oh and you all the sudden heard a song
playing in the background and you
thought is that Aretha and you thought
for a minute oh I love this song this is
a great song or a time that you sat in
your work parking lot sitting there
because a great song was on the radio
and you had to hit Whitney’s high note
and I want to dance with somebody to
face the day sometimes music helps think
about a time a song transported you to a
memory something you’d forgotten songs
have that ability songs have the ability
to make us happy they have the ability
to energize us we turn them up we rock
out we jam we feel better we smile songs
also have the opposite effect sometimes
sometimes you will hear a song and it
brings back a negative memory a time
that made you sad and we turn it down we
shut it off we don’t listen and we walk
away songs are staples in our lives
it wasn’t the proudest moment in my
adult life when I dropped my son off to
kindergarten on the first day and I
watched him stroll proudly up to the
school with his giant backpack in that
little cherub body singing at the top of
his lungs I’m up all night to get lucky
she’s up all night to get enough heath
scarlet lettering me to the other
sixteen moms and yoga pants in the
parking lot it’s okay there yoga pants
have probably been too yoga I have not
so as he walked up to that school I
realized oh wow that song will always be
a memory for me now I am a high school
teacher and if there’s one thing I know
for sure you have to get their attention
singing I have discovered is a surefire
way to do that rapping is a guarantee I
write raps about transcendentalism we
rap about grammar rules
and my kids pay attention music gets our
attention it’s crucial to remember this
but what if I told you that I believe
everyone in this room everyone on earth
has a song and it has nothing to do with
the radio what if I told you that I
think we all carry with us everyday a
life song a song that we sing to others
in the way that we make them feel in the
way that we present ourselves and in the
way that we live our lives some people
songs are positive you know who they are
you’re excited to see them coming you
look forward to spending time with them
they leave you better you smile when
they’re around some people songs are
nasty and sad and bitter and angry and
you know who they are too because you
tend to avoid when you see them coming
they make us feel less deflated empty
embarrassed of who we are and some
people songs these are the best kind of
people our mentors are inspirational and
what they sing to us permanently changes
us it makes us rethink the way that we
approach things the way that we interact
with others and the reason those songs
are so inspiring is because those people
don’t even have to be there for you to
sing their song you hear them you can
hear them in moments where you are
frustrated or where you are struggling
you hear their voice their life song
sings to you even when they aren’t
present today I would like to present to
you the idea that every one of us in
this room has a life song that could
impact someone else and we also have to
be careful about the life song of others
impacting us I’m going to share with you
two specific examples the first example
that I would like to share with you is
my grandmother this is Mary Lou Buerkle
my grandmother and grandfather raised
six children devoutly Cat
like she never missed church her faith
never wavered even when one of her six
children was killed tragically in an
accident very young my grandmother at
the end of her life developed the
relentless disease known as Alzheimer’s
now I have two current friends both
living with terminal cancer and they
make what sometimes seems to other
people like irreverent jokes about their
situation they laugh about the current
state of their lives I call it their
sense of tumor they insist that humor is
the only way to get through something
that crappy my grandmother also had a
wicked sense of humor she had a humor
and every fate in the face of everything
she faced in her life until I was 12
years old I really thought my
grandfather’s given name was asshole as
my grandmother slipped further down the
rabbit hole of her disease she began to
do things that didn’t make any sense as
is common with Alzheimer’s and one of
those things was that for no explainable
reason whatsoever she would raise her
middle fingers up during prayer I don’t
care how old you are that’s funny and we
would lovingly lower her arms and say
crap we’re talking to the Lord right now
and she’d say he’s seen him before
my grandmother’s song speaks to me today
my grandmother in the face of a disease
that warped her brain and wrapped around
her memories stayed true to her song her
character her humor all the way to the
end
my grandmother had it and as a result
her life song speaks to me when people
make me feel less when I worry that
someone is judging me when I get
unconfident about a situation I know who
am i sing my life song that is authentic
to me because my grandmother
demonstrated that and she’s also helped
me face very difficult situations with a
sense of humor that I wouldn’t have had
