[Music]
well tonight’s this event has been
filled with really deep and emotional
stories right now I’m going to talk to
you about dancing to hip-hop and I want
to pause just a second to let those
words sink in and also have it connect
to all of the goodness that is right
here just as a way of introduction I am
a middle-aged guy and I can now say that
I am in my late 40s on a good week not
approaching the holidays I’m about 30
pounds overweight I’m a white-collar
professional I’m a dad to two great kids
and some might even say that I am a
little bit musically challenged I
probably should not have chosen the
topic hip-hop I probably should not be
doing a TED talk about dancing to
hip-hop now before I get too
self-deprecating I just want to say that
back in the day you know in the late 80s
and the early 90s old-school I would
exactly say that I was the main
attraction at the Shiloh subdivision
community pool but I mean I could hold
my own when it came to breakdancing
especially when it came to spinning and
locking and popping and I don’t know if
this tells the story but basically I
found this in the archive the other day
I mean the swish of great blonde hair
the colorful sweater vest over the white
t-shirt the bleached white socks with
the cool brown loafers I mean if this
doesn’t say
gather round I mean actually back up
because this running man is headed to
the Cabbage Patch I don’t know what does
I mean the funny thing is when I was
looking at this together night I think
it’s funny that that girl I am she’s
looking at me and and I think she’s
saying oh yeah but for all practical
purposes that was way back then and this
is today and I have two great kids as I
was talking about and that they had this
ongoing debate amongst themselves my
daughter who is Anna Luz 11 years old
she is a competitive dancer and she is
constantly getting into a debate with
her brother my son who is 13 about is
dancing a sport and they go at it all
the time and she is constantly saying
that you know what she does on the
hardwoods and a dance studio is just as
athletic as what he does the soccer
field as a competitive soccer player and
so when I learned that for a mere $10 I
could be a part of a drop in adult
hip-hop class this summer I thought that
this was awesome I could join the debate
of my kids I might could lose a little
bit of weight but most importantly I
wanted to demonstrate to my daughter
that what excites her excites me and
what interest her is fascinating to me
and so I took some dance
hip-hop classes
yep that’s me in the blue it was really
cool it was really cool because for the
first time maybe ever my daughter and I
actually got to change places and so
normally it’s me behind the plate glass
sitting in the air-conditioning out
there with all the Dance Moms peering in
watching her and this time I was inside
that glass box and she was outside
critiquing me and I really had no idea
that this really small act in this
really small class was actually going to
teach me some really big things about
parenting so if you’re still with me I’d
love to share just a few of those things
with you tonight you guys still with me
okay I don’t want to have to show that
thing again so the very first thing is
have the courage to walk into the room
and be a little bit different so besides
the instructor I was the only male in
the room in a big room full of women and
when I say that I was the only male in
the room in a room full of women what I
really mean is that I was the only male
in a dance studio full of really
attractive women
some might say as I heard somebody say
on the way out of Dance one time what’s
the class that has the smokin hot ladies
so it was after the fact that I learned
that this class was actually made up of
reigning beauty queens that was trying
to do something a little bit different
to prepare for the swimsuit competition
of a pageant or that they were
professional aerobic instructors and
then there was me and so
I did what any other guy would do I
walked in and I went over to the corner
of the room and I stood there and
finally I had enough courage that I
actually joined the ladies on the back
row and for those of you in the back row
you know that you’re on the back row for
a reason it’s because you just want to
blend in and it wasn’t until about a
quarter of the way into this dance class
that for some unexplained and explicable
reason that the instructor decided to
rotate the rows so I now was not only I
was not only back row I was actually on
the front row and I don’t know why he
did this the only thing that I can think
of is that he actually maybe just cared
for me just a little bit and thought
that you know he might want to see me
live just a little bit longer because if
we move to the front row we were closer
to the door and so that meant that when
EMTs and paramedics came in to actually
resuscitate me then they didn’t have to
go so far to the back of the class but
it was one of those things where being
on the front row I realized something I
realized that I was disrupting the class
a little bit not in a bad way I was
actually disrupting it kind of in a good
way because as somebody that was new to
this whole environment I was moving a
little bit different and I had a
perspective that was a little bit
different and because I was moving a
little bit different everybody else was
moving a little bit different as well
and it reminded me going into that room
of all of the times that I have gone
into a PTA meeting or some sort of
elementary school or some sort of social
setting and I’m the only guy or I’m the
only dad or I’m the person that is the
