so many years ago I was sitting in a
very busy coffee shop in New York City
and the chair opposite me was empty so a
nice woman with a baby asked if she
could sit there I said sure and after a
few minutes she asked me what I did for
a living now you have to understand at
this point in my life I was just a few
months at a drama school and still very
excited to share my profession with
anyone who cared to know so I said I’m
an actor beaming and I remember her
sizing me up looking at me very
skeptically before asking how’s that
working out for you she then fell into a
very loud and cackling laughter I
probably should have told her the seat
was taken but the point is if you’ve
been an actor or an artist long enough
it’s likely you’ve experienced some
version of this story but contrary to
what most people think what makes being
an actor or an artist so difficult is
how mentally tough you need to be of
course the lack of opportunities and the
constant rejection and the fierce
competition can take its toll but
because a life devoted to telling
stories and creating art is an endeavor
filled with so much solitude you end up
spending a great deal of your time
battling the voices in your own head
telling you what you do isn’t meaningful
or real profession now when I first got
out of theater school is a very exciting
time I was about to finally begin a
dream I’d had since I was 11 years old
to be a storyteller and I was lucky
enough to be signed by a great agent
which allowed me to get into rooms in
front of major casting directors for big
plays and TV shows and commercials and
feature films I have to say to be a
young actor in New York City was pretty
exciting but during this time I was also
going through a lot of personal
challenges I had just left a school
where I felt very comfortable I was
struggling in my personal relationships
because to be quite honest with you I
was so focused on myself I really failed
to be there for the people who needed me
most and I just felt completely in over
my head
unsure of how to navigate this new and
very confusing war
I looked everywhere for help and like
all of you at one point in life or
another I needed a compass a blueprint a
North Star to show the way but all I
could find were places to get the best
headshots or ways I can impress a
casting director there was almost
nothing on developing the actors mental
emotional and spiritual being how can
there not be no more support for these
highly sensitive people in the most
competitive industry on the planet I
remember thinking to myself so I decided
to set out on a new path and try to
answer that very question and I knew it
was something others also wanted to know
because as I got older many of my
younger active friends started asking
for advice they wanted to know what
lessons I learned in all of my years as
an actor as a writer as a filmmaker as a
community outreach volunteer and
traveler all roles that helped shape a
very unique take on the business but far
more importantly how to live a
well-rounded life offstage that would
enrich the quality of the work on it and
in time the mission became to help other
actors and artists find ways to empower
themselves in an industry that too often
feels disempowering eventually I came up
with six principles that I hope will
help you on your journey regardless of
your passion or pursuing a number one
was to keep learning now for years I
read nothing but plays and scripts I
learned a ton about great storytelling
but if you asked me what was going on in
the world I’d probably give you the same
look the woman in the coffee shop gave
me right I was a one-dimensional person
but now I realize the importance of
knowing a little about a lot I read
everything I could get my hands on about
history philosophy psychology science
leadership and finance I no longer pored
over just the words of Shakespeare and
no debts but now turn to Emerson and
Plato I made a greater effort
to diversify my knowledge and to broaden
my understanding of the world because
with each discovery about a new subject
comes a big window that someone else’s
world making you realize how limited
yours may have been and in time with the
more you learn you will find yourself
slowly developing into a person who
refuses to be defined by just one thing
now for me acting was what I did but it
was no longer who I was
number two was traveling now I’d always
been very lucky when it came to travel
but now I use it as a way to infuse new
perspective into my life and though I’ve
been lucky to see much of the world I
discovered I didn’t always have to go
very far to see or to learn something
new for example you don’t need your
passport to hop on the to train and
wander the Botanic Gardens in Brooklyn
or to catch the bus to City Island each
place whether near or far offers you a
chance to meet new people and challenge
the assumptions you have about them
seeing a new world allows you to step
out of your own a place riddled with
misunderstandings and limited thinking
but I tell you the greatest lesson I
learned was I didn’t have all the time
in the world to see and to do all the
things I said I wanted to so it was
important to just begin whenever
possible develop and follow your sense
of curiosity and always protect your
inner tourist number three was service
to your community at whether building a
house in Haiti or serving food at a
homeless shelter in Pasadena society
just works best when we all help each
other out a little bit now look I wasn’t
saving the world but by helping out for
a few hours each week I was making the
effort to be of service to my fellow
neighbor with the hope they might
someday do the same for someone else and
the most important lessons were often
the simplest and the least expected in
the summer of 2014 I traveled to one of
the hottest places I’d ever been to in
my life
Nepal I spent several weeks at an
