decision is the ultimate power when I
was preparing for this talk I thought I
might Google great speakers study their
form you know and I came across a TED
talk that Tony Robbins gave called why
we do what we do and in it he said those
words decision is the ultimate power
what we do beforehand it’s no longer
relevant what happens afterwards is as a
result of the decision decision is the
ultimate power those words landed really
heavily for me when I heard them because
in 1988 when I was 20 I had a massive
decision to make
I found myself pregnant and alone at
least until I told my parents five
months later and the option of adoption
was put to me not forced on me but
gently placed in front of me as
something that I might consider now
before I got pregnant I had been hair
and down the wrong road of life I knew
it I just didn’t know how to get off
pregnancy stopped me in my tracks it
slowed me down I was able to look around
and to consider other people and other
situations
I suppose I matured overnight and I said
that I would consider things in this
case adoption the way it worked
in 1988 in my case anyway was this I had
my baby I kept him in the hospital with
me for four beautiful days and on the
fifth day my social worker came to take
him away to stay with the foster family
for six weeks
imagine that there are people like that
in the world
that will do that they will take the
newborn child of a mother who needs to
clear her head and make a decision they
will fall in love and have their hearts
broken six weeks later because
regardless of the
decision that the birth mother mother
makes they’re going to lose that little
baby in my case it was more like eight
weeks as I wandered around waiting for
divine inspiration for the heavens to
open and for the hand of God to come out
and point me in the right direction to
say Emer do this or do this but no
intervention came and all by myself I
made a decision I decided that I would
keep my baby I decided that I could keep
my baby I told my parents my family I
told my social worker I told the foster
mother I bought baby books and baby
clothes and I went one last time to
visit him in the foster family home
before things became official but when I
held him I knew I was not making the
right decision if there was a divine
voice it was very loud it was bigger
than me I was in no doubt that I was not
supposed to be this child’s mother it
was heartbreaking
and binds me still to the foster mother
people say I’m brave but I’m not this
isn’t brave the past almost thirty years
have not been brave my life turned out
to be a happy one I met and married a
most beautiful kind good man that I
still love he gave me two beautiful
daughters that I adore I’ve had my
career my creativity I am surrounded by
love and support I cannot say that I
have not had a good life I did have one
true brave moment however back in the
hospital on that fifth day my mother
standing stoic ly behind me my social
worker were tears in her eyes matron
wrapping my baby against the cold
to him crying and I with inner chaos in
my mind stood silently save for the
tears every fiber of my being was
screaming say you have changed your mind
but I stood fast appalled at my own
strength and I let him go I had to if I
was going to make a clear-headed
decision that one true brave moment
defines me still everything I am today
is because of that moment when I went
back out into the world
after at all if I found myself in a
difficult situation or I walked into a
room full of strangers or it wasn’t
comfortable in any way I would say to
myself I have done this thing what can
possibly top that but I would also say I
have a son
and that’s often things it balanced them
it prevented me from hating myself I
grew in confidence and the wisdom that
mothers get when I look back and I do
especially close to his birthday every
year I go into that room I delve right
into the pain I turned myself inside out
with grief but I come back out and I
always always say I made the right
decision
I carry pain in my heart but I am
surrounded by love my decision in the
end was my ultimate power perhaps my
decision was my superpower thank you
[Applause]
was preparing for this talk I thought I
might Google great speakers study their
form you know and I came across a TED
talk that Tony Robbins gave called why
we do what we do and in it he said those
words decision is the ultimate power
what we do beforehand it’s no longer
relevant what happens afterwards is as a
result of the decision decision is the
ultimate power those words landed really
heavily for me when I heard them because
in 1988 when I was 20 I had a massive
decision to make
I found myself pregnant and alone at
least until I told my parents five
months later and the option of adoption
was put to me not forced on me but
gently placed in front of me as
something that I might consider now
before I got pregnant I had been hair
and down the wrong road of life I knew
it I just didn’t know how to get off
pregnancy stopped me in my tracks it
slowed me down I was able to look around
and to consider other people and other
situations
I suppose I matured overnight and I said
that I would consider things in this
case adoption the way it worked
in 1988 in my case anyway was this I had
my baby I kept him in the hospital with
me for four beautiful days and on the
fifth day my social worker came to take
him away to stay with the foster family
for six weeks
imagine that there are people like that
in the world
that will do that they will take the
newborn child of a mother who needs to
clear her head and make a decision they
will fall in love and have their hearts
broken six weeks later because
regardless of the
decision that the birth mother mother
makes they’re going to lose that little
baby in my case it was more like eight
weeks as I wandered around waiting for
divine inspiration for the heavens to
open and for the hand of God to come out
and point me in the right direction to
say Emer do this or do this but no
intervention came and all by myself I
made a decision I decided that I would
keep my baby I decided that I could keep
my baby I told my parents my family I
told my social worker I told the foster
mother I bought baby books and baby
clothes and I went one last time to
visit him in the foster family home
before things became official but when I
held him I knew I was not making the
right decision if there was a divine
voice it was very loud it was bigger
than me I was in no doubt that I was not
supposed to be this child’s mother it
was heartbreaking
and binds me still to the foster mother
people say I’m brave but I’m not this
isn’t brave the past almost thirty years
have not been brave my life turned out
to be a happy one I met and married a
most beautiful kind good man that I
still love he gave me two beautiful
daughters that I adore I’ve had my
career my creativity I am surrounded by
love and support I cannot say that I
have not had a good life I did have one
true brave moment however back in the
hospital on that fifth day my mother
standing stoic ly behind me my social
worker were tears in her eyes matron
wrapping my baby against the cold
to him crying and I with inner chaos in
my mind stood silently save for the
tears every fiber of my being was
screaming say you have changed your mind
but I stood fast appalled at my own
strength and I let him go I had to if I
was going to make a clear-headed
decision that one true brave moment
defines me still everything I am today
is because of that moment when I went
back out into the world
after at all if I found myself in a
difficult situation or I walked into a
room full of strangers or it wasn’t
comfortable in any way I would say to
myself I have done this thing what can
possibly top that but I would also say I
have a son
and that’s often things it balanced them
it prevented me from hating myself I
grew in confidence and the wisdom that
mothers get when I look back and I do
especially close to his birthday every
year I go into that room I delve right
into the pain I turned myself inside out
with grief but I come back out and I
always always say I made the right
decision
I carry pain in my heart but I am
surrounded by love my decision in the
end was my ultimate power perhaps my
decision was my superpower thank you
[Applause]
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