last year I performed spoken word poetry
to an auditorium of boys and girls aged
about six to twelve after the
performance
they asked questions one in particular
stood out a boy asked were your friends
jealous of your success so I asked them
who here is friends with someone who is
jealous of your success and almost all
the hands in the auditorium were raised
including by the way some of the
teachers I couldn’t believe it
I cried break it off a person who
doesn’t wish you well is not a friend
and look toxic and abusive individuals
can be very charming and oftentimes even
helpful but you really don’t need them
in your life cut them out if you can set
boundaries so cut them out if you can
set boundaries and minimize contact with
them as much as possible if you can’t on
the other hand who you choose to be
friends with is a totally different
matter now Aristotle defined three types
of friendships but he said that bad
people can only be friends of utility
and of pleasure Friends of utility are
those who use you for their gains and
friends of pleasure enjoy your company
but they would drop you or disappear
when you encounter obstacles
Aristotle then indicates that only good
people can be friends of virtue or of
goodness and I consider that a soulmates
relationship which I define as a
friendship that draws its energy from a
place beyond filling each other’s
emptiness it’s where two people are able
to hear and obey
the whispers of their souls or their
conscience instead of their needs for
instant gratification or material gains
and I truly believe that a soul mates
relationship can never be assessed by
what it can offer in the present because
the whole point is two people coming
together to prepare the framework that
will push the present into the future
see a soulmate relationship
changes the present on two levels
individual and communal and I mean
specifically that if the friends
continue to go against their selfish
drives then the relationship will change
both parties and if they let go of
unhealthy social expectations they’ll
end up changing their surroundings and
honestly I didn’t know what a friendship
was like until I met my current best
friend you may know her she’s famous too
I really don’t know her
okay Google that I lead okay because a
friend of virtue is hard to find and
even much harder to keep today I’ll
share with you three lessons from our
experience in the hopes that it’ll help
you recognize and hold on to your own
soul mates when you see them so lesson
number one flaws are natural abuse is
not now let me start off by saying
that’s just because someone is kind
funny hardworking and overall amazing it
doesn’t mean that they respect your time
huh
missus just give me five minutes to get
ready and three hours later I’m still
playing with her cats
well she’s gluing on her eyelashes now
guys I consider myself a very patient
and sensitive poet like oh my god I am
just so humble and polite right not even
close but here’s the thing even when I
don’t get mad and start yelling yeah
like that I I’m so bored she’d still
turn around with one eyelash glued to
her face and say you didn’t have to yell
your eyes did all the screaming now the
reason I’m sharing this exchange even
though it doesn’t paint the best version
of ourselves is because we must never
pretend that we or the friends that we
are entering into a relationship with
are ever going to be flaw lish we’re
human beings at the end of the day flaws
are not just integral to our lives in
Jen
but in fact they tend to be highlighted
or emphasized when dealing with others
especially the people we interact with
more often and with whom our encounters
are intimate or intense but there is a
difference between dealing with someone
who is flawed and someone who is abusive
so the first lesson has three additional
points to help you differentiate between
normal but annoying human flaws and
toxic or abusive traits so on make sure
that your flaws are not directed at each
other
confession I really do have a temper I
know you’re all shocked what neither but
you’re just so lovely we can’t see it
I’m sorry to burst your bubble you see
the universe works in mysterious ways
but listen just because I have a flaw it
doesn’t mean that I’m gonna use my
friend as an outlet for that flaw my
friend is not a punching bag for my
anger my temper is there for me to deal
with to control to transform into a
virtue it is not there for me to indulge
in or to attach to my identity right we
all have people who hurt us and then say
because you are my friend you need to
love me as I am yeah nopes there’s an
alternative to that kind of friendship
so if you ever encounter anyone who
justifies unloading their ugliness on
you using your friendship together as an
excuse break it off of them that’s toxic
to make sure you befriend an authentic
person and I’m referring to someone who
says what they mean and does what they
say not someone who paints a rosy
picture of him or herself because an
authentic person is more likely to
acknowledge when they make mistakes but
a hypocrite or someone who’s so in love
with an image of themselves will never
recognize their flaws and thus they will
