[Music]
I was 16 when I started to wonder when I
was going to stop being attracted to
boys
what would I look like how would it feel
what I liked being a lesbian with the
lesbian fairy visit me one night and I
wake up with short hair a closet full of
flannels and a fridge full of hummus see
I knew I was attracted to boys but I
realized I was starting to become
attracted to girls and I didn’t know you
could be attracted to both so I figured
I’m becoming a lesbian in all my 16
years I have never I had never heard
seen or known of the word bisexual I was
taught that if you were gay you were
probably going to get AIDS and Di’s
sti’s were only for sex addicts condoms
were only for men and sex sex was
downright terrifying and full of danger
10 years later I got a job at Planned
Parenthood educating youth on the one
thing they fail to tell us anything
about sex I told the youth that came
into my Center – bisexuality is
certainly real that most SDI’s are
curable and are just as common as a
throat infection or the flu sex should
never be made to seem scary
it should be fun safe and consensual and
condoms well it turns out those condoms
for people with penises and people with
vaginas let’s face it our sexual health
education has never been that good we
sit in a classroom we watch a PowerPoint
we might label a diagram or two of the
male and the female genitals we leave
the three hour or three day or three
week unit and we get on with our lives
when you play any reshape our identities
we challenge the traditional
understanding of what a relationship is
we might even change our gender or
sexuality or both we resilient ly grow
up into society
that not only fails to educate us about
sex but also shames us for having sex
all the while sexualizing the human body
and what seems like every advertisement
magazine and celebrity talk show we make
jokes about X s T is not realizing that
we’re probably gonna have one or more in
our lifetime as a matter of fact most of
us here are carrying the herpes virus
right now
but even if we knew that we had the
virus or herpes as we call it we
probably wouldn’t tell anyone maybe our
best friend but certainly an author
teacher or parents we have no problem of
telling our teachers that we can’t
attend class because of a throat
infection but we’d be terrified to tell
them it was because of sexually
transmitted infection wouldn’t we so we
stay quiet when I didn’t know the
answers to any of my questions about
sexual health I did what any
self-respecting millennial would do and
I googled it and the disease genitals
that I saw were enough to never even
want to make you whisper the word sex
again so if we’re using Google for
sexual health education and we’re using
Google to become the experts on our own
bodies how do we become the experts on
their own bodies with no education one
word communication communication with
ourselves or partners friends parents
teachers and doctors when I mean
communication with ourselves I don’t
mean talking to yourself I mean
masturbation I know oh I said it I said
the one thing that most all of us do but
none of us talk about masturbation is
the best way to get to know what makes
you orgasm and what doesn’t make you
orgasm
[Laughter]
masturbation is the best way to find out
what makes you orgasm and what doesn’t
make you orgasm
that way we can tell our partner what we
like our partners want to know how you
feel
as well our partners whether they be
one-night stands friends with benefits
or long-term lovers want to make you
feel good
speaking of orgasms do you guys know how
many people fake an orgasm as many as 1
in 2 people have admitted to faking an
orgasm and as many as 1 in 4 people
admit to faking orgasms regularly
society doesn’t really make us feel like
we don’t need to fake an orgasm though
we’re told growing up that sex is about
making babies but for most of us if we
choose to have sex sex is about pleasure
movies show these mind-blowing orgasms
that make us feel like or that show two
partners orgasming at the exact same
time showing this bed shaking pelvis
pulsating theatrical ending in reality
both partners rarely orgasm at the same
time and sex can be messy can be fun and
it can be awkward but these expectations
from society lead us to feel like we
always need to have this toe curling
back arching screaming at the top of
your lungs orgasm so we fake them but
faking it doesn’t only lead us to not
feel good it also wasn’t properly
conveyed or a partner what we need
when it also doesn’t properly conveyed
or a partner what we like when we’re
pretending to like something that we’re
not we need to communicate with
ourselves to find out what feels good so
we can let our partners know it might be
awkward at first telling your partner
that you don’t like something that
they’re doing but you deserve amazing
sex
and those mind-blowing orgasms do exist
they just have to start with
communication our partners also want to
know how we feel there’s nothing sexier
than watching somebody feel good and
knowing that you’re the one that’s doing
it you also want a fully consent to
being in the bed or the car or wherever
you’re getting freaky with them
communication though isn’t just with
yourself and your partner sometimes
communication can be most difficult with
the generation before us the generation
in which trusted adults such as our
parents teachers and doctors grew up in
even though we are younger we’re taking
the lead on our sexual health education
and blazing the trail and we largely
determine the service we get the way
we’re taught in the education we receive
based on the communication that we give
we need to remember that these trusted
adults probably got even less sexual
education than we did so we need to be
patient but persistent and our sexual
health talks with them as Millennials we
are changing the conversation and
changing people’s perception on gender
and sexuality we are louder more open
and more confident than any other
generation before us we’re expected to
live the lives of our parents generation
even though the economy’s and flux and
opportunities are constantly changing
were unsettled you could say we’re
already paving a new path for herself
it’s time that we ensure that we stick
together in fight for the rights of each
other as well language is another way
that we can become experts on our own
bodies and respect the rights of others
as well
communication is more than just what our
needs and desires are it also has to
include respecting the needs and desires
of others and
loading their identities in our
conversations we need to make sure that
all identities are accepted in respected
in society but we need to push to make
that change we grew up learning that
it’s not what’s on the inside or it’s
all the time the outside that counts
it’s what’s on the inside so we need to
put that into action gender-neutral
pronouns
different genders sexualities and
identities respecting those in societies
should be common but they’re not so as
Millennials I think it’s time that we
stop giving a shit about what society is
telling us to do think act or feel so
there’s this theory called the slight
edge by a dude by the name of Jeff Olson
who explained success as productive
actions that happen consistently over
time changing your language to respect
someone’s identity once in a
conversation with a friend might not
make a huge difference in society but
vowing to change your language and doing
so in every single conversation you have
will make a change expressing your needs
and desires not only in your
relationship but also sexually with your
partner I might be awkward at first but
over time it will be normal and expected
staying consistent with your
communication but not only yourself and
your partner but also your trusted
adults won’t only change the way that
you perceive sexual health but the way
society does as well so sexual health
education in the past 10 years hasn’t
changed a whole lot but I bet you our
sex lives sure have we deserve to have a
society that accepts all genders and
sexualities but as Millennials we need
to make sure that that happens
sexual health whether it be masturbation
gender-neutral pronouns communication
with multiple partners or just what your
needs and desires are should be
respected and expected respecting
communication is going to change the
world not some crappy sex talk as
Millennials let’s get out that out there
and make that change
so ten years from now there’s no whore
girl standing in front of her fridge
waiting for hummus to appear I love
hummus but I love boys too thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
you
[Applause]
I was 16 when I started to wonder when I
was going to stop being attracted to
boys
what would I look like how would it feel
what I liked being a lesbian with the
lesbian fairy visit me one night and I
wake up with short hair a closet full of
flannels and a fridge full of hummus see
I knew I was attracted to boys but I
realized I was starting to become
attracted to girls and I didn’t know you
could be attracted to both so I figured
I’m becoming a lesbian in all my 16
years I have never I had never heard
seen or known of the word bisexual I was
taught that if you were gay you were
probably going to get AIDS and Di’s
sti’s were only for sex addicts condoms
were only for men and sex sex was
downright terrifying and full of danger
10 years later I got a job at Planned
Parenthood educating youth on the one
thing they fail to tell us anything
about sex I told the youth that came
into my Center – bisexuality is
certainly real that most SDI’s are
curable and are just as common as a
throat infection or the flu sex should
never be made to seem scary
it should be fun safe and consensual and
condoms well it turns out those condoms
for people with penises and people with
vaginas let’s face it our sexual health
education has never been that good we
sit in a classroom we watch a PowerPoint
we might label a diagram or two of the
male and the female genitals we leave
the three hour or three day or three
week unit and we get on with our lives
when you play any reshape our identities
we challenge the traditional
understanding of what a relationship is
we might even change our gender or
sexuality or both we resilient ly grow
up into society
that not only fails to educate us about
sex but also shames us for having sex
all the while sexualizing the human body
and what seems like every advertisement
magazine and celebrity talk show we make
jokes about X s T is not realizing that
we’re probably gonna have one or more in
our lifetime as a matter of fact most of
us here are carrying the herpes virus
right now
but even if we knew that we had the
virus or herpes as we call it we
probably wouldn’t tell anyone maybe our
best friend but certainly an author
teacher or parents we have no problem of
telling our teachers that we can’t
attend class because of a throat
infection but we’d be terrified to tell
them it was because of sexually
transmitted infection wouldn’t we so we
stay quiet when I didn’t know the
answers to any of my questions about
sexual health I did what any
self-respecting millennial would do and
I googled it and the disease genitals
that I saw were enough to never even
want to make you whisper the word sex
again so if we’re using Google for
sexual health education and we’re using
Google to become the experts on our own
bodies how do we become the experts on
their own bodies with no education one
word communication communication with
ourselves or partners friends parents