without her
the second life song I would like to
talk about today is Jason my J as I
called him Jason was a student in my
tenth grade English class and then again
as a senior in my 12th grade English
class as most tenth graders can be he
was a little squirrely and by the time
he was a senior he had mellowed out he
had matured he was much more
internalizing of his behaviors Jason
loved to write but not English
assignments Jason wrote song lyrics the
whole time I was teaching jason wrote
letters to his girlfriend but the thing
that Jason was most known for was lists
he loved to make lists he would sit in
class and make lists of everything he
had to do that day everything he had
already done that day everything he
wished he had done that day and just
list list list I distinctly remember one
day walking up to Jason’s desk and
saying what’s the list about today Jay
and he said prom it’s everything I have
to do before prom and I looked down at
his desk and the first thing on the list
was make more lists I can’t make it up
we laughed
I remember that moment beautifully the
week of Jason’s graduation from high
school he came to my classroom and asked
and handed me an envelope and he asked
me not to read it until he left as is
typical for teenage boys they’re not
very acute about showing their emotions
so I waited till he left and I read it
and I’m gonna read you a portion of that
letter now I believe that everyone
deserves another chance no matter what
they’ve done just like the quote from
the Diary of Anne Frank everyone is good
at heart if someone can truly say
they’re sorry and mean it they most
likely have learned their lesson and
deserve another chance in conclusion I
want to let you know that if ever in
your life you regret the path that
you’ve chosen or you feel that you
haven’t made a difference in any way you
have you have created a huge impact on
my life alone and have given me so much
to think about in the years to come not
to mention how many others you have
helped you are and always will be a
great person you’ll always hold a
special place in my heart love Jason PS
please don’t beat me up for making this
one big long paragraph Jason died two
years after he graduated in a horrible
car accident
Jason’s solved sings to me every day
give people second chances you are
making a difference everyone is good at
heart
what a gift his song is to me
I’ve spoken to his parents I spoke to
both of them before today to make sure
it was all right that I demonstrated his
letter to you and they both were happy
to hear from me and I made sure to tell
them how Jason’s song is still being
sung I’ve been a teacher for 16 years
I’ve lost 11 students to death seven of
them in violence when I open the
newspaper and I read where they were who
they were with what they were suspected
to be doing or what time it was I don’t
remember any of those details I remember
the little boy named Solomon who begged
me to call him D D because he hated his
name and how much he loved his brother
I remember crystals laugh and how it
filled the whole classroom and how loyal
she was to her best friends I remember
Cora who stopped in the middle of an
actual fire evacuation to assist a
student who had fallen those life songs
stay with us when people have a positive
impact on your life you carry that with
you forever
and it can go the other way too now when
I think about those students I think
about the lessons I’ve learned and what
is the lesson here I think their lives
are the lesson what if it was gone
tomorrow
what song are you singing what song Laer
are people hearing from you in your
day-to-day interactions how is your song
making people feel I know what my song
is my song is kindness my song is
acceptance my song is tolerance but the
times in my life that I regret the most
are the times when I didn’t sing it I
didn’t sing it I watched a stranger
struggle and I either pretended not to
notice or consciously decided not to
care when a sister needed my support
when a brother needed rescue from
judgment and I swallowed my song despite
knowing that singing it was the right
thing to do
so we all want to sing a song of
kindness right I mean we all agree suns
of kindness are the goal but some of you
might have used knotty fingers and
traffic on the way here already this
morning so the problem is that love is a
verb kindness takes self-discipline
tremendous self-discipline it takes time
it takes effort it takes money sometimes
it takes your energy to be there and
offer your side your song of kindness to
others and how do you really know how do
you know what your song is singing to
others how do you know the impact you’re
making I would argue that perfection is
not the goal it’s not realistic we are
not a perfect people I think it’s a
commitment to being self-aware when you
are self-aware you are accepting that
you need to be deeply deeply personally
honest with yourself we know when the
songs we sing are ugly you have to be
honest when frustration annoyance
irritation anger a lack of sleep hunger
are impacting the song you’re singing to
someone else you have to be able to be
