[Music]
the eyes cannot see what lies beneath
the surface of either you or me what do
you see when I come up here what does
your eyes tell you did he tell you that
I’m a cowboy that rode Brahma bulls and
rodeos or that on an April morning in
1958 I became associated with animals
when my mother said in a
high-performance forward heading to a
ranch just outside of Napa California I
imagined that my mother must have been
experiencing tormented emotions knowing
that she was taking her newborn baby me
to a storm where violence and rage
flourished in my father my mother likely
thought that taking me to that ranch was
like taking a new infant and throwing it
in a den of lions and watching them rip
it apart when I became old enough to
feel emotions and feelings I realized
that I had been tortured and abused by
my father I was afraid of mistakes
mistakes had consequences bull whiffing
I was often the victim of mistakes bull
wimping the only comfort I had on that
ranch was with the animals I had a pony
strawberry with gold mange I would go
out to the pasture many of you have pets
so you know when you go home they come
to you they’re seeking affection and
they want you to give them affection my
pony would see me and he would come to
me always sense that this Pony to tell
that I was standing in a storm a stress
dress
and every time he counted me he would
place his head next to my face it gave
me something it impacted my life this
was 50 some years ago I come home from
school one day and my father tells me I
sold your pony imagine sitting in your
living room in front of a big picture
window then somebody comes and they take
a brick and throws it through there
shatters shards of glass go everywhere
when her father told me that he sold
this pony that’s what he did to my heart
my brain animals were a big part of my
life one day I was coming home from
school
and I looked under a bush and I’ve seen
a little big eyed brown Jackrabbit I
don’t know if you’ve know there much
about rabbits but Jack rabbits are
reported to run 37 miles an hour it
seems as though this little rabbit it
was expecting me when I looked at it it
looked at me and something told me pick
it up most equal pick up rabbits by
their ears but I reached down and I
picked it up from its underbelly and I
brought it to my to my body held it
gently and looked at it to see whether
it was injured or not wasn’t hurt at all
its I carried it home I put it in a cage
next to the domestic rabbits they were
white with pink eyes later that night a
storm began brewing I knew that this
rabbit could not make it unless the cage
was covered so I went to my dad with
pleading eyes said can I go out there
and cover their cage he looked at me
with indifference in his eyes and said
no the next morning when the Sun rose I
went out and as I approached the cage I
see the little rabbit turned on his side
immediately I knew that it was dead I
was sad I was hurt and I was angry
I was sad and hurt because the little
rabbit by allowing me to pick it up told
me and whatever my father was beating
with that bullwhip wasn’t in me because
he trusted me he’d let me pick it up
take it home angry because it trusted me
and Ellen’s now dead
you know it’s 2006 I’m at Pleasant
Valley State Prison I don’t know if you
heard but a lot of people were dying of
valley fever I couldn’t breathe and I
was high so I told her officer I can’t
breathe and I’m hot and he looked at me
and said Lionel you’re talking so you’re
breathing you’re standing so you’re okay
this is prison and he walked off a
little while later another officer came
to take me to uh the hearing when she
grabbed my arm she said man I can’t take
you to that hearing I said why is that
she says you’re on fire I have to rush
you to the medical station now once
inside this medical station it was a
small room they hooked me to the vital
machine somebody listened to my lungs
and I’ve seen the nurse practitioner get
on the phone I heard her tell someone I
have a man here who has 106 temperature
he’s in critical condition his vitals
are off the chart and his lungs are full
of bacteria we need an ambulance
so I was amber lamps to Kalinga regional
treatment center once inside the
emergency room a doctor came in and I’ll
never forget it was kind of strange
because he walked in and he started
walking with his head down he said I
know it’s all bad man this time you
can’t sign out against medical advice I
have to admit you they’re going to try
to save your life you’re in critical
condition they’re going to be hooking
you up to these machines and moving you
to a room where they could put you in a
nice bit and try to
bring the temperature down try to keep
your life it moved me to a room and he
said somebody would come in there every
15 minutes and check you every 15
minutes for seven days somebody came in
that room a nurse doctor someone and
invariably every time they came in they
turned that vital machine where I
couldn’t see the whatever it said
because they didn’t want to they didn’t
want me to feel worse than I already did
but I would search their eyes for a sign
of what state my health was in and he’s
time I’d searched their eyes they would
always get tears in him some of the
nurses were going shocks I knew I wasn’t
doing good but every time I’ve seen them
