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Start Looking for Your Scenes and Your Story Will Find You | Park Howell | TEDxGilbert


[Music]
I’m honored to be here with you and I
got to start with a wonderful woman that
I know who is going to turn 93 years old
on April 5th 89 years ago when she was
four years old she was sitting in a cold
and kind of scary waiting room in a
hospital in Wenatchee Washington she was
waiting for the arrival of her sister
Diane now she was sitting there out of
nowhere comes this nurse just kind of
appears and all of her beautiful nurse
whites kind of like a guardian angel and
she sat down with Pat and she chatted
with her eased her a little bit then she
reached in her pocket and she pulled out
and gave Pat an orange patent never
forgot that in fact it was such a
profound moment in her life that she too
went on to become a nurse after World
War two
she studied practice he was over in
Hawaii and then she met her husband
Keith and got married at 29 now back in
that generation getting married at 29
starting families kind of late so she
wasted no time and had seven kids in
nine years yeah and if you want to know
if God has a sense of humor he put her
in charge of the sex ed program at her
kids school in st. Brendan’s in Bothell
Washington makes sense doesn’t it well
after her brood had grown and gone Pat
went back into nursing and she
volunteered for nearly three decades at
Overlake Hospital in Bellevue
till most recently when she’s been
attending to her husband Keith a 65
years who’s been battling Alzheimer’s so
pretty amazing run and when I sat down
with her and I asked her over 70 years
all of the people that you have touched
she told me it was because of that
single stranger that nurse that showed
up that morning and gave her an orange
and once she got that orange she knew
that that was her calling in life she
would be a nurse so I learned that we
are so busy looking for these big
stories in our life that it’s not big
stories of love and loss it defines who
we are and where we’re going but those
scenes those simple moments that have
shaped who we are today now
I learned this starting really back in
2006 when I started headlong into
studying the applied science and B
witchery of storytelling C leading up to
this I’d been in the advertising and
marketing world for 20 years
and I was starting to see because of
Technology
that’s where brands used to own the
influence of mass media the masses
became the medium they owned the
narrative and they created a cacophony
of communication you know how hard it is
now to stand out to rise above the noise
to be heard or to even be identified for
that matter well our clients were
feeling the same way so I had to go and
find an answer and what I learned in
that search is that an anecdote is the
antidote the human mind yields
helplessly to the section of story
Jonathan gotcha wrote that in his
amazing book of the storytelling animal
why stories make us human think about
its storytelling is probably the single
most powerful evolutionary tool we have
stories literally have evolved with us
from cavemen and women to consumers it’s
how we make meaning out of the madness
of being human beings science now is
really studying this and trying to
figure out exactly how does story work
on our brains and our bodies and they
will do the functional magnetic imaging
and they will look and they will see
where your brain lights up when you’re
listening to a story and your brain
actually thinks you were an active
participant in that story kind of crazy
blood tests show that a great story can
release up to five different
neurotransmitters they include serotonin
dopamine oxytocin cortisol and
endorphins when I was invited to come
and give this presentation I was pumped
fact my brain was filled with serotonin
because I felt wanted I felt important
and it just made me happy
too little serotonin in our lives
actually depresses us so I was so proud
of my first script sent it in strutting
around saying this is gonna be awesome
until he came back and said you know
what this needs a lot of work good idea
but it’s kind of buried in here so I
think you need to get back after
well I can tell you my cortisol pump
jumped into speed right there giving me
the focus I need to fight through that
and then when I was writing in my 11th
hour and trying to get it done in time
well that’s when the endorphins kicked
in gave you my second win to get through
and ultimately the euphoria of
overcoming this challenge to me
storytelling is like rocket fuel it
literally ignites these volatile neuro
propellants in our brains it transports
us from one world to another our glass
of this American life
talks about an anecdote having a
momentum all itself he says that even if
you have a story with boring facts in it
if it’s a well-told story it feels like
you were on a train to a destination it
has this amazing momentum but here’s the
challenge
we are implored to be telling our
stories all the time and so often we
think about the Ira Glass scale stories
and we think ours don’t measure up well
here’s the disruption I want you to be
thinking about stop thinking about your
story and start finding your scenes
those moments that have shaped who you
are today because in those moments
you’re going to find your superpower
this was underscored to me a couple
weeks ago when I met a amazing lady
her name was angelic Rowe a Ukrainian
immigrant she works for a very
fast-paced high-tech company out of New
York that happened to be here in Arizona
for their annual conference and I had
the good fortune of taking them through