orphanage in a place called chitwan it’s
a city about a hundred miles or so
southwest of Kathmandu during the second
week
of my stay the kids and I had to go out
and gather food for dinner
the night before it had rained heavily
for hours which meant trudging through
heavy mud to get to the harvest in fact
the sludge was so thick I remember
instantly losing one of my sandals never
to be seen again my entire body was
caked in mud it was well over a hundred
degrees and in less than an hour
I was completely exhausted I remember
staring at the ground starting to feel
sorry for myself wondering why on earth
I had agreed to be here but when I
looked up I saw children laughing and
playing turning this back-breaking work
into a game they had simply made the
choice to be happy these were kids
without parents forced to wear ragged
hand-me-down clothes go to school at 6
o’clock in the morning to beat the
afternoon heat and sleep together in
cramped rooms with no air-conditioning
and yet not once did I hear a single
complaint this had a profound influence
on me because just a few weeks before I
had been whining about being dropped by
an agent in New York City these kids
took me to school they taught me there
will always be someone in the world war
soft than you service to others is a
great way to discover new things about
yourself happiness is a choice and
helping people help themselves gives
integrity to your ambition if anybody
here is looking for a crash course on
understanding the bigger picture and
service to others is your answer number
4 I learned that you have to define
success on your own terms now not making
tons of money or seeing my face
plastered on a billboard in the middle
of Times Square on Sunset Boulevard it
didn’t mean I wasn’t a successful actor
in fact to me the real superstars were
people like my friend Jarrell who would
work a double shift and then carry her
heavy keyboard all the way from lower
Manhattan to the Bronx for a performance
that started at midnight for Maria who
worked all day at a law office but still
found time to perform in a quiet stage
reading in a book store after work these
were the artists
to bend time and babysit and teach and
wait tables just so they could pursue
something they loved they inspired me
with their passion and their spirit and
their grit to find some way anyway to
sing to write to act or to play and they
taught me to push forward and to take
the time to recognize victories along
the way because success to them was
becoming great
it’s something you love to do and
attainment of your goal was not the
point but rather who you became in the
process number five I learned that you
have to create your own opportunities
now this one took me a long time to
figure out but it’s very likely that
that phone call for the perfect part or
opportunity is never going to come so
you need to create it now back in
theater school it didn’t matter the
color of Hamlet’s skin or the shape of
Afilias eyes because like all of you we
all understood that nobody had a
monopoly on the human condition but
unfortunately the industry’s imagination
really paled in comparison and as a
result I wasted so much time complaining
about the unfairness of Broadway and
Hollywood instead of doing something
about it now with the amazing technology
available your fingertips you have no
excuse to not get started instead of
waiting for that phone to ring start
writing your story through blogs and
plays and short films and one-person
shows start that business or write that
book because today all you need is a
smartphone and an idea and it will not
be about the number of followers or hits
that you get but the satisfaction you
will gain and starting and finishing
something important to you you have more
control over creating your own
opportunities and getting your voice out
into the world then you have been led to
believe and remember there is enough of
the pie for all of us your success does
not have to come at the expense of your
failure lastly I learned that dreams
change and that’s okay because what you
want at 25 we
be different than what you want at 45 it
doesn’t mean that you’ve quit a dream it
just means that you’ve grown as a person
and the things that you value most in
life are now different during my last
year at school a very talented teacher
who directed my class in our final play
she pulled us all aside after a pretty
tough rehearsal and she said the more
you build who you are as a person how
you educate yourself how you identify
what interests you in the world the
issues you care about all of those
things will help make you a better
performer and so years later I decided
to finally take her advice as I wrestled
with my own doubts of whether or not to
continue acting I took classes to
improve my aweful computer skills I
tried learning a new language and I was
by far the oldest intern a local
politician that had ever seen I was
rejected by every graduate school I
applied to as I considered a career
change and I discovered that I was good
at some things but not so good at others
but you know what all these experience
has taught me was that all of those
years in voice class and movement class
an acting class had very little to do
with being an actor after all instead we
were being taught to take risks to speak
our minds to be lifelong learners to do
something kind for someone else and if
we were lucky we might become great
actors in the process the point was to
be open to our life might take you to
live a life not just a career so the
next time you are sitting across from
someone
mumbling lines themselves or sketching a
drawing in a noisy coffee shop please
please know the person across from you
is a three-dimensional individual who
may have extraordinary lessons to offer
beyond their art form they have a story
just like you all you need to do is ask thank you so much appreciate it
