[Music]
so six years ago I was in an accident I
was walking home from college one day
and it was raining heavily in typical
Bombay style and I saw somebody across
the road selling Gupta and I thought I
would take a picture of it and put it up
on Facebook and hopefully get a hundred
likes on it but unfortunately my dream
was rudely cut short when a branch of a
tree fell on me this wasn’t enough drama
because I also passed out woke up in a
stark white hospital room a while later
surrounded by puzzled doctors and
sitting in a pool of my own blood you
see my right leg this one had been
completely crushed shattered pulverized
mutilated and isolated use whatever
adjectives you want but basically I had
to get it amputated and this happened
for the first 18 years of my life I was
considered normal maybe slightly loud
for my size but mostly normal and
suddenly now I was disabled and it
matter how much I kind of denied it to
other people
whenever I brought it up with a new
person I couldn’t help but wince when
they were shouting this into you what
did you do to deserve becoming a
handicap and all my protests of I’m not
handicapped were completely drowned out
by Soto poor thing over the years I have
collected a variety of responses in a
variety of spheres just by virtue of the
fact that I am now disabled so what I’m
going to be doing is spending the next
few minutes telling you a little bit
about these reactions and hopefully
giving you a little advice on what you
can say the next time you meet somebody
who is disabled so rule number one which
I scroll to a little early is that we’re
not inspiring the first thing that
people have got to stop doing when they
find out that somebody is disabled is
bring them brave or inspiring come on
you don’t know what anybody around you
is going through whether they’re
disabled or not and while there’s no
question that disability is something
that is hard to live with every day
it’s not at all justified for a complete
stranger to come up to you and say
you’re so brave man like I would never
be able to do that of course you would
everybody has to do it and you know when
you have my permission to call me
inspiring when the day when all my
interns show up to work on time one idea
I’ll just be like yeah bring it bring it
I am inspiring the second rule is that
you should patronize restaurants and not
people so if I’m out in public and I’m
holding my boyfriend’s hand a bunch of
people will start protesting saying oh
you know Indian culture is being flushed
down the toilet and all of that but then
we find out I’m disabled and then ago
then it’s okay eirick go protest tonight
I am holding my boyfriend’s hand only
for PDA not because I need it I have to
work similarly I know I again I know I
might look half my age but don’t be so
excited just because I managed to climb
a couple of steps or be so surprised
just because I tell you I use public
transport every day it’s not your
business to tell me to hold your hand or
to suggest that I should take a cab
instead because those kind of things are
just really patronizing rule number
three is don’t be an agony auntie so if
you’re the kind of person who tells your
friends or kids or siblings jassm-er and
Georgie Leia please in the ghee then
don’t come and tell me why just go to a
college that’s so far away
why can’t you you know look for
something that’s closer to your house I
travel far away to a college for a good
education that I have studied hard for
and I’m going there and I know it’s a BA
which many of you think is code word for
getting drunk at 11:00 a.m. but I want
to do it anyway similarly a lot of
disabled people are advised by others to
look for job opportunities that are work
from home see disabled people love their
beds just as much as anybody else if
they’re choosing to get out of bed and
go to some other place to work it’s
their choice not yours reducing the
scope of spaces in which the
people can work or live their lives may
boost your ego you know whether I don’t
understand at all but it reduces our
interaction with the everyday world it
lowers our self-confidence and it
increases societal bias and myth and
myths about disability rule number four
date don’t read so if you thought all
these reactions were bad you should see
what it’s like to date as a disabled
person so potential lovers will ask you
questions like it’s just one foot right
the rest is dinner all wrong do you all
keep your leg on during your you know or
get him show me exactly to where your
leg is no oh well these kind of
questions make me feel like I’m a card
in a secondhand showroom you know how
many kilometres has she done she looks
slightly defective but okay it’ll pass
that kind of thing so please spare me
and obviously because we live in India
who we date is obviously my mom’s
brother his mother-in-law’s nieces dogs
business so other people end up having
more opinions about my love life than I
do so I get reactions like oh you’ll
find it very tough to get married beta
or um you have a boyfriend
he’s also an amputee award or does your
boyfriend know that you are an amputee
look trust me my boyfriend I’ve seen a
lot more of my body than just my
prosthetic leg so he knows you know just
like you shouldn’t with anybody else
it’s not really nice to keep telling
disabled people that they’re not
attractive or their disability is
something that they have to be ashamed
or for that it’s going to hamper their
prospects or that people wouldn’t want
to introduce them to their parents and
all that nonsense the fact is that of
course you don’t have to be in a
relationship to be happy but constantly
to be constantly told that you’re
unattractive can really take its toll on
a person so personally for many years I
had
low self-esteem I never got into any
serious romantic relationship because of
