thank you ladies I mean look at
beautiful Gorda pork
it’s like Switzerland and we should be
more like Switzerland let’s be honest
ladies and gentlemen so I moved to
Donegal basically to get away from
globalization yeah we were told in the
1990s and the 2002 globalization would
save us and we’ve now realized that it
hasn’t it merely centralized the takings
of the world into a few corporations and
a few individuals of the 1% while the
rest of us watch our quality of life
diminishing all the time and you know
you can argue against it or you can
argue for it but the problem is it
recognizes no border it is Beyond
Borders so maybe let’s stand up for
borders a little bit the first time I
heard about the border was a story my
father told me my father was and when he
was 18 was an accordion player in the
eugene lady ceili band in Cavan another
border county and at one time a friend
mocked him says Tommy Cole Evan you’re
the best accordion player in the 36
counties of Ireland to which my father
replied but there’s only 32 and not
wanting to be wrong of course his friend
said I should the foreign Scotland a
blond whores a blonde a classic Irish
word but there was four counties in
Scotland two blond dos there was back in
the seventh century in the 6th century
the diarrhea the kingdom encompassed had
parts of Scotland parts of Wales and
Cornwall and in fact if you were to have
a United Celtic Europe you would have
six different countries united together
Brittany Scotland Wales Cornwall and
Galicia and we would actually have a
Celtic realm something I would support
hugely but we’re not part of that we’re
part of a much larger thing called the
EU which lets a minute started off well
in 1950 as a kind of a trade agreement
and supposedly was meant to end all wars
in Europe well look what’s happening at
the moment look at clever Switzerland
and look at clever Norway and clever
Iceland nowhere near this kind of
activity and of course Europe has always
been in this very strange situation this
strange serial comic map from 150 years
ago represents each European country as
a person you know as a noble person or
something that denotes their kind of
national character but look at
Russia Russia poor Russia is an octopus
Russia is always portrayed as an octopus
and this continued when Stalin was there
communism an octopus once again poor
Russia treated as an octopus are not
saying poor Russia but you know what I
mean why do you get made the octopus the
whole time and of course Ireland and
England were presented as these kind of
noble little people that were going to
fight against all of this but what about
the biggest octopus of all the british
empire covering huge Suede’s of the
globe but it’s never represented as an
octopus and in fact when the octopus
tentacles started to fall off what did
they do they left us with these amazing
borders things called partition the
partition of India it’s been trouble
ever since it was done by the British
back then the partition of Palestine we
are still dealing with that issue but
the first one the biggest one the
partition of Ireland the partition of
Ireland the creation of a border we have
to get beyond this border and of course
the strangest thing of all was that
Lloyd George was proposing nine counties
nine counties in fact postcards were
printed too great the Kingdom of Great
Britain and Ulster the nine counties but
someone decided against the nine
counties it wasn’t a battle it was
actually James Craig and the unionists
because if you had nine counties in
Ulster the proportion of Catholics would
be forty five percent and if Protestant
to be fifty five percent and the
unionists deem that far too close so
they got rid of three counties Donegal
Monaghan and Cavan leaving ninety
thousand Protestants in the south they
didn’t really care about their future
and of course that left 33% Catholic and
66% Protestant and of course punch
magazine even at the time had this idea
that you would dig a big channel through
the ban a massive Channel and then fill
in the gap between Ulster and Scotland
and make a separate large promontory and
that would actually be the north it
would have worked actually
but what happened what happened when
partition came along we lost things that
we had had for a long time we had a
train network of 6,000 kilometers an
amazing train network that was so
extensive when the most extensive in the
world Donny Gaul itself 250 miles of
railway in Toni Gaul alone going through
the most impossible landscape the fact
it’s not there is an insult to the
people who actually built it look at
Northern Donegal and of course it ran
through gorgeou hork from Letterkenny
and of course there’s my train station
in what would have been probably the
most beautiful train journey in the
world around man Terrigal but this is
our this is what we have now is the
Train Network now the partition estrella
network because of splitting the country
into as you can see you know it only can
it goes somewhere and the Northwest has