tear up my heart softened and my health
strengthened this went on for seven days
at some point in the seven-day period I
realized that these people were not
healing me with medicine wasn’t the IV’s
it wasn’t any of them things but it was
what came from their hearts that has me
alive to stand here and talk to you
today
I had recently given a speech about my
past to a small group of people but when
I had completed it and was about to
depart a man in the group said give me a
hug
well this is prison and guys look at the
guy prisoners he looked at me and
hugging not in a good way but the guy
said give me a hug again so he hugged me
and when I hugged him I realized I
didn’t feel his arms what I didn’t feel
was nothing negative the only thing I
felt was peace harmony tranquility love
and I realized that this man kind of
like the rabbit for some reason or
another he would have been placed in
that spot on that day at that time to
teach me something
to give me something I realized that he
had just hugged me with his heart
I’m glad of that no matter how anybody
looks at it it’s the one of the best
blessings I ever had in my life I know
that I know it started out this speech
it’s obvious that as a child I didn’t
know much about the matters of love but
a small rabbit without any words said
your heart I trust a small pony without
any hands sheltered me and said I love
you people at Kalinga regional treatment
center the medical they healed me with
their hearts if love was in a particular
place or a particular person if it had a
particular measurement particular skin
tone eye color any of them things we’d
all know where it was that because
everybody on the planet would be heading
in that direction we could just follow
the traffic love is in a particular
place and today it’s obvious from all
you people here and it’s an every one of
you if you got a mirror we’ll just look
in it and then go beneath the surface
and go into your heart
my challenge to you is be like the
rabbit find someone who’s in need like I
was and maybe without words show them
love or like that little pony touch them
with something other than your hands and
have an impact in their life or like
those doctors and their nurses love is
not this this superficial thing that a
lot of people aspire to it’s something
much deeper it’s of spiritual dimensions
those people they knew that the medicine
it wasn’t gonna do it but they had in
them what it took to keep me alive they
stand here and talk to you today each of
you having you what it takes to support
life in each of you every day and I
believe that this is what you should do
thank you
you
the eyes cannot see what lies beneath
the surface of either you or me what do
you see when I come up here what does
your eyes tell you did he tell you that
I’m a cowboy that rode Brahma bulls and
rodeos or that on an April morning in
1958 I became associated with animals
when my mother said in a
high-performance forward heading to a
ranch just outside of Napa California I
imagined that my mother must have been
experiencing tormented emotions knowing
that she was taking her newborn baby me
to a storm where violence and rage
flourished in my father my mother likely
thought that taking me to that ranch was
like taking a new infant and throwing it
in a den of lions and watching them rip
it apart when I became old enough to
feel emotions and feelings I realized
that I had been tortured and abused by
my father I was afraid of mistakes
mistakes had consequences bull whiffing
I was often the victim of mistakes bull
wimping the only comfort I had on that
ranch was with the animals I had a pony
strawberry with gold mange I would go
out to the pasture many of you have pets
so you know when you go home they come
to you they’re seeking affection and
they want you to give them affection my
pony would see me and he would come to
me always sense that this Pony to tell
that I was standing in a storm a stress
dress
and every time he counted me he would
place his head next to my face it gave
me something it impacted my life this
was 50 some years ago I come home from
school one day and my father tells me I
sold your pony imagine sitting in your
living room in front of a big picture
window then somebody comes and they take
a brick and throws it through there
shatters shards of glass go everywhere
when her father told me that he sold
this pony that’s what he did to my heart
my brain animals were a big part of my
life one day I was coming home from
school
and I looked under a bush and I’ve seen
a little big eyed brown Jackrabbit I
don’t know if you’ve know there much
about rabbits but Jack rabbits are
reported to run 37 miles an hour it
seems as though this little rabbit it
was expecting me when I looked at it it
looked at me and something told me pick
it up most equal pick up rabbits by
their ears but I reached down and I
picked it up from its underbelly and I
brought it to my to my body held it
gently and looked at it to see whether
it was injured or not wasn’t hurt at all
its I carried it home I put it in a cage
next to the domestic rabbits they were
white with pink eyes later that night a
storm began brewing I knew that this
rabbit could not make it unless the cage
was covered so I went to my dad with
pleading eyes said can I go out there