these kind of responses and when I was
writing my speech I was looking up some
stats and I realized that disabled women
tend to be an abusive relationships
twice as often as non-disabled women and
that’s often because they are told and
genuinely believe that they can’t do
better and comments like what I’ve
described though they may seem pretty
harmless are at the root of this kind of
ablest and abusive culture rule number
five keep petitioning for the government
to ban small talk so I’ve said this once
and I’ve said this and I’ll say it again
I keep feeling like small talk is this
tool developed by nosy aunties and
uncles just as a provocation to
provocation test to see how much stupid
stuff they can say or ask before you
start like prancing around the room like
a monkey tripping on acid
so no seriously small talk is the worst
so after the usual questions like you
know how’s your how’s your job how’s
your family the next question I usually
get asked is housing link so my favorite
thing to do at this point of time is
look at my nan prosthetic legs and leg
and be like it’s in serious need of
Shaving I really need to cut my toenails
these mosquito bites are so annoying and
I just keep going on in this way and
until people are forced to either give
up or admit that the only thing that
they were asking about was my fake leg
rule number six I’m the same person that
I was four minutes ago so uh because my
disability specifically is not a very
visible one because I usually wear jeans
and sneakers a lot of my friends and
colleagues have not immediately realized
that that I am an amputee and you know
they found out a little while a little
later in two of my relationship with
them and you know when earlier they
would have you know run down steps with
me being boisterous generally you don’t
be normal with me suddenly they’ll be
like oh you want to take the escalator
of course how silly of me
and I’m like yeah I don’t feel like
toning my thighs man like just as much
as you I’m just lazy
relax I can take steps it’s it’s really
frustrating when when you know the same
people have treated you one way and then
suddenly they’re treating you a
different way because they found out
something about you and that makes it
really difficult for for anybody to have
like a normal relationship because it’s
always like in my mind like okay like
two minutes ago they were saying this
and now suddenly they like want to hold
my hand or whatever so you know if you
ever offer help to a disabled person
I’ll say this and they turn it down
don’t ask them again and again and if
they do take it up because they do need
your help for physical support you don’t
need to fuss over them if they have
asked you when you’re a complete
stranger for your help it’s taken a lot
of swallowing of pride they have kind of
anticipated this reaction from you and
if you make a very big deal out of it
then transfer the next time they need
help they might not really ask for it in
time rule number seven this is a I
should probably end on the note that not
all reactions that have got to my
prosthetic leg have been bad one of my
friends for example has created three
prototypes of prosthetic legs on paper
for me one of them has a coffee maker
one of them is an electricity generator
and the third one has a bunch of storage
space so I can like stick in a
toothbrush somewhere like you know it’s
it’s the works so she has these like
dreams of one day you know collaborating
with somebody and actually making these
prosthetic legs and gifting them to me
on some landmark birthday I guess
another friend of mine the day after I
had my accident and I was in hospital
and I’m kind of surrounded by these
doctors and body relatives she comes and
like whispers into my ear now you will
get 50% off on pedicures yes
[Applause]
and yet another friend of mine and I
have seriously discussed using my leg as
a weapon against shady guys who try to
hit on me so it’s made of titanium so it
could it could do some serious damage
what I’m trying to say is that it
doesn’t have to be something that’s sad
my leg has been a great source of
entertainment in my life I probably
wouldn’t be standing here in front of
all of you if I didn’t have it so it’s
okay I know that like when you’re when
you meet somebody who’s a little
different from you things can get a
little awkward you might end up saying
something that you don’t want to say or
that sounded better in your head and as
somebody who keeps speaking without
filtering what I’m saying I know I know
what it feels like but just remember
some some rules firstly if silence is
golden when pity is aluminum foil it has
no place in your relationship with
anybody the second thing is different
people have different disabilities now I
have listed out seven rules which apply
to me Oh which which I personally feel
that you should keep in mind but I am
nobody to say that you know they apply
to every kind of disabled person so
gauge the situation with each person you
meet rather than just regarding me as
your Messiah although if you want me to
join your cult just let me know and
lastly I think just if you want to joke
about someone’s disability in most cases
it actually is fine but first the first
thing that you should avoid with that is
doing behind their back because then
it’s mockery it’s not a joke and if you
do it to their face you should make sure
that they are comfortable with it that
they joke about it themselves that it’s
still not like a sore spot with them and
then go ahead and do it so to wind up if
you do have to treat me differently than
you treat everybody else let it be
because I have said something that’s
changed your life or because I’ve wasted
the last fifteen minutes of your life
you have my full permission to throw
chiapas at me when we’re outside thank
you
[Applause]
so six years ago I was in an accident I