aware of those times step back and
readjust the lyrics to your song now
scientists have actually been studying
this for years neuroscience research has
been
the unequivocally positive that when you
commit regular acts of kindness to
others when you make other people feel
good your brain physically changes it
builds sustains it fuels it hardwires
differently so that you are trained to
think differently you are different when
you are kind to others and not just the
people you think deserve it
especially the people you think don’t we
are smarter we are faster we are
stronger when we practice kindness
regularly that’s the real that’s the
reality science has proven it so we’ve
got to make that conscious effort to
commit to regularly making others feel
good it’s I love that dress
where’d you get those shoes sitting down
with someone and saying I have felt how
you feel those are the difference makers
everything in your life will be greatly
enhanced if you are able to do that your
job your relationship with your
partner’s your relationship with your
friends your co-workers everything is
faster stronger and better when you
regularly practice kindness science
backs it so why is it so difficult we
need to sing our songs of love and
kindness more more often have you ever
been in public and watched your phone
let’s search for a signal and it does
that little cool thing that makes us say
bad words it says searching for
connection yeah we’re all searching for
connection to the phone will not work if
it is not connected we do not work our
best unless we are connected you have to
make the effort to connect to others now
the world is an imperfect place if you
want to be angry there is plenty to be
angry about there are plenty of reasons
to be upset there’s injustice and
suffering and inequality and feelings of
judgment and things that you feel should
be different but guess what here’s the
secret that’s when you love bigger
that’s when you sing louder because what
if someone else views your song here’s
your words and they begin to sing and
then someone else sings there
and someone else sings their song it
would be the most beautiful chorus of
human kindness that could ever exist on
this planet operate from a grateful
heart I read recently that gratitude is
an awareness and acknowledgement in our
soul that things could have been
different things could have been
different be grateful be joyful bring
that to others so I’m going to end this
the same way I started it how many of
you know the words to your song and
would you sing it to a stranger thank
you
playing in the background and you
thought is that Aretha and you thought
for a minute oh I love this song this is
a great song or a time that you sat in
your work parking lot sitting there
because a great song was on the radio
and you had to hit Whitney’s high note
and I want to dance with somebody to
face the day sometimes music helps think
about a time a song transported you to a
memory something you’d forgotten songs
have that ability songs have the ability
to make us happy they have the ability
to energize us we turn them up we rock
out we jam we feel better we smile songs
also have the opposite effect sometimes
sometimes you will hear a song and it
brings back a negative memory a time
that made you sad and we turn it down we
shut it off we don’t listen and we walk
away songs are staples in our lives
it wasn’t the proudest moment in my
adult life when I dropped my son off to
kindergarten on the first day and I
watched him stroll proudly up to the
school with his giant backpack in that
little cherub body singing at the top of
his lungs I’m up all night to get lucky
she’s up all night to get enough heath
scarlet lettering me to the other
sixteen moms and yoga pants in the
parking lot it’s okay there yoga pants
have probably been too yoga I have not
so as he walked up to that school I
realized oh wow that song will always be
a memory for me now I am a high school
teacher and if there’s one thing I know
for sure you have to get their attention
singing I have discovered is a surefire
way to do that rapping is a guarantee I
write raps about transcendentalism we
rap about grammar rules
and my kids pay attention music gets our
attention it’s crucial to remember this
but what if I told you that I believe
everyone in this room everyone on earth
has a song and it has nothing to do with
the radio what if I told you that I
think we all carry with us everyday a
life song a song that we sing to others
in the way that we make them feel in the
way that we present ourselves and in the
way that we live our lives some people
songs are positive you know who they are
you’re excited to see them coming you
look forward to spending time with them
they leave you better you smile when
they’re around some people songs are
nasty and sad and bitter and angry and
you know who they are too because you
tend to avoid when you see them coming
they make us feel less deflated empty
embarrassed of who we are and some
people songs these are the best kind of
people our mentors are inspirational and
what they sing to us permanently changes
us it makes us rethink the way that we
