so what do you do
when was the last time someone asked you
that question
how did the conversation go in 2016 this
was how most of my conversations started
networking events parties talks any time
I met someone new it wasn’t like I
disliked my job I actually really
enjoyed being a project manager but
conversations about work felt incredibly
lifeless dissatisfying and boring people
asked not because they cared but because
it was expected when people ask you what
you do they’re asking to see your
professional work mask and they don’t
ask you about the other masks for you
own the other colors the other
expressions the masks that are in the
closet
rotting away when you wear the same mask
again and again it becomes easy to think
that you are that mask and it’s harder
to stray from expectations because we
want to be accepted so wear the masks
that help us fit in I was bored
ordered repeating my elevator pitch or
dove having the same meaningless
conversation on repeat or dove small
talk and frustrated frustrated with
being stereotyped and with a lack of
connection in my conversations I was
surrounded by people and yet I felt
disconnected and alone because I am not
just my job I am not where I live we are
not our labels we are so much more than
this I knew I was craving a deep and
meaningful conversation and I’m sure
you’ve all experienced what these feel
like conversations we get to talk about
the stuff that matters it has meaning in
your life
and where you feel connected to the
other person like you’re on the same
wavelength and that might be sharing
interest values beliefs or experiences
and it’s more than this conversations
are not just exchanges of thoughts and
ideas but an opportunity to transform
reshape and engage in new trains of
thought as Theodore Zeldin rightly
suggests conversations don’t just
reshuffle the cards they create new
cards when was the last time you had a
conversation that changed the way you
saw the world a conversation where you
learned something new about yourself or
about the other person and their
perspective on the world conversations
have opened new doors that you hadn’t
previously noticed the world can seem
fresh writer wider so what stops us from
getting there online we are globally
connected and yet how connected do you
feel to the people around you do we want
to be more connected or better connected
if feels like we avoid talking to each
other sometimes perhaps we don’t know
how to engage the on small talk perhaps
it’s because of shows or norms that
suggest we shouldn’t talk to strangers
these can be so subconscious that we
might think there’ll be repercussions
should we break them embarrassment doubt
shame these fears are often illusions
and there is far more to be gained by
speaking to strangers even if you engage
in meaningful conversations with five to
ten close friends and family
you are missing out on the other seven
million plus people and their unique
experiences of life people represent
opportunities new ideas new perspectives
they may have the answer to important
questions access to new people more
potential all of this there is untapped
most importantly in these moments of
connections with strangers
I discovered that I belong I am not
invisible you are not invisible we can
belong anywhere and everywhere not just
with our friends and family but with
humanity we’re part of a larger family
which is hardly met so how we meet each
other having a meaningful conversation
with the stranger is easier than you
think it’s not rocket science
it’s more of a craft so how do you do it
here are five tips for you to take away
and put into practice number one be the
lighthouse either lighthouse means
projecting and unwavering array of light
a mainly consuming any consistent
emotional state such that others will be
drawn towards you have you ever noticed
how infectious genuine excitement can be
how contagious a smile is and how warm
special it feels to receive some eye
contact likewise if you’re awkward and
moody how do you think the other person
is going to spawned to you how we are
affects how others will be with us so
ask yourself how do I want to feel how I
want the other person
Phil set the intention and feel it first
within yourself number two be curious
becoming curious is the most important
habit you will ever develop it is a
mindset that fuels exploration and it is
the cleanest fuel out there because it’s
not polluted with a specific agenda and
this is what allows conversations to be
organic unconstrained free of
assumptions and judgment becoming
curious is a two-step process first you
notice and then you wonder and the
wandering can lead to questions noticing
the red patterns Garf
I love your scarf and I’m wondering
where it is
you got it from noticing the book
someone is reading ah sapiens awesome
book I’ve read it what have you learnt
we can also notice the environment now
this restaurant seems to have forgotten
its ceilings I can see the piping we’re
just cutting costs or is this more
modern art the world is rich with
interesting things to talk about by
noticing and wandering and having a
genuine desire to learn about the world
this can be invitation for others to
join you in your expiration and in doing
so share a moment of real connection
number three
shut up how often is it when we’re
listening that were actually just
waiting for our moment to respond you
wouldn’t run out of a conversation
mid-sentence would you to go and plan
your holiday or figure out we’re gonna