nothing at all
it’s part of the government’s successful
government’s ng nwc GFI initiative the
Northwest can go itself initiative
look at the motorway network we still
don’t have a map that you can actually
buy the chose you the entire motor
netway network of the island because
it’s embarrassing in the south that goes
east and west and south and then if the
north it just goes from east to west a
little bit of the way and dare we get
past the bandwidth our motorways no way
no no not gonna happen
and again the north northwest can go
itself see pointless but the thing
is that we will have a united Ireland in
the next 10 to 20 years at despite when
anybody says in 2015 there was a
convoluted pole taking up the North a
convoluted pole taken down the south
I’ve crunched the numbers for you here’s
what it is yes for northern yes for
United Ireland 48 percent no 28.5% don’t
know twenty-three point five percent or
as I like to call them morons you’ve had
eight hundred years to make up your mind
honestly just put your hand over your
eyes and just put a pen mark wherever
you want honestly don’t take so much
time and of course when we do have a
united Ireland which we will what are we
going to learn what are we going to
trade what are we going to give each
other well the thing that the north can
give us is actually putting signs on
roads to let you know what road you’re
on unlike in this country where it’s
called L 102 five x or nothing or or
even where you have two different speed
signs in a boring in which you could
either do 60 or 80 kilometers an hour
ladies and gentlemen we can give them
same-sex marriage they can give us
drive-through off licenses yes indeed
ladies and gentlemen in Enniskillen
there’s a drive-through off-license yes
yes
drinking and driving together at last
some of our politicians will absolutely
love that hears me jamming with a few of
them and of course the argument over
northern and southern tato will finally
have to be settled this is going to be
one of the most sensitive ones I think
we can all agree that southern tato is
superior in flavor and design but let’s
admit it the northern tato headquarters
of tan raggy castle is creepy and much
more interesting than boring tato park
some people are gonna have to come out
honestly they’re gonna have to come out
no no no Jeffrey Donaldson will have to
admit that by day he might be
mild-mannered Ulster Unionist politician
Jeffrey Donaldson by night he is Daniel
O’Donnell honestly honestly they have
you ever seen them in the same room they
even part their hair the same way for
God’s sake they are the same people we
can bring back all ireland logos amazing
all ireland logos like this amazing all
ireland motoring school logo you know
it’s hilarious the antropomorphic nature
of us you know the arms and the things
are at mayo and galway the legs are
carrying Cork I don’t know what Claire
is but personally I would have filled in
the Shannon to be honest just not to to
cause anything we can bring back Irish
products our own products Calvin Cola
back in the seventies and eighties
plucky little Calvin took on the might
of the coca-cola corporation and lost
but it was ours and we can bring it back
we could finally in the south get rid of
these keeping up with the Joneses stupid
number plates that we brought in for
some reason where we get to let our
neighbors know we’ve just bought a new
car and this it’s it’s not a
aspirational it’s pathetic
let’s bring in those ugly yellow
northern number plates that don’t let
people know when you bought your car and
of course the one thing that does unites
us and we can bring back in our new
united ireland is circular architecture
this these bungalows and square
buildings we brought in are far and
import no circular building is what we
are best at I know it’s not good in
terms of space but at the same time and
believe it or not it’s one thing we have
in common with our unionist brethren
okay you may not like the parlor
takes you may not like the politics but
I have to say you must admire the
engineering that is an amazing skill
ladies and gentlemen and of course
everywhere around Ireland we are going
to have to have trilingual signs the
Irish English and Ulster Scots stop
laughing and of course we’ll have to
change all our symbols we’ll have to
change everything we’ll have to change
the flag even even to something as ugly
as this I don’t know whatever keeps
everybody happy that’s the main thing
about a united Ireland okay although I
must say green light and orangey never
works really in any context so that’s
the case so we’re going to have a united
Ireland but what will it be part of it
will be part of a united Europe and
that’s a problem
it’s a problem for me look at Germany in
1850 Jeremy in 1850 was a bunch of
millions of different kingdoms millions
of different places okay Pro sure got
involved in wars but they were generally
small and short and had professional
armies and that was it what happened
