a few weeks ago I was lying in my bed
trying to get to sleep and I was running
through my to-do list in my mind this
talk came up was one of my things to do
and I suddenly got filled with nerves
and butterflies and actually said got up
I started writing this talk at like 1:00
a.m. I was trying to break down why I
was feeling nervous okay so I was giving
a TED talk in under two weeks and I
haven’t written it but you know it can
be dealt with it’s here it’s happening I
also was giving a talk in front of a
large group of people but you know
listen to a Beyonce song before you go
on stage and that can also be dealt with
it wasn’t this there was something else
there was a small niggling fear which I
had pushed down because I was
embarrassed to admit it was because I
was giving a talk on the subject of
everyday sexism feminism that’s what it
was I
Natasha Waddell a young woman was scared
to come out here and tell you all that I
am a feminist why was I scared of this
why was I scared of telling you I
believe in the social economic and
political equality of the sexes it
wasn’t out fear of my own safety I’m
lucky enough to live in a society where
as a woman I can have an education I can
go to university and I can lend my voice
to this discussion it was rather a
social fear would people think I was
weird would people think I was humorless
we people think I had no sense of fun my
journey to being on this stage began
last summer when I picked up a copy of
Laura Bates’s book everyday sexism it’s
been a worldwide hit and I think it has
been a hit for the same reasons that I
really enjoyed it I think a lot of women
found that when they were reading it
things that they have ignored pushed
down brushed off were finally being
vocalized and I wasn’t the only one that
felt like this I want to just explain
what I mean by everyday sexism and I
find a helpful way to do this is to tell
you about my night out the other night
and to give you two versions of the same
story so there’s the first version which
is that I got dressed
walk to Tesco got my alcohol went to my
pre-drinks went out danced and then went
home but there’s another way of telling
the same story I get dressed but not too
dressed up because I don’t want my
outfit to be an invitation I walk to
Tesco and wolf-whistles on the way there
and when I’m in the aisle to have to
avoid certain ones because wait is that
guy following me I walk to my pries and
have to cross the road on the way there
because as a group of guys walking
towards me shouting and leering I go out
and have to avoid drunken sexual
advances and I walk home having had to
sober up so I can hear what the
footsteps are following or passing now
why wouldn’t I tell you that version of
the story recently I found if I tried to
talk about everyday sexism in feminism I
met with one of a few reactions either
I’m ignored people become bored and
their eyes glaze over or sometimes I’m
mocked and embarrassed for what I
believe and other times and actually
this is the most common thing other
times people act as if what I’ve just
told them is normal they active these
minor adjustments that I have to make
every day in my life mean nothing
because they’re tiny compared to bigger
things at stake why does it matter if I
have to wear jeans rather than a skirt
on a night out why does it matter that I
have to turn down my music so I can hear
footsteps why does it matter that I have
to hold keys between my fists when I’m
walking home why is that normal maybe
it’s because it is maybe it’s because
that’s being a girl or maybe it’s
because we’re taught that it’s normal
every time one of my female friends
tells me a story about everyday sexism
they end it by saying oh but that’s just
normal we can’t do anything about it
there’s no point complaining because
it’s just normal it’s minor actually the
other night my friend was at an event
and this guy came up to her and he
totally seriously asked her if he could
follow her around for the whole evening
she was really unnerved and quite
shocked by this and she actually asked
me to include this in my talk but at the
time she’d had to act as if it was a
normal if irritating part of her night I
first encountered this when I was 14 and
I was walking home from school in my
uniform and this guy shouted at me
there’s males adult stranger shouted at
me from across the street put a smile on
that pretty face
it sounds so cringe to say what he said
out loud but rather than smiling I put
my head down and walked a bit quicker
than before I got home and I told my
sister about this encounter and she told
me to send it in to holla back holla
back is a movement that encourages women
to holler back at these men by
submitting their stories online and they
recently released a statistic saying by
the age of 14 67% of young women have
experienced street harassment 14 I
hadn’t even picked my GCSEs and actually
there was this little jingle going
around school at the time and you might
recognize this if you went to school in
the mid naughties it went something like
don’t touch me there that’s my private
square but I was starting to understand
that because I was a woman
my personal square was up for grabs
because I was a woman I was suddenly
fairplay for comments jokes and playful
teasing that I just didn’t find funny
and for the last six years this has
continued I’ve learned to ignore it I’ve
learned to get on with my life but it
hasn’t stopped it’s always been there
but sometimes it’s easier not to kick up
a fuss for example I was up reading
slasher making it’s on I could drink a
lot haha I was up readings last year and
