very existence is defined by the
connections that we make our five senses
engage and allow us to discern to pause
and reflect and through these mechanisms
we connect with each other so ability to
effectively communicate essentially
forms the foundation of healthy
communication so let’s take a journey
together and see how communication
evolved and how technology shaped that
and where we are headed so for the for
almost a millennia we’ve had the ability
to practice and perfect the art of
direct communication we’ve engaged our
senses depending on the situation
for example the eye to eye contact that
we talked about a hug from a friend that
you haven’t met in a long time and a
kiss from a loved one at the end of a
long day we have curriculum designed to
help us perfect that art now let’s fast
forward to about a hundred and forty
years ago we invented the telephone and
so what we did is we inserted this inert
object in between the two participants
what we did with that is we stripped out
four of our senses and we had to rely on
our sense of hearing to achieve the same
outcome and we learnt to listen to the
tone of the conversation we learnt to
listen pay attention to the words so
that we could make the most of out of
that communication the benefits were
great right reach availability but the
outcome wasn’t quite the same now
forward again
fast-forward again to about 15 years ago
not only did we have this inert object
in bed
between the participants we also started
relying on interfaces like applications
and websites that came along with it and
so now there was no need for any of our
senses to engage directly in the
conversation huge benefits right how
many of you would prefer to send a text
message was is actually taking that
phone and making that call so we dived
right in we took the plunge we embraced
the benefits and what we’re seeing is
that although the act of communication
has tremendously increased in one second
alone more than a quarter million text
messages are sent so although this act
of communication has increased
exponentially the outcome is missing
something the authenticity the depth the
meaningful mindful conversation is not
quite there in these digital
conversations and my own personal
experience when interacting with either
helped me experience that stock contrast
it was the same set of people doing the
same act of communication and yet when
we engaged in these digital
conversations there were some strange
behaviors that were walling that
sometimes led to unexpected or even
undesirable outcomes and that got me
intrigued why it led me down the path to
explore more to this talk today because
what I realized is that not only did we
disengage our five senses but we
substituted it with an electronic sense
or an e sense of connection any sense
that relies on the limited capabilities
of an inert device and the interfaces
that it provides any sense
that tries and fails to mimic the
richness that comes with engaging our
five senses any sense that has no
knowledge of the learning that we have
along the way on the traits of effective
communication and thus a sense allows us
to evolve and embrace the benefits of
technology but it prevents us from
engaging in meaningful and mindful
conversations and this e sense manifests
itself in many ways and thus it shapes
our day-to-day lives let’s take a few
examples our children so I’m standing
here today and I’m able to make a case
for the pros and cons I’m able to
differentiate but children today they
spend majority of their time engaged in
digital conversations they’re always on
they’re always connected but they want
just the right amount of conversations
they’re not able to sort of see the
benefits firsthand because they don’t
sit down and have those in-depth
conversations face-to-face and that’s
unhealthy women as we train ourselves to
exhibit certain behaviors that becomes
our reflex and we’re spending a lot of
time with these digital devices and
digital environments if you observe some
of the home automated systems or your
vehicles or avatars or video games there
are feminine qualities that are being
depicted through these mediums that have
no senses that have no feelings so in a
day when you’re super frustrated you
could go home and yell at your home
automation system and the response is
going to be very calm consistent and in
some cases subservient and as you build
this muscle that your behavior somehow
is acceptable because you’re not getting
feedback the lines start to blur and you
start exhibiting this behavior outside
to a real person with real feelings and
it’s leading to harassment
it leads to even serious crime diversity
each and every one of us we’re all
unique whether it’s our beliefs whether
it’s languages that we speak whether
it’s our likes and dislikes and because
of this digital conversation that we
have we’ve limited our power of
expression our ability to look at
nuances nonverbal cues body language to
have those effective conversations if
you took your friend out to lunch and
you suggested something on the menu
maybe your friend will be polite and say
it was tasty but you can look at that
person and you can look for those
nonverbal cues to make a decision for
yourself as to whether they really
enjoyed it and we’ve lost that ability
through these digital Congress
conversations we have normalized and
standardized everybody in two entities
that are capable of using these
interfaces in communicating with each
other humanity is a whole the whole
purpose the whole point of conversations
was to connect was to find comfort and
joy was to be Wallner able and yet today
through this digital conversation it has
become one of the biggest sources of
stress in day to day life how many times
have you sent a text message looked at
the timestamp of the application that
you used to send it and wondered hmm I
send my message 10 minutes ago I know
this person was online five minutes ago
why didn’t I get a response it causes so
much anxiety it causes conflict in
relationships how many times have you
observed that someone’s typing a
feedback being printed on the website
and then they decide not to or typing a
comment you like what were you trying to
say if we attuned in to our senses and
what we’re able to recognize or see for
ourselves we have no idea what’s
happening on the other end take it a
step further and think about the web
sites where we post pictures and aspects
of our life we now have this ability to
hide
behind this interface and hide our flaws
hide our ability to be vulnerable
because every picture is perfect every
vacation is perfect there’s so much
stress on people taking the post to
actually put that perfect aspect of
their lives out there and the person
observing looks all around them and goes
oh my gosh
everyone is having such a perfect life
and look at mine it’s mundane it’s
boring it’s normal and so we’ve lost
that ability to connect to be vulnerable
to share to look at the flaws in each
other and to grow together I bet when
these TED talks are posted there will be
people who have either watched the video
who have just listened to the audio who
have opinions based on opinions already
posted we’re all going to form these
east sends connections with each other
so is it that I’ll be doomed
no the point here is that we’re at this
crossroads of connection we’re at this
crossroads in the evolution of
communication and we have an opportunity
to make a conscious decision to bridge
that gap to bring the best of both
worlds together the benefits of
Technology as well as the
well-established norms and traits of
effective communication we have a choice
today to find that balance by taking a
few simple steps
the first one is brain dead simple right
optimize for direct communication when
you can countless number of times I’ve
worked into my workplace and seeing
people sitting in opposite in on nearby
cubicles or offices texting each other
and countless number of times it’s led
to conflict and every single time the
solution is go please please go talk to
that person directly and almost always
it solves the problem so please optimize
for direct communication when you can
let’s leverage the established norms but
the the learning that we have from all
these years of direct communication
let’s not throw them away we don’t have
to relearn them there’s a reason why we
had those norms to begin with the hello
how are you before you get into the meat
of the conversation it was an
opportunity for both participants to
disengage and to Zone into the
conversation they’re about to have let’s
engage with mindfulness let’s be present
in that conversation and this is a call
out to all companies and individuals who
are designing these social media
applications can we close our eyes and
hope that a sense goes away no it’s here
to stay
technology is here to stay but there’s a
tremendous opportunity for us to factor
into the design of these applications
the nuances that make the direct
conversations well-rounded and if we
take these simple steps although we may
have to forego a little bit of
convenience we may have to make an
effort to be mindful we can take away
some of the destructive potential of
e-sens we can actually turn it into a
powerful phenomenon if we take these
simple steps we can convert a sense into
a positive effect one that allows us to
evolve embrace the benefits of
Technology while we continue to engage
in meaningful and mindful conversations
continue to engage in conversations that
are deeply rooted in the
well-established norms of effective
communication let’s bring that joy of
connections along with us for the
journey forward thank you
you [Applause]