when Germany United and got itself
together world war one world war two
okay no insult of the Germans but
honestly when 1990 happened I did
shudder a little bit when they reunified
and of course we now have a united
Europe but once again is not talking
about trade anymore but talking about
laws and even a yyyy-you army and even
if you look at the EU army statistics
many large countries now favor an EU
army and of course who is the big enemy
again oh look it’s an octopus it’s Putin
as an octopus we are now still using 150
years the same propaganda we used 150
years ago against Russia gearing up for
a large war based on the fact that we
are in an alliance an alliance that
actually made us deport a Russian
diplomat and the word of Boris Johnson
the word Boris Johnson allowed us to get
involved in being mean to Russia I think
it’s crazy
I think it’s madness and I think even if
we do get a united Ireland we have to do
something radical we have to secede
Donegal from the rest of the Republic we
cannot get Donegal people there’s only
160,000 in in Donegal we cannot get him
involved in some foreign Russian war it
can’t happen
and the national anthem of course will
be Las Vegas in the hills of
go buy goats don’t shave because the
genius part Gallaher the man who
predicted who predicted donald trump and
a wall building a wall those are
actually in the lyrics of the song the
hills of Donegal and we should build a
wall around on Eagle it will become an
amazing place you can have two casinos
chicken ranches anything you want
different laws different entertainment
and look we’re good at building walls
we’re amazing at it we’ve been doing it
here for 5,000 years let’s build a wall
people will visit it like the great wall
you can see it from space the great wall
of Donegal and of course it is the force
of the foreigners we can actually bring
in people to build it as well and maybe
get some decent cuisine beyond Fighters
oh so when it comes to fishing rights
this is all the amount of different
countries are allowed to fish around the
coast once again Tony called can
recreate reclaim the porcupine shelf
this massive area the size of Germany
that used to be owned and can be fished
constantly the 10 or 12 sites of
interest off the coast of Donegal for
gas and oil our Adal just recently voted
that we would never drill for gas or oil
ever again not in the Republic of
Donegal no we’re drilling for it all I’m
regaining all the rights and all the
money from it as well and that’ll pay
for everything we’ll have to take rock
wall and put a massive radar station on
rock wall and a massive gun in case we
see Spanish trawlers coming along trying
to take our fish it’s our fish Donny
Gaul catch not Spanish catch and of
course let’s remember how American we
are we’re not European and Donny Gaul we
like country music
we’re like driving cars we love cars and
then driving them at insane speeds down
crazy roads that’s what we do
we’re American we’re not really European
at all and what we need to do is to
encourage all those companies like
Google and Facebook and all of those
guys and actually say look you’re paying
twelve and a half well you’re not paying
anything really but you can pay nothing
in Donegal for ten years except you have
to build the infrastructure you have to
build the roads you have to build the
houses you have to do everything with
your profits and when in ten years
this place will be like Switzerland it
will be amazing the banks can move here
people could come here it will be a
haven a tax haven but the people of
Donegal benefit it will be as rich as
printed but Trinidad and Tobago
which it’s the same size it loved the
same population as Guam I’m telling you
Dhoni goal can be massive the
architecture then we can take the
amazing work of Lima Cormack and use
that everywhere use the landscape to
inspire wonderful buildings there’s only
seven churches but we can change the
ugly bungalows of duneagle into amazing
wonderful creations like this especially
birth church had taken after the Green
Valley Oak
imagine your house looked like that it
would be amazing it just would don’t
argue with me about this last but not
least at that train station by the way I
drove past it today I just took this
photo I can’t believe it somebody has
done it up it’s going to be part of a
Greenway now greenways are great ladies
and gentlemen but who thought that the
next development after trains will be
walking so let’s please get all the
companies in declared the Republic of
Donegal a place that had a coat of arms
seven centuries before the Brits even
thought of it and let’s make this place
this special place take care of itself
and let all those people beyond the
border beyond the border have their
little war on the steppes of Russia it’s
been tried many times it’s never won
because remember Russia don’t start wars
but they sure know how to end them let’s
make sure Donegal isn’t part of us and
say with me up the Republic the Republic
of Donegal
[Music] [Applause]