never change instead of apologizing when
they hurt you they’ll just say oh but I
love you so much why would I hurt you
an authentic person on the other hand
might disagree with you when you bring
up the subject for the first time but
there’s enough transparency about what
they can and cannot do and a willingness
to find a solution and these are
elements you can work with remember also
that authentic people know who they are
they do not seek external validation to
constantly reaffirm an invented version
of themselves you will have a much
bigger chance of maintaining a sustained
relationship with them over time than
with someone who keeps your friendship
at the mercy of other people’s opinions
and the third aspect to help you
differentiate between natural flaws and
toxicity is making sure you find someone
for whom change is a natural part of
life and I mean specifically someone who
proves through consistent actions that
they are willing to apologize grow make
amends let go of unhealthy worldviews or
harmful baggage forgive unconditionally
not calculate their concessions set
boundaries that protect both parties
instead of boundaries that punish one or
the other and who expects all of that
from you as well flaws are natural we
all make mistakes
we can’t enter into a friendship with a
human being expecting them not to hurt
us or to disappoint us
or to lie to us or to be in some way
shape or form the cause of our agony but
we can and should expect to enter into
friendships where these flaws are
transformed and we should be willing to
look at our own defects in the same way
so to recap flaws in a friendship are
natural when both parties do not direct
their flaws at one another when they
remain authentic and work out their
kinks and disagreements over time and
when they embrace for active changes in
a relationship now you’re probably
thinking well now that’s all fine and
dandy but how do you make sure that
anyone is willing to stick around
through the early
stage of a friendship when there are no
facts to fall back on because you don’t
really know the other person he
developed that knowledge over time right
telepathy and the answer to you is
lesson number two
initially the glue the ring the
container where your flaws can bubble
and collide together is a bigger picture
or a bigger cost and when I met that all
she had an office job she didn’t like
she frequented female gatherings and
dreamed about all the things everybody
else in her environment dreamed about
but I felt like she was giving up her
potential just to give in just to fit in
and be like everybody else instead of
figuring out how and why she was created
into a unique human being and I remember
asking her if you could be or do
anything you want and there was nothing
that blocked your path
what would that be but I also told her
to hold the thought because if your
experiences your words and actions up
until that point were limited they will
hold back your thoughts and dreams as
well remember you cannot think limitless
thoughts if you’ve only been acting in a
limited way it took dela literally about
a year and a half of doing things
outside of our comfort zone before she
finally heard the whisper of her soul
and was able to answer that question she
took classes in photography fiction
writing philosophy film and TV
production and playing a musical
instrument now true story then I want it
to be a guitarist but one day I walked
in on her lesson and found her singing
while her teacher jammed on her guitar I
was like okay no more guitar lessons for
you young lady vocals
maybe when here’s another fun fact that
you won’t read in any of her interviews
dalla wrote a science fiction story that
I sent to one of my colleagues a Kuwaiti
science fiction writer who liked it
enough that he sent it to the
Godfather of Arabic science-fiction
Nabil Farooq author of malefic must
abandon original mr. Hale they wanted to
publish a collection for her so they
asked for ten more and that’s when she
cracked and confessed that she actually
hated the writing process and they don’t
want to put herself through that torture
ten more times now pay attention to this
part because Delilah and I knew from the
very beginning that failing and
succeeding in the social sense was not
which we were after okay what we were
after
was what then I’ll soul really wanted
her to do so not external validation but
rather internal recognition of what felt
right for her and you get to that point
by first shedding all other people’s
expectations of you that you have been
accumulating over the years like the
last dream of being seen as a writer or
as a guitarist for example and so after
about a year and a half she finally
heard it the whisper of her soul the
desire to become that I lead Kuwait’s
iconic fashion and makeup blogger the
Middle East ambassador of beauty and I
decided I was gonna help her make that
happen so now my bigger picture changed
from helping my best friend shed social
expectations and fears so she can
recognize the true purpose in her life
to the following changing Western
representations of Arab women in the
media from angry mothers of terrorists