a storytelling program for half-day well
and jela got up she volunteered to tell
us her story she got into so proud she
sat there and she said you know my sole
purpose here this company is to build
alliances and partnerships and I’m
really good at it and they’re really
important so I was coaching her in front
of 60 of her colleagues I said that’s
great Angela but can you take us to a
moment when you knew that this was one
of your superpowers well she kind of
looked over at me and she kind of
actually physically moved away and I
knew she wasn’t into telling us what
that moment was and I thought well maybe
it’s because she’s in front of all of
her colleagues or maybe it was just a
really you know sad time in her life and
she just didn’t want to share it in
public we wrapped up the session
and then jelly came up to me afterwards
and she said you know Park I didn’t tell
you the whole story I said yeah I know
why is that she goes well I’ve been told
here in America and nobody wants to hear
about the hard times I had in the
orphanage it’s an orphanage you grew up
in a Ukrainian orphanage she said yeah
born there raised there till I was 18 it
was tough people picked on me I got
abused I said oh my god how did you cope
she goes well I remember one morning
waking up I can’t remember if I was 8 or
9 but I realized if I was gonna survive
this that I had to surround myself only
with the kids that I could trust and I
actually had to look for the adults that
not only cared for me but it cared about
me and I said oh my god you literally
have building been building alliances
and partnerships ever since you were a
little girl she goes I had to it was the
only way I could survive well then I
learned about Angela that when she got
out of there at 18 she came to America
she went to the University of Georgia in
Atlanta got two degrees that went on to
Georgia State and under MBA in
international business
and is that a pretty stellar technology
career ever since she’s probably only 35
and I told her I said and jela you
absolutely have to tell your story you
are the epitome of the American dream
rags to riches immigrant comes to town
works hard and achieves something and it
all started in that moment when you
realize that building alliances and
partnerships was a real superpower of
yours all back in this day in a
Ukrainian orphanage well she looked at
me and she said thank you and I think it
was the first time she’s ever gotten
permission to tell that story and I
asked her may I have your permission to
tell your story tonight at this event
you know what Angela said to me
absolutely that is the power of the
moments in the scenes in all of our
lives stop looking for the stories and
start finding the scenes that have
shaped who you are but when you do you
become literally the protagonist the
center of your story and like every
protagonist and every story when they
reach to try to do something when they
try to get out of status quo the
universe is going to push back it’s
gonna punch in the nose
it’s gonna want to test your character
just to see if you’re up to the task how
badly do you really want it the universe
has quite a powerful platform out there
in this day and age called social media
where it seems like everybody’s running
around in fiction think about every time
you post something you get that little
like button that is the opioid pusher of
the web serotonin dopamine endorphins
flood into us and we love it so what do
we do we put our happy faces out there
all the time even when we’re feeling sad
its inauthentic to us and then what else
do we do FOMO the fear of missing out
how often have you been that fawning
voyeur to someone else’s grand adventure
feeling like yours don’t really quite
measure up and then perhaps the greatest
personal mistake we make with our
narrative is we compare what we think
are our simple little stories to
everybody else’s epic fictions that
doesn’t work for us very well either
because it feels inauthentic to us being
connected to people in our lives is
essential for our sanity and for our
survival but what do we do we try to
over connect sometimes and we start
living into other people’s lives playing
roles in those lives playing you’re
living into their stories on their terms
all trying to connect them what does
this do to us quite often we feel like
it’s in authentic we feel unworthy
alienated and lonely and really one of
the biggest things that happens when we
start living to other people’s lives is
we lose confidence in ourselves because
we are trying to measure up to their
expectations I can tell you the day the
universe came calling and gave me a
wake-up Monday September 14th 2015 I
woke up with a knot in my stomach
because I knew I was gonna have to make
a major change you see I had been in the
advertising world as I mentioned I’ve
been running an agency for twenty years
now it’s something that I’ve worked at
tirelessly we started in a little shack
behind our very first home it grew we
added lots of employees we built a
building and I created a company I
thought that defined me and it was had a
good time for a while doing that because
I thought I was also building a career
that my mom and dad would be proud of
that my siblings would appreciate and
even my peers would respect but you know
what I wasn’t happy because I just
wasn’t living into my own story the
answer was sitting right before me right
plain sight in fact I’ve been preaching
and teaching it for many years and comes
back to this idea of story we had been
helping brands around the world create
their brand story strategy to make their
impact we had so much success in this