beautiful Gorda pork
it’s like Switzerland and we should be
more like Switzerland let’s be honest
ladies and gentlemen so I moved to
Donegal basically to get away from
globalization yeah we were told in the
1990s and the 2002 globalization would
save us and we’ve now realized that it
hasn’t it merely centralized the takings
of the world into a few corporations and
a few individuals of the 1% while the
rest of us watch our quality of life
diminishing all the time and you know
you can argue against it or you can
argue for it but the problem is it
recognizes no border it is Beyond
Borders so maybe let’s stand up for
borders a little bit the first time I
heard about the border was a story my
father told me my father was and when he
was 18 was an accordion player in the
eugene lady ceili band in Cavan another
border county and at one time a friend
mocked him says Tommy Cole Evan you’re
the best accordion player in the 36
counties of Ireland to which my father
replied but there’s only 32 and not
wanting to be wrong of course his friend
said I should the foreign Scotland a
blond whores a blonde a classic Irish
word but there was four counties in
Scotland two blond dos there was back in
the seventh century in the 6th century
the diarrhea the kingdom encompassed had
parts of Scotland parts of Wales and
Cornwall and in fact if you were to have
a United Celtic Europe you would have
six different countries united together
Brittany Scotland Wales Cornwall and
Galicia and we would actually have a
Celtic realm something I would support
hugely but we’re not part of that we’re
part of a much larger thing called the
EU which lets a minute started off well
in 1950 as a kind of a trade agreement
and supposedly was meant to end all wars
in Europe well look what’s happening at
the moment look at clever Switzerland
and look at clever Norway and clever
Iceland nowhere near this kind of
activity and of course Europe has always
been in this very strange situation this
strange serial comic map from 150 years
ago represents each European country as
a person you know as a noble person or
something that denotes their kind of
national character but look at
Russia Russia poor Russia is an octopus
Russia is always portrayed as an octopus
and this continued when Stalin was there
communism an octopus once again poor
Russia treated as an octopus are not
saying poor Russia but you know what I
mean why do you get made the octopus the
whole time and of course Ireland and
England were presented as these kind of
noble little people that were going to
fight against all of this but what about
the biggest octopus of all the british
empire covering huge Suede’s of the
globe but it’s never represented as an
octopus and in fact when the octopus
tentacles started to fall off what did
they do they left us with these amazing
borders things called partition the
partition of India it’s been trouble
ever since it was done by the British
back then the partition of Palestine we
are still dealing with that issue but
the first one the biggest one the
partition of Ireland the partition of
Ireland the creation of a border we have
to get beyond this border and of course
the strangest thing of all was that
Lloyd George was proposing nine counties
nine counties in fact postcards were
printed too great the Kingdom of Great
Britain and Ulster the nine counties but
someone decided against the nine
counties it wasn’t a battle it was
actually James Craig and the unionists
because if you had nine counties in
Ulster the proportion of Catholics would
be forty five percent and if Protestant
to be fifty five percent and the
unionists deem that far too close so
they got rid of three counties Donegal
Monaghan and Cavan leaving ninety
thousand Protestants in the south they
didn’t really care about their future
and of course that left 33% Catholic and
66% Protestant and of course punch
magazine even at the time had this idea
that you would dig a big channel through
the ban a massive Channel and then fill
in the gap between Ulster and Scotland
and make a separate large promontory and
that would actually be the north it
would have worked actually
but what happened what happened when
partition came along we lost things that
we had had for a long time we had a
train network of 6,000 kilometers an
amazing train network that was so
extensive when the most extensive in the
world Donny Gaul itself 250 miles of
railway in Toni Gaul alone going through
the most impossible landscape the fact
it’s not there is an insult to the
people who actually built it look at
Northern Donegal and of course it ran
through gorgeou hork from Letterkenny
and of course there’s my train station
in what would have been probably the
most beautiful train journey in the
world around man Terrigal but this is
our this is what we have now is the
Train Network now the partition estrella
network because of splitting the country
into as you can see you know it only can
it goes somewhere and the Northwest has
nothing at all