oldest by far and it’s not sort of like
in romantic comedies or in movies where
the guy actually goes in committed to
his kids into a room full of women and
all the women are like tell me more it
wasn’t like that for me
I don’t know why all this goodness but
it wasn’t like that for me and often
times I was met with lies what are we
gonna do with this guy whose committee
are we gonna put this guy on it was
oftentimes met with sort of skepticism
about my motivation for why I was even
there or confusion about why I was
asking about things that were a little
bit different and offering suggestions
about things that maybe we could do a
little bit different and it was after
that that I realized that that is the
big point especially when it comes to
parenting I believe that being different
isn’t a weakness being different is
really a strength and if you start
thinking especially as a parent that
being different is a strength you
realize that that strength actually can
be something that you can turn into
influence you shouldn’t just walk into
the room and sort of go with the flow
and sort of hope for the best you should
think about how you can be a great
influence to your kids and so I really
do believe that it’s important for moms
to be den leaders of Cub Scouts and Boy
Scouts and it’s important for dads to go
and be volunteers at the elementary
school Valentine’s Day parties because
it’s important that we have those
different perspectives not from a gender
aspect but because differences are good
things especially when it comes to your
kids I don’t think that we should all be
in the back row just trying to blend in
I really do believe that especially when
it comes to our kids we should as
parents sort of move up to the front row
and make sure that they understand that
that’s really how you can make a
difference and you’ve got to be on the
front row to actually influence the
other thing I learned is that you’ve got
to have courage with your own kids and
you got to have courage to be able to
say no when all the other kids are doing
something or all the other parents are
moving in some sort of direction but you
don’t believe that it’s the right
direction for you or for your own kids
every child is different and every
family is different and I think it takes
a lot of courage to be able to be the
family that walks in the room and moves
to a little different dance and be the
parent that actually moves to a little
different beat and it’s actually that
different beat that I’d like to expand
on next break parenting down into beats
and counts but really focus on the big
stuff it was one of those beginning
introductory hip-hop dance classes that
I went into the room and I could tell
that the instructor was like oh here we
go he’s back and I would get through the
class and I remember it was one time
that he actually came up to me after
class and he said hey man I just want to
tell you you are doing great I didn’t
have a lot of hope for you now don’t get
me wrong you didn’t get any of the
details right your moves weren’t that
great but you’ve got all the really big
stuff rights and you kept up if you get
out remember that every one of these
classes you know had a different dance
and you were learning a different dance
and so a lot of these dances actually
had about a hundred and twenty different
moves and so we would break everything
down into smaller segments of eight one
two three four five six seven eight that
would be the dance and you would break
it up and it went actually about that
fast and so you can imagine me try to
keep up with somebody like all of them
like those like those folks try to keep
up with them and have it go that fast
and then you do times that eight you
multiply that by 15 to actually get a
hundred and twenty different beats it
was really something else and what I
realized through that process
is that you don’t have to get everything
right in our family we have created
values we actually talked about the
values we set at the dining room table
and we worked out the values we wrote
them down and you know I just remember
thinking in dance class one time oddly I
didn’t get any of those moves just right
but by the time I realized that I hadn’t
gotten it right
I was actually already onto the next big
thing and I would get the big things
right it was like when you look at a big
picture and you keep zooming in and
zooming in and zooming in and you can
always see that somebody’s hair is out
of place or that somebody has a pimple
and you focus so much on the little
stuff that you sometimes forget the
bigger picture which is that this is a
beautiful picture of a family or a
beautiful picture of a family I think
that’s so often so many times we
actually think that by breaking things
down into individual segments and by the
way this isn’t necessarily some sort of
big dramatic insight that to be able to
do big things you have to break things
down into segments but I think sometimes
we actually think that if when we’re
breaking those things down into beats or
accounts or segments that if we don’t
get them perfect and we don’t get them
just right then it doesn’t roll up to
anything big I remember thinking that
when and that’s just not true by the way
I remember thinking that when I was when
my kids were young and when I was a
young dad and young parents I remember
thinking and some of you parents may may
remember thinking sort of the same thing
I remember thinking in a time of
frustration is this the moment that I am
screwing up my kids
I remember thinking after a you know a
particularly bad 10 or 15 minutes oh my
gosh is that the 10 or 15 minutes that
