hello hello can you all hear me welcome
to the world’s first telepathic TED talk
got you of course it’s not telepathy
come on we’re about actual science at
Ted what you are seeing is a new
technology designed by the National
Institute of nanotech believe it or not
a few weeks ago I volunteered to have a
microphone implanted inside of my throat
this allows me through bluetooth to
express my thoughts without having to
actually use my vocal cords and the way
that it works is you didn’t actually
fall for that as well did you come on
Ted audience we’re supposed to be a room
full of intellect seer okay okay let me
get serious what you’re actually
witnessing is a theatrical performance
that’s meant to make a point and one of
the points is that I often times will
use humor to cover up what I’m really
feeling inside I figure that if I can
make you laugh then maybe you’ll like me
and if I can get you to like me then
maybe that’ll make up for the parts of
myself that I hate if you really knew me
you’d know that I hide behind a mask and
that sometimes I’d rather be alone than
to be around other people
mostly because so many have let me down
in this lifetime I have always felt
different than everyone else as if I
didn’t belong now nobody would know
about these things that I privately
struggle with because I post photos on
social media of me being happy but to be
honest it’s just an image that I hide
behind in reality there are a lot of
times that I feel insecure and the older
that I get the more pressure that I feel
to have it all together I can’t help but
think that I should be further in my
life than I am and because my childhood
wound so many of my actions and
unhealthy relationships I end up in are
driven by my need to simply be loved
it’s why I’m constantly seeking
validation from outside of myself this
is hard for me to admit but my mental
health hasn’t been stable and I’m in a
very dark place and I feel scared I
struggle with anxiety insomnia and
depression I’m either stuck in the past
or worrying about the future I have hurt
people who I loved I have lost friends
over the years and through this private
struggle nobody checks in on me when the
outside it seems like I have it all
together but on the inside there is an
anger
inside of me this feeling of not being
enough and it leads me to constantly
wanting more
it’s like happiness is always in front
of me and I can’t seem to get there
I’ve gone through so much pain and loss
in my life and I can’t take it anymore
I feel like I’ve reached my breaking
point and there is something that you
all need to know I am going to take my
own life and I want to ask you for help
I do I just I don’t know where to go the
truth is that somewhere underneath all
of this pain I actually want to live I
want to be happy I want to love I want
to be loved I just don’t know how and as
I reach the end of my life I just wanted
to feel like I was part of something
bigger to feel like I belonged to feel
but it doesn’t
I’m so sorry but I don’t see any other
way out when I first walked on this
stage you had no idea what story I was
once carrying inside of me and how could
you if I remain silent the truth is that
we can’t hear people’s thoughts and when
we as a society do not have safe spaces
to express them they don’t just go away
instead they grow inside of us as we
spiral into shame and self-sabotage
I know because a lot of times when I
have thoughts like this a lot of times I
feel like I’m the only one but maybe
this audience can remind me that I’m not
alone maybe empathy can save a life so I
took the first step in getting
vulnerable and now I’m going to ask you
all to do the same so during these last
few minutes when you just heard my most
private thoughts feelings and
insecurities please raise your hand if
you are able to relate to even just one
of them at any point in your life raise
your hand if you’ve ever felt
misunderstood or alone and I want you to
take a look around this room right now
see a lot of times we feel like we’re
the only ones that are going through
these things but that’s only because we
live in an image focused society where
most people aren’t talking about what
they’re actually going through I believe
that empathy can connect the world but
in order to do so two things must occur
the individual has to have the courage
to get vulnerable and the collective has
to make it safe to do so because empathy
not only heals the person who needs it
but it also expands the person who gives
it
you know these speeches are called TEDx
talks but the part that’s often
overlooked is the fact that the audience
listens and that is a gift I believe
that we all deserve to have a space in
our lives where we can express these
thoughts regardless of how dark they are
without being judged or being fixed you
know when I decided to give a talk on
empathy one of the challenges is that no
amount of statistics percentages or
slides can make the points as much as a
direct experience a couple of the
building blocks of empathy is to be
heard and to be seen usually one of
those things has to happen before we can
get to the point of being understood and
being felt now we just practice the
first part you all gave me the gift of
listening and for that I thank you and
now we’re all going to have the
opportunity to practice what it’s like
to be seen this next part is one of my
favorite empathy building activities
because of its pure simplicity now when
I got booked for this talk I had no idea
that by pure coincidence it would land
on the exact same date as the world’s
largest eye contact experiment right now
this is going to be happening in over a
hundred and thirteen countries and we’ll
watch a little video to show you what
it’s like I want you to just see what
people are actually doing right now as
you’re sitting in this audience this is
happening in over a hundred and thirteen
countries people are just setting up
chairs in public spaces and inviting
complete strangers to sit in front of
them not to have a conversation not to
debate but to simply make eye contact
with another human being
and people that actually go for it are
having profound experiences now as you
notice as you watch this video it
