about two years ago I had yet another
about two years ago I had yet another aging colon problem
popcorn was the culprit and I realized I
popcorn was the culprit and I realized I would never be able to eat popcorn again
would never be able to eat popcorn again
would never be able to eat popcorn again and then I realized I would never be
and then I realized I would never be
and then I realized I would never be able to share popcorn again not with my
able to share popcorn again not with my
able to share popcorn again not with my grandkids not with my husband and not
grandkids not with my husband and not
grandkids not with my husband and not with friends and movie theaters I was
with friends and movie theaters I was
with friends and movie theaters I was beside myself and I started to sob my
beside myself and I started to sob my
beside myself and I started to sob my husband wanting to cheer me up said this
husband wanting to cheer me up said this
husband wanting to cheer me up said this hey you love creating ceremonies
hey you love creating ceremonies
hey you love creating ceremonies you could write a cremation ceremony you
you could write a cremation ceremony you
you could write a cremation ceremony you could take kernels of popcorn throw them
could take kernels of popcorn throw them
could take kernels of popcorn throw them into the fire and you can have the last
into the fire and you can have the last
into the fire and you can have the last pop I took a breath at his silly
pop I took a breath at his silly
pop I took a breath at his silly perspective and went hah
all of us here have had losses some are
all of us here have had losses some are small losses such as where’s my phone
small losses such as where’s my phone
small losses such as where’s my phone where’s my keys where’s the car where’s
where’s my keys where’s the car where’s
where’s my keys where’s the car where’s my glasses my hope today is to give you
my glasses my hope today is to give you
my glasses my hope today is to give you some ideas on how to build up some
some ideas on how to build up some
some ideas on how to build up some resilience now so when those big and
resilience now so when those big and
resilience now so when those big and little losses come this way you will be
little losses come this way you will be
little losses come this way you will be able to have an idea of what to do a big
able to have an idea of what to do a big
able to have an idea of what to do a big loss is a little scarier it’s the death
loss is a little scarier it’s the death
loss is a little scarier it’s the death of a loved one it is the loss of a job a
of a loved one it is the loss of a job a
of a loved one it is the loss of a job a divorce dreams not met and what I’ve
divorce dreams not met and what I’ve
divorce dreams not met and what I’ve developed over the years as I’ve gone
developed over the years as I’ve gone
developed over the years as I’ve gone through each of those losses with the
through each of those losses with the
through each of those losses with the help of therapists with the help of good
help of therapists with the help of good
help of therapists with the help of good friends in a few good books I’ve sort of
friends in a few good books I’ve sort of
friends in a few good books I’ve sort of put together what’s called a three
put together what’s called a three
put together what’s called a three resilience process the first P is this
resilience process the first P is this
resilience process the first P is this do you give yourself permission
do you give yourself permission
do you give yourself permission permission to feel permission to feel
permission to feel permission to feel
permission to feel permission to feel angry feel sad do you give yourself
angry feel sad do you give yourself
angry feel sad do you give yourself permission to laugh out loud when others
permission to laugh out loud when others
permission to laugh out loud when others say hey what is she laughing at and do
say hey what is she laughing at and do
say hey what is she laughing at and do you give yourself permission to comfort
you give yourself permission to comfort
you give yourself permission to comfort yourself when in fact you just want to
yourself when in fact you just want to
yourself when in fact you just want to curl up on the couch with a few pints of
curl up on the couch with a few pints of
curl up on the couch with a few pints of ice cream and then others say hey isn’t
ice cream and then others say hey isn’t
ice cream and then others say hey isn’t she over that yet the second P is this
she over that yet the second P is this
she over that yet the second P is this do you give yourself a chance to be open
do you give yourself a chance to be open
do you give yourself a chance to be open to perspective perspective gives you
to perspective perspective gives you
to perspective perspective gives you some distance from that loss so you can
some distance from that loss so you can
some distance from that loss so you can take a breath and look at it just a
take a breath and look at it just a
take a breath and look at it just a little bit differently about 20 years
little bit differently about 20 years
little bit differently about 20 years ago my mom was diagnosed with cancer I
ago my mom was diagnosed with cancer I
