you
[Music]
as well as I help I’m a board chair for
a non-profit dance studio that helps
underprivileged kids gain self-esteem so
I guess you can say I am your cookie
cutter liberal hipster activist and I do
love a double Kraft IPA you know
everyone loves this so but this is so
much different from a guy that I knew
and he’s conservative so he went to a
Bible College here in the Midwest and he
also voted for Bush and he probably
would have voted for Trump he has a wife
and two kids so we have something in
common and he’s his active in his church
as I am in the LGBTQ community so I
guess you would say that he is your
Midwestern conservative Christian so if
a liberal is going to talk about in my
probably say anti LGBT you probably
wouldn’t be good to talk to me he
probably is pro-second amendment and has
a rack full of guns and loves to hunt
and fish and he’s the steak and potatoes
kind of guy but that is that couldn’t be
further from the truth those are just
labels that we put on him and do you
know why well I know that is because
that guy was made see I was in my senior
year of Bible College when I was 24 and
I ended up dropping out and came out as
an agnostic I then spent the next eight
years meandering through my life
figuring out who I was after a chemistry
degree and into my biochemistry ph.d
program I figured out who I was and I
came out as a transgender woman anyways
so why do I hate labels and I hate them
because they don’t represent me but
first they put us in a box we start to
we start to go to people in the same
labels and we start to become them and
then we start to hate the other side and
to be against thee and be further away
from them and the second as I gave it to
you I don’t fit in your label you see as
a trans woman who is a scientist I get
assigned a lot of labels throughout my
days and it is so much fun to tear them
down so here I’ll try first of all I’m a
sign I’m a trans woman so people say
that trans people are mentally unstable
yet I work with complicated equations
every single day and I
cutting-edge experiments that I love so
obviously I can’t be that mentally
unstable and so I’m a scientist so I
must be an extreme nerd I get that one
all the time but I don’t get nerdy humor
at all I get a Monty Python joke here
and there and I don’t I don’t like
playing dirty board games my best thing
I like to do is go out on the town drink
and gossip with my friends about
everyone else and binge watch Netflix
but everyone let’s see that and then
lastly I’m a trans woman so I must love
ultra feminine things you know we’re
always trying to fit this stereotype but
that couldn’t be further from the truth
either because most days I wear sneakers
jeans and a t-shirt and if my daughter
gives me about 5 minutes where she’s not
hanging off me I may put on lipstick and
blush but that’s about it
but being transgender I realized that
there are people that use these labels
to hurt us and I don’t get to get away
from people that are against my label so
like yeah I can do I can unfriend
somebody on Facebook because of how they
feel about me but I still have to go to
work right next to them and then I can
totally go somebody on the internet and
just be against them because their
values of LGBT people but I still have
to go to the bathroom right next to them
and let’s be real trans people are
ridiculed murdered and beaten up just
because of a simple label and so me
being involved in LGBTQ advocacy I
figured it wasn’t my choice to sit back
behind my own label I needed to go
outside my own echo chamber and do
something about it so i keeps passing
sites so i I decided to start teaching
large groups of people about transgender
issues for and against it and so I
talked about sexuality and gender and
identity and how those things merge and
don’t merge at all and then I decided to
listen to anti LGBT radio shows views
and ideas and then I did something that
I swore I would never do and it’s not
coming up on the stage because I would
have sworn that too but it was going on
a conservative radio talk show see I was
offered through a mutual friend to go on
the show to talk about what trans people
go through in their everyday lives and
just to give them a taste some of these
people have never heard of someone
is transgender but they’ve been around
them because we’re everywhere and so
through this I also knew that the host
of the show was doing through some
digging knew that the host of the show
was very anti LGBT and also said that
trans women shouldn’t used the women’s
restroom at all and he said that
multiple times so I kind of knew what I
was getting into anyways so I got on the
show and I’ll give you the first three
questions asked to me just to give you
an idea of how this was going to go so
my first question asked was so you were
born a dude so you still have your junk
and the third one was so you saw your
breasts real and I said of course they
are that’s how hormones work you should
like read a book or something
anyways I didn’t get mad at him I just
told him right after that that I’ve came
on the show so that way I can show a
side of me and and that people can treat
me with respect
oh whoa whoa we already passed all that
oh nevermind okay so I just said I just
want to treat you with respect
and then because I think respect is
mutual as I said in the beginning of
mutual respect he had to respect my name
and my pronouns and who I am before I
went on his show and I had to respect
the fact that he was not he wasn’t
knowledgeable of these differences that
we had together and so it was great that
he moved away from these sensationalized
issues that we talked about we start
going into the heart of the matter so we
started talking about intimacy and
