
relate to all on some level so let’s
think back to having that meeting with
our boss or we really found ourselves
listening
so our boss is trying to tell us of a
new program or a new initiative that
they really want to implement right and
they really want our help with it so we
listen we sit there and we listen but
eventually because of the slower rate of
speech relative to our brains
capabilities we actually begin to
subconsciously sidetrack mentally and we
start to think of things like you know
your more recent breakup your friends
your anything really you know just how
you were a rockstar work the other day
reminding yourself to bring up how you
almost prevented a company-wide
catastrophe because this is the meeting
to bring it up whatever it really is we
can do this for a while okay so we can
sort of sidetrack mentally and then come
back again to the meeting and then
sidetrack mentally and then come back to
the meeting again but eventually we
actually end up daydreaming a little bit
longer than we anticipated and as
Nichols and Stevens put it by the end of
the meeting we have literally almost
missed half of what our boss has tried
to illustrate to us on some level I’m a
crisis line counselor I spend four hours
on a typical shift talking to people who
want to kill themselves I am a student
and forever will be I founded a chapter
of Nami on campus but one thing I’m not
is a better listener because of any of
these things really because listening is
actually a choice that we all have to
make on a minute-to-minute second the
second basis all the time and it’s a
choice that we make to actually more
deeply connect with ourselves while also
bridging that understanding between one
another but most importantly true
listening can actually save someone’s
life thank you so much
you
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