percent mortality rate 100 percent zero
survivors it will take everyone who is
inflicted by it with it don’t Google
that I’ll tell you what it is because
I’m very transparent like that my
condition is called being human you all
heard of this one being human us humans
are very interesting creatures we’re
able to stand here for a minute but be
able to project into the future with the
power of our mind in fact we can even
affect the future just by the power of
our thought yet on a day-to-day basis
we’re able to somehow forget that we’re
all eventually gonna die and when we
talk about death how do we talk about
this I had a mate call me about two and
a half weeks ago and she’s like Neelam
you have to go watch this movie it is so
hilarious I literally died in my seat
and I’m thinking dramatically definitely
incorrect let’s be honest factually
absolutely incorrect
you cannot be larly dead I’d be talking
to me either I’m talking to your ghost
or I’m talking to a hologram both creepy
situations by the way but this cannot be
accurate we talked about it in a very
whimsical sense the other one I’ve heard
propagate the interwebs is you only live
once hashtag Yolo ya defaulters in the
room raise your hand now is a good time
all right good there’s one please he’s
admitting it see I believe you factually
probably live only once on paper
possibly birth certificate and all that
but you can live multitude of lifetime’s
within
one life you can powerpack this life and
the we have found in my case at least is
by dying a little I call these debts
micro debts they sound cute because I
don’t want to make them sound more
dramatic but when you’re in a micro debt
type of situation it is the least fun
thing on the planet you literally want
to run away from it I’ve encountered
three types of micro debts so far in my
life the first type of micro debt is an
existential type of Micro death in this
situation everything you believe in
everything you were taught comes into
question you’re completely thrown off
your game it’s almost like the matrix
scene where Morpheus is sitting across
from neo and asking me to pick between
the blue and the red pill you all know
what I’m talking about
exactly red pill means you see the truth
you can’t back off from the truth that’s
an existential death for me my
existential death showed up when I
started my first job I came from a small
town in Africa and of course I couldn’t
do things like low-key right I had to go
to the biggest badass city in the world
and I see yeah that’s not like vanilla
that I just went straight for the
jugular and in New York City I
experienced not only you know
existential death but also a spiritual
death emotional death cultural death I
don’t know where I belong and I’m this
like brown kid raised in Africa and I’m
going to New York
I don’t even sound like anything
anyone’s familiar with but what brought
about my real existential death was
being in a work environment that I did
not connect with I had absolutely no
idea what my time was contributing
toward who on earth am i impacting by
working in pharmaceutical advertising
where is my time going and that spiraled
the next few deaths the one biggest
thing in existential that can give you
is one question Who am I
and you will not be able to answer it
overnight it takes some time it takes
some courage it takes some presence
then came about the second type of micro
death called the death of the mind when
you’re in a cyclical pattern where
you’re trying to figure things out and
you don’t know where to turn and you’re
asking those bigger questions that you
can’t just open a book for and say all
right page number 45 section 2 that’s
the answer to this question Who am I
it flips you over a little bit right
because otherwise you’re watching
everybody else go along their lives do
their thing they don’t care they’re not
thinking about these things and you’re
thinking dude I think I’m the weird one
right when the mind gets numb and the
mind gets fractured our ability to take
the most simplest and most basic
decisions get affected and that means
that sometimes we cannot even choose
between right and wrong and it’s it
scary because we make decisions that
would self self sabotage us
for me during this time as I was
grappling with these questions and
figuring out who am i what am I doing
here
an unexpected visitor showed up in my
life – I like to call him hashtag
frenemy yeah he’d show up when I was
happy sad whatever he didn’t care about
what I was going through or what I was
thinking about and his name is
depression for anyone by the way who is
grappling with this condition please
know I’m standing here in front of you
as proof that it is okay you will be
okay and don’t let anyone marginalize
your emotion or your story so this guy
would show up and he wouldn’t show up
like regular you know he’d come with
anxiety he’d bring self-doubt he’d bring
fear then be like here’s a pint of Ben
and Jerry’s nilaam don’t move for the
next five days yet had to be functional
forward the next day that was my second
micro death I also guarantee you you all
have seen all three micro deaths if you
haven’t maybe you’ve seen one of them
and if you still not seen any of them
wait for it it will find you the third
type of Micra death for me showed up on
June 11th 2015-2016 I was hunched over
my writing desk
I had dialed my dad and I was my dad hey
Dad how are you my dad obviously didn’t
realize it was a rhetorical question so
he really told me how he was so
somewhere between him talking listen man
parents somewhere between him talking
about his laundry and making a trip to
Walmart the next day I had to interject
and I was like dad you got a minute he’s
like of course we’d heard I have all the
time in the world for you that moment
all my walls broke down and all I kept
saying on repeat was I can’t do this
anymore I can’t do this anymore I can’t
be here anymore
I have done so much to preserve Who I am
despite all the experiences I’ve seen in
this life that have made me feel
otherwise I just cannot do this anymore
and I just kept saying I cannot do this
anymore I cannot do this anymore I
cannot do this anymore
as a parent you just imagine if my
father’s thinking about getting on the
LIRR to get to me ASAP
but that started a beautiful round of
conversation and he asked me what
happened I told him what I was grappling
with in my life honestly that this is
the issue at one point I even told him
like there was a guy I liked he didn’t
like me back that was a topical issue
right start the problem and my father
obviously in responses like who is this
guy wait for it though send me his
LinkedIn profile and his brave Facebook
profile at once like that is some
serious stuff but I walked away from
that conversation and packed my bags my
apartment of over seven years in New
York City two bags precisely two weeks
after I had a chat with my dad
HR called me in the room at my that at
my job at that point and was like hey
Neil um this is not working out and for
the first time in my life I actually
said hell yeah it’s not working out for