family and friends and then we started
talking about my parents rejection and
so my parents rejected me whenever I
came out and would so we started talking
about it and you can hear the empathy in
his voice and you can hear him saying
that they just have to accept it and
then he said something he said in his
own little way your parents have to
accept it like the Democrats have to
accept Donald Trump winning the
presidency and so for him he was able to
see past my label and see me as a human
at that point and then we talked about
my marriage you see I’ve been married
for 13 years to a beautiful woman and
who stood by my side and we talked about
it a lot and he couldn’t believe it that
I stayed married through it and I think
that day he found out that love can
actually conquer all
and it was beautiful to see I think we
reached out to each other that day and I
think we made an impact on each other
and but right before I thought it was
all over we had like a minute left he
asked me the weirdest question and the
worst question had a trans person once
get asked he asked now it’s not going to
work there you go which bathroom do you
use it’s the worst question to ask and I
said I you I used the women’s restroom
and he to my surprise and to most of the
surprise of his audience probably said I
should use the women’s restroom he said
it would be awkward for you to use the
men’s restroom and that was his own word
so that’s great and like I said I think
we reached out to each other that day
and I thank him for inviting somebody
outside his own echo chamber cuz he has
one too and so he reached across the
aisle to talk and we had a conversation
together did I agree with everything he
had to say no did he agree with
everything I had to say no but we met in
the middle in an area called respect we
shed the labels that we had Egypt for
each other and we started to see each
other as human beings he didn’t see me
as a trans person he’s seen me as Tara
and I got to see him for him and you
could see it in his eyes and in the
conversational tone we had so I get
asked how can you convert so-and-so to
your side I get asked that sometimes and
I say that I think you’re asking the
wrong question I mean why can’t we just
have a conversation and remove all these
labels that we put on people maybe the
question we should be asking is can you
tell me a little bit more about yourself
and get to know them as the Dalai Lama
said it’s only through the development
of mutual respect and in the spirit of
truth can true friendship come about it
is by these means only that that we can
move human minds and it’s not by force
so if you want to go out and change your
world maybe go somewhere where you can’t
hear yourself or your ideas because it’s
only then when you can hear the world
around you thank you
you
[Music]
you
[Music]
as well as I help I’m a board chair for
a non-profit dance studio that helps
underprivileged kids gain self-esteem so
I guess you can say I am your cookie
cutter liberal hipster activist and I do
love a double Kraft IPA you know
everyone loves this so but this is so
much different from a guy that I knew
and he’s conservative so he went to a
Bible College here in the Midwest and he
also voted for Bush and he probably
would have voted for Trump he has a wife
and two kids so we have something in
common and he’s his active in his church
as I am in the LGBTQ community so I
guess you would say that he is your
Midwestern conservative Christian so if
a liberal is going to talk about in my
probably say anti LGBT you probably
wouldn’t be good to talk to me he
probably is pro-second amendment and has
a rack full of guns and loves to hunt
and fish and he’s the steak and potatoes
kind of guy but that is that couldn’t be
further from the truth those are just
labels that we put on him and do you
know why well I know that is because
that guy was made see I was in my senior
year of Bible College when I was 24 and
I ended up dropping out and came out as
an agnostic I then spent the next eight
years meandering through my life
figuring out who I was after a chemistry
degree and into my biochemistry ph.d
program I figured out who I was and I
came out as a transgender woman anyways
so why do I hate labels and I hate them
because they don’t represent me but
first they put us in a box we start to
we start to go to people in the same
labels and we start to become them and
then we start to hate the other side and
to be against thee and be further away
from them and the second as I gave it to
you I don’t fit in your label you see as
a trans woman who is a scientist I get
assigned a lot of labels throughout my
days and it is so much fun to tear them
down so here I’ll try first of all I’m a
sign I’m a trans woman so people say
that trans people are mentally unstable
yet I work with complicated equations
every single day and I
cutting-edge experiments that I love so
obviously I can’t be that mentally
unstable and so I’m a scientist so I
must be an extreme nerd I get that one
all the time but I don’t get nerdy humor
at all I get a Monty Python joke here
and there and I don’t I don’t like
playing dirty board games my best thing
I like to do is go out on the town drink
and gossip with my friends about
everyone else and binge watch Netflix
but everyone let’s see that and then
lastly I’m a trans woman so I must love
ultra feminine things you know we’re
always trying to fit this stereotype but
that couldn’t be further from the truth
either because most days I wear sneakers
jeans and a t-shirt and if my daughter
gives me about 5 minutes where she’s not
hanging off me I may put on lipstick and
blush but that’s about it
but being transgender I realized that