doesn’t matter what the other person’s
race gender age or political beliefs are
in this moment they are simply two human
it’s something that we don’t do enough
as a society and it’s something that I
believe can truly change the world to
know that you are part of something much
larger than just yourself to look into
somebody’s eyes and see their humanity
the first time that I did this it
completely changed my life
it made me feel a little bit less alone
and now this audience is going to have
the opportunity to be part of the
world’s largest eye contact experiment
in human history
so what I’m going to ask you right now
is to find one partner someone sitting
on your left or right preferably a
stranger to partner up with and face
each other and if you don’t have a
partner I’m going to ask you to raise
your hand and find somebody else whose
hand is raised and go ahead reach out to
somebody that you may not know make some
eye contact and I’m going to ask
everybody to do this next part in
complete silence to not ask them what
their name is to not even introduce
yourself to keep it as anonymous as
possible and for the next minute in
complete silence look into this person’s
eyes
as quietly as you can without saying a
word see if you can just look into this
person and see yourself in them
[Music]
initially there might be a need to smile
or maybe you’re feeling a little
uncomfortable see if you can get past
that because at one point in time this
human being in front of you was just an
innocent baby perhaps this person has
had a lifetime full of tragedies from
then until now
maybe the person in front of you has
gone through so much as a child
maybe this person is dealing with a
broken heart at this moment and you just
holding space for them is a gift
for some people in this room they may
have lost somebody who they love to
what is the story of this person in
front of you what parts of yourself
do you see and dumb and if they needed
you would you be there to simply hold
space and listen to them then everybody
taken a deep breath and close your eyes
and just notice with your eyes remaining
closed what that experience was like for
you is this somebody that you may have
walked by on the street without even
noticing
think about your co-workers your friends
on social media your family how deeply
do we actually connect with each other
as a society and then I’m going to ask
everyone to take in another deep breath
and go ahead and open your eyes and
staying where you are if you feel a
little bit more connected to the person
that you just partnered with then just a
minute ago I’m gonna ask everyone to
stand up in front of their chairs if you
feel more connected to the people in
this room than just a couple minutes ago
please stand up in front of your chairs
and then I want ask everyone to go ahead
and put your arms around the person on
your left and right go ahead let’s all
and now I want you to look around this
room that literally took two seconds it
took two seconds for us to feel more
connected to each other it took two
seconds for us to remember that we are
not alone in a lot of the things that
we’re struggling with what if we all
reached out to each other like this
regularly this is what community feels
like this is what family is supposed to
feel like take a look around one more
time you all created this moment thank
you so much for your vulnerability go
now I believe that empathy training
should be required in our society and
here is why now when my generation and
older generations grew up in the same
way that we didn’t have access to
technology and we had to learn the
skills of how to use them
today’s generation and future
generations will grow up with technology
being the norm that means that for human
beings ever since their little babies
they will be surrounded by computer
screens cell phones and other emerging
technologies what this means is that
there’s gonna be a lot less human eye
contact and eye contact is one of the
most important ingredients to achieving
empathy so much so that it’s been proven
that a criminal is less likely to follow
through on their act if they make eye
contact with their potential victim so I
think it’s really important to integrate
this into society I believe that empathy
should be at the top of the moral
priority list of what it means to be
human because once you know somebody’s
story it is a lot harder to hurt them I
believe that if we implement empathy
training in society we will see a
drastic reduction in suicide bullying
and violence
but it has to start at a young age
Frederick Douglass has this quote that
says it is easier to raise strong
children than it is to repair broken men
and that is why I believe that it must
be implemented in our school systems
ever since children are really really
young and I believe that that’s how we
can make a difference in the world now
for a living I facilitate an empathy
workshop called challenge day where we
go to middle schools and high schools
all over the country and we lead empathy
building activities like this and I have
seen time after time students that were
planning on taking their own lives that
week walk up to us and say I don’t feel
alone anymore I want to be here I’ve
seen students reach out to each other
and connect with each other I’ve seen
the student that was labeled as the
bully by the end of the day walk up to
the student that they’re bullying
grabbed the microphone and in front of
the entire school say the words I am so
sorry for how I treated you and then
those two students will hold each other
in a hug and start crying and a
beautiful friendship will form I know
that this stuff works but it has to be
implemented in our society and it has to
start with us so I challenge you next
time you ask somebody how are you
don’t settle for I’m fine ask them how
they really are and be a safe space for
them to express their thoughts and
feelings regardless of how dark they may
appear without your judgements or
without you trying to fix it the tape on
my mouth earlier represented all the
reasons why people become silenced and
what you just experienced represents all
the reasons why they should envy thank
you [Applause]