very busy coffee shop in New York City
and the chair opposite me was empty so a
nice woman with a baby asked if she
could sit there I said sure and after a
few minutes she asked me what I did for
a living now you have to understand at
this point in my life I was just a few
months at a drama school and still very
excited to share my profession with
anyone who cared to know so I said I’m
an actor beaming and I remember her
sizing me up looking at me very
skeptically before asking how’s that
working out for you she then fell into a
very loud and cackling laughter I
probably should have told her the seat
was taken but the point is if you’ve
been an actor or an artist long enough
it’s likely you’ve experienced some
version of this story but contrary to
what most people think what makes being
an actor or an artist so difficult is
how mentally tough you need to be of
course the lack of opportunities and the
constant rejection and the fierce
competition can take its toll but
because a life devoted to telling
stories and creating art is an endeavor
filled with so much solitude you end up
spending a great deal of your time
battling the voices in your own head
telling you what you do isn’t meaningful
or real profession now when I first got
out of theater school is a very exciting
time I was about to finally begin a
dream I’d had since I was 11 years old
to be a storyteller and I was lucky
enough to be signed by a great agent
which allowed me to get into rooms in
front of major casting directors for big
plays and TV shows and commercials and
feature films I have to say to be a
young actor in New York City was pretty
exciting but during this time I was also
going through a lot of personal
challenges I had just left a school
where I felt very comfortable I was
struggling in my personal relationships
because to be quite honest with you I
was so focused on myself I really failed
to be there for the people who needed me
most and I just felt completely in over
my head
unsure of how to navigate this new and
very confusing war
I looked everywhere for help and like
all of you at one point in life or
another I needed a compass a blueprint a
North Star to show the way but all I
could find were places to get the best
headshots or ways I can impress a
casting director there was almost
nothing on developing the actors mental
emotional and spiritual being how can
there not be no more support for these
highly sensitive people in the most
competitive industry on the planet I
remember thinking to myself so I decided
to set out on a new path and try to
answer that very question and I knew it
was something others also wanted to know
because as I got older many of my
younger active friends started asking
for advice they wanted to know what
lessons I learned in all of my years as
an actor as a writer as a filmmaker as a
community outreach volunteer and
traveler all roles that helped shape a
very unique take on the business but far
more importantly how to live a
well-rounded life offstage that would
enrich the quality of the work on it and
in time the mission became to help other
actors and artists find ways to empower
themselves in an industry that too often
feels disempowering eventually I came up
with six principles that I hope will
help you on your journey regardless of
your passion or pursuing a number one
was to keep learning now for years I
read nothing but plays and scripts I
learned a ton about great storytelling
but if you asked me what was going on in
the world I’d probably give you the same
look the woman in the coffee shop gave
me right I was a one-dimensional person
but now I realize the importance of
knowing a little about a lot I read
everything I could get my hands on about
history philosophy psychology science
leadership and finance I no longer pored
over just the words of Shakespeare and
no debts but now turn to Emerson and
Plato I made a greater effort
to diversify my knowledge and to broaden
my understanding of the world because
with each discovery about a new subject
comes a big window that someone else’s
world making you realize how limited
yours may have been and in time with the
more you learn you will find yourself
slowly developing into a person who
refuses to be defined by just one thing
now for me acting was what I did but it
was no longer who I was
number two was traveling now I’d always
been very lucky when it came to travel
but now I use it as a way to infuse new
perspective into my life and though I’ve
been lucky to see much of the world I
discovered I didn’t always have to go
very far to see or to learn something
new for example you don’t need your
passport to hop on the to train and
wander the Botanic Gardens in Brooklyn
or to catch the bus to City Island each
place whether near or far offers you a
chance to meet new people and challenge
the assumptions you have about them
seeing a new world allows you to step
out of your own a place riddled with
misunderstandings and limited thinking
but I tell you the greatest lesson I
learned was I didn’t have all the time
in the world to see and to do all the
things I said I wanted to so it was
important to just begin whenever
possible develop and follow your sense
of curiosity and always protect your
inner tourist number three was service
to your community at whether building a
house in Haiti or serving food at a
homeless shelter in Pasadena society
just works best when we all help each
other out a little bit now look I wasn’t
saving the world but by helping out for
a few hours each week I was making the
effort to be of service to my fellow
neighbor with the hope they might
someday do the same for someone else and
the most important lessons were often
the simplest and the least expected in
the summer of 2014 I traveled to one of
the hottest places I’d ever been to in
my life
Nepal I spent several weeks at an
orphanage in a place called chitwan it’s