it was me and two of my other female
friends and several of our guy friends
we sat it and we chatted in we ate and
we talked about things I Sport deadlines
and we were going to go to the beacon or
the main bar and then suddenly one of
the guys stopped he looked me and my
friend up and down and while licking the
last orange dust off his monster Munchie
fingers he posed this question to the
females of the room to the guides of the
run or three walls of the room who would
you rather shag her or her pointing to
me and my friend the third girl having
been disqualified whatever competition
this was because her boyfriend was right
next to her I was overcome with three
feelings when I thought when I was asked
this question firstly I was angry I was
angry that the sky felt he could make a
comment like that directly to my face
and at University in 2016 I was still
being patronized like this but secondly
I had these feelings of embarrassment
the self-consciousness like did I look
hot like was i shaggable like what if he
didn’t pick me I hope he picks me like
God is no one wanna shine me but lastly
I felt disappointed I was disappointed
that I’d caught myself thinking those
thoughts I was disappointed in the
situation I was disappointed in him and
most importantly and most depressingly I
was disappointed in myself I knew I was
worth more than my shag ability of
course I horse but the worst part was I
had no outlet for my rage if I’d said
something I would have ruined the fun I
would have been a killjoy so I was left
with one option to be silent I pushed
down all my intrinsically f– it was
boys being boys it was locker room chat
they didn’t mean it it was just a joke
it was normal I actually recounted this
story to a few of my female friends
recently and I got quite angry and riled
and I was saying it but what surprised
me was their reaction they didn’t
encourage me to go and stand up to the
guy they told me to be quiet they told
me to calm down they told me to be
silent silence silence to avoid
embarrassment silence to avoid kicking
up a fuss silence to prevent anything
from changing and I think it’s time to
break this silence and I think it’s time
to end this crippling fear of
embarrassment but it’s not only for
embarrassment that stops people from
talking about everyday sexism there’s
also this idea that if you don’t laugh
along with everyday sexism you suddenly
become puritanical unsexy boring or not
worth an invite to a party actually the
other night this guy specifically told
me that he wasn’t going to get with me
because I was a feminist as if he might
catch it off me I mean it’s a belief in
equality it’s not a disease you know
when people challenge the established
order it pushes people out of their
comfort zone and it scares people I mean
if you ever want someone to stop hitting
on you in a bar tell them you’re a
feminist I think he’ll run for the hills
but perhaps university is partly to
blame for this we’re all young and we’re
all trying to fit in and no one wants to
not be in on the banter or out of the
joke a lot of UK universities actually
there exist these all-male drinking
clubs and ask any student at any UK
University and they will have a story to
tell you that might be a bit similar to
this one that the guys invite girls as
their dates to dinners and as the girls
walk in they’re judged on their
attractiveness and if one of the some of
the male members don’t think one of the
girls is hot enough to be there the ugly
girls date Husted down his bottle of
wine
this doesn’t made explicit but I think
she’ll know why her date is a bit
drunker than everyone else’s but maybe
University is actually a positive place
to explore this stuff I actually found
that my sort of feminist awakening
happened when I got to university and I
started challenging everyday sexism I’ve
been it of all-girls school my whole
life and I was always taught I was
valuable but I was equal but I could say
and do whatever I wanted whenever I
wanted I could never have imagined that
my gender would make me a joke and when
I discovered this culture of women
constantly being the butt of people’s
jokes I was shocked and I was even more
shocked to find out that it is
constantly excused as being harmless
laddish banter but how harmless is this
there was a study done in 2015 that
found that one in three female students
are sexually assaulted on their own
campus during their time at university I
mean is it too much of a logical leap to
suggest that us ignoring and being
silent about these small acts of
everyday sexism is actually feeding this
more sinister culture where sexual
harassment and assault goes all too
frequently unreported everyday sexism is
not trivial it is a symbol of a more
toxic culture a culture which forces
to be silent about the small things and
who’s to say that we won’t be silent
about the big ones – I think it’s time
for a new conversation to begin to break
this silence and to have the
conversation which is not drowned out
this breakthrough was already happening
the feminist society it’s in Andrews
where these conversations happen
regularly is thriving and Laura Bates’s
everyday sexism project has provided an
outlet for over 100,000 women to give
entries and stories about acts of
everyday sexism and you know a smaller
level at the the TEDx launch back in
November I gave a short version of this
talk and after it my friend’s boyfriend
turned to her and he said have you ever
experienced this when she responded
saying um yes every single day he was
shocked and appalled and he’s changed
his actions and responses since it’s not
called everyday sexism for nothing it’s