ago my mom was diagnosed with cancer I walked into the room and she said what
walked into the room and she said what
walked into the room and she said what did the doctor say and I said because
did the doctor say and I said because
did the doctor say and I said because the doctor in fact had left before he
the doctor in fact had left before he
the doctor in fact had left before he told her she said don’t lie to me What
told her she said don’t lie to me What
told her she said don’t lie to me What did he say
did he say
did he say and then she continued and said I have
and then she continued and said I have
and then she continued and said I have cancer don’t I and I said yes and then
cancer don’t I and I said yes and then
cancer don’t I and I said yes and then she said where is it and I said where do
she said where is it and I said where do
she said where is it and I said where do you hurt because in fact it had infected
you hurt because in fact it had infected
you hurt because in fact it had infected all the long bones of her body and her
all the long bones of her body and her
all the long bones of her body and her vital organs and those were the places
vital organs and those were the places
vital organs and those were the places she pointed to as we both were in
she pointed to as we both were in
she pointed to as we both were in silence I got to thinking about mom has
silence I got to thinking about mom has
silence I got to thinking about mom has tons of wigs at home she grew up with
tons of wigs at home she grew up with
tons of wigs at home she grew up with wigs she even bought me Barbie doll wigs
wigs she even bought me Barbie doll wigs
wigs she even bought me Barbie doll wigs to match her wigs back in the 60s so I
to match her wigs back in the 60s so I
to match her wigs back in the 60s so I took a breath and I said well I gave you
took a breath and I said well I gave you
took a breath and I said well I gave you the bad news now she’s looking at me I
the bad news now she’s looking at me I
the bad news now she’s looking at me I said the good news is
said the good news is
said the good news is when they start you on chemo therapy and
when they start you on chemo therapy and
when they start you on chemo therapy and you lose your hair guess what you have
you lose your hair guess what you have
you lose your hair guess what you have plenty of wigs at home you don’t need to
plenty of wigs at home you don’t need to
plenty of wigs at home you don’t need to buy any she took a breath at that silly
buy any she took a breath at that silly
buy any she took a breath at that silly perspective and went hot I like to think
perspective and went hot I like to think
perspective and went hot I like to think it gave her a little bit of hope to
it gave her a little bit of hope to
it gave her a little bit of hope to continue with her cancer journey the
continue with her cancer journey the
continue with her cancer journey the last P is this after permission after
last P is this after permission after
last P is this after permission after perspective can you give yourself the
perspective can you give yourself the
perspective can you give yourself the power to visualize forward or even
power to visualize forward or even
power to visualize forward or even visualize memories visualize forward
visualize memories visualize forward
visualize memories visualize forward would be something like if you lost your
would be something like if you lost your
would be something like if you lost your job can you imagine a better job coming
job can you imagine a better job coming
job can you imagine a better job coming your way if you have the death of a
your way if you have the death of a
your way if you have the death of a friend or a family member can you
friend or a family member can you
friend or a family member can you visualize joyful memories when I was a
visualize joyful memories when I was a
visualize joyful memories when I was a hospital clown and walking through the
hospital clown and walking through the
hospital clown and walking through the hallways I noticed in one of our hospice
hallways I noticed in one of our hospice
hallways I noticed in one of our hospice rooms that there was a man laying on the
rooms that there was a man laying on the
rooms that there was a man laying on the bed not long for this world
bed not long for this world
bed not long for this world I also noticed what I assumed was his
I also noticed what I assumed was his
I also noticed what I assumed was his family in the corner as I walked back
family in the corner as I walked back
family in the corner as I walked back the other way the man that was standing
the other way the man that was standing
the other way the man that was standing in the corner came forward and said dad
in the corner came forward and said dad
in the corner came forward and said dad says you’re a dandy
says you’re a dandy
says you’re a dandy and I’m thinking dad isn’t saying
and I’m thinking dad isn’t saying
and I’m thinking dad isn’t saying anything he said you probably don’t
anything he said you probably don’t
anything he said you probably don’t remember but there you were at the other
remember but there you were at the other
remember but there you were at the other end of the hallway clowning for my dad