they’re going to remember and is going
to define our relationship and that’s
what they’re going to remember when they
have to
the decision if they put me in a nursing
home and then I just relaxed I just
relaxed because even though we might not
be getting the individual things always
right we might not be getting all the
details right as long as you have your
eye and as long as you have defined the
bigger the bigger items the bigger
values everything is going to be okay
the other thing I learned is that even
when you’ve been kicked in the head you
got to get up and be supportive there
was one time where I was on the floor
and I was about to pop up and the lady
next to me hit my head with her raised
leg with such intensity and force that I
don’t know if you guys remember but like
in the cartoons when people would be
down on the ground after being hit and
the stars were swirling that’s what it
was like for me and I remember as I was
trying to get up drenched in sweat that
I looked over at my daughter and she was
through the through the through the
glass and she was so full of pride and
she gave me this thumbs-up and that
helped me get up and it helped me move
on and I remember thinking all through
that process that that to me is what
parenting is like we need to pay
attention to on this journey of
parenting we need to pay attention to
the the breadcrumbs that are along the
way of support our kids give it to us
other kids give it to us and parents
give it to us and we should be
supportive of each other you always got
to get up even when you’ve been kicked
in the head so those are the big three
things that I walked away with from a
summer of adult hip hop class and I did
walk away with one other thing which is
you know what it may seem like that
music and dancing are really small
things that they are big powerful
emotional connectors that connect all of
us and life is just better
when we have music as a part of our
lives and even though I’ve been talking
about parenting tonight I want to let
you know that even if you’re not a
parent
all of this could be replaced with you
know what hip-hop dancing actually
talked to me taught me about life which
is you know you’ve always got to have
the courage to walk into the room and be
different you’ve got to break things
down when life gets too big into
individual beats and you’ve got to get
up even when you’ve been kicked in the
head and you got to be supportive of
each other so I hope tonight you realize
that little small things throughout the
course of being a parents or throughout
the course of life actually can can help
you as long as we pay attention to
things like this
and I hope that as you continue on your
path of parents in your life that you
always keep moving thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
well tonight’s this event has been
filled with really deep and emotional
stories right now I’m going to talk to
you about dancing to hip-hop and I want
to pause just a second to let those
words sink in and also have it connect
to all of the goodness that is right
here just as a way of introduction I am
a middle-aged guy and I can now say that
I am in my late 40s on a good week not
approaching the holidays I’m about 30
pounds overweight I’m a white-collar
professional I’m a dad to two great kids
and some might even say that I am a
little bit musically challenged I
probably should not have chosen the
topic hip-hop I probably should not be
doing a TED talk about dancing to
hip-hop now before I get too
self-deprecating I just want to say that
back in the day you know in the late 80s
and the early 90s old-school I would
exactly say that I was the main
attraction at the Shiloh subdivision
community pool but I mean I could hold
my own when it came to breakdancing
especially when it came to spinning and
locking and popping and I don’t know if
this tells the story but basically I
found this in the archive the other day
I mean the swish of great blonde hair
the colorful sweater vest over the white
t-shirt the bleached white socks with
the cool brown loafers I mean if this
doesn’t say
gather round I mean actually back up
because this running man is headed to
the Cabbage Patch I don’t know what does
I mean the funny thing is when I was
looking at this together night I think
it’s funny that that girl I am she’s
looking at me and and I think she’s
saying oh yeah but for all practical
purposes that was way back then and this
is today and I have two great kids as I
was talking about and that they had this
ongoing debate amongst themselves my
daughter who is Anna Luz 11 years old
she is a competitive dancer and she is
constantly getting into a debate with
her brother my son who is 13 about is
dancing a sport and they go at it all
the time and she is constantly saying
that you know what she does on the
hardwoods and a dance studio is just as
athletic as what he does the soccer
field as a competitive soccer player and
so when I learned that for a mere $10 I
could be a part of a drop in adult
hip-hop class this summer I thought that
this was awesome I could join the debate
of my kids I might could lose a little
bit of weight but most importantly I
wanted to demonstrate to my daughter
that what excites her excites me and
what interest her is fascinating to me
and so I took some dance
hip-hop classes
yep that’s me in the blue it was really
cool it was really cool because for the
first time maybe ever my daughter and I
actually got to change places and so
normally it’s me behind the plate glass
sitting in the air-conditioning out
there with all the Dance Moms peering in
watching her and this time I was inside