to the world’s first telepathic TED talk
got you of course it’s not telepathy
come on we’re about actual science at
Ted what you are seeing is a new
technology designed by the National
Institute of nanotech believe it or not
a few weeks ago I volunteered to have a
microphone implanted inside of my throat
this allows me through bluetooth to
express my thoughts without having to
actually use my vocal cords and the way
that it works is you didn’t actually
fall for that as well did you come on
Ted audience we’re supposed to be a room
full of intellect seer okay okay let me
get serious what you’re actually
witnessing is a theatrical performance
that’s meant to make a point and one of
the points is that I often times will
use humor to cover up what I’m really
feeling inside I figure that if I can
make you laugh then maybe you’ll like me
and if I can get you to like me then
maybe that’ll make up for the parts of
myself that I hate if you really knew me
you’d know that I hide behind a mask and
that sometimes I’d rather be alone than
to be around other people
mostly because so many have let me down
in this lifetime I have always felt
different than everyone else as if I
didn’t belong now nobody would know
about these things that I privately
struggle with because I post photos on
social media of me being happy but to be
honest it’s just an image that I hide
behind in reality there are a lot of
times that I feel insecure and the older
that I get the more pressure that I feel
to have it all together I can’t help but
think that I should be further in my
life than I am and because my childhood
wound so many of my actions and
unhealthy relationships I end up in are
driven by my need to simply be loved
it’s why I’m constantly seeking
validation from outside of myself this
is hard for me to admit but my mental
health hasn’t been stable and I’m in a
very dark place and I feel scared I
struggle with anxiety insomnia and
depression I’m either stuck in the past
or worrying about the future I have hurt
people who I loved I have lost friends
over the years and through this private
struggle nobody checks in on me when the
outside it seems like I have it all
together but on the inside there is an
anger
inside of me this feeling of not being
enough and it leads me to constantly
wanting more
it’s like happiness is always in front
of me and I can’t seem to get there
I’ve gone through so much pain and loss
in my life and I can’t take it anymore
I feel like I’ve reached my breaking
point and there is something that you
all need to know I am going to take my
own life and I want to ask you for help
I do I just I don’t know where to go the
truth is that somewhere underneath all
of this pain I actually want to live I
want to be happy I want to love I want
to be loved I just don’t know how and as
I reach the end of my life I just wanted
to feel like I was part of something
bigger to feel like I belonged to feel
but it doesn’t
I’m so sorry but I don’t see any other
way out when I first walked on this
stage you had no idea what story I was
once carrying inside of me and how could
you if I remain silent the truth is that
we can’t hear people’s thoughts and when
we as a society do not have safe spaces
to express them they don’t just go away
instead they grow inside of us as we
spiral into shame and self-sabotage
I know because a lot of times when I
have thoughts like this a lot of times I
feel like I’m the only one but maybe
this audience can remind me that I’m not
alone maybe empathy can save a life so I
took the first step in getting
vulnerable and now I’m going to ask you
all to do the same so during these last
few minutes when you just heard my most
private thoughts feelings and
insecurities please raise your hand if
you are able to relate to even just one
of them at any point in your life raise
your hand if you’ve ever felt
misunderstood or alone and I want you to
take a look around this room right now
see a lot of times we feel like we’re
the only ones that are going through
these things but that’s only because we
live in an image focused society where
most people aren’t talking about what
they’re actually going through I believe
that empathy can connect the world but
in order to do so two things must occur
the individual has to have the courage
to get vulnerable and the collective has
to make it safe to do so because empathy
not only heals the person who needs it
but it also expands the person who gives
it
you know these speeches are called TEDx
talks but the part that’s often
overlooked is the fact that the audience
listens and that is a gift I believe
that we all deserve to have a space in
our lives where we can express these
thoughts regardless of how dark they are
without being judged or being fixed you
know when I decided to give a talk on
empathy one of the challenges is that no
amount of statistics percentages or
slides can make the points as much as a
direct experience a couple of the
building blocks of empathy is to be
heard and to be seen usually one of
those things has to happen before we can
get to the point of being understood and
being felt now we just practice the
first part you all gave me the gift of
listening and for that I thank you and
now we’re all going to have the
opportunity to practice what it’s like
to be seen this next part is one of my
favorite empathy building activities
because of its pure simplicity now when
I got booked for this talk I had no idea
that by pure coincidence it would land
on the exact same date as the world’s
largest eye contact experiment right now
this is going to be happening in over a
hundred and thirteen countries and we’ll
watch a little video to show you what
it’s like I want you to just see what
people are actually doing right now as
you’re sitting in this audience this is
happening in over a hundred and thirteen
countries people are just setting up
chairs in public spaces and inviting
complete strangers to sit in front of
them not to have a conversation not to
debate but to simply make eye contact
with another human being
and people that actually go for it are
having profound experiences now as you
notice as you watch this video it
doesn’t matter what the other person’s