shouting a journalist’s to beautiful
classy and funny girls next door who
loved to say five minutes but really
they mean three hours another angle to
my bigger to my bigger picture was
creating a new industry that would
operate between the private and public
sector in Kuwait and then branch out
into the Middle East later and finally
using social media and the fashion
industry as a stepping stone to monetize
that creative industry now in spite of
her lofty bigger picture I have to be
honest with you when the Lila and I
first started working on the brand we
were both a bit selfish on
a level I was using that brand to get
back at an old friend who was spreading
rumors about me and that I wanted an
easy miracle because at the time I
managed everything for her I took
pictures negotiated contracts translated
interviews designed her websites etc
nowadays though that I’ll and I look
back at that period and laugh because I
no longer feel any ill-will towards that
old friend and that I’ll is a beautiful
independent big boss with employees and
agents and clients all over the world we
really needed that bigger picture that
bigger cause to help us iron out our
flaws in my case my desire for revenge
and in the last case her entitlement to
fame
now the third lesson is the most
important one you will need to choose
your friend over and over and over again
and you will have to do it when you
really don’t want to
when Delilah and I have gone through
major challenges over the course of our
friendship
these challenges never evolved into
abuse but they were still pretty intense
and every single time we were faced with
the most negative aspects of our inner
selves we chose to remain friends with
one another every single time and we
didn’t do it after taking a break or
after we forgot the pain because we knew
that space in that moment would lessen
the bond afterwards whereas to
strengthen the bond you will need to
chop off bits of your ego when your ego
is most powerful and I can’t tell you
how difficult it is to tell someone who
is the cause of your pain in the midst
of that anguish right when you can’t
feel anything else but your hurt I am so
mad at you right now
but I think if we get through this we
will have a bond unlike any other and I
want to get through this with you
because you are worth the effort and you
know what any friend who inspires you to
and to become a better person is really
worth the effort
so guys may you all merit Friends of
virtue in your lifetimes and may your
friendships positively impact the world
in more ways than you can even imagine
thank you
to an auditorium of boys and girls aged
about six to twelve after the
performance
they asked questions one in particular
stood out a boy asked were your friends
jealous of your success so I asked them
who here is friends with someone who is
jealous of your success and almost all
the hands in the auditorium were raised
including by the way some of the
teachers I couldn’t believe it
I cried break it off a person who
doesn’t wish you well is not a friend
and look toxic and abusive individuals
can be very charming and oftentimes even
helpful but you really don’t need them
in your life cut them out if you can set
boundaries so cut them out if you can
set boundaries and minimize contact with
them as much as possible if you can’t on
the other hand who you choose to be
friends with is a totally different
matter now Aristotle defined three types
of friendships but he said that bad
people can only be friends of utility
and of pleasure Friends of utility are
those who use you for their gains and
friends of pleasure enjoy your company
but they would drop you or disappear
when you encounter obstacles
Aristotle then indicates that only good
people can be friends of virtue or of
goodness and I consider that a soulmates
relationship which I define as a
friendship that draws its energy from a
place beyond filling each other’s
emptiness it’s where two people are able
to hear and obey
the whispers of their souls or their
conscience instead of their needs for
instant gratification or material gains
and I truly believe that a soul mates
relationship can never be assessed by
what it can offer in the present because
the whole point is two people coming
together to prepare the framework that
will push the present into the future
see a soulmate relationship
changes the present on two levels
individual and communal and I mean
specifically that if the friends
continue to go against their selfish
drives then the relationship will change
both parties and if they let go of
unhealthy social expectations they’ll
end up changing their surroundings and
honestly I didn’t know what a friendship
was like until I met my current best
friend you may know her she’s famous too
I really don’t know her
okay Google that I lead okay because a
friend of virtue is hard to find and
even much harder to keep today I’ll
share with you three lessons from our
experience in the hopes that it’ll help
you recognize and hold on to your own
soul mates when you see them so lesson
number one flaws are natural abuse is
not now let me start off by saying
that’s just because someone is kind