end of the hallway clowning for my dad
end of the hallway clowning for my dad he loved it he laughed and he loved
he loved it he laughed and he loved
he loved it he laughed and he loved telling you story would you come in so I
telling you story would you come in so I
telling you story would you come in so I did me and my rainbow wig my bright
did me and my rainbow wig my bright
did me and my rainbow wig my bright painted face and my bright clothes stood
painted face and my bright clothes stood
painted face and my bright clothes stood next to the dying man as his son yelled
next to the dying man as his son yelled
next to the dying man as his son yelled dad the clown’s here and I held his hand
dad the clown’s here and I held his hand
dad the clown’s here and I held his hand he opened one eye and said ha
he opened one eye and said ha
he opened one eye and said ha and in that moment the Sun the
and in that moment the Sun the
and in that moment the Sun the daughter-in-law and the granddaughter
daughter-in-law and the granddaughter
daughter-in-law and the granddaughter started talking about all the times
started talking about all the times
started talking about all the times grandpa and their dad made them laugh
grandpa and their dad made them laugh
grandpa and their dad made them laugh and told great stories and I stood there
and told great stories and I stood there
and told great stories and I stood there with them and I like to think in that
with them and I like to think in that
with them and I like to think in that single ha again it gave them energy to
single ha again it gave them energy to
single ha again it gave them energy to go forward so I invite everyone here
go forward so I invite everyone here
go forward so I invite everyone here today to maybe start a resilience
today to maybe start a resilience
today to maybe start a resilience practice now giving yourself permission
practice now giving yourself permission
practice now giving yourself permission to feel maybe looking at things from
to feel maybe looking at things from
to feel maybe looking at things from another perspective and taking on the
another perspective and taking on the
another perspective and taking on the power to visualize and then maybe you
power to visualize and then maybe you
power to visualize and then maybe you two could have a single ha which could
two could have a single ha which could
two could have a single ha which could give you energy for the next step in
give you energy for the next step in
give you energy for the next step in your grief journey thank you
your grief journey thank you
your grief journey thank you [Applause]
about two years ago I had yet another aging colon problem
popcorn was the culprit and I realized I
popcorn was the culprit and I realized I would never be able to eat popcorn again
would never be able to eat popcorn again
would never be able to eat popcorn again and then I realized I would never be
and then I realized I would never be
and then I realized I would never be able to share popcorn again not with my
able to share popcorn again not with my
able to share popcorn again not with my grandkids not with my husband and not
grandkids not with my husband and not
grandkids not with my husband and not with friends and movie theaters I was
with friends and movie theaters I was
with friends and movie theaters I was beside myself and I started to sob my
beside myself and I started to sob my
beside myself and I started to sob my husband wanting to cheer me up said this
husband wanting to cheer me up said this
husband wanting to cheer me up said this hey you love creating ceremonies
hey you love creating ceremonies
hey you love creating ceremonies you could write a cremation ceremony you
you could write a cremation ceremony you
you could write a cremation ceremony you could take kernels of popcorn throw them
could take kernels of popcorn throw them
could take kernels of popcorn throw them into the fire and you can have the last
into the fire and you can have the last
into the fire and you can have the last pop I took a breath at his silly
pop I took a breath at his silly
pop I took a breath at his silly perspective and went hah
all of us here have had losses some are
all of us here have had losses some are small losses such as where’s my phone
small losses such as where’s my phone
small losses such as where’s my phone where’s my keys where’s the car where’s
where’s my keys where’s the car where’s
where’s my keys where’s the car where’s my glasses my hope today is to give you
my glasses my hope today is to give you
my glasses my hope today is to give you some ideas on how to build up some
some ideas on how to build up some
some ideas on how to build up some resilience now so when those big and
resilience now so when those big and
resilience now so when those big and little losses come this way you will be
little losses come this way you will be
little losses come this way you will be able to have an idea of what to do a big
able to have an idea of what to do a big
able to have an idea of what to do a big loss is a little scarier it’s the death
loss is a little scarier it’s the death
loss is a little scarier it’s the death of a loved one it is the loss of a job a
of a loved one it is the loss of a job a