a city about a hundred miles or so
southwest of Kathmandu during the second
week
of my stay the kids and I had to go out
and gather food for dinner
the night before it had rained heavily
for hours which meant trudging through
heavy mud to get to the harvest in fact
the sludge was so thick I remember
instantly losing one of my sandals never
to be seen again my entire body was
caked in mud it was well over a hundred
degrees and in less than an hour
I was completely exhausted I remember
staring at the ground starting to feel
sorry for myself wondering why on earth
I had agreed to be here but when I
looked up I saw children laughing and
playing turning this back-breaking work
into a game they had simply made the
choice to be happy these were kids
without parents forced to wear ragged
hand-me-down clothes go to school at 6
o’clock in the morning to beat the
afternoon heat and sleep together in
cramped rooms with no air-conditioning
and yet not once did I hear a single
complaint this had a profound influence
on me because just a few weeks before I
had been whining about being dropped by
an agent in New York City these kids
took me to school they taught me there
will always be someone in the world war
soft than you service to others is a
great way to discover new things about
yourself happiness is a choice and
helping people help themselves gives
integrity to your ambition if anybody
here is looking for a crash course on
understanding the bigger picture and
service to others is your answer number
4 I learned that you have to define
success on your own terms now not making
tons of money or seeing my face
plastered on a billboard in the middle
of Times Square on Sunset Boulevard it
didn’t mean I wasn’t a successful actor
in fact to me the real superstars were
people like my friend Jarrell who would
work a double shift and then carry her
heavy keyboard all the way from lower
Manhattan to the Bronx for a performance
that started at midnight for Maria who
worked all day at a law office but still
found time to perform in a quiet stage
reading in a book store after work these
were the artists
to bend time and babysit and teach and
wait tables just so they could pursue
something they loved they inspired me
with their passion and their spirit and
their grit to find some way anyway to
sing to write to act or to play and they
taught me to push forward and to take
the time to recognize victories along
the way because success to them was
becoming great
it’s something you love to do and
attainment of your goal was not the
point but rather who you became in the
process number five I learned that you
have to create your own opportunities
now this one took me a long time to
figure out but it’s very likely that
that phone call for the perfect part or
opportunity is never going to come so
you need to create it now back in
theater school it didn’t matter the
color of Hamlet’s skin or the shape of
Afilias eyes because like all of you we
all understood that nobody had a
monopoly on the human condition but
unfortunately the industry’s imagination
really paled in comparison and as a
result I wasted so much time complaining
about the unfairness of Broadway and
Hollywood instead of doing something
about it now with the amazing technology
available your fingertips you have no
excuse to not get started instead of
waiting for that phone to ring start
writing your story through blogs and
plays and short films and one-person
shows start that business or write that
book because today all you need is a
smartphone and an idea and it will not
be about the number of followers or hits
that you get but the satisfaction you
will gain and starting and finishing
something important to you you have more
control over creating your own
opportunities and getting your voice out
into the world then you have been led to
believe and remember there is enough of
the pie for all of us your success does
not have to come at the expense of your
failure lastly I learned that dreams
change and that’s okay because what you
want at 25 we
be different than what you want at 45 it
doesn’t mean that you’ve quit a dream it
just means that you’ve grown as a person
and the things that you value most in
life are now different during my last
year at school a very talented teacher
who directed my class in our final play
she pulled us all aside after a pretty
tough rehearsal and she said the more
you build who you are as a person how
you educate yourself how you identify
what interests you in the world the
issues you care about all of those
things will help make you a better
performer and so years later I decided
to finally take her advice as I wrestled
with my own doubts of whether or not to
continue acting I took classes to
improve my aweful computer skills I
tried learning a new language and I was
by far the oldest intern a local
politician that had ever seen I was
rejected by every graduate school I
applied to as I considered a career
change and I discovered that I was good
at some things but not so good at others
but you know what all these experience
has taught me was that all of those
years in voice class and movement class
an acting class had very little to do
with being an actor after all instead we
were being taught to take risks to speak
our minds to be lifelong learners to do
something kind for someone else and if
we were lucky we might become great
actors in the process the point was to
be open to our life might take you to
live a life not just a career so the
next time you are sitting across from
someone
mumbling lines themselves or sketching a
drawing in a noisy coffee shop please
please know the person across from you
is a three-dimensional individual who
may have extraordinary lessons to offer
beyond their art form they have a story
just like you all you need to do is ask thank you so much appreciate it
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