funny hardworking and overall amazing it
doesn’t mean that they respect your time
huh
missus just give me five minutes to get
ready and three hours later I’m still
playing with her cats
well she’s gluing on her eyelashes now
guys I consider myself a very patient
and sensitive poet like oh my god I am
just so humble and polite right not even
close but here’s the thing even when I
don’t get mad and start yelling yeah
like that I I’m so bored she’d still
turn around with one eyelash glued to
her face and say you didn’t have to yell
your eyes did all the screaming now the
reason I’m sharing this exchange even
though it doesn’t paint the best version
of ourselves is because we must never
pretend that we or the friends that we
are entering into a relationship with
are ever going to be flaw lish we’re
human beings at the end of the day flaws
are not just integral to our lives in
Jen
but in fact they tend to be highlighted
or emphasized when dealing with others
especially the people we interact with
more often and with whom our encounters
are intimate or intense but there is a
difference between dealing with someone
who is flawed and someone who is abusive
so the first lesson has three additional
points to help you differentiate between
normal but annoying human flaws and
toxic or abusive traits so on make sure
that your flaws are not directed at each
other
confession I really do have a temper I
know you’re all shocked what neither but
you’re just so lovely we can’t see it
I’m sorry to burst your bubble you see
the universe works in mysterious ways
but listen just because I have a flaw it
doesn’t mean that I’m gonna use my
friend as an outlet for that flaw my
friend is not a punching bag for my
anger my temper is there for me to deal
with to control to transform into a
virtue it is not there for me to indulge
in or to attach to my identity right we
all have people who hurt us and then say
because you are my friend you need to
love me as I am yeah nopes there’s an
alternative to that kind of friendship
so if you ever encounter anyone who
justifies unloading their ugliness on
you using your friendship together as an
excuse break it off of them that’s toxic
to make sure you befriend an authentic
person and I’m referring to someone who
says what they mean and does what they
say not someone who paints a rosy
picture of him or herself because an
authentic person is more likely to
acknowledge when they make mistakes but
a hypocrite or someone who’s so in love
with an image of themselves will never
recognize their flaws and thus they will
never change instead of apologizing when
they hurt you they’ll just say oh but I
love you so much why would I hurt you
an authentic person on the other hand
might disagree with you when you bring
up the subject for the first time but
there’s enough transparency about what
they can and cannot do and a willingness
to find a solution and these are
elements you can work with remember also
that authentic people know who they are
they do not seek external validation to
constantly reaffirm an invented version
of themselves you will have a much
bigger chance of maintaining a sustained
relationship with them over time than
with someone who keeps your friendship
at the mercy of other people’s opinions
and the third aspect to help you
differentiate between natural flaws and
toxicity is making sure you find someone
for whom change is a natural part of
life and I mean specifically someone who
proves through consistent actions that
they are willing to apologize grow make
amends let go of unhealthy worldviews or
harmful baggage forgive unconditionally
not calculate their concessions set
boundaries that protect both parties
instead of boundaries that punish one or
the other and who expects all of that
from you as well flaws are natural we
all make mistakes
we can’t enter into a friendship with a
human being expecting them not to hurt
us or to disappoint us
or to lie to us or to be in some way
shape or form the cause of our agony but
we can and should expect to enter into
friendships where these flaws are
transformed and we should be willing to
look at our own defects in the same way
so to recap flaws in a friendship are
natural when both parties do not direct
their flaws at one another when they
remain authentic and work out their
kinks and disagreements over time and
when they embrace for active changes in
a relationship now you’re probably
thinking well now that’s all fine and
dandy but how do you make sure that
anyone is willing to stick around
through the early
stage of a friendship when there are no
facts to fall back on because you don’t
really know the other person he
developed that knowledge over time right
telepathy and the answer to you is
lesson number two
initially the glue the ring the
container where your flaws can bubble
and collide together is a bigger picture
or a bigger cost and when I met that all
she had an office job she didn’t like
she frequented female gatherings and
dreamed about all the things everybody
else in her environment dreamed about
but I felt like she was giving up her
potential just to give in just to fit in
and be like everybody else instead of