was walking home from college one day
and it was raining heavily in typical
Bombay style and I saw somebody across
the road selling Gupta and I thought I
would take a picture of it and put it up
on Facebook and hopefully get a hundred
likes on it but unfortunately my dream
was rudely cut short when a branch of a
tree fell on me this wasn’t enough drama
because I also passed out woke up in a
stark white hospital room a while later
surrounded by puzzled doctors and
sitting in a pool of my own blood you
see my right leg this one had been
completely crushed shattered pulverized
mutilated and isolated use whatever
adjectives you want but basically I had
to get it amputated and this happened
for the first 18 years of my life I was
considered normal maybe slightly loud
for my size but mostly normal and
suddenly now I was disabled and it
matter how much I kind of denied it to
other people
whenever I brought it up with a new
person I couldn’t help but wince when
they were shouting this into you what
did you do to deserve becoming a
handicap and all my protests of I’m not
handicapped were completely drowned out
by Soto poor thing over the years I have
collected a variety of responses in a
variety of spheres just by virtue of the
fact that I am now disabled so what I’m
going to be doing is spending the next
few minutes telling you a little bit
about these reactions and hopefully
giving you a little advice on what you
can say the next time you meet somebody
who is disabled so rule number one which
I scroll to a little early is that we’re
not inspiring the first thing that
people have got to stop doing when they
find out that somebody is disabled is
bring them brave or inspiring come on
you don’t know what anybody around you
is going through whether they’re
disabled or not and while there’s no
question that disability is something
that is hard to live with every day
it’s not at all justified for a complete
stranger to come up to you and say
you’re so brave man like I would never
be able to do that of course you would
everybody has to do it and you know when
you have my permission to call me
inspiring when the day when all my
interns show up to work on time one idea
I’ll just be like yeah bring it bring it
I am inspiring the second rule is that
you should patronize restaurants and not
people so if I’m out in public and I’m
holding my boyfriend’s hand a bunch of
people will start protesting saying oh
you know Indian culture is being flushed
down the toilet and all of that but then
we find out I’m disabled and then ago
then it’s okay eirick go protest tonight
I am holding my boyfriend’s hand only
for PDA not because I need it I have to
work similarly I know I again I know I
might look half my age but don’t be so
excited just because I managed to climb
a couple of steps or be so surprised
just because I tell you I use public
transport every day it’s not your
business to tell me to hold your hand or
to suggest that I should take a cab
instead because those kind of things are
just really patronizing rule number
three is don’t be an agony auntie so if
you’re the kind of person who tells your
friends or kids or siblings jassm-er and
Georgie Leia please in the ghee then
don’t come and tell me why just go to a
college that’s so far away
why can’t you you know look for
something that’s closer to your house I
travel far away to a college for a good
education that I have studied hard for
and I’m going there and I know it’s a BA
which many of you think is code word for
getting drunk at 11:00 a.m. but I want
to do it anyway similarly a lot of
disabled people are advised by others to
look for job opportunities that are work
from home see disabled people love their
beds just as much as anybody else if
they’re choosing to get out of bed and
go to some other place to work it’s
their choice not yours reducing the
scope of spaces in which the
people can work or live their lives may
boost your ego you know whether I don’t
understand at all but it reduces our
interaction with the everyday world it
lowers our self-confidence and it
increases societal bias and myth and
myths about disability rule number four
date don’t read so if you thought all
these reactions were bad you should see
what it’s like to date as a disabled
person so potential lovers will ask you
questions like it’s just one foot right
the rest is dinner all wrong do you all
keep your leg on during your you know or
get him show me exactly to where your
leg is no oh well these kind of
questions make me feel like I’m a card
in a secondhand showroom you know how
many kilometres has she done she looks
slightly defective but okay it’ll pass
that kind of thing so please spare me
and obviously because we live in India
who we date is obviously my mom’s
brother his mother-in-law’s nieces dogs
business so other people end up having
more opinions about my love life than I
do so I get reactions like oh you’ll
find it very tough to get married beta
or um you have a boyfriend
he’s also an amputee award or does your
boyfriend know that you are an amputee
look trust me my boyfriend I’ve seen a
lot more of my body than just my
prosthetic leg so he knows you know just
like you shouldn’t with anybody else
it’s not really nice to keep telling
disabled people that they’re not
attractive or their disability is
something that they have to be ashamed
or for that it’s going to hamper their
prospects or that people wouldn’t want
to introduce them to their parents and
all that nonsense the fact is that of
course you don’t have to be in a
relationship to be happy but constantly
to be constantly told that you’re
unattractive can really take its toll on
a person so personally for many years I
had
low self-esteem I never got into any
serious romantic relationship because of
these kind of responses and when I was