relentless it’s tiring and it’s
frustrating to think that you are worth
less because of your gender there is a
conversation there but this is an
opportunity for a new beginning there is
awareness but there is more to be done
there are still no feminist studies
available at San Andrews and none of the
guys who I’ve mentioned in any of my
stories are sitting here today listening
to this there’s this quote by the actor
Lily Tomlin and I think it sums this up
quite well she says that I always
thought that somebody should do
something about that then I realized I
am somebody everyone has the opportunity
to spread this message I was as
mentioned in the introduction me and my
friend recently started a publication
called lips magazine it’s an online
publication and it’s to encourage women
to talk about these experiences everyday
sexism and generally sort of talk about
what it’s like being a young woman at
university today it’s successful but
it’s very difficult to get people
talking about this stuff this is why
this talk is necessary because we need
to get a conversation started and
sometimes these conversations have
unusual outcomes I was walking home from
another night out kind of mom and dad
sorry I and I bumped into this guy who
was on his way home from a rugby social
and as you can imagine from a
conversation at 2:00 a.m. in the middle
of the street we got to the profound
quickly we ended up talking about
everyday sexism and it took him about
ten minutes of me convincing him that
none of his friends were going to hear
and that no one was behind him and while
he was still turning his head to check
he finally came out with the words yeah
I guess I am a feminist actually I
strongly believe that everyone can
embrace this realization this is not a
blame game it’s a call to the students
of San Andres to start a conversation
that moves away from viewing everyday
sexism with a suspicious and an
aggressive view and make it about unity
and equality
I was nervous about coming up here and
giving this talk but if it means that at
least one of you walks out of this room
feeling more empowered to talk about
sexism than you did when you walked in
it was definitely worth it and I
actually have a little three step guide
to help you on this journey
firstly notice it notice the cat calls
notice the wolf whistles and notice when
the jokes stopped being funny
second up stand and don’t collude with
the idea that it’s normal and thirdly
discuss it talk about it have a chat
about it whenever you get the chance
because I’m interested in ending
everyday sexism and I’m passionate about
getting young people talking about it
it’s time to break the silence and have
a new beginning and a new conversation
because your personal square is not up
for grabs
thank you
[Applause]
trying to get to sleep and I was running
through my to-do list in my mind this
talk came up was one of my things to do
and I suddenly got filled with nerves
and butterflies and actually said got up
I started writing this talk at like 1:00
a.m. I was trying to break down why I
was feeling nervous okay so I was giving
a TED talk in under two weeks and I
haven’t written it but you know it can
be dealt with it’s here it’s happening I
also was giving a talk in front of a
large group of people but you know
listen to a Beyonce song before you go
on stage and that can also be dealt with
it wasn’t this there was something else
there was a small niggling fear which I
had pushed down because I was
embarrassed to admit it was because I
was giving a talk on the subject of
everyday sexism feminism that’s what it
was I
Natasha Waddell a young woman was scared
to come out here and tell you all that I
am a feminist why was I scared of this
why was I scared of telling you I
believe in the social economic and
political equality of the sexes it
wasn’t out fear of my own safety I’m
lucky enough to live in a society where
as a woman I can have an education I can
go to university and I can lend my voice
to this discussion it was rather a
social fear would people think I was
weird would people think I was humorless
we people think I had no sense of fun my
journey to being on this stage began
last summer when I picked up a copy of
Laura Bates’s book everyday sexism it’s
been a worldwide hit and I think it has
been a hit for the same reasons that I
really enjoyed it I think a lot of women
found that when they were reading it
things that they have ignored pushed
down brushed off were finally being
vocalized and I wasn’t the only one that
felt like this I want to just explain
what I mean by everyday sexism and I
find a helpful way to do this is to tell
you about my night out the other night
and to give you two versions of the same
story so there’s the first version which
is that I got dressed
walk to Tesco got my alcohol went to my
pre-drinks went out danced and then went
home but there’s another way of telling
the same story I get dressed but not too
dressed up because I don’t want my
outfit to be an invitation I walk to
Tesco and wolf-whistles on the way there
and when I’m in the aisle to have to
avoid certain ones because wait is that
guy following me I walk to my pries and
have to cross the road on the way there
because as a group of guys walking
towards me shouting and leering I go out
and have to avoid drunken sexual
advances and I walk home having had to
sober up so I can hear what the
footsteps are following or passing now
why wouldn’t I tell you that version of
the story recently I found if I tried to
talk about everyday sexism in feminism I
met with one of a few reactions either
I’m ignored people become bored and
their eyes glaze over or sometimes I’m
mocked and embarrassed for what I
believe and other times and actually
this is the most common thing other
times people act as if what I’ve just
told them is normal they active these
minor adjustments that I have to make
every day in my life mean nothing
because they’re tiny compared to bigger
things at stake why does it matter if I
have to wear jeans rather than a skirt
on a night out why does it matter that I
have to turn down my music so I can hear
footsteps why does it matter that I have
to hold keys between my fists when I’m
walking home why is that normal maybe
it’s because it is maybe it’s because
that’s being a girl or maybe it’s
because we’re taught that it’s normal
every time one of my female friends
tells me a story about everyday sexism
they end it by saying oh but that’s just
normal we can’t do anything about it
there’s no point complaining because
it’s just normal it’s minor actually the
other night my friend was at an event
and this guy came up to her and he
totally seriously asked her if he could
follow her around for the whole evening
she was really unnerved and quite
shocked by this and she actually asked
me to include this in my talk but at the
time she’d had to act as if it was a
normal if irritating part of her night I
first encountered this when I was 14 and
I was walking home from school in my
uniform and this guy shouted at me
there’s males adult stranger shouted at
me from across the street put a smile on
that pretty face
it sounds so cringe to say what he said
out loud but rather than smiling I put
my head down and walked a bit quicker
than before I got home and I told my
sister about this encounter and she told
me to send it in to holla back holla
back is a movement that encourages women
to holler back at these men by
submitting their stories online and they
recently released a statistic saying by
the age of 14 67% of young women have
experienced street harassment 14 I
hadn’t even picked my GCSEs and actually
there was this little jingle going
around school at the time and you might
recognize this if you went to school in
the mid naughties it went something like
don’t touch me there that’s my private
square but I was starting to understand
that because I was a woman
my personal square was up for grabs
because I was a woman I was suddenly
fairplay for comments jokes and playful
teasing that I just didn’t find funny
and for the last six years this has
continued I’ve learned to ignore it I’ve
learned to get on with my life but it
hasn’t stopped it’s always been there
but sometimes it’s easier not to kick up
a fuss for example I was up reading
slasher making it’s on I could drink a
lot haha I was up readings last year and
it was me and two of my other female
friends and several of our guy friends
we sat it and we chatted in we ate and
we talked about things I Sport deadlines
and we were going to go to the beacon or
the main bar and then suddenly one of
the guys stopped he looked me and my
friend up and down and while licking the
last orange dust off his monster Munchie
fingers he posed this question to the
females of the room to the guides of the
run or three walls of the room who would
you rather shag her or her pointing to
me and my friend the third girl having
been disqualified whatever competition
this was because her boyfriend was right
next to her I was overcome with three
feelings when I thought when I was asked
this question firstly I was angry I was
angry that the sky felt he could make a
comment like that directly to my face
and at University in 2016 I was still
being patronized like this but secondly
I had these feelings of embarrassment
the self-consciousness like did I look
hot like was i shaggable like what if he
didn’t pick me I hope he picks me like
God is no one wanna shine me but lastly
I felt disappointed I was disappointed
that I’d caught myself thinking those
thoughts I was disappointed in the
situation I was disappointed in him and
most importantly and most depressingly I
was disappointed in myself I knew I was
worth more than my shag ability of
course I horse but the worst part was I
had no outlet for my rage if I’d said
something I would have ruined the fun I
would have been a killjoy so I was left
with one option to be silent I pushed
down all my intrinsically f– it was
boys being boys it was locker room chat
they didn’t mean it it was just a joke
it was normal I actually recounted this
story to a few of my female friends
recently and I got quite angry and riled
and I was saying it but what surprised
me was their reaction they didn’t
encourage me to go and stand up to the
guy they told me to be quiet they told
me to calm down they told me to be
silent silence silence to avoid
embarrassment silence to avoid kicking
up a fuss silence to prevent anything
from changing and I think it’s time to
break this silence and I think it’s time
to end this crippling fear of
embarrassment but it’s not only for
embarrassment that stops people from
talking about everyday sexism there’s
also this idea that if you don’t laugh
along with everyday sexism you suddenly
become puritanical unsexy boring or not
worth an invite to a party actually the
other night this guy specifically told
me that he wasn’t going to get with me
because I was a feminist as if he might
catch it off me I mean it’s a belief in
equality it’s not a disease you know
when people challenge the established
order it pushes people out of their
comfort zone and it scares people I mean
if you ever want someone to stop hitting
on you in a bar tell them you’re a
feminist I think he’ll run for the hills
but perhaps university is partly to
blame for this we’re all young and we’re
all trying to fit in and no one wants to
not be in on the banter or out of the
joke a lot of UK universities actually
there exist these all-male drinking
clubs and ask any student at any UK
University and they will have a story to
tell you that might be a bit similar to
this one that the guys invite girls as
their dates to dinners and as the girls
walk in they’re judged on their
attractiveness and if one of the some of
the male members don’t think one of the
girls is hot enough to be there the ugly
girls date Husted down his bottle of
wine
this doesn’t made explicit but I think
she’ll know why her date is a bit
drunker than everyone else’s but maybe
University is actually a positive place
to explore this stuff I actually found
that my sort of feminist awakening
happened when I got to university and I
started challenging everyday sexism I’ve
been it of all-girls school my whole
life and I was always taught I was
valuable but I was equal but I could say
and do whatever I wanted whenever I
wanted I could never have imagined that
my gender would make me a joke and when
I discovered this culture of women
constantly being the butt of people’s
jokes I was shocked and I was even more
shocked to find out that it is
constantly excused as being harmless
laddish banter but how harmless is this
there was a study done in 2015 that
found that one in three female students
are sexually assaulted on their own
campus during their time at university I
mean is it too much of a logical leap to
suggest that us ignoring and being
silent about these small acts of
everyday sexism is actually feeding this
more sinister culture where sexual
harassment and assault goes all too
frequently unreported everyday sexism is
not trivial it is a symbol of a more
toxic culture a culture which forces
to be silent about the small things and
who’s to say that we won’t be silent
about the big ones – I think it’s time
for a new conversation to begin to break
this silence and to have the
conversation which is not drowned out
this breakthrough was already happening
the feminist society it’s in Andrews
where these conversations happen
regularly is thriving and Laura Bates’s
everyday sexism project has provided an
outlet for over 100,000 women to give
entries and stories about acts of
everyday sexism and you know a smaller
level at the the TEDx launch back in
November I gave a short version of this
talk and after it my friend’s boyfriend
turned to her and he said have you ever
experienced this when she responded
saying um yes every single day he was
shocked and appalled and he’s changed
his actions and responses since it’s not
called everyday sexism for nothing it’s
relentless it’s tiring and it’s
frustrating to think that you are worth
less because of your gender there is a
conversation there but this is an
opportunity for a new beginning there is
awareness but there is more to be done
there are still no feminist studies
available at San Andrews and none of the
guys who I’ve mentioned in any of my
stories are sitting here today listening
to this there’s this quote by the actor
Lily Tomlin and I think it sums this up
quite well she says that I always
thought that somebody should do
something about that then I realized I
am somebody everyone has the opportunity
to spread this message I was as
mentioned in the introduction me and my
friend recently started a publication
called lips magazine it’s an online
publication and it’s to encourage women
to talk about these experiences everyday
sexism and generally sort of talk about
what it’s like being a young woman at
university today it’s successful but
it’s very difficult to get people
talking about this stuff this is why
this talk is necessary because we need
to get a conversation started and
sometimes these conversations have
unusual outcomes I was walking home from
another night out kind of mom and dad
sorry I and I bumped into this guy who
was on his way home from a rugby social
and as you can imagine from a
conversation at 2:00 a.m. in the middle
of the street we got to the profound
quickly we ended up talking about
everyday sexism and it took him about
ten minutes of me convincing him that
none of his friends were going to hear
and that no one was behind him and while
he was still turning his head to check
he finally came out with the words yeah
I guess I am a feminist actually I
strongly believe that everyone can
embrace this realization this is not a
blame game it’s a call to the students
of San Andres to start a conversation
that moves away from viewing everyday
sexism with a suspicious and an
aggressive view and make it about unity
and equality
I was nervous about coming up here and
giving this talk but if it means that at
least one of you walks out of this room
feeling more empowered to talk about
sexism than you did when you walked in
it was definitely worth it and I
actually have a little three step guide
to help you on this journey
firstly notice it notice the cat calls
notice the wolf whistles and notice when
the jokes stopped being funny
second up stand and don’t collude with
the idea that it’s normal and thirdly
discuss it talk about it have a chat
about it whenever you get the chance
because I’m interested in ending
everyday sexism and I’m passionate about
getting young people talking about it
it’s time to break the silence and have
a new beginning and a new conversation
because your personal square is not up
for grabs
thank you
[Applause]
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