[Music]
I’m really pleased with today really
pleased with being here with you because
for a long time I wanted to do a TED and
I had a dream in my heart and I wanted
to do it but I never shared it with no
one and then I was contacted to share
and do its head and I thought wow
you know the dreams of our hearts can
come true and it gave me it gave me a
dichotomy then to say what am I going to
share about this Ted what am I going to
talk about what am I going to put out
there I know my expertise I know the
things that I’ve been considering in
life I know I can but then I have been
in a certain place in my life
at present and I’m on a journey and I
recognized that I’m going to share my
heart so I’m like yeah okay I know I’m
going to share my heart I want to be
honest I want to be real I want to be
open I want to be me
but then there was a greater challenge
because there was a pool on my heart to
become naked to become transparent to
become vulnerable and sometimes we can
share our heart but we don’t share all
of who we are and all of who we are
sometimes we don’t like all of who we
are we like some parts and we don’t like
others and we try to hide some parts and
we try to celebrate some possible I’m
recognizing that there is a value of all
of us all of me and the brokenness that
we will go through so where should I
start I think I’ll start from the
beginning
now I want youse to join me whatever age
you are you go back and add nine months
and I’m just going to give this quick
story and you know I was thinking about
this story and it might seem gross but
what excuse me and so I think about my
mom and dad meeting you know there was
young and you know the problem in school
and I said I like you wanna do homework
together with you and let’s yeah let the
way we’re gonna do homework and library
that’s too boring
let’s go wimpy
because you know we’re talking way back
there were no Nando’s or nothing it
didn’t you know and then the probably
says you know I really like you can I be
your pen pal because there was no email
then and you know and and then they
probably met up and hopefully was
somewhere decent and there was some
music and for my age it was probably our
green or or or it was probably Marvin
Gaye or it was you know Barry White or
so I don’t know I don’t know
Freddie McGregor I don’t know and then
something happened
and then I started so I was just Jenny
ink and I was like hey whoa spinning
around and enough I turned the corner
and then I thought wow this loads what’s
going on here I don’t know what
everyone’s and then we’re just all going
together and we’re just traveling I was
just traveling with traveling and then
we just all just turned the corner and
then we all seen like like like the Sun
like the Sun you know I was like and the
software just pulled me up there and we
was all traveling then something just
happened there’s some competitiveness
going on and there was shoulder bar
Jimmy and I were never in our shoulders
but you know we you know was all trying
to get there and and and and then we all
got in and you know I was using my head
and you know they probably look the same
shape as my head and you know and and
and then I got through and then it
closed and the reason I say this is
because anyone that can hear my voice
you’ve gone through that as well and the
very fact that you’re here you’re a
winner already you you’re a winner
before you was born before you came out
you’s a winner you’s a champion before
you had a degree before you had this
before you add that before you had a car
before you know you was a winner already
but something happens in life that takes
that away
something happens in life that takes it
away we takes away the belief that we
are in nothing we are more than enough
without anything else but then we have
all these different things and we start
wearing all these masks you know we try
to hide ourselves we try to be someone
else we’ll try to be someone we’re not
we think that we need to be this way to
be accepted we need to have education to
be accepted I need to be taller need to
be small I need to whatever it is I need
to be something and we have all these
masculine 4 4 4 men you know as a boy
you’re told not to cry as a boy you said
you are not strong if you cry so then we
repress our feelings we were piss
ourselves and hold back ourselves and
then as men we struggle to cry we
struggle to express ourselves or
struggle because we think being
vulnerable is being weak but the reality
of it is it’s beautiful and when you
look at a butterfly a butterfly looks so
beautiful but the reality of it a
butterfly cannot become a butterfly
until it is a caterpillar that goes
through the process of being broken to
become a butterfly and many of us have
got hang-ups about the process or the
that the understandings or the
connotations to brokenness when I think
about brokenness I’m not speaking or
thinking about being destitute or being
homeless or being down and out or you
know that’s a part of brokenness for
many of us what many of us are broken
and with where everything many of us a
broker who got home with her family with
that car we got to agree what were
broken on the inside and there’s nothing
wrong with being broken because a part
of it but many of us when we think about
being broke and we think about it’s not
nice it’s not worthy of anything it’s
not good that’s what we think about
being broken but when I think about
broken I think about the joy that comes
from being broken because many times our
mindset I want me to be broken you know
being a young black man coming from
hansworth
and I grew up in a very challenging time
and lots of I mean many of you know
about hands were for the wrong reasons
times and I grew up in that era and
there was mindsets and stereotypes and
you’ve got to be this kind of way you
got to be that kind of way you gotta