race gender age or political beliefs are
in this moment they are simply two human
it’s something that we don’t do enough
as a society and it’s something that I
believe can truly change the world to
know that you are part of something much
larger than just yourself to look into
somebody’s eyes and see their humanity
the first time that I did this it
completely changed my life
it made me feel a little bit less alone
and now this audience is going to have
the opportunity to be part of the
world’s largest eye contact experiment
in human history
so what I’m going to ask you right now
is to find one partner someone sitting
on your left or right preferably a
stranger to partner up with and face
each other and if you don’t have a
partner I’m going to ask you to raise
your hand and find somebody else whose
hand is raised and go ahead reach out to
somebody that you may not know make some
eye contact and I’m going to ask
everybody to do this next part in
complete silence to not ask them what
their name is to not even introduce
yourself to keep it as anonymous as
possible and for the next minute in
complete silence look into this person’s
eyes
as quietly as you can without saying a
word see if you can just look into this
person and see yourself in them
[Music]
initially there might be a need to smile
or maybe you’re feeling a little
uncomfortable see if you can get past
that because at one point in time this
human being in front of you was just an
innocent baby perhaps this person has
had a lifetime full of tragedies from
then until now
maybe the person in front of you has
gone through so much as a child
maybe this person is dealing with a
broken heart at this moment and you just
holding space for them is a gift
for some people in this room they may
have lost somebody who they love to
what is the story of this person in
front of you what parts of yourself
do you see and dumb and if they needed
you would you be there to simply hold
space and listen to them then everybody
taken a deep breath and close your eyes
and just notice with your eyes remaining
closed what that experience was like for
you is this somebody that you may have
walked by on the street without even
noticing
think about your co-workers your friends
on social media your family how deeply
do we actually connect with each other
as a society and then I’m going to ask
everyone to take in another deep breath
and go ahead and open your eyes and
staying where you are if you feel a
little bit more connected to the person
that you just partnered with then just a
minute ago I’m gonna ask everyone to
stand up in front of their chairs if you
feel more connected to the people in
this room than just a couple minutes ago
please stand up in front of your chairs
and then I want ask everyone to go ahead
and put your arms around the person on
your left and right go ahead let’s all
and now I want you to look around this
room that literally took two seconds it
took two seconds for us to feel more
connected to each other it took two
seconds for us to remember that we are
not alone in a lot of the things that
we’re struggling with what if we all
reached out to each other like this
regularly this is what community feels
like this is what family is supposed to
feel like take a look around one more
time you all created this moment thank
you so much for your vulnerability go
now I believe that empathy training
should be required in our society and
here is why now when my generation and
older generations grew up in the same
way that we didn’t have access to
technology and we had to learn the
skills of how to use them
today’s generation and future
generations will grow up with technology
being the norm that means that for human
beings ever since their little babies
they will be surrounded by computer
screens cell phones and other emerging
technologies what this means is that
there’s gonna be a lot less human eye
contact and eye contact is one of the
most important ingredients to achieving
empathy so much so that it’s been proven
that a criminal is less likely to follow
through on their act if they make eye
contact with their potential victim so I
think it’s really important to integrate
this into society I believe that empathy
should be at the top of the moral
priority list of what it means to be
human because once you know somebody’s
story it is a lot harder to hurt them I
believe that if we implement empathy
training in society we will see a
drastic reduction in suicide bullying
and violence
but it has to start at a young age
Frederick Douglass has this quote that
says it is easier to raise strong
children than it is to repair broken men
and that is why I believe that it must
be implemented in our school systems
ever since children are really really
young and I believe that that’s how we
can make a difference in the world now
for a living I facilitate an empathy
workshop called challenge day where we
go to middle schools and high schools
all over the country and we lead empathy
building activities like this and I have
seen time after time students that were
planning on taking their own lives that
week walk up to us and say I don’t feel
alone anymore I want to be here I’ve
seen students reach out to each other
and connect with each other I’ve seen
the student that was labeled as the
bully by the end of the day walk up to
the student that they’re bullying
grabbed the microphone and in front of
the entire school say the words I am so
sorry for how I treated you and then
those two students will hold each other
in a hug and start crying and a
beautiful friendship will form I know
that this stuff works but it has to be
implemented in our society and it has to
start with us so I challenge you next
time you ask somebody how are you
don’t settle for I’m fine ask them how
they really are and be a safe space for
them to express their thoughts and
feelings regardless of how dark they may
appear without your judgements or
without you trying to fix it the tape on
my mouth earlier represented all the
reasons why people become silenced and
what you just experienced represents all
the reasons why they should envy thank
you [Applause]
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