there are people that use these labels
to hurt us and I don’t get to get away
from people that are against my label so
like yeah I can do I can unfriend
somebody on Facebook because of how they
feel about me but I still have to go to
work right next to them and then I can
totally go somebody on the internet and
just be against them because their
values of LGBT people but I still have
to go to the bathroom right next to them
and let’s be real trans people are
ridiculed murdered and beaten up just
because of a simple label and so me
being involved in LGBTQ advocacy I
figured it wasn’t my choice to sit back
behind my own label I needed to go
outside my own echo chamber and do
something about it so i keeps passing
sites so i I decided to start teaching
large groups of people about transgender
issues for and against it and so I
talked about sexuality and gender and
identity and how those things merge and
don’t merge at all and then I decided to
listen to anti LGBT radio shows views
and ideas and then I did something that
I swore I would never do and it’s not
coming up on the stage because I would
have sworn that too but it was going on
a conservative radio talk show see I was
offered through a mutual friend to go on
the show to talk about what trans people
go through in their everyday lives and
just to give them a taste some of these
people have never heard of someone
is transgender but they’ve been around
them because we’re everywhere and so
through this I also knew that the host
of the show was doing through some
digging knew that the host of the show
was very anti LGBT and also said that
trans women shouldn’t used the women’s
restroom at all and he said that
multiple times so I kind of knew what I
was getting into anyways so I got on the
show and I’ll give you the first three
questions asked to me just to give you
an idea of how this was going to go so
my first question asked was so you were
born a dude so you still have your junk
and the third one was so you saw your
breasts real and I said of course they
are that’s how hormones work you should
like read a book or something
anyways I didn’t get mad at him I just
told him right after that that I’ve came
on the show so that way I can show a
side of me and and that people can treat
me with respect
oh whoa whoa we already passed all that
oh nevermind okay so I just said I just
want to treat you with respect
and then because I think respect is
mutual as I said in the beginning of
mutual respect he had to respect my name
and my pronouns and who I am before I
went on his show and I had to respect
the fact that he was not he wasn’t
knowledgeable of these differences that
we had together and so it was great that
he moved away from these sensationalized
issues that we talked about we start
going into the heart of the matter so we
started talking about intimacy and
family and friends and then we started
talking about my parents rejection and
so my parents rejected me whenever I
came out and would so we started talking
about it and you can hear the empathy in
his voice and you can hear him saying
that they just have to accept it and
then he said something he said in his
own little way your parents have to
accept it like the Democrats have to
accept Donald Trump winning the
presidency and so for him he was able to
see past my label and see me as a human
at that point and then we talked about
my marriage you see I’ve been married
for 13 years to a beautiful woman and
who stood by my side and we talked about
it a lot and he couldn’t believe it that
I stayed married through it and I think
that day he found out that love can
actually conquer all
and it was beautiful to see I think we
reached out to each other that day and I
think we made an impact on each other
and but right before I thought it was
all over we had like a minute left he
asked me the weirdest question and the
worst question had a trans person once
get asked he asked now it’s not going to
work there you go which bathroom do you
use it’s the worst question to ask and I
said I you I used the women’s restroom
and he to my surprise and to most of the
surprise of his audience probably said I
should use the women’s restroom he said
it would be awkward for you to use the
men’s restroom and that was his own word
so that’s great and like I said I think
we reached out to each other that day
and I thank him for inviting somebody
outside his own echo chamber cuz he has
one too and so he reached across the
aisle to talk and we had a conversation
together did I agree with everything he
had to say no did he agree with
everything I had to say no but we met in
the middle in an area called respect we
shed the labels that we had Egypt for
each other and we started to see each
other as human beings he didn’t see me
as a trans person he’s seen me as Tara
and I got to see him for him and you
could see it in his eyes and in the
conversational tone we had so I get
asked how can you convert so-and-so to
your side I get asked that sometimes and
I say that I think you’re asking the
wrong question I mean why can’t we just
have a conversation and remove all these
labels that we put on people maybe the
question we should be asking is can you
tell me a little bit more about yourself
and get to know them as the Dalai Lama
said it’s only through the development
of mutual respect and in the spirit of
truth can true friendship come about it
is by these means only that that we can
move human minds and it’s not by force
so if you want to go out and change your
world maybe go somewhere where you can’t
hear yourself or your ideas because it’s
only then when you can hear the world
around you thank you
you
[Music]
you
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