it’s part of the government’s successful
government’s ng nwc GFI initiative the
Northwest can go itself initiative
look at the motorway network we still
don’t have a map that you can actually
buy the chose you the entire motor
netway network of the island because
it’s embarrassing in the south that goes
east and west and south and then if the
north it just goes from east to west a
little bit of the way and dare we get
past the bandwidth our motorways no way
no no not gonna happen
and again the north northwest can go
itself see pointless but the thing
is that we will have a united Ireland in
the next 10 to 20 years at despite when
anybody says in 2015 there was a
convoluted pole taking up the North a
convoluted pole taken down the south
I’ve crunched the numbers for you here’s
what it is yes for northern yes for
United Ireland 48 percent no 28.5% don’t
know twenty-three point five percent or
as I like to call them morons you’ve had
eight hundred years to make up your mind
honestly just put your hand over your
eyes and just put a pen mark wherever
you want honestly don’t take so much
time and of course when we do have a
united Ireland which we will what are we
going to learn what are we going to
trade what are we going to give each
other well the thing that the north can
give us is actually putting signs on
roads to let you know what road you’re
on unlike in this country where it’s
called L 102 five x or nothing or or
even where you have two different speed
signs in a boring in which you could
either do 60 or 80 kilometers an hour
ladies and gentlemen we can give them
same-sex marriage they can give us
drive-through off licenses yes indeed
ladies and gentlemen in Enniskillen
there’s a drive-through off-license yes
yes
drinking and driving together at last
some of our politicians will absolutely
love that hears me jamming with a few of
them and of course the argument over
northern and southern tato will finally
have to be settled this is going to be
one of the most sensitive ones I think
we can all agree that southern tato is
superior in flavor and design but let’s
admit it the northern tato headquarters
of tan raggy castle is creepy and much
more interesting than boring tato park
some people are gonna have to come out
honestly they’re gonna have to come out
no no no Jeffrey Donaldson will have to
admit that by day he might be
mild-mannered Ulster Unionist politician
Jeffrey Donaldson by night he is Daniel
O’Donnell honestly honestly they have
you ever seen them in the same room they
even part their hair the same way for
God’s sake they are the same people we
can bring back all ireland logos amazing
all ireland logos like this amazing all
ireland motoring school logo you know
it’s hilarious the antropomorphic nature
of us you know the arms and the things
are at mayo and galway the legs are
carrying Cork I don’t know what Claire
is but personally I would have filled in
the Shannon to be honest just not to to
cause anything we can bring back Irish
products our own products Calvin Cola
back in the seventies and eighties
plucky little Calvin took on the might
of the coca-cola corporation and lost
but it was ours and we can bring it back
we could finally in the south get rid of
these keeping up with the Joneses stupid
number plates that we brought in for
some reason where we get to let our
neighbors know we’ve just bought a new
car and this it’s it’s not a
aspirational it’s pathetic
let’s bring in those ugly yellow
northern number plates that don’t let
people know when you bought your car and
of course the one thing that does unites
us and we can bring back in our new
united ireland is circular architecture
this these bungalows and square
buildings we brought in are far and
import no circular building is what we
are best at I know it’s not good in
terms of space but at the same time and
believe it or not it’s one thing we have
in common with our unionist brethren
okay you may not like the parlor
takes you may not like the politics but
I have to say you must admire the
engineering that is an amazing skill
ladies and gentlemen and of course
everywhere around Ireland we are going
to have to have trilingual signs the
Irish English and Ulster Scots stop
laughing and of course we’ll have to
change all our symbols we’ll have to
change everything we’ll have to change
the flag even even to something as ugly
as this I don’t know whatever keeps
everybody happy that’s the main thing
about a united Ireland okay although I
must say green light and orangey never
works really in any context so that’s
the case so we’re going to have a united
Ireland but what will it be part of it
will be part of a united Europe and
that’s a problem
it’s a problem for me look at Germany in
1850 Jeremy in 1850 was a bunch of
millions of different kingdoms millions
of different places okay Pro sure got
involved in wars but they were generally
small and short and had professional
armies and that was it what happened
when Germany United and got itself
together world war one world war two