of a loved one it is the loss of a job a divorce dreams not met and what I’ve
divorce dreams not met and what I’ve
divorce dreams not met and what I’ve developed over the years as I’ve gone
developed over the years as I’ve gone
developed over the years as I’ve gone through each of those losses with the
through each of those losses with the
through each of those losses with the help of therapists with the help of good
help of therapists with the help of good
help of therapists with the help of good friends in a few good books I’ve sort of
friends in a few good books I’ve sort of
friends in a few good books I’ve sort of put together what’s called a three
put together what’s called a three
put together what’s called a three resilience process the first P is this
resilience process the first P is this
resilience process the first P is this do you give yourself permission
do you give yourself permission
do you give yourself permission permission to feel permission to feel
permission to feel permission to feel
permission to feel permission to feel angry feel sad do you give yourself
angry feel sad do you give yourself
angry feel sad do you give yourself permission to laugh out loud when others
permission to laugh out loud when others
permission to laugh out loud when others say hey what is she laughing at and do
say hey what is she laughing at and do
say hey what is she laughing at and do you give yourself permission to comfort
you give yourself permission to comfort
you give yourself permission to comfort yourself when in fact you just want to
yourself when in fact you just want to
yourself when in fact you just want to curl up on the couch with a few pints of
curl up on the couch with a few pints of
curl up on the couch with a few pints of ice cream and then others say hey isn’t
ice cream and then others say hey isn’t
ice cream and then others say hey isn’t she over that yet the second P is this
she over that yet the second P is this
she over that yet the second P is this do you give yourself a chance to be open
do you give yourself a chance to be open
do you give yourself a chance to be open to perspective perspective gives you
to perspective perspective gives you
to perspective perspective gives you some distance from that loss so you can
some distance from that loss so you can
some distance from that loss so you can take a breath and look at it just a
take a breath and look at it just a
take a breath and look at it just a little bit differently about 20 years
little bit differently about 20 years
little bit differently about 20 years ago my mom was diagnosed with cancer I
ago my mom was diagnosed with cancer I
ago my mom was diagnosed with cancer I walked into the room and she said what
walked into the room and she said what
walked into the room and she said what did the doctor say and I said because
did the doctor say and I said because
did the doctor say and I said because the doctor in fact had left before he
the doctor in fact had left before he
the doctor in fact had left before he told her she said don’t lie to me What
told her she said don’t lie to me What
told her she said don’t lie to me What did he say
did he say
did he say and then she continued and said I have
and then she continued and said I have
and then she continued and said I have cancer don’t I and I said yes and then
cancer don’t I and I said yes and then
cancer don’t I and I said yes and then she said where is it and I said where do
she said where is it and I said where do
she said where is it and I said where do you hurt because in fact it had infected
you hurt because in fact it had infected
you hurt because in fact it had infected all the long bones of her body and her
all the long bones of her body and her
all the long bones of her body and her vital organs and those were the places
vital organs and those were the places
vital organs and those were the places she pointed to as we both were in
she pointed to as we both were in
she pointed to as we both were in silence I got to thinking about mom has
silence I got to thinking about mom has
silence I got to thinking about mom has tons of wigs at home she grew up with
tons of wigs at home she grew up with
tons of wigs at home she grew up with wigs she even bought me Barbie doll wigs
wigs she even bought me Barbie doll wigs
wigs she even bought me Barbie doll wigs to match her wigs back in the 60s so I
to match her wigs back in the 60s so I
to match her wigs back in the 60s so I took a breath and I said well I gave you
took a breath and I said well I gave you
took a breath and I said well I gave you the bad news now she’s looking at me I
the bad news now she’s looking at me I
the bad news now she’s looking at me I said the good news is
said the good news is
said the good news is when they start you on chemo therapy and
when they start you on chemo therapy and
when they start you on chemo therapy and you lose your hair guess what you have
you lose your hair guess what you have
you lose your hair guess what you have plenty of wigs at home you don’t need to
plenty of wigs at home you don’t need to
plenty of wigs at home you don’t need to buy any she took a breath at that silly
buy any she took a breath at that silly
buy any she took a breath at that silly perspective and went hot I like to think
perspective and went hot I like to think