me – for the first time in over 12 years
I said that and when I walked out of the
room I was flying and if I wasn’t maybe
like the office space or something like
that I’d be throwing staplers and
people’s papers from their desks my hair
would be flipping in the wind you know
it felt that dramatic in that moment but
I left that place I said that I would
write a book someday I’ve written my
first book since then I said I would
travel the world I am doing exactly that
I said I would work for myself I’m doing
that too I said when I turned 60 I will
go to India and open my not-for-profit
that will help kids with education and
mentorship and vocational skills a month
and a half ago I got approval at the
first level to operate and my lawyer
said it was okay to talk about it now
because it was it got the first round of
[Applause]
I’m not standing in front of you today
as a before-and-after story I will never
be that I will always be a work in
because there’s no other place to go
right we’re in this little continuum and
the end is already predetermined we’re
just making array there I can tell you
for a fact when people ask me how do you
do it all you must’ve been so courageous
and I tell them it’s never the courage
to act it’s the courage to listen hard
and strong and not edit anything that is
moving through you anything that’s being
communicated to you don’t push that away
listen hard when you listen you have the
ability to introspect to assess and then
go from that place and you push outward
with gentleness with intention with
kindness with compassion that’s how you
push outwards I have no regrets I have
no regrets about a boss yelling at me or
anything he’s probably still got that
same job poor him hashtag you know my
depression still shows up but now when
he comes in he’s like really chill
he wears good bling him and I chat over
a cup of tea now he brings me a green
juice instead of fightin turf instead of
a pint of ice cream we’re getting back
on track and then when he’s leaving he’s
like yo I’ll see you and I’ll see you
I’m quite happy with that by the way
come whenever you want to I can tell you
these micro debts have a way of
stripping you have a way of exposing
here and making you naked and making you
just an and your own blood sweat and
tears and show up as you are and it’s a
very scary thought for many of us to
think about ourselves in that space
because we’re so cluttered so cluttered
with the noise social media instafamous
Facebook and whatever by the way I do
default also everyone has a bit of an
addiction now and then but we’re so so
completely immersed in that world we
don’t even see
on that my mic her dad’s taught me a few
things the first it taught me is to feel
it all no matter what feel everything
don’t subtract any aspect of your story
own every part of it don’t anything it
don’t edit anything out if anyone dares
to edit any part of your story tell them
to you know what I was gonna say back
off but you all can pick your own words
I mean have the courage to pluck your
own heart out stand in front of the
world and show the world your heart
bleeding and traumatized scared and
terrified full and breaking at all at
once have the courage to pull it out
show the world who you are
this is what changes the world us being
who we are and you say this is who I am
accept me as I am deal with it if not
get out of my way the other thing that
these micro debts have taught me is to
risk it all when the time comes when the
moment arrives don’t flinch but it will
plunge come on make it happen and if
you’re low risk you know if you’re
risk-averse that’s fine plan it out but
take the step the other thing my micro
death has taught me is you must be
willing to walk away walk away from
anything that insults the very fabric of
your soul of who you are that includes
friends relationships jobs cities
countries all of it comes into under
that category the other thing my microd
has taught me was it is a thousand
percent no wait
gazillion percent okay for you to change
your mind
absolutely okay for you to change your
mind the only caveat to that is don’t
change your mind because you’re scared
of doing something change your mind
because it doesn’t agree with the very
essence of who you are the last thing
which is kind of twofold that my micro
debts have taught me
it’s forgive find a way to forgive
someone who has done you the greatest
harm you can sit there and say but
Neelam you have no idea what someone did
to me and I don’t absolutely know I’m
not living in your world I get it but I
can tell you when you forgive you create
the space for the most important thing
to show up and that is love and I’m not
talking about like you know girlfriend
boyfriend love I’m not talking about
parental love I’m talking about love as
a state of being where you are almost
unaffected and detached from results and
judgment so my wish for all of you is
that you embrace discomfort and you
contextualize your pain and you feel
things deeply because it is the ones who
feel deeply that will affect the course
of humanity over the next decade and
maybe the decade after that to come as
well my wish for you is that you do not
seek stability guarantees embrace
uncertainty the only guarantee we have
is mr. death right over here we don’t
know when he’s showing up had I had the
guarantee of birth like listen I’d be
trending on BuzzFeed if I knew I was
going to be born like 10 times Neelam
knew that she was gonna be born and how
awesome that was in gifts of course my
wish for you is that you become
resilient and you don’t distract
yourself from the things that are not
important my wish for you is for you to
know that you are needed here your story
matters who you are matters maybe you
might not think of yourself that way
right now my mother wants I hast her
like hey why am I so different why can’t
I want everything everyone else wants
why can’t I be regular it would be so
much easier right and my mother says to
me you know when you’re in my room I
wanted a daughter I come from a country
where they still practice female
infanticide so as far as I’m concerned
was born on 22nd May I already got a
bonus life over the life I was already
given so I was living a bonus life on my
first day on this planet and ever since
then I’ve received many lives many many
lives so when someone says hashtag Yolo
I’m like yo no I don’t agree with that
you guys be careful if I catch you guys
doing hashtag Yolo I’ve got all your
names you are needed here
you’re absolutely needed here be patient
have the courage to try something new
it’s fine you’ll fail you’ll fall flat
on your face who cares and my
penultimate wish for you all if I may
say so is that when that buzzer rings
with your name on it or if it’s a dove
carrying a note card with your name on
it I hope you’re already living the draw
the life you’ve imagined I hope you’re
saying something like OMG
hashtag OMG I did this yo this was
adventures I did it I showed up and I
rocked it I did my part and now my
legacy takes over with that I’m out guys are awesome thank you for reading