approach things the way that we interact
with others and the reason those songs
are so inspiring is because those people
don’t even have to be there for you to
sing their song you hear them you can
hear them in moments where you are
frustrated or where you are struggling
you hear their voice their life song
sings to you even when they aren’t
present today I would like to present to
you the idea that every one of us in
this room has a life song that could
impact someone else and we also have to
be careful about the life song of others
impacting us I’m going to share with you
two specific examples the first example
that I would like to share with you is
my grandmother this is Mary Lou Buerkle
my grandmother and grandfather raised
six children devoutly Cat
like she never missed church her faith
never wavered even when one of her six
children was killed tragically in an
accident very young my grandmother at
the end of her life developed the
relentless disease known as Alzheimer’s
now I have two current friends both
living with terminal cancer and they
make what sometimes seems to other
people like irreverent jokes about their
situation they laugh about the current
state of their lives I call it their
sense of tumor they insist that humor is
the only way to get through something
that crappy my grandmother also had a
wicked sense of humor she had a humor
and every fate in the face of everything
she faced in her life until I was 12
years old I really thought my
grandfather’s given name was asshole as
my grandmother slipped further down the
rabbit hole of her disease she began to
do things that didn’t make any sense as
is common with Alzheimer’s and one of
those things was that for no explainable
reason whatsoever she would raise her
middle fingers up during prayer I don’t
care how old you are that’s funny and we
would lovingly lower her arms and say
crap we’re talking to the Lord right now
and she’d say he’s seen him before
my grandmother’s song speaks to me today
my grandmother in the face of a disease
that warped her brain and wrapped around
her memories stayed true to her song her
character her humor all the way to the
end
my grandmother had it and as a result
her life song speaks to me when people
make me feel less when I worry that
someone is judging me when I get
unconfident about a situation I know who
am i sing my life song that is authentic
to me because my grandmother
demonstrated that and she’s also helped
me face very difficult situations with a
sense of humor that I wouldn’t have had
without her
the second life song I would like to
talk about today is Jason my J as I
called him Jason was a student in my
tenth grade English class and then again
as a senior in my 12th grade English
class as most tenth graders can be he
was a little squirrely and by the time
he was a senior he had mellowed out he
had matured he was much more
internalizing of his behaviors Jason
loved to write but not English
assignments Jason wrote song lyrics the
whole time I was teaching jason wrote
letters to his girlfriend but the thing
that Jason was most known for was lists
he loved to make lists he would sit in
class and make lists of everything he
had to do that day everything he had
already done that day everything he
wished he had done that day and just
list list list I distinctly remember one
day walking up to Jason’s desk and
saying what’s the list about today Jay
and he said prom it’s everything I have
to do before prom and I looked down at
his desk and the first thing on the list
was make more lists I can’t make it up
we laughed
I remember that moment beautifully the
week of Jason’s graduation from high
school he came to my classroom and asked
and handed me an envelope and he asked
me not to read it until he left as is
typical for teenage boys they’re not
very acute about showing their emotions
so I waited till he left and I read it
and I’m gonna read you a portion of that
letter now I believe that everyone
deserves another chance no matter what
they’ve done just like the quote from
the Diary of Anne Frank everyone is good
at heart if someone can truly say
they’re sorry and mean it they most
likely have learned their lesson and
deserve another chance in conclusion I
want to let you know that if ever in
your life you regret the path that
you’ve chosen or you feel that you
haven’t made a difference in any way you
have you have created a huge impact on
my life alone and have given me so much
to think about in the years to come not
to mention how many others you have
helped you are and always will be a
great person you’ll always hold a
special place in my heart love Jason PS
please don’t beat me up for making this
one big long paragraph Jason died two
years after he graduated in a horrible
car accident
Jason’s solved sings to me every day
give people second chances you are
making a difference everyone is good at
heart
what a gift his song is to me
I’ve spoken to his parents I spoke to
both of them before today to make sure
it was all right that I demonstrated his
letter to you and they both were happy
to hear from me and I made sure to tell
them how Jason’s song is still being