figuring out how and why she was created
into a unique human being and I remember
asking her if you could be or do
anything you want and there was nothing
that blocked your path
what would that be but I also told her
to hold the thought because if your
experiences your words and actions up
until that point were limited they will
hold back your thoughts and dreams as
well remember you cannot think limitless
thoughts if you’ve only been acting in a
limited way it took dela literally about
a year and a half of doing things
outside of our comfort zone before she
finally heard the whisper of her soul
and was able to answer that question she
took classes in photography fiction
writing philosophy film and TV
production and playing a musical
instrument now true story then I want it
to be a guitarist but one day I walked
in on her lesson and found her singing
while her teacher jammed on her guitar I
was like okay no more guitar lessons for
you young lady vocals
maybe when here’s another fun fact that
you won’t read in any of her interviews
dalla wrote a science fiction story that
I sent to one of my colleagues a Kuwaiti
science fiction writer who liked it
enough that he sent it to the
Godfather of Arabic science-fiction
Nabil Farooq author of malefic must
abandon original mr. Hale they wanted to
publish a collection for her so they
asked for ten more and that’s when she
cracked and confessed that she actually
hated the writing process and they don’t
want to put herself through that torture
ten more times now pay attention to this
part because Delilah and I knew from the
very beginning that failing and
succeeding in the social sense was not
which we were after okay what we were
after
was what then I’ll soul really wanted
her to do so not external validation but
rather internal recognition of what felt
right for her and you get to that point
by first shedding all other people’s
expectations of you that you have been
accumulating over the years like the
last dream of being seen as a writer or
as a guitarist for example and so after
about a year and a half she finally
heard it the whisper of her soul the
desire to become that I lead Kuwait’s
iconic fashion and makeup blogger the
Middle East ambassador of beauty and I
decided I was gonna help her make that
happen so now my bigger picture changed
from helping my best friend shed social
expectations and fears so she can
recognize the true purpose in her life
to the following changing Western
representations of Arab women in the
media from angry mothers of terrorists
shouting a journalist’s to beautiful
classy and funny girls next door who
loved to say five minutes but really
they mean three hours another angle to
my bigger to my bigger picture was
creating a new industry that would
operate between the private and public
sector in Kuwait and then branch out
into the Middle East later and finally
using social media and the fashion
industry as a stepping stone to monetize
that creative industry now in spite of
her lofty bigger picture I have to be
honest with you when the Lila and I
first started working on the brand we
were both a bit selfish on
a level I was using that brand to get
back at an old friend who was spreading
rumors about me and that I wanted an
easy miracle because at the time I
managed everything for her I took
pictures negotiated contracts translated
interviews designed her websites etc
nowadays though that I’ll and I look
back at that period and laugh because I
no longer feel any ill-will towards that
old friend and that I’ll is a beautiful
independent big boss with employees and
agents and clients all over the world we
really needed that bigger picture that
bigger cause to help us iron out our
flaws in my case my desire for revenge
and in the last case her entitlement to
fame
now the third lesson is the most
important one you will need to choose
your friend over and over and over again
and you will have to do it when you
really don’t want to
when Delilah and I have gone through
major challenges over the course of our
friendship
these challenges never evolved into
abuse but they were still pretty intense
and every single time we were faced with
the most negative aspects of our inner
selves we chose to remain friends with
one another every single time and we
didn’t do it after taking a break or
after we forgot the pain because we knew
that space in that moment would lessen
the bond afterwards whereas to
strengthen the bond you will need to
chop off bits of your ego when your ego
is most powerful and I can’t tell you
how difficult it is to tell someone who
is the cause of your pain in the midst
of that anguish right when you can’t
feel anything else but your hurt I am so
mad at you right now
but I think if we get through this we
will have a bond unlike any other and I
want to get through this with you
because you are worth the effort and you
know what any friend who inspires you to
and to become a better person is really
worth the effort
so guys may you all merit Friends of
virtue in your lifetimes and may your
friendships positively impact the world
in more ways than you can even imagine
thank you
Please follow and like us: