good at looking like we fit in the
different worlds we move in so beat your
industry or social group different
interests you have or just the stage you
stand on it’s like from the outside it
looks like you fit but secretly a little
piece of you never feels you a hundred
percent fit into any of them now if
you’ve ever had an inkling of feeling
that way you’re not alone I mean I felt
the same there are definitely two of us
and I’ve spent the last eight years
helping thousands of people get paid
without compromising their personality
and doing that I discovered a few things
that surprised me about being this way
you see for me not quite fitting into
any one identity started from the moment
I could talk see I was born in Australia
but my father’s English and my mum was
from a little island of Mauritius so I
grew up speaking English and French with
a sort of weird accent that didn’t
really fit anywhere in the world
especially not where I grew up but the
first time I really thought about this
topic was one day when I was 16 so being
a lifelong nerd at 16 I was at the top
of my class along with this other boy
and one day my teacher took me aside and
said Maryann you and I have something in
common
we’re both generalists at which point I
thought great that sounds like a good
word and then he continued now the other
boy he’s different from us he is a
specialist and the one thing I’ve
learned is that the world rewards
specialists not generalists that’s why
he’s going to do really well hearing
these words sixteen-year-old me just
thought well he’s right you know my
teacher must be right if I want to fit
and thrive as an adult I’m gonna have to
focus on one thing you really make it my
mission to fit cleanly into one identity
and leave old messy me behind and so
that’s what I did
I went to university I graduated moved
across the world to London so I had to
rise in the work world and I mean
fitting in it kind of worked like on the
outside I was alright at playing the
part sometimes but to be honest on the
inside I was stuck like feeling sort of
smaller and smaller by that point I was
googling for better options like every
night but there were no ideas on how to
fix this
I mean all the advice was the usual
clichés like you find your one big
passion or find your tribe like
seriously what do you do when you’ve
never seen a place that you completely
fit you know I’m not just one where you
kind of look like you do and so a decade
ago I decided to take this seriously and
I asked myself if it was possible to
create a career where you don’t have to
fit into a box and then I quit my job to
make that happen as my own boss
since then I’ve experimented with
different free-range ways of working
I’ve run my business from everywhere
places like Bali and Costa Rica or New
York and London
I’ve run these global online festivals
where brilliant thinkers share how they
handle these questions but most of all
I’ve been privileged to poke inside the
heads of thousands of people who feel
like this and the biggest thing I’ve
learnt is this we are told through our
parents education media and more that we
live in a black and white world where
the game is to get good at one thing
you’re fit into one identity like what
one thing will you be when you grow up
for heard that right but some of us just
aren’t that person at heart and so that
advice leaves us feeling stuck but what
if the mistake isn’t in how you are but
in how you were told you should be
Graham green said human nature is not
black and white but black and gray guys
this is how we are as humans this is how
we actually are as humans and you’re
realizing that is a game changer because
it means you haven’t been getting it
wrong that pull inside that was saying
it has to be another way other than to
squish myself into this
one dimensional one-track version of me
it’s not wrong we’re simply not given a
model for the world that lets that way
of being thrive and to be clear not only
is this way of being a thing there’s a
word for it liminal this is my favorite
word and it describes a state of in
betweenness like you’re not quite one
thing but not quite another you’re on
the borderland a part of this but also a
part of that of becoming and when I
first heard this word I just thought wow
that describes me and not just the big
life stuff but say right now on my
bookshelf the Sex and the City novel is
cuddling up to a behavioral economics
textbook and I love pho for them equally
right it’s actually a word for this you
know a great example of liminality would
be vampires they’re not quite alive but
they’re not quite dead they’re not quite
human but not quite other they’re not
fully evil but they’re not all good
they’re in between worlds it’s like they
don’t fit into any one space but why
would I mention that here well because
it’s no mistake that over the past few
decades vampires and zombies have been
the topic of some of the cult TV series
with the biggest and most dedicated fan
bases
you see we watch what we desire to be
but aren’t allowed to be and the one
thing a society does not allow us to be
is liminal and in a world full of black
and white messages that are you in or
out with us or against us this or that
then this has a big pull and heads up
now said it you’ll see it everywhere I
mean so many popular dramas do the same
like Breaking Bad it’s a runaway hit
that revolves around the question is the
main character a family man or something
else or both yeah that show is literally
about liminality you see we watch this
stuff whenever we turn on our TVs or
load up our Netflix but then we go back
to real life and you squish ourselves
down be one thing fit in your box
millions of us are doing this but it
doesn’t have to be that way
see here’s a different model the way
we’re told the world works is kind of
like a bunch of continents now these
continents could be different industries
or identities so if this was careers it
could be here is continent lawyer
here’s continent small business owner
here’s continent and a cupcake Baker or
something and your role we’re told is to
find the continent where you really fit
get the visa learn the customs rise the
ranks by being the one who fits best but
that’s a losing game if you’re liminal
because you don’t quite feel like you
fit so your only option other than to
pretend is to look for a continent where
you fit better but even though that
other world might seem exciting at first
soon you get disappointed right like it
wasn’t quite as you as you thought but
you have to leave another bit of
yourself behind and so the cycle
continues but what’s the alternative
well it’s to create your own island an
island where every bit of you fits and
you create this island just off the
shore of your favorite continent and it
takes the best of that world and fills
out the rest with the best of the other
worlds you have a foot in so these could
be bits of your personality or
background or something you can’t help
being so let me just give you an example
consider an island where you do business
strategy for people who run their own
thing now the continent approach would
be to look for others who do this and
tell yourself should be more like them
maybe Facebook stalk them or something
here you get to create your own version
so your island could be populated by the
fact that you’re a highly sensitive
person in a field that’s traditionally
more brash could have some of the
storytelling you can’t help do a
sprinkle of your travel lust a light
dusting of being a straight talker and
so on and by the way that’s a fair
description of one of my islands and I
couldn’t have found that job description
anywhere right I did look and that’s the
bottom line you don’t find your place as
a liminal person you create it so as I
said that I realized this could sound
like isn’t this a compromise like a
workaround to deal with your weirdness
wouldn’t it be better
not be like this in the first place well
when you take the things it means to be
liminal like having a foot in more than
one place and bridging worlds a slightly
different personality to others around
you maybe not focusing on one idea
forever to the exclusion of anything
else when you take those things and
apply them to yourself we can feel shame
like we’re getting it wrong
being weird not doing the grown-up thing
right but here’s the thing if you take
those same traits and apply them to
others you know who that describes it
describes leaders
it describes change makers innovators
creators it describes the very people
we’re telling our children to aspire to
be and they get there through the traits
that we tell ourselves to squish down
and hide our you take successful
innovators innovation does not happen by
some guy sitting in a silent white room
for weeks just waiting for inspiration
to strike that’s kind of sounds like how
writer’s block happens but innovation
however happens from a through well
generally from an idea being taken from
one world and used in another like say a
tiny camera with a tiny plastic lens
that didn’t sell to camera buyers but
put it on the back of a mobile phone and
bingo like similarly people who create
movements who will see at the forefront
of their field that he’d get there by
being like everyone else in that
continent they created their own island
off the coast of that space movements
are created by lemon or people so your
liminal edge could be something about
background or maybe a personality trait
that you could hide away for being too
different but instead you step into like
this guy Ricky who organized conferences
where world leading specialists gave
insightful speeches but Ricky well he
had a personality quirk a little
different to others around him in
patience he was a conference organizer
who got really bored by long speeches so
he started giving speakers shorter and
shorter time slots shorter than anything
on the scene at the time and the
little-known TED conference started to
take off that’s why we’re sitting here
today
you see this is not about being some
sort of rebel who’s all different for
the sake of it being liminal it’s like
being an inside outsider with one foot
in the world you want to move in and a
foot elsewhere and you get to the side
where those borders life from introverts
to extrovert every shade of gray in
between this applies it’s always those
pieces with so tempted to hide in the
shadows that turn out to be our edge
when we bring them into the light oh
Jesus I just want to stop you’re a sec
and say you might be listening to this
and thinking this is inspiring stuff
hopefully oh I like these ideas I’m
totally going to tell my kids about them
but realistically maybe you already are
a leader or you’re just somewhere you’ve
worked hard for right and there can be a
sense that maybe this is for someone
younger or newer without so much to lose
not me
not now and I get this I really get this
because to be honest with you that is
how I felt a few years ago see
everything had come together with my
work finally after a lot of hard work I
had a business doing stuff I loved with
great people living between beautiful
countries and then one day to my
publishers surprise I found myself the
author of a best-selling book related to
this and suddenly things exploded like
those opportunities I was circling for
years were just no pinging in my inbox
it was like my little island I created
was attractive and I everyone wanted to
come in and visit and so I did just what
you’d expect at that point when my star
was like at its highest and I had a
breakdown I disappeared from the scene
very quietly and turned down everything
from keynote invitations I mean I didn’t
create anything new in that time either
I just I just couldn’t but the weird
thing was at that same time the National
Press saw me is this sort of expert in
entrepreneurship and location
independence I was kind of like the
poster girl for digital nomads and every
time I get a call I would think why are
they talking to me
I mean yes I had a business that I was
running from around the world but I
didn’t feel like the person the
magazine’s wanted to write about I mean
if the starters digital nomads are
supposed to be these sort of frugal
travelers without a home who live out of
there perfectly packed suitcase with
that kind of two t-shirts or here or
something or as I am terrible at packing
like seriously it’s not a key strength
my hobby is interior design I can’t stop
buying cushions and so I felt like my
messy liminal self didn’t have any way
to breathe I was like they’ve got this
one wrong and even want to be what they
think I am just to be clear if that
happened earlier it wouldn’t been a
problem right I just would have stepped
into my differences without a second
thought it wouldn’t have even bothered
me but not now you see in my mind it was
fine to be all messy and liminal when
you were the scrappy upstart but there
was still that 16 year old girl who
believed her teacher who believed that
proper success meant fitting into one
place properly and staying there others
would kill for that opportunity for
heard that rap play the part but I
couldn’t keep talking about this stuff
while feeling that way so I took time
out and went on a journey to figure this
out and it finally clicked one day that
the people I most admired people at the
top of their field I’m talking real
household names they didn’t do things
the way I was telling myself I had to do
them now they didn’t let success on
their Island turn it into a trap that
defined like who they could be or the
one way to do things
instead they turn their island into a
boat and they moved it along with them
take Elizabeth Gilbert author of Eat
Pray Love at your major bestseller about
a part of her life now she could have
ridden off that one story forever right
gone on the speaker circuit talked about
that one thing on a loop but instead she
holed up in a small town and wrote a
novel about 19th century plant
collectors and then went on the Ted
stage talked about creativity released a
book on that and you know the funny
thing Eat Pray Love is how most people
first heard of Liz Gilbert but that
wasn’t even her first success the 1990s
movie coyote ugly was based on an
article she wrote about her experiences
working in a bar and imagine if she’d
stop
them if she said oh but writers like me
only meant to take these steps from here
I might feel too different but now I’m
too far along hide all that away he no
instead it was about moving forward with
her Island and as a result she’s made a
much bigger impact than had she stopped
and said that was it you got one go now
stay still it doesn’t have to be that
dramatic of course there were certainly
more subtle evolutions out there but
this theme was consistent among anyone
I admired who was world class and what
they did you see up until then I thought
that embracing your differences and your
liminal nature was kind of a tool like a
nifty marketing approach you’d use to
stand out or get an edge when you were
younger or new I thought it was a tool
but what I didn’t realize is it’s who we
are and right now is your time as a
liminal person right now the world is
changing so fast there is no way to
predict what specialism or skill will be
in demand except for one thing the
ability to bridge genres to navigate
industries and change to be in a word
liminal and that’s what you have already
and what’s more the world needs you at a
time when the world is putting up its
borders and trying to divide people into
this or that we need people like you who
can straddle those borders and bring in
fresh perspectives we need you now more
than ever so if you like these ideas the
one thing you can do is live them
because it’s hard to inspire other
generations and do so authentically when
you think there’s no option than to be
stuck for ourselves I mean imagine if my
teacher when I was 16 had known we
talked about here today here’s what he
might have said maryann you and I have
something in common
we’re liminal and the world won’t always
understand that but I want you to know
it’s a valuable way to be and I just
take my word for it the examples and
islands are all around when you know how
to look so I don’t hide that away you
see you won’t succeed despite your
liminality but because of it
and I say the same to you if you’ve
thought that’s me even once here then
know that you’re not alone you’re in
good company along with the innovators
and change makers of the world or simply
those with a quirk who in the past would
have hidden their true colors but who
know their time is now because you
belong here
as does every part of you thank you
[Applause] [Music]