teachers and doctors when I mean
communication with ourselves I don’t
mean talking to yourself I mean
masturbation I know oh I said it I said
the one thing that most all of us do but
none of us talk about masturbation is
the best way to get to know what makes
you orgasm and what doesn’t make you
orgasm
[Laughter]
masturbation is the best way to find out
what makes you orgasm and what doesn’t
make you orgasm
that way we can tell our partner what we
like our partners want to know how you
feel
as well our partners whether they be
one-night stands friends with benefits
or long-term lovers want to make you
feel good
speaking of orgasms do you guys know how
many people fake an orgasm as many as 1
in 2 people have admitted to faking an
orgasm and as many as 1 in 4 people
admit to faking orgasms regularly
society doesn’t really make us feel like
we don’t need to fake an orgasm though
we’re told growing up that sex is about
making babies but for most of us if we
choose to have sex sex is about pleasure
movies show these mind-blowing orgasms
that make us feel like or that show two
partners orgasming at the exact same
time showing this bed shaking pelvis
pulsating theatrical ending in reality
both partners rarely orgasm at the same
time and sex can be messy can be fun and
it can be awkward but these expectations
from society lead us to feel like we
always need to have this toe curling
back arching screaming at the top of
your lungs orgasm so we fake them but
faking it doesn’t only lead us to not
feel good it also wasn’t properly
conveyed or a partner what we need
when it also doesn’t properly conveyed
or a partner what we like when we’re
pretending to like something that we’re
not we need to communicate with
ourselves to find out what feels good so
we can let our partners know it might be
awkward at first telling your partner
that you don’t like something that
they’re doing but you deserve amazing
sex
and those mind-blowing orgasms do exist
they just have to start with
communication our partners also want to
know how we feel there’s nothing sexier
than watching somebody feel good and
knowing that you’re the one that’s doing
it you also want a fully consent to
being in the bed or the car or wherever
you’re getting freaky with them
communication though isn’t just with
yourself and your partner sometimes
communication can be most difficult with
the generation before us the generation
in which trusted adults such as our
parents teachers and doctors grew up in
even though we are younger we’re taking
the lead on our sexual health education
and blazing the trail and we largely
determine the service we get the way
we’re taught in the education we receive
based on the communication that we give
we need to remember that these trusted
adults probably got even less sexual
education than we did so we need to be
patient but persistent and our sexual
health talks with them as Millennials we
are changing the conversation and
changing people’s perception on gender
and sexuality we are louder more open
and more confident than any other
generation before us we’re expected to
live the lives of our parents generation
even though the economy’s and flux and
opportunities are constantly changing
were unsettled you could say we’re
already paving a new path for herself
it’s time that we ensure that we stick
together in fight for the rights of each
other as well language is another way
that we can become experts on our own
bodies and respect the rights of others
as well
communication is more than just what our
needs and desires are it also has to
include respecting the needs and desires
of others and
loading their identities in our
conversations we need to make sure that
all identities are accepted in respected
in society but we need to push to make
that change we grew up learning that
it’s not what’s on the inside or it’s
all the time the outside that counts
it’s what’s on the inside so we need to
put that into action gender-neutral
pronouns
different genders sexualities and
identities respecting those in societies
should be common but they’re not so as
Millennials I think it’s time that we
stop giving a shit about what society is
telling us to do think act or feel so
there’s this theory called the slight
edge by a dude by the name of Jeff Olson
who explained success as productive
actions that happen consistently over
time changing your language to respect
someone’s identity once in a
conversation with a friend might not
make a huge difference in society but
vowing to change your language and doing
so in every single conversation you have
will make a change expressing your needs
and desires not only in your
relationship but also sexually with your
partner I might be awkward at first but
over time it will be normal and expected
staying consistent with your
communication but not only yourself and
your partner but also your trusted
adults won’t only change the way that
you perceive sexual health but the way
society does as well so sexual health
education in the past 10 years hasn’t
changed a whole lot but I bet you our
sex lives sure have we deserve to have a
society that accepts all genders and
sexualities but as Millennials we need
to make sure that that happens
sexual health whether it be masturbation
gender-neutral pronouns communication
with multiple partners or just what your
needs and desires are should be
respected and expected respecting
communication is going to change the
world not some crappy sex talk as
Millennials let’s get out that out there
and make that change
so ten years from now there’s no whore
girl standing in front of her fridge
waiting for hummus to appear I love
hummus but I love boys too thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
you
[Applause]
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