[Applause]
looking back it’s it’s kind of weird to
me to be standing up here because I
hated public speaking until like eighth
grade
if remember doing book talks elementary
school those are my worst fear which is
strange because I liked reading books
and I was fine with talking to people
one on one but suddenly put a spotlight
on me and I hated both only reason I got
through elementary school was because of
my dad before my book talks I would just
go to his office sit across from him at
his desk and talk about my book he would
nod and smile and I would essentially
have a one-sided conversation with him
and eventually I started to enjoy public
speaking I approached all speeches as if
they were just a conversation with my
dad telling him about the book or
whatever it was I think the reason that
many of us are at first afraid of public
speaking is because it makes us
vulnerable when we’re up here we’re
thinking what if I messed up what if I
say something they don’t like we’re
putting ourselves at risk and it’s not
it’s not a physical risk at least
usually it’s more of an emotional risk
and I was not into emotional risks at
the time and I’m sure that you guys
aren’t either but as hearing your third
week of freshman year as you begin this
a new stage of your life I want to
encourage you to step out of that bubble
I want you to get hurt and again not
physically and not too much but for the
next four years I want to encourage you
to take those emotional risks now maybe
you’re wondering why I’m talking about
emotional risks well let me explain on
September 17th 2015 and around 1 o’clock
in the morning my mom got a phone call
it was from a family friend who was in
the hospital visiting my dad who had
been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer
in December 2014
he deteriorated ever since and we’d
actually just gone and visited him the
day before he seemed to be getting a
little bit better but now on the phone
our family friend was saying you need to
get here now doctors say he won’t last
the night so my mom came alok me up and
I’m an only child so just the two of us
we drove to the hospital done an empty
Highway half an hour complete silence
and I was just looking out the window
trying to think of all the things I
wanted to say but also trying to prepare
myself in case we were too late so we
got to the hospital ran up to his room I
ran inside and I just went to grab his
hand and I was just all I could think to
say was daddy daddy I love you daddy
and he didn’t answer and he was still
breathing
he was still there but his eyes were
just kind of staring up the ceiling he
was too weak to talk too weak to move so
just over and over daddy I love you I
miss you
we’re gonna miss you but it’s okay we’re
gonna be okay you can go it’s okay
and though it couldn’t give me any words
of reassurance or a last hug I know he
heard me because in that moment he
squeezed my hand a few hours later left
the room to go take a nap and I just
laid down in the other room when my mom
came to get me he passed away almost as
soon as I left the room doctor said he
didn’t want me to be there when he died
so that day was the worst day of my life
and that day in the days before in the
days after formed an incredibly
important chapter in my life not just
because of the direct impact my dad’s
death had on me but also because of the
lessons that I learned from brief
lessons that from one eMeter student to
another I’d like to share with you today
first thing I want to mention is that
the amador community is really really
supportive in the months after my dad
passed I had my friends reach out to me
come to my dad’s funeral
I had classmates who I barely kneeled to
be honest messaging me on Facebook
offering to just listen if I wanted to
talk to them I personally found it
really helpful to go talk to my
counselor because sometimes we just have
bad days and so I would go and talk
about my feelings and it sounds cliche
but sometimes just talking about it
putting things into words can give you
control over your emotions I also found
it really helpful to talk to my teachers
I think it might give you hugs and
chocolate I also talked to my ap biology
teacher at the time mr. teal who is
unfortunately no longer with us but he
also had to deal with cancer a lot in
his life and so he gave me some of his
insights all the advice and even after I
wasn’t in his class anymore she still
came to check in on me
and I think mr. chill mr. chill
represents the compassion of Amador
Community next thing I want to talk
about is a little bit more abstract so
let’s talk about what grief actually
it’s so the obvious definition is it’s a
period of sorrow especially associated
with death and a lot of other really sad
words it’s really just mourning a loss
it was less intuitive to me is why we
have it like what is the evolutionary
benefit to being really sad if we look
at other animals we’ve seen it in well
an elephants dolphins sea lions Birds
camels animals that aren’t even primates
animals that we wouldn’t expect to have
these actions we’ve seen animals
mourning their dead offspring dead
partners pack members crying over dead
bodies sometimes even burying animals
other animals in a way that we would
naively call human you’ve no doubt seen
the pictures and videos of cats and dogs
if you remember this movie morning
owners
grief is universal grief is common and
there’s an optimistic way and a
pessimistic way of looking at this a
pessimist looks at it and says we deal
with grief all the time because we deal
with loss all the time loss is
everywhere but an optimist looks at it
and says that we know how to deal with
it that clearly if we have it then the
good that comes out of the relationships
we form outweighs the bad from the pain
it happens when we lose them that in
other words we are genetically hardwired
to deal with the grief of permanent loss
it just takes pain one time in July a
couple months before my dad died he was
in the hospital and I went to my dad’s
office to get a book and I looked at the
table where we’d once discussed books
and I realized that the way things were
going he was never going to come home