that glass box and she was outside
critiquing me and I really had no idea
that this really small act in this
really small class was actually going to
teach me some really big things about
parenting so if you’re still with me I’d
love to share just a few of those things
with you tonight you guys still with me
okay I don’t want to have to show that
thing again so the very first thing is
have the courage to walk into the room
and be a little bit different so besides
the instructor I was the only male in
the room in a big room full of women and
when I say that I was the only male in
the room in a room full of women what I
really mean is that I was the only male
in a dance studio full of really
attractive women
some might say as I heard somebody say
on the way out of Dance one time what’s
the class that has the smokin hot ladies
so it was after the fact that I learned
that this class was actually made up of
reigning beauty queens that was trying
to do something a little bit different
to prepare for the swimsuit competition
of a pageant or that they were
professional aerobic instructors and
then there was me and so
I did what any other guy would do I
walked in and I went over to the corner
of the room and I stood there and
finally I had enough courage that I
actually joined the ladies on the back
row and for those of you in the back row
you know that you’re on the back row for
a reason it’s because you just want to
blend in and it wasn’t until about a
quarter of the way into this dance class
that for some unexplained and explicable
reason that the instructor decided to
rotate the rows so I now was not only I
was not only back row I was actually on
the front row and I don’t know why he
did this the only thing that I can think
of is that he actually maybe just cared
for me just a little bit and thought
that you know he might want to see me
live just a little bit longer because if
we move to the front row we were closer
to the door and so that meant that when
EMTs and paramedics came in to actually
resuscitate me then they didn’t have to
go so far to the back of the class but
it was one of those things where being
on the front row I realized something I
realized that I was disrupting the class
a little bit not in a bad way I was
actually disrupting it kind of in a good
way because as somebody that was new to
this whole environment I was moving a
little bit different and I had a
perspective that was a little bit
different and because I was moving a
little bit different everybody else was
moving a little bit different as well
and it reminded me going into that room
of all of the times that I have gone
into a PTA meeting or some sort of
elementary school or some sort of social
setting and I’m the only guy or I’m the
only dad or I’m the person that is the
oldest by far and it’s not sort of like
in romantic comedies or in movies where
the guy actually goes in committed to
his kids into a room full of women and
all the women are like tell me more it
wasn’t like that for me
I don’t know why all this goodness but
it wasn’t like that for me and often
times I was met with lies what are we
gonna do with this guy whose committee
are we gonna put this guy on it was
oftentimes met with sort of skepticism
about my motivation for why I was even
there or confusion about why I was
asking about things that were a little
bit different and offering suggestions
about things that maybe we could do a
little bit different and it was after
that that I realized that that is the
big point especially when it comes to
parenting I believe that being different
isn’t a weakness being different is
really a strength and if you start
thinking especially as a parent that
being different is a strength you
realize that that strength actually can
be something that you can turn into
influence you shouldn’t just walk into
the room and sort of go with the flow
and sort of hope for the best you should
think about how you can be a great
influence to your kids and so I really
do believe that it’s important for moms
to be den leaders of Cub Scouts and Boy
Scouts and it’s important for dads to go
and be volunteers at the elementary
school Valentine’s Day parties because
it’s important that we have those
different perspectives not from a gender
aspect but because differences are good
things especially when it comes to your
kids I don’t think that we should all be
in the back row just trying to blend in
I really do believe that especially when
it comes to our kids we should as
parents sort of move up to the front row
and make sure that they understand that
that’s really how you can make a
difference and you’ve got to be on the
front row to actually influence the
other thing I learned is that you’ve got
to have courage with your own kids and
you got to have courage to be able to
say no when all the other kids are doing
something or all the other parents are
moving in some sort of direction but you
don’t believe that it’s the right
direction for you or for your own kids
every child is different and every
family is different and I think it takes
a lot of courage to be able to be the
family that walks in the room and moves
to a little different dance and be the
parent that actually moves to a little
different beat and it’s actually that
different beat that I’d like to expand
on next break parenting down into beats
and counts but really focus on the big
stuff it was one of those beginning
introductory hip-hop dance classes that
I went into the room and I could tell
that the instructor was like oh here we
go he’s back and I would get through the
class and I remember it was one time
that he actually came up to me after