have for dinner and yet we do this all
the time in our heads when you’re busy
thinking about what you’re going to say
next you will miss that moment and on
the other side how frustrating is it to
not be heard we can see it in their eyes
people have left the conversation can’t
we deep listening is holding the space
for people to think and sometimes that
means silence many of us find silence so
unbearable that we have to fill them
immediately hold that silence a little
longer and trust that beautiful things
will come out of it most of us love to
talk about stuff that matters so offer
the space and people may open themselves
up to you and before ask great questions
curiosity leads to wandering and
wandering to questions but some
questions are more effective at digging
to the core of who we are every moment
in time whatever is happening within it
is an expression of the deeper patterns
happening in the rest of our lives how
you do anything is how you do everything
when we notice these patterns we can ask
questions that help make connections in
people’s minds and trigger moments of
discovery and understanding questions
are the tools to burn the fire of
curiosity sharpen your tools ask
questions that help connect the dots
number five share the real you when the
staff at Pratt asked me how I am I tell
them exactly how I’m feeling in that
moment and it often goes along the lines
caffeine-deprived and needy or super
excited because I’m on the way to a
course and I can’t wait to learn they’re
often surprised but also curious I’ve
done three things first I’ve given them
an offer for them to ask me about y-7
half out of ten I’ve broken the manat of
a small talk script
and yes I’ve been a bit weird but they
engage with it because it’s playful real
and human if you want others to show
their real self then pulling out a mask
if there’s more personal to who you are
you can invite them to share their
thoughts and feelings and join you in a
moment of authenticity this is the power
of reciprocity I’ll show you mine if you
show me yours
conversation is organic when you show up
as your wholehearted authentic self with
no defenses or agenda yards are down
people are real Trust is built and
connection is made there is never the
right time to strike up a conversation
with a stranger by the way but there is
always too late so give yourself
permission to start with open-ended
conversation with the stranger go first
make that opening statement smile make
someone’s day these conversations help
us belong they help us open new doors in
our minds they help us grow and to be
better connected and if you want to
experience feel and be these things
there is now nothing stopping you from
taking action except maybe yourself
thank you you
when was the last time someone asked you
that question
how did the conversation go in 2016 this
was how most of my conversations started
networking events parties talks any time
I met someone new it wasn’t like I
disliked my job I actually really
enjoyed being a project manager but
conversations about work felt incredibly
lifeless dissatisfying and boring people
asked not because they cared but because
it was expected when people ask you what
you do they’re asking to see your
professional work mask and they don’t
ask you about the other masks for you
own the other colors the other
expressions the masks that are in the
closet
rotting away when you wear the same mask
again and again it becomes easy to think
that you are that mask and it’s harder
to stray from expectations because we
want to be accepted so wear the masks
that help us fit in I was bored
ordered repeating my elevator pitch or
dove having the same meaningless
conversation on repeat or dove small
talk and frustrated frustrated with
being stereotyped and with a lack of
connection in my conversations I was
surrounded by people and yet I felt
disconnected and alone because I am not
just my job I am not where I live we are
not our labels we are so much more than
this I knew I was craving a deep and
meaningful conversation and I’m sure
you’ve all experienced what these feel
like conversations we get to talk about
the stuff that matters it has meaning in
your life
and where you feel connected to the
other person like you’re on the same
wavelength and that might be sharing
interest values beliefs or experiences
and it’s more than this conversations
are not just exchanges of thoughts and
ideas but an opportunity to transform
reshape and engage in new trains of
thought as Theodore Zeldin rightly
suggests conversations don’t just
reshuffle the cards they create new
cards when was the last time you had a
conversation that changed the way you
saw the world a conversation where you
learned something new about yourself or
about the other person and their
perspective on the world conversations
have opened new doors that you hadn’t
previously noticed the world can seem
fresh writer wider so what stops us from
getting there online we are globally
connected and yet how connected do you
feel to the people around you do we want
to be more connected or better connected
if feels like we avoid talking to each
other sometimes perhaps we don’t know
how to engage the on small talk perhaps
it’s because of shows or norms that
suggest we shouldn’t talk to strangers
these can be so subconscious that we
might think there’ll be repercussions
should we break them embarrassment doubt
shame these fears are often illusions
and there is far more to be gained by
speaking to strangers even if you engage
in meaningful conversations with five to
ten close friends and family
you are missing out on the other seven
million plus people and their unique
experiences of life people represent
opportunities new ideas new perspectives
they may have the answer to important
questions access to new people more
potential all of this there is untapped
most importantly in these moments of
connections with strangers
I discovered that I belong I am not
invisible you are not invisible we can
belong anywhere and everywhere not just
with our friends and family but with
humanity we’re part of a larger family
which is hardly met so how we meet each
other having a meaningful conversation
with the stranger is easier than you
think it’s not rocket science
it’s more of a craft so how do you do it
here are five tips for you to take away
and put into practice number one be the
lighthouse either lighthouse means
projecting and unwavering array of light
a mainly consuming any consistent
emotional state such that others will be
drawn towards you have you ever noticed
how infectious genuine excitement can be
how contagious a smile is and how warm
special it feels to receive some eye
contact likewise if you’re awkward and
moody how do you think the other person
is going to spawned to you how we are
affects how others will be with us so
ask yourself how do I want to feel how I
want the other person
Phil set the intention and feel it first
within yourself number two be curious
becoming curious is the most important
habit you will ever develop it is a
mindset that fuels exploration and it is
the cleanest fuel out there because it’s
not polluted with a specific agenda and
this is what allows conversations to be
organic unconstrained free of
assumptions and judgment becoming
curious is a two-step process first you
notice and then you wonder and the
wandering can lead to questions noticing
the red patterns Garf
I love your scarf and I’m wondering
where it is
you got it from noticing the book
someone is reading ah sapiens awesome
book I’ve read it what have you learnt
we can also notice the environment now
this restaurant seems to have forgotten
its ceilings I can see the piping we’re
just cutting costs or is this more
modern art the world is rich with
interesting things to talk about by
noticing and wandering and having a
genuine desire to learn about the world
this can be invitation for others to
join you in your expiration and in doing
so share a moment of real connection
number three
shut up how often is it when we’re
listening that were actually just
waiting for our moment to respond you
wouldn’t run out of a conversation
mid-sentence would you to go and plan
your holiday or figure out we’re gonna
have for dinner and yet we do this all
the time in our heads when you’re busy
thinking about what you’re going to say
next you will miss that moment and on
the other side how frustrating is it to
not be heard we can see it in their eyes
people have left the conversation can’t
we deep listening is holding the space
for people to think and sometimes that
means silence many of us find silence so
unbearable that we have to fill them
immediately hold that silence a little
longer and trust that beautiful things
will come out of it most of us love to
talk about stuff that matters so offer
the space and people may open themselves
up to you and before ask great questions
curiosity leads to wandering and
wandering to questions but some
questions are more effective at digging
to the core of who we are every moment
in time whatever is happening within it
is an expression of the deeper patterns
happening in the rest of our lives how
you do anything is how you do everything
when we notice these patterns we can ask
questions that help make connections in
people’s minds and trigger moments of
discovery and understanding questions
are the tools to burn the fire of
curiosity sharpen your tools ask
questions that help connect the dots
number five share the real you when the
staff at Pratt asked me how I am I tell
them exactly how I’m feeling in that
moment and it often goes along the lines
caffeine-deprived and needy or super
excited because I’m on the way to a
course and I can’t wait to learn they’re
often surprised but also curious I’ve
done three things first I’ve given them
an offer for them to ask me about y-7
half out of ten I’ve broken the manat of
a small talk script
and yes I’ve been a bit weird but they
engage with it because it’s playful real
and human if you want others to show
their real self then pulling out a mask
if there’s more personal to who you are
you can invite them to share their
thoughts and feelings and join you in a
moment of authenticity this is the power
of reciprocity I’ll show you mine if you
show me yours
conversation is organic when you show up
as your wholehearted authentic self with
no defenses or agenda yards are down
people are real Trust is built and
connection is made there is never the
right time to strike up a conversation
with a stranger by the way but there is
always too late so give yourself
permission to start with open-ended
conversation with the stranger go first
make that opening statement smile make
someone’s day these conversations help
us belong they help us open new doors in
our minds they help us grow and to be
better connected and if you want to
experience feel and be these things
there is now nothing stopping you from
taking action except maybe yourself
thank you you
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