have this kind of image you gotta you
know you got to be into hip-hop or you
got to be you and there’s these mindsets
that we get there’s these constructs
that we get and they need to be broken
if we’re going to experience what we
could become so today for me it’s about
helping and sharing to look at a
different perspective how we see
brokenness is one of the things that
hinders us or it encourages us many
times we want to be around many people
you know a lot of times we want this
sense of belonging we want to be a part
of a family one that you know for young
boys sometimes they want to be a part of
a gang because I don’t have a family
because it’s not just that they want to
do bad things it’s about the camaraderie
it’s about they want to be in oneness
with others I want to be accepted and
sometimes in society only people that
are like them accept them and only
people that understand them accept them
and they gravitate towards them and and
and it’s not unusual we all want some
form of belonging we all want to be a
part of something whether it’s a union
where there’s a fraternity
whether it’s we’ve all got a degree
we’ve got a master’s we got this we got
that we want to become something well
sometimes what we want want to become
makes us think that we’re not enough and
it’s us being broken from that reality
because the reality of it is a butterfly
cannot share this cocoon sometimes it’s
lonely sometimes you’ve got to be alone
sometimes you’re gonna be by yourself to
go through the process of being broken
to go to the next place in your life and
who you need to become a way you want to
be and sometimes we don’t like being
lonely but I heard the other day talking
about you know was so viral with so
social medias that we were so dis or so
that we got that many friends ELISA and
many of us are more lonely now than
before and we’ve got 5,000 friends if
I’d listened that and if they’re not
really friends and many times we meet so
many people but we don’t meet ourselves
because we’re scared to look at what
we’re going to see you not everything’s
going to be nice and sometimes to become
whole we have to be broken but the key
word is we need to let it be and I want
to share just a few examples or three a
few areas where I’ve been broken in and
I always didn’t want them but there are
examples because we want to grow old
with the wisdom of hindsight recognizing
that life is about the totality of
experiences transition is not just about
smoothness sometimes we have become so
accustomed eyes and accustomed to
comfort and when something’s edgy you
always be it’s uncle we don’t like it
and that’s what’s preventing us because
imagine a caterpillar it’s not gonna
like being liquidized or a caterpillar
is not gonna like the process it has the
goal to become a butterfly buddy car
become a butterfly until it goes through
the process so many of us settle for
less because we don’t want to feel the
turbulence our transformation we don’t
want to feel the turbulence of change
and for me that’s been something that’s
been very challenging for me but I want
to be able to know when I am growing old
and I’ve got wisdom and I look back and
I say you know something life is made up
of all of this it’s a part of life it’s
all about how we view it and I really
believe that without us going beyond
comforts we can’t achieve purpose when
you think about the great people that
lived the great people that we’re
talking and it’s not just about your
Martin Luther King and your Gandhi’s and
all that yet your weekend we can mention
them they all went through turbulence
and challenge and orable and are
disgusting I wish it wasn’t this way and
that’s why we talk about them but it’s
not just about those people that were
considered to be heroes it’s about the
the brave single mothers it’s about
those that have been societies about
those people that their young children
are carriers to their parents that what
they go
through its what helps them to become
who they who they are
we have to embrace brokenness with a
different paradigm and that’s what I’m
trying to share today this is one of the
first things that really introduced me
to brokenness when I was in school and I
was doing English I mean when I was at
school I loved like the socializing more
than anything and you know the boys and
you know we used to tax the football
after the little kids and say this is
our playground and all that kind of you
know just being a younger I go and
playing football I played for Great
Britain when I was 15 me I can’t even
say the name but a number of very
prolific players in the Premiership are
played with so when I was at school I
never really got it because I was a
footballer and that’s what I was going
to do and in English and order I just
never got some of it to tell the truth
but a teacher said to me you’re not
going to amount to anything and I got so
mad as so crazy because I was like how
can you say that how can you make such a
judgment and at home I was going for a
challenge
you know I’d difficulties my parents
weren’t together as the oldest sibling
I’d to bring up my younger siblings you
know there was things that was very
challenging in my life and some of that
just came into the classroom not saying
that I was being rude and I was being
loud he’s just at times I won’t do my
homework
because other stuff was going on so I
had to get out of this mindset because I
thought I’m an academic I’m not good at
English I’m not good at maths I’m at
would it listen and for years that’s
what I thought so I created that mindset
to say this is me now this is me and
that had to be broken and it was broken
when I got an opportunity to write a
book and it was one of the most
challenging things in my life I can’t
even explain to you how challenging it
was to finish the book but a person that
was coaching me said only 5% of people
that start books conclude them and I can
understand why but had to be broken to
enter that place
the next one is being mentored my whole
world is mentioned I mentor young people
I train people to become mentors or
train people on the corporate sector to
become mentors all that kind of stuff
are out people to be broken and
transform out of their their lifestyles
and their jobs to be able to give back
to young people and so forth that’s what
I do yeah
and I am also a person that has been
mentored now I was mentored by this man
and he was the person in the 90s you had
a mercury phone or or one-to-one he was
a person that was a CEO of that company
mercury communications he was a CEO and
found in that the founder of egg Bank
and the CEO and founder of first direct
and he’s been my mentor for many years
and I had to be broken to be able to
work with him to be able to talk to him
you know his mindset is his life is
experience just how he is and he’s one
of the most humble people you’d meet you
would if he came in this room you
probably wouldn’t even know who he is
his name’s Mike Harris and he’s one of
them I am so fond of him
and you know he would say the same with
me and I call him old man and you know I
get along with his wife and everything
but to me to be able to exit my
lifestyle and that mindset I had of
living in Ann’s Worthen what I thought I
could become and what I thought I could
be and what I thought I could do for me
to be able to exit and go past all that
I had to be broken to go to the next
place in my life the final one is my
greatest one is my greatest one that I
want to share is my wife isn’t he
oh sorry oh so oh oh gosh oh gosh sorry
sorry darling
so darling it’s funny she’s not here
with me right now but I put my gloves
there right there because those in my
back pocket and I just heard her voice
why don’t you do with those things in
your back pocket take them out and my
wife has been one of the most beautiful
blessings that I bet to embrace to be
broke oh my gosh be married the breaking
for a man I think women are more refined
you know they say man was made from the
dust and woman was made from the man I’m
telling you you know the toilet seat
that is that you know like it’s like
sometimes I feel like I’m I don’t feel
like it but sometimes I feel like I’m on
another children but I’m not I’m an
equal over together way but just how a
man has to be molded to be ready for
life that’s that’s my view yours are
probably different but I could see the
power and partnership of marriage and I
can see the reason why it’s valuable to
be married I see I get it it’s
complimentary what’s the other area
brokenness that I’ve found join so I’m
going to leave you with this picture and
what I want to say to you is embrace the
joy are being broken or whatever you go
through now whatever your transition you
go through now just embrace it god bless
and thank you
you
I’m really pleased with today really
pleased with being here with you because
for a long time I wanted to do a TED and
I had a dream in my heart and I wanted
to do it but I never shared it with no
one and then I was contacted to share
and do its head and I thought wow
you know the dreams of our hearts can
come true and it gave me it gave me a
dichotomy then to say what am I going to
share about this Ted what am I going to
talk about what am I going to put out
there I know my expertise I know the
things that I’ve been considering in
life I know I can but then I have been
in a certain place in my life
at present and I’m on a journey and I
recognized that I’m going to share my
heart so I’m like yeah okay I know I’m
going to share my heart I want to be
honest I want to be real I want to be
open I want to be me
but then there was a greater challenge
because there was a pool on my heart to
become naked to become transparent to
become vulnerable and sometimes we can
share our heart but we don’t share all
of who we are and all of who we are
sometimes we don’t like all of who we
are we like some parts and we don’t like
others and we try to hide some parts and
we try to celebrate some possible I’m
recognizing that there is a value of all
of us all of me and the brokenness that
we will go through so where should I
start I think I’ll start from the
beginning
now I want youse to join me whatever age
you are you go back and add nine months
and I’m just going to give this quick
story and you know I was thinking about
this story and it might seem gross but
what excuse me and so I think about my
mom and dad meeting you know there was
young and you know the problem in school
and I said I like you wanna do homework
together with you and let’s yeah let the
way we’re gonna do homework and library
that’s too boring
let’s go wimpy
because you know we’re talking way back
there were no Nando’s or nothing it
didn’t you know and then the probably
says you know I really like you can I be
your pen pal because there was no email
then and you know and and then they
probably met up and hopefully was
somewhere decent and there was some
music and for my age it was probably our
green or or or it was probably Marvin
Gaye or it was you know Barry White or
so I don’t know I don’t know
Freddie McGregor I don’t know and then
something happened
and then I started so I was just Jenny
ink and I was like hey whoa spinning
around and enough I turned the corner
and then I thought wow this loads what’s
going on here I don’t know what
everyone’s and then we’re just all going
together and we’re just traveling I was
just traveling with traveling and then
we just all just turned the corner and
then we all seen like like like the Sun
like the Sun you know I was like and the
software just pulled me up there and we
was all traveling then something just
happened there’s some competitiveness
going on and there was shoulder bar
Jimmy and I were never in our shoulders
but you know we you know was all trying
to get there and and and and then we all
got in and you know I was using my head
and you know they probably look the same
shape as my head and you know and and
and then I got through and then it
closed and the reason I say this is
because anyone that can hear my voice
you’ve gone through that as well and the
very fact that you’re here you’re a
winner already you you’re a winner
before you was born before you came out
you’s a winner you’s a champion before
you had a degree before you had this
before you add that before you had a car
before you know you was a winner already
but something happens in life that takes
that away
something happens in life that takes it
away we takes away the belief that we
are in nothing we are more than enough
without anything else but then we have
all these different things and we start
wearing all these masks you know we try
to hide ourselves we try to be someone
else we’ll try to be someone we’re not
we think that we need to be this way to
be accepted we need to have education to
be accepted I need to be taller need to
be small I need to whatever it is I need
to be something and we have all these
masculine 4 4 4 men you know as a boy
you’re told not to cry as a boy you said
you are not strong if you cry so then we
repress our feelings we were piss
ourselves and hold back ourselves and
then as men we struggle to cry we
struggle to express ourselves or
struggle because we think being
vulnerable is being weak but the reality
of it is it’s beautiful and when you
look at a butterfly a butterfly looks so
beautiful but the reality of it a
butterfly cannot become a butterfly
until it is a caterpillar that goes
through the process of being broken to
become a butterfly and many of us have
got hang-ups about the process or the
that the understandings or the
connotations to brokenness when I think
about brokenness I’m not speaking or
thinking about being destitute or being
homeless or being down and out or you
know that’s a part of brokenness for
many of us what many of us are broken
and with where everything many of us a
broker who got home with her family with
that car we got to agree what were
broken on the inside and there’s nothing
wrong with being broken because a part
of it but many of us when we think about
being broke and we think about it’s not
nice it’s not worthy of anything it’s
not good that’s what we think about
being broken but when I think about
broken I think about the joy that comes
from being broken because many times our
mindset I want me to be broken you know
being a young black man coming from
hansworth
and I grew up in a very challenging time
and lots of I mean many of you know
about hands were for the wrong reasons
times and I grew up in that era and
there was mindsets and stereotypes and
you’ve got to be this kind of way you
got to be that kind of way you gotta
have this kind of image you gotta you
know you got to be into hip-hop or you
got to be you and there’s these mindsets
that we get there’s these constructs
that we get and they need to be broken
if we’re going to experience what we
could become so today for me it’s about
helping and sharing to look at a
different perspective how we see
brokenness is one of the things that
hinders us or it encourages us many
times we want to be around many people
you know a lot of times we want this
sense of belonging we want to be a part
of a family one that you know for young
boys sometimes they want to be a part of
a gang because I don’t have a family
because it’s not just that they want to
do bad things it’s about the camaraderie
it’s about they want to be in oneness
with others I want to be accepted and
sometimes in society only people that
are like them accept them and only
people that understand them accept them
and they gravitate towards them and and
and it’s not unusual we all want some
form of belonging we all want to be a
part of something whether it’s a union
where there’s a fraternity
whether it’s we’ve all got a degree
we’ve got a master’s we got this we got
that we want to become something well
sometimes what we want want to become
makes us think that we’re not enough and
it’s us being broken from that reality
because the reality of it is a butterfly
cannot share this cocoon sometimes it’s
lonely sometimes you’ve got to be alone
sometimes you’re gonna be by yourself to
go through the process of being broken
to go to the next place in your life and
who you need to become a way you want to
be and sometimes we don’t like being
lonely but I heard the other day talking
about you know was so viral with so
social medias that we were so dis or so
that we got that many friends ELISA and
many of us are more lonely now than
before and we’ve got 5,000 friends if
I’d listened that and if they’re not
really friends and many times we meet so
many people but we don’t meet ourselves
because we’re scared to look at what
we’re going to see you not everything’s
going to be nice and sometimes to become
whole we have to be broken but the key
word is we need to let it be and I want
to share just a few examples or three a
few areas where I’ve been broken in and
I always didn’t want them but there are
examples because we want to grow old
with the wisdom of hindsight recognizing
that life is about the totality of
experiences transition is not just about
smoothness sometimes we have become so
accustomed eyes and accustomed to
comfort and when something’s edgy you
always be it’s uncle we don’t like it
and that’s what’s preventing us because
imagine a caterpillar it’s not gonna
like being liquidized or a caterpillar
is not gonna like the process it has the
goal to become a butterfly buddy car
become a butterfly until it goes through
the process so many of us settle for
less because we don’t want to feel the
turbulence our transformation we don’t