and I went to my room and I cried for
hours I walked around my house I saw the
couch where we used to watch movies
dinner table where he’d never tell us
about something he heard him on a
podcast on the way home from work
outside there was the park where we used
to play tennis and I’d realized at some
point in the last few months I’d gone on
my last evening walk with him and it
sounds awful but I tried to love him
less because at each at each time I
remembered one of these things it was
even though he was just a phone call
away in my head he died in my head I
warned him over and over again and when
the time finally came I didn’t want to
deal with that pain let’s see
when I was six my dad took me to a
carnival and there was a clown there who
was making balloon animals and there
were kids my age fighting with balloon
swords and carrying balloon dogs and so
I wanted to pull them so we got in line
and then at one point I said to my dad
actually I don’t want one anymore and
then he asked me why and I said because
I don’t want to be sad when it pops
which I thought was very profound but
apparently he didn’t so he just got me
one anyway and I don’t remember it
popping back in July I realized that
when I remembered this time of my life I
didn’t just want to remember planning
funerals and supporting my mom I wanted
to remember my dad I didn’t want to
regret anything so I went back to the
hospital and we’d watch movies on the TV
screen in his room and talked about
podcasts and sang songs together and
sometimes we’d take these slow really
painfully slow walks around with his
floor at the hospital and stopped at the
windows to look at the sunsets
I had answered that question the
question that we all deal with at some
point what’s the point what’s the point
of forming relationships of loving
people having balloon animals of
investing your time and your heart into
something and anything when everything
is going to die what’s the point
I’m not a philosopher and I haven’t
looked into the eyes of death and
understood the meaning of life but I do
know simple laws of physics what goes up
must come down and I know now that the
down is always worth it and then we can
emerge from the entire experience better
wiser people so you’ll be told that the
next four years of your life are the
best four years of your life or the
worst four years of your life are the
most important four years and don’t
listen to any of them they’re all kind
of show what I want to encourage you
guys to do for the next for whatever you
make of them years of your life is to
put your heart on the line fall in love
with a person sure or with an idea or
subject or sports do something you know
you’re gonna fail at and when you do
don’t let yourself tell your friends
that you weren’t really trying but do
something stupid like try to convince
the entire freshman class to do stupid
things make yourself vulnerable because
the greatest lesson that I learned from
grief was that I could deal with it we
can deal with the pain of permanent loss
and you can deal with anything thank you
[Applause]
looking back it’s it’s kind of weird to
me to be standing up here because I
hated public speaking until like eighth
grade
if remember doing book talks elementary
school those are my worst fear which is
strange because I liked reading books
and I was fine with talking to people
one on one but suddenly put a spotlight
on me and I hated both only reason I got
through elementary school was because of
my dad before my book talks I would just
go to his office sit across from him at
his desk and talk about my book he would
nod and smile and I would essentially
have a one-sided conversation with him
and eventually I started to enjoy public
speaking I approached all speeches as if
they were just a conversation with my
dad telling him about the book or
whatever it was I think the reason that
many of us are at first afraid of public
speaking is because it makes us
vulnerable when we’re up here we’re
thinking what if I messed up what if I
say something they don’t like we’re
putting ourselves at risk and it’s not
it’s not a physical risk at least
usually it’s more of an emotional risk
and I was not into emotional risks at
the time and I’m sure that you guys
aren’t either but as hearing your third
week of freshman year as you begin this
a new stage of your life I want to
encourage you to step out of that bubble
I want you to get hurt and again not
physically and not too much but for the
next four years I want to encourage you
to take those emotional risks now maybe
you’re wondering why I’m talking about
emotional risks well let me explain on
September 17th 2015 and around 1 o’clock
in the morning my mom got a phone call
it was from a family friend who was in
the hospital visiting my dad who had
been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer
in December 2014
he deteriorated ever since and we’d
actually just gone and visited him the
day before he seemed to be getting a
little bit better but now on the phone
our family friend was saying you need to
get here now doctors say he won’t last
the night so my mom came alok me up and
I’m an only child so just the two of us
we drove to the hospital done an empty
Highway half an hour complete silence
and I was just looking out the window
trying to think of all the things I
wanted to say but also trying to prepare
myself in case we were too late so we
got to the hospital ran up to his room I
ran inside and I just went to grab his
hand and I was just all I could think to
say was daddy daddy I love you daddy
and he didn’t answer and he was still
breathing
he was still there but his eyes were
just kind of staring up the ceiling he
was too weak to talk too weak to move so
just over and over daddy I love you I
miss you
we’re gonna miss you but it’s okay we’re
gonna be okay you can go it’s okay
and though it couldn’t give me any words
of reassurance or a last hug I know he
heard me because in that moment he
squeezed my hand a few hours later left
the room to go take a nap and I just
laid down in the other room when my mom
came to get me he passed away almost as
soon as I left the room doctor said he
didn’t want me to be there when he died
so that day was the worst day of my life
and that day in the days before in the
days after formed an incredibly
important chapter in my life not just
because of the direct impact my dad’s
death had on me but also because of the
lessons that I learned from brief
lessons that from one eMeter student to
another I’d like to share with you today
first thing I want to mention is that
the amador community is really really
supportive in the months after my dad
passed I had my friends reach out to me
come to my dad’s funeral
I had classmates who I barely kneeled to
be honest messaging me on Facebook
offering to just listen if I wanted to
talk to them I personally found it
really helpful to go talk to my
counselor because sometimes we just have
bad days and so I would go and talk
about my feelings and it sounds cliche
but sometimes just talking about it
putting things into words can give you
control over your emotions I also found
it really helpful to talk to my teachers
I think it might give you hugs and
chocolate I also talked to my ap biology
teacher at the time mr. teal who is
unfortunately no longer with us but he
also had to deal with cancer a lot in
his life and so he gave me some of his
insights all the advice and even after I
wasn’t in his class anymore she still
came to check in on me
and I think mr. chill mr. chill
represents the compassion of Amador
Community next thing I want to talk
about is a little bit more abstract so
let’s talk about what grief actually
it’s so the obvious definition is it’s a
period of sorrow especially associated
with death and a lot of other really sad
words it’s really just mourning a loss
it was less intuitive to me is why we
have it like what is the evolutionary
benefit to being really sad if we look
at other animals we’ve seen it in well
an elephants dolphins sea lions Birds
camels animals that aren’t even primates
animals that we wouldn’t expect to have
these actions we’ve seen animals
mourning their dead offspring dead
partners pack members crying over dead
bodies sometimes even burying animals
other animals in a way that we would
naively call human you’ve no doubt seen
the pictures and videos of cats and dogs
if you remember this movie morning
owners
grief is universal grief is common and
there’s an optimistic way and a
pessimistic way of looking at this a
pessimist looks at it and says we deal
with grief all the time because we deal
with loss all the time loss is
everywhere but an optimist looks at it
and says that we know how to deal with
it that clearly if we have it then the
good that comes out of the relationships
we form outweighs the bad from the pain
it happens when we lose them that in
other words we are genetically hardwired
to deal with the grief of permanent loss
it just takes pain one time in July a
couple months before my dad died he was
in the hospital and I went to my dad’s
office to get a book and I looked at the
table where we’d once discussed books
and I realized that the way things were
going he was never going to come home
and I went to my room and I cried for
hours I walked around my house I saw the
couch where we used to watch movies
dinner table where he’d never tell us
about something he heard him on a
podcast on the way home from work
outside there was the park where we used
to play tennis and I’d realized at some
point in the last few months I’d gone on
my last evening walk with him and it
sounds awful but I tried to love him
less because at each at each time I
remembered one of these things it was
even though he was just a phone call
away in my head he died in my head I
warned him over and over again and when
the time finally came I didn’t want to
deal with that pain let’s see
when I was six my dad took me to a
carnival and there was a clown there who
was making balloon animals and there
were kids my age fighting with balloon
swords and carrying balloon dogs and so
I wanted to pull them so we got in line
and then at one point I said to my dad
actually I don’t want one anymore and
then he asked me why and I said because
I don’t want to be sad when it pops
which I thought was very profound but
apparently he didn’t so he just got me
one anyway and I don’t remember it
popping back in July I realized that
when I remembered this time of my life I
didn’t just want to remember planning
funerals and supporting my mom I wanted
to remember my dad I didn’t want to
regret anything so I went back to the
hospital and we’d watch movies on the TV
screen in his room and talked about
podcasts and sang songs together and
sometimes we’d take these slow really
painfully slow walks around with his
floor at the hospital and stopped at the
windows to look at the sunsets
I had answered that question the
question that we all deal with at some
point what’s the point what’s the point
of forming relationships of loving
people having balloon animals of
investing your time and your heart into
something and anything when everything
is going to die what’s the point
I’m not a philosopher and I haven’t
looked into the eyes of death and
understood the meaning of life but I do
know simple laws of physics what goes up
must come down and I know now that the
down is always worth it and then we can
emerge from the entire experience better
wiser people so you’ll be told that the
next four years of your life are the
best four years of your life or the
worst four years of your life are the
most important four years and don’t
listen to any of them they’re all kind
of show what I want to encourage you
guys to do for the next for whatever you
make of them years of your life is to
put your heart on the line fall in love
with a person sure or with an idea or
subject or sports do something you know
you’re gonna fail at and when you do
don’t let yourself tell your friends
that you weren’t really trying but do
something stupid like try to convince
the entire freshman class to do stupid
things make yourself vulnerable because
the greatest lesson that I learned from
grief was that I could deal with it we
can deal with the pain of permanent loss
and you can deal with anything thank you
[Applause]
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