writing my speech I was looking up some
stats and I realized that disabled women
tend to be an abusive relationships
twice as often as non-disabled women and
that’s often because they are told and
genuinely believe that they can’t do
better and comments like what I’ve
described though they may seem pretty
harmless are at the root of this kind of
ablest and abusive culture rule number
five keep petitioning for the government
to ban small talk so I’ve said this once
and I’ve said this and I’ll say it again
I keep feeling like small talk is this
tool developed by nosy aunties and
uncles just as a provocation to
provocation test to see how much stupid
stuff they can say or ask before you
start like prancing around the room like
a monkey tripping on acid
so no seriously small talk is the worst
so after the usual questions like you
know how’s your how’s your job how’s
your family the next question I usually
get asked is housing link so my favorite
thing to do at this point of time is
look at my nan prosthetic legs and leg
and be like it’s in serious need of
Shaving I really need to cut my toenails
these mosquito bites are so annoying and
I just keep going on in this way and
until people are forced to either give
up or admit that the only thing that
they were asking about was my fake leg
rule number six I’m the same person that
I was four minutes ago so uh because my
disability specifically is not a very
visible one because I usually wear jeans
and sneakers a lot of my friends and
colleagues have not immediately realized
that that I am an amputee and you know
they found out a little while a little
later in two of my relationship with
them and you know when earlier they
would have you know run down steps with
me being boisterous generally you don’t
be normal with me suddenly they’ll be
like oh you want to take the escalator
of course how silly of me
and I’m like yeah I don’t feel like
toning my thighs man like just as much
as you I’m just lazy
relax I can take steps it’s it’s really
frustrating when when you know the same
people have treated you one way and then
suddenly they’re treating you a
different way because they found out
something about you and that makes it
really difficult for for anybody to have
like a normal relationship because it’s
always like in my mind like okay like
two minutes ago they were saying this
and now suddenly they like want to hold
my hand or whatever so you know if you
ever offer help to a disabled person
I’ll say this and they turn it down
don’t ask them again and again and if
they do take it up because they do need
your help for physical support you don’t
need to fuss over them if they have
asked you when you’re a complete
stranger for your help it’s taken a lot
of swallowing of pride they have kind of
anticipated this reaction from you and
if you make a very big deal out of it
then transfer the next time they need
help they might not really ask for it in
time rule number seven this is a I
should probably end on the note that not
all reactions that have got to my
prosthetic leg have been bad one of my
friends for example has created three
prototypes of prosthetic legs on paper
for me one of them has a coffee maker
one of them is an electricity generator
and the third one has a bunch of storage
space so I can like stick in a
toothbrush somewhere like you know it’s
it’s the works so she has these like
dreams of one day you know collaborating
with somebody and actually making these
prosthetic legs and gifting them to me
on some landmark birthday I guess
another friend of mine the day after I
had my accident and I was in hospital
and I’m kind of surrounded by these
doctors and body relatives she comes and
like whispers into my ear now you will
get 50% off on pedicures yes
[Applause]
and yet another friend of mine and I
have seriously discussed using my leg as
a weapon against shady guys who try to
hit on me so it’s made of titanium so it
could it could do some serious damage
what I’m trying to say is that it
doesn’t have to be something that’s sad
my leg has been a great source of
entertainment in my life I probably
wouldn’t be standing here in front of
all of you if I didn’t have it so it’s
okay I know that like when you’re when
you meet somebody who’s a little
different from you things can get a
little awkward you might end up saying
something that you don’t want to say or
that sounded better in your head and as
somebody who keeps speaking without
filtering what I’m saying I know I know
what it feels like but just remember
some some rules firstly if silence is
golden when pity is aluminum foil it has
no place in your relationship with
anybody the second thing is different
people have different disabilities now I
have listed out seven rules which apply
to me Oh which which I personally feel
that you should keep in mind but I am
nobody to say that you know they apply
to every kind of disabled person so
gauge the situation with each person you
meet rather than just regarding me as
your Messiah although if you want me to
join your cult just let me know and
lastly I think just if you want to joke
about someone’s disability in most cases
it actually is fine but first the first
thing that you should avoid with that is
doing behind their back because then
it’s mockery it’s not a joke and if you
do it to their face you should make sure
that they are comfortable with it that
they joke about it themselves that it’s
still not like a sore spot with them and
then go ahead and do it so to wind up if
you do have to treat me differently than
you treat everybody else let it be
because I have said something that’s
changed your life or because I’ve wasted
the last fifteen minutes of your life
you have my full permission to throw
chiapas at me when we’re outside thank
you
[Applause]
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