okay no insult of the Germans but
honestly when 1990 happened I did
shudder a little bit when they reunified
and of course we now have a united
Europe but once again is not talking
about trade anymore but talking about
laws and even a yyyy-you army and even
if you look at the EU army statistics
many large countries now favor an EU
army and of course who is the big enemy
again oh look it’s an octopus it’s Putin
as an octopus we are now still using 150
years the same propaganda we used 150
years ago against Russia gearing up for
a large war based on the fact that we
are in an alliance an alliance that
actually made us deport a Russian
diplomat and the word of Boris Johnson
the word Boris Johnson allowed us to get
involved in being mean to Russia I think
it’s crazy
I think it’s madness and I think even if
we do get a united Ireland we have to do
something radical we have to secede
Donegal from the rest of the Republic we
cannot get Donegal people there’s only
160,000 in in Donegal we cannot get him
involved in some foreign Russian war it
can’t happen
and the national anthem of course will
be Las Vegas in the hills of
go buy goats don’t shave because the
genius part Gallaher the man who
predicted who predicted donald trump and
a wall building a wall those are
actually in the lyrics of the song the
hills of Donegal and we should build a
wall around on Eagle it will become an
amazing place you can have two casinos
chicken ranches anything you want
different laws different entertainment
and look we’re good at building walls
we’re amazing at it we’ve been doing it
here for 5,000 years let’s build a wall
people will visit it like the great wall
you can see it from space the great wall
of Donegal and of course it is the force
of the foreigners we can actually bring
in people to build it as well and maybe
get some decent cuisine beyond Fighters
oh so when it comes to fishing rights
this is all the amount of different
countries are allowed to fish around the
coast once again Tony called can
recreate reclaim the porcupine shelf
this massive area the size of Germany
that used to be owned and can be fished
constantly the 10 or 12 sites of
interest off the coast of Donegal for
gas and oil our Adal just recently voted
that we would never drill for gas or oil
ever again not in the Republic of
Donegal no we’re drilling for it all I’m
regaining all the rights and all the
money from it as well and that’ll pay
for everything we’ll have to take rock
wall and put a massive radar station on
rock wall and a massive gun in case we
see Spanish trawlers coming along trying
to take our fish it’s our fish Donny
Gaul catch not Spanish catch and of
course let’s remember how American we
are we’re not European and Donny Gaul we
like country music
we’re like driving cars we love cars and
then driving them at insane speeds down
crazy roads that’s what we do
we’re American we’re not really European
at all and what we need to do is to
encourage all those companies like
Google and Facebook and all of those
guys and actually say look you’re paying
twelve and a half well you’re not paying
anything really but you can pay nothing
in Donegal for ten years except you have
to build the infrastructure you have to
build the roads you have to build the
houses you have to do everything with
your profits and when in ten years
this place will be like Switzerland it
will be amazing the banks can move here
people could come here it will be a
haven a tax haven but the people of
Donegal benefit it will be as rich as
printed but Trinidad and Tobago
which it’s the same size it loved the
same population as Guam I’m telling you
Dhoni goal can be massive the
architecture then we can take the
amazing work of Lima Cormack and use
that everywhere use the landscape to
inspire wonderful buildings there’s only
seven churches but we can change the
ugly bungalows of duneagle into amazing
wonderful creations like this especially
birth church had taken after the Green
Valley Oak
imagine your house looked like that it
would be amazing it just would don’t
argue with me about this last but not
least at that train station by the way I
drove past it today I just took this
photo I can’t believe it somebody has
done it up it’s going to be part of a
Greenway now greenways are great ladies
and gentlemen but who thought that the
next development after trains will be
walking so let’s please get all the
companies in declared the Republic of
Donegal a place that had a coat of arms
seven centuries before the Brits even
thought of it and let’s make this place
this special place take care of itself
and let all those people beyond the
border beyond the border have their
little war on the steppes of Russia it’s
been tried many times it’s never won
because remember Russia don’t start wars
but they sure know how to end them let’s
make sure Donegal isn’t part of us and
say with me up the Republic the Republic
of Donegal
[Music] [Applause]
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