and cover their cage he looked at me
with indifference in his eyes and said
no the next morning when the Sun rose I
went out and as I approached the cage I
see the little rabbit turned on his side
immediately I knew that it was dead I
was sad I was hurt and I was angry
I was sad and hurt because the little
rabbit by allowing me to pick it up told
me and whatever my father was beating
with that bullwhip wasn’t in me because
he trusted me he’d let me pick it up
take it home angry because it trusted me
and Ellen’s now dead
you know it’s 2006 I’m at Pleasant
Valley State Prison I don’t know if you
heard but a lot of people were dying of
valley fever I couldn’t breathe and I
was high so I told her officer I can’t
breathe and I’m hot and he looked at me
and said Lionel you’re talking so you’re
breathing you’re standing so you’re okay
this is prison and he walked off a
little while later another officer came
to take me to uh the hearing when she
grabbed my arm she said man I can’t take
you to that hearing I said why is that
she says you’re on fire I have to rush
you to the medical station now once
inside this medical station it was a
small room they hooked me to the vital
machine somebody listened to my lungs
and I’ve seen the nurse practitioner get
on the phone I heard her tell someone I
have a man here who has 106 temperature
he’s in critical condition his vitals
are off the chart and his lungs are full
of bacteria we need an ambulance
so I was amber lamps to Kalinga regional
treatment center once inside the
emergency room a doctor came in and I’ll
never forget it was kind of strange
because he walked in and he started
walking with his head down he said I
know it’s all bad man this time you
can’t sign out against medical advice I
have to admit you they’re going to try
to save your life you’re in critical
condition they’re going to be hooking
you up to these machines and moving you
to a room where they could put you in a
nice bit and try to
bring the temperature down try to keep
your life it moved me to a room and he
said somebody would come in there every
15 minutes and check you every 15
minutes for seven days somebody came in
that room a nurse doctor someone and
invariably every time they came in they
turned that vital machine where I
couldn’t see the whatever it said
because they didn’t want to they didn’t
want me to feel worse than I already did
but I would search their eyes for a sign
of what state my health was in and he’s
time I’d searched their eyes they would
always get tears in him some of the
nurses were going shocks I knew I wasn’t
doing good but every time I’ve seen them
tear up my heart softened and my health
strengthened this went on for seven days
at some point in the seven-day period I
realized that these people were not
healing me with medicine wasn’t the IV’s
it wasn’t any of them things but it was
what came from their hearts that has me
alive to stand here and talk to you
today
I had recently given a speech about my
past to a small group of people but when
I had completed it and was about to
depart a man in the group said give me a
hug
well this is prison and guys look at the
guy prisoners he looked at me and
hugging not in a good way but the guy
said give me a hug again so he hugged me
and when I hugged him I realized I
didn’t feel his arms what I didn’t feel
was nothing negative the only thing I
felt was peace harmony tranquility love
and I realized that this man kind of
like the rabbit for some reason or
another he would have been placed in
that spot on that day at that time to
teach me something
to give me something I realized that he
had just hugged me with his heart
I’m glad of that no matter how anybody
looks at it it’s the one of the best
blessings I ever had in my life I know
that I know it started out this speech
it’s obvious that as a child I didn’t
know much about the matters of love but
a small rabbit without any words said
your heart I trust a small pony without
any hands sheltered me and said I love
you people at Kalinga regional treatment
center the medical they healed me with
their hearts if love was in a particular
place or a particular person if it had a
particular measurement particular skin
tone eye color any of them things we’d
all know where it was that because
everybody on the planet would be heading
in that direction we could just follow
the traffic love is in a particular
place and today it’s obvious from all
you people here and it’s an every one of
you if you got a mirror we’ll just look
in it and then go beneath the surface
and go into your heart
my challenge to you is be like the
rabbit find someone who’s in need like I
was and maybe without words show them
love or like that little pony touch them
with something other than your hands and
have an impact in their life or like
those doctors and their nurses love is
not this this superficial thing that a
lot of people aspire to it’s something
much deeper it’s of spiritual dimensions
those people they knew that the medicine
it wasn’t gonna do it but they had in
them what it took to keep me alive they
stand here and talk to you today each of
you having you what it takes to support
life in each of you every day and I
believe that this is what you should do
thank you
you
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