perspective and went hot I like to think it gave her a little bit of hope to
it gave her a little bit of hope to
it gave her a little bit of hope to continue with her cancer journey the
continue with her cancer journey the
continue with her cancer journey the last P is this after permission after
last P is this after permission after
last P is this after permission after perspective can you give yourself the
perspective can you give yourself the
perspective can you give yourself the power to visualize forward or even
power to visualize forward or even
power to visualize forward or even visualize memories visualize forward
visualize memories visualize forward
visualize memories visualize forward would be something like if you lost your
would be something like if you lost your
would be something like if you lost your job can you imagine a better job coming
job can you imagine a better job coming
job can you imagine a better job coming your way if you have the death of a
your way if you have the death of a
your way if you have the death of a friend or a family member can you
friend or a family member can you
friend or a family member can you visualize joyful memories when I was a
visualize joyful memories when I was a
visualize joyful memories when I was a hospital clown and walking through the
hospital clown and walking through the
hospital clown and walking through the hallways I noticed in one of our hospice
hallways I noticed in one of our hospice
hallways I noticed in one of our hospice rooms that there was a man laying on the
rooms that there was a man laying on the
rooms that there was a man laying on the bed not long for this world
bed not long for this world
bed not long for this world I also noticed what I assumed was his
I also noticed what I assumed was his
I also noticed what I assumed was his family in the corner as I walked back
family in the corner as I walked back
family in the corner as I walked back the other way the man that was standing
the other way the man that was standing
the other way the man that was standing in the corner came forward and said dad
in the corner came forward and said dad
in the corner came forward and said dad says you’re a dandy
says you’re a dandy
says you’re a dandy and I’m thinking dad isn’t saying
and I’m thinking dad isn’t saying
and I’m thinking dad isn’t saying anything he said you probably don’t
anything he said you probably don’t
anything he said you probably don’t remember but there you were at the other
remember but there you were at the other
remember but there you were at the other end of the hallway clowning for my dad
end of the hallway clowning for my dad
end of the hallway clowning for my dad he loved it he laughed and he loved
he loved it he laughed and he loved
he loved it he laughed and he loved telling you story would you come in so I
telling you story would you come in so I
telling you story would you come in so I did me and my rainbow wig my bright
did me and my rainbow wig my bright
did me and my rainbow wig my bright painted face and my bright clothes stood
painted face and my bright clothes stood
painted face and my bright clothes stood next to the dying man as his son yelled
next to the dying man as his son yelled
next to the dying man as his son yelled dad the clown’s here and I held his hand
dad the clown’s here and I held his hand
dad the clown’s here and I held his hand he opened one eye and said ha
he opened one eye and said ha
he opened one eye and said ha and in that moment the Sun the
and in that moment the Sun the
and in that moment the Sun the daughter-in-law and the granddaughter
daughter-in-law and the granddaughter
daughter-in-law and the granddaughter started talking about all the times
started talking about all the times
started talking about all the times grandpa and their dad made them laugh
grandpa and their dad made them laugh
grandpa and their dad made them laugh and told great stories and I stood there
and told great stories and I stood there
and told great stories and I stood there with them and I like to think in that
with them and I like to think in that
with them and I like to think in that single ha again it gave them energy to
single ha again it gave them energy to
single ha again it gave them energy to go forward so I invite everyone here
go forward so I invite everyone here
go forward so I invite everyone here today to maybe start a resilience
today to maybe start a resilience
today to maybe start a resilience practice now giving yourself permission
practice now giving yourself permission
practice now giving yourself permission to feel maybe looking at things from
to feel maybe looking at things from
to feel maybe looking at things from another perspective and taking on the
another perspective and taking on the
another perspective and taking on the power to visualize and then maybe you
power to visualize and then maybe you
power to visualize and then maybe you two could have a single ha which could
two could have a single ha which could
two could have a single ha which could give you energy for the next step in
give you energy for the next step in
give you energy for the next step in your grief journey thank you
your grief journey thank you
your grief journey thank you [Applause]
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