sung I’ve been a teacher for 16 years
I’ve lost 11 students to death seven of
them in violence when I open the
newspaper and I read where they were who
they were with what they were suspected
to be doing or what time it was I don’t
remember any of those details I remember
the little boy named Solomon who begged
me to call him D D because he hated his
name and how much he loved his brother
I remember crystals laugh and how it
filled the whole classroom and how loyal
she was to her best friends I remember
Cora who stopped in the middle of an
actual fire evacuation to assist a
student who had fallen those life songs
stay with us when people have a positive
impact on your life you carry that with
you forever
and it can go the other way too now when
I think about those students I think
about the lessons I’ve learned and what
is the lesson here I think their lives
are the lesson what if it was gone
tomorrow
what song are you singing what song Laer
are people hearing from you in your
day-to-day interactions how is your song
making people feel I know what my song
is my song is kindness my song is
acceptance my song is tolerance but the
times in my life that I regret the most
are the times when I didn’t sing it I
didn’t sing it I watched a stranger
struggle and I either pretended not to
notice or consciously decided not to
care when a sister needed my support
when a brother needed rescue from
judgment and I swallowed my song despite
knowing that singing it was the right
thing to do
so we all want to sing a song of
kindness right I mean we all agree suns
of kindness are the goal but some of you
might have used knotty fingers and
traffic on the way here already this
morning so the problem is that love is a
verb kindness takes self-discipline
tremendous self-discipline it takes time
it takes effort it takes money sometimes
it takes your energy to be there and
offer your side your song of kindness to
others and how do you really know how do
you know what your song is singing to
others how do you know the impact you’re
making I would argue that perfection is
not the goal it’s not realistic we are
not a perfect people I think it’s a
commitment to being self-aware when you
are self-aware you are accepting that
you need to be deeply deeply personally
honest with yourself we know when the
songs we sing are ugly you have to be
honest when frustration annoyance
irritation anger a lack of sleep hunger
are impacting the song you’re singing to
someone else you have to be able to be
aware of those times step back and
readjust the lyrics to your song now
scientists have actually been studying
this for years neuroscience research has
been
the unequivocally positive that when you
commit regular acts of kindness to
others when you make other people feel
good your brain physically changes it
builds sustains it fuels it hardwires
differently so that you are trained to
think differently you are different when
you are kind to others and not just the
people you think deserve it
especially the people you think don’t we
are smarter we are faster we are
stronger when we practice kindness
regularly that’s the real that’s the
reality science has proven it so we’ve
got to make that conscious effort to
commit to regularly making others feel
good it’s I love that dress
where’d you get those shoes sitting down
with someone and saying I have felt how
you feel those are the difference makers
everything in your life will be greatly
enhanced if you are able to do that your
job your relationship with your
partner’s your relationship with your
friends your co-workers everything is
faster stronger and better when you
regularly practice kindness science
backs it so why is it so difficult we
need to sing our songs of love and
kindness more more often have you ever
been in public and watched your phone
let’s search for a signal and it does
that little cool thing that makes us say
bad words it says searching for
connection yeah we’re all searching for
connection to the phone will not work if
it is not connected we do not work our
best unless we are connected you have to
make the effort to connect to others now
the world is an imperfect place if you
want to be angry there is plenty to be
angry about there are plenty of reasons
to be upset there’s injustice and
suffering and inequality and feelings of
judgment and things that you feel should
be different but guess what here’s the
secret that’s when you love bigger
that’s when you sing louder because what
if someone else views your song here’s
your words and they begin to sing and
then someone else sings there
and someone else sings their song it
would be the most beautiful chorus of
human kindness that could ever exist on
this planet operate from a grateful
heart I read recently that gratitude is
an awareness and acknowledgement in our
soul that things could have been
different things could have been
different be grateful be joyful bring
that to others so I’m going to end this
the same way I started it how many of
you know the words to your song and
would you sing it to a stranger thank
you
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