want to feel the turbulence of change
and for me that’s been something that’s
been very challenging for me but I want
to be able to know when I am growing old
and I’ve got wisdom and I look back and
I say you know something life is made up
of all of this it’s a part of life it’s
all about how we view it and I really
believe that without us going beyond
comforts we can’t achieve purpose when
you think about the great people that
lived the great people that we’re
talking and it’s not just about your
Martin Luther King and your Gandhi’s and
all that yet your weekend we can mention
them they all went through turbulence
and challenge and orable and are
disgusting I wish it wasn’t this way and
that’s why we talk about them but it’s
not just about those people that were
considered to be heroes it’s about the
the brave single mothers it’s about
those that have been societies about
those people that their young children
are carriers to their parents that what
they go
through its what helps them to become
who they who they are
we have to embrace brokenness with a
different paradigm and that’s what I’m
trying to share today this is one of the
first things that really introduced me
to brokenness when I was in school and I
was doing English I mean when I was at
school I loved like the socializing more
than anything and you know the boys and
you know we used to tax the football
after the little kids and say this is
our playground and all that kind of you
know just being a younger I go and
playing football I played for Great
Britain when I was 15 me I can’t even
say the name but a number of very
prolific players in the Premiership are
played with so when I was at school I
never really got it because I was a
footballer and that’s what I was going
to do and in English and order I just
never got some of it to tell the truth
but a teacher said to me you’re not
going to amount to anything and I got so
mad as so crazy because I was like how
can you say that how can you make such a
judgment and at home I was going for a
challenge
you know I’d difficulties my parents
weren’t together as the oldest sibling
I’d to bring up my younger siblings you
know there was things that was very
challenging in my life and some of that
just came into the classroom not saying
that I was being rude and I was being
loud he’s just at times I won’t do my
homework
because other stuff was going on so I
had to get out of this mindset because I
thought I’m an academic I’m not good at
English I’m not good at maths I’m at
would it listen and for years that’s
what I thought so I created that mindset
to say this is me now this is me and
that had to be broken and it was broken
when I got an opportunity to write a
book and it was one of the most
challenging things in my life I can’t
even explain to you how challenging it
was to finish the book but a person that
was coaching me said only 5% of people
that start books conclude them and I can
understand why but had to be broken to
enter that place
the next one is being mentored my whole
world is mentioned I mentor young people
I train people to become mentors or
train people on the corporate sector to
become mentors all that kind of stuff
are out people to be broken and
transform out of their their lifestyles
and their jobs to be able to give back
to young people and so forth that’s what
I do yeah
and I am also a person that has been
mentored now I was mentored by this man
and he was the person in the 90s you had
a mercury phone or or one-to-one he was
a person that was a CEO of that company
mercury communications he was a CEO and
found in that the founder of egg Bank
and the CEO and founder of first direct
and he’s been my mentor for many years
and I had to be broken to be able to
work with him to be able to talk to him
you know his mindset is his life is
experience just how he is and he’s one
of the most humble people you’d meet you
would if he came in this room you
probably wouldn’t even know who he is
his name’s Mike Harris and he’s one of
them I am so fond of him
and you know he would say the same with
me and I call him old man and you know I
get along with his wife and everything
but to me to be able to exit my
lifestyle and that mindset I had of
living in Ann’s Worthen what I thought I
could become and what I thought I could
be and what I thought I could do for me
to be able to exit and go past all that
I had to be broken to go to the next
place in my life the final one is my
greatest one is my greatest one that I
want to share is my wife isn’t he
oh sorry oh so oh oh gosh oh gosh sorry
sorry darling
so darling it’s funny she’s not here
with me right now but I put my gloves
there right there because those in my
back pocket and I just heard her voice
why don’t you do with those things in
your back pocket take them out and my
wife has been one of the most beautiful
blessings that I bet to embrace to be
broke oh my gosh be married the breaking
for a man I think women are more refined
you know they say man was made from the
dust and woman was made from the man I’m
telling you you know the toilet seat
that is that you know like it’s like
sometimes I feel like I’m I don’t feel
like it but sometimes I feel like I’m on
another children but I’m not I’m an
equal over together way but just how a
man has to be molded to be ready for
life that’s that’s my view yours are
probably different but I could see the
power and partnership of marriage and I
can see the reason why it’s valuable to
be married I see I get it it’s
complimentary what’s the other area
brokenness that I’ve found join so I’m
going to leave you with this picture and
what I want to say to you is embrace the
joy are being broken or whatever you go
through now whatever your transition you
go through now just embrace it god bless
and thank you
you
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