class and he said hey man I just want to
tell you you are doing great I didn’t
have a lot of hope for you now don’t get
me wrong you didn’t get any of the
details right your moves weren’t that
great but you’ve got all the really big
stuff rights and you kept up if you get
out remember that every one of these
classes you know had a different dance
and you were learning a different dance
and so a lot of these dances actually
had about a hundred and twenty different
moves and so we would break everything
down into smaller segments of eight one
two three four five six seven eight that
would be the dance and you would break
it up and it went actually about that
fast and so you can imagine me try to
keep up with somebody like all of them
like those like those folks try to keep
up with them and have it go that fast
and then you do times that eight you
multiply that by 15 to actually get a
hundred and twenty different beats it
was really something else and what I
realized through that process
is that you don’t have to get everything
right in our family we have created
values we actually talked about the
values we set at the dining room table
and we worked out the values we wrote
them down and you know I just remember
thinking in dance class one time oddly I
didn’t get any of those moves just right
but by the time I realized that I hadn’t
gotten it right
I was actually already onto the next big
thing and I would get the big things
right it was like when you look at a big
picture and you keep zooming in and
zooming in and zooming in and you can
always see that somebody’s hair is out
of place or that somebody has a pimple
and you focus so much on the little
stuff that you sometimes forget the
bigger picture which is that this is a
beautiful picture of a family or a
beautiful picture of a family I think
that’s so often so many times we
actually think that by breaking things
down into individual segments and by the
way this isn’t necessarily some sort of
big dramatic insight that to be able to
do big things you have to break things
down into segments but I think sometimes
we actually think that if when we’re
breaking those things down into beats or
accounts or segments that if we don’t
get them perfect and we don’t get them
just right then it doesn’t roll up to
anything big I remember thinking that
when and that’s just not true by the way
I remember thinking that when I was when
my kids were young and when I was a
young dad and young parents I remember
thinking and some of you parents may may
remember thinking sort of the same thing
I remember thinking in a time of
frustration is this the moment that I am
screwing up my kids
I remember thinking after a you know a
particularly bad 10 or 15 minutes oh my
gosh is that the 10 or 15 minutes that
they’re going to remember and is going
to define our relationship and that’s
what they’re going to remember when they
have to
the decision if they put me in a nursing
home and then I just relaxed I just
relaxed because even though we might not
be getting the individual things always
right we might not be getting all the
details right as long as you have your
eye and as long as you have defined the
bigger the bigger items the bigger
values everything is going to be okay
the other thing I learned is that even
when you’ve been kicked in the head you
got to get up and be supportive there
was one time where I was on the floor
and I was about to pop up and the lady
next to me hit my head with her raised
leg with such intensity and force that I
don’t know if you guys remember but like
in the cartoons when people would be
down on the ground after being hit and
the stars were swirling that’s what it
was like for me and I remember as I was
trying to get up drenched in sweat that
I looked over at my daughter and she was
through the through the through the
glass and she was so full of pride and
she gave me this thumbs-up and that
helped me get up and it helped me move
on and I remember thinking all through
that process that that to me is what
parenting is like we need to pay
attention to on this journey of
parenting we need to pay attention to
the the breadcrumbs that are along the
way of support our kids give it to us
other kids give it to us and parents
give it to us and we should be
supportive of each other you always got
to get up even when you’ve been kicked
in the head so those are the big three
things that I walked away with from a
summer of adult hip hop class and I did
walk away with one other thing which is
you know what it may seem like that
music and dancing are really small
things that they are big powerful
emotional connectors that connect all of
us and life is just better
when we have music as a part of our
lives and even though I’ve been talking
about parenting tonight I want to let
you know that even if you’re not a
parent
all of this could be replaced with you
know what hip-hop dancing actually
talked to me taught me about life which
is you know you’ve always got to have
the courage to walk into the room and be
different you’ve got to break things
down when life gets too big into
individual beats and you’ve got to get
up even when you’ve been kicked in the
head and you got to be supportive of
each other so I hope tonight you realize
that little small things throughout the
course of being a parents or throughout
the course of life actually can can help
you as long as we pay attention to
things like this
and I hope that as you continue on your
path of parents in your life that you
always keep moving thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
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