area it was almost started to get out of
our advertising realm that Arizona State
University called five years ago and
said Park we’re pretty fascinated with
what you guys are doing with this would
you mind writing a curriculum for the
executive masters for sustainability
leadership in communications based on
your story cycle system which I did and
then I had the distinct honor of
teaching for four years I mean I got to
work with executives around the world so
here comes the universe wakes up and he
says dude what are you doing you have to
get out of this advertising world and
start doing this over here and I’m like
this is a major pivot for dude at 55
midlife that’s tough but I knew I had to
do it so now what I did jumped in with
both feet I consult teach coach and
speak on the power story for folks just
like you to help you find your personal
narrative so that you can go out and
make the most profound impact in the
world on your terms all compelling
stories starts in the moment moments are
the experiences that are all unique to
us those experiences then lead to our
beliefs the beliefs lead to our personal
truths when we unwrap those truths we
find our absolute gifts that we bring in
this world our super powers now it may
not look like this guy but that’s the
metaphor that I want you to take away
what is your superpower that you could
nudge the world in any direction you
choose by living in and embracing the
scenes and the moments in your life that
make you uniquely you now here’s the
toughest part about this whole
storytelling scene
thing Hollywood calls it the dark night
of the soul I kind of prefer the belly
of the whale
I know someone who might call it
Ukrainian orphanage but it is in our
moments of struggle when the universe is
putting the screws to you and your
character that you will probably find
your most compelling pivotal scenes in
your life that actually propel your
stories forward but like an
archaeologist you have to go and dig
them up they’re often hidden under the
detritus of life or you they don’t
immediately come to our Rico because
they’re unpleasant or they’re buried
underneath the piles of scripts that
people think that we need to be playing
to let me give you an example I’m gonna
take you to a kitchen there’s a
nine-year-old boy there named James and
he’s hanging out with his aunt his aunt
drinking some tea and James is
absolutely fascinated by this kettle tea
kettle on the stove that is still
boiling away and spewing out steam out
of the spout so much so he gets up on a
chair he has a spoon he holds it over he
watches the condensation build up he
watches the drops of water come off and
he has just blown away by this
phenomenon that he’s trying to figure
out well James’s aunt is pissed she
thinks he’s idling away messing around
lazy yells at him James like to get down
and go do something read a book do
something productive for a change aren’t
you ashamed of yourself how do you think
James felt have you read anyone say that
to you because he just misunderstood who
you are and what you’re up to
well thank goodness for us that James
were not undaunted because 20 years
later in 1765 at the age of 29 James
Watt created a kind of steam engine that
ushered in the Industrial Revolution a
momentous time that all started with the
moment at a teapot
now what TED talk would be complete
without a reference to Steve Jobs when
he was a student at Reed College in
Portland Oregon he was taking a
calligraphy class and people were saying
Steve what are you doing why are you
wasting your time and money doing this
but what did his fascination lead to the
graphical design Apple Computer and a
complete
revolution in how we compute so you see
even revolutions begin in moments of
discovery and inspiration so what are
your scenes
what are your moments stop looking for
the big story and find out those moments
that absolutely define who you are when
you do wonderful things happen you will
begin to clarify your origin story so
people will have a better understanding
of who you are what you’re about where
you come from and where you are going
starts creating real empathy with that
empathy then you start amplifying your
impact because you get to share your
real-world experiences with those close
to you they get to experience it to
connect your shared beliefs and values
and then finally what it does for you it
simply helps you simplify your life
because you just get to be you here’s
what I want you to do tonight before you
go to bed pull out a pen and a paper and
write down on that time when those three
words will lead you to an amazing place
and answer questions like this any
questions you want that get you to that
moment that that time when your
curiosity took you down a path that
surprised you and literally change the
course of your life or that time when a
seemingly insignificant moment had a
surprising impact on you or that time
when you overcame something you thought
you could never do so I want to ask you
what is your enlightened calligraphy
moment what is your inspired tea pot
incident what is your episode of being
abandoned and feeling lonely or like my
mom
nurse Howell what is that symbolic
orange in your life that inspired your
purpose in the morning knit those scenes
together and you never know you might
even have the universe there knocking on
your door it a little pit in your
stomach
changing your course regardless of what
happens I promise you will learn what I
have learned that the most potent story
you will ever tell
is the story you tell yourself so make
it a great one
thank you
[Applause] [Music]
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