[Music]
[Applause]
there is an epidemic that is the root
cause for the societal ills of America
today and it’s not what you may think
it’s not capitalism socialism
environmentalism or racism those
affected by this epidemic have a four
times greater likelihood of living in
poverty or two times more likely to
become obese two times more likely to be
a high school dropout
more life had become pregnant as a
teenager abuse drugs commit a crime and
go to prison the epidemic I’m speaking
about is fatherlessness and its impact
is huge in fact the US Census Bureau
states that there are 24 million
children in America that’s 1 in 3 who
live without a biological father in the
home fatherlessness is an epidemic and
the consequences of fatherlessness and
the breakdown the family or having a
monumental impact on our society today
so yes we need to wrap our hands around
fatherlessness as I’ve described it
however there’s something that I believe
that’s lurking below the surface that
hasn’t even far wider reach and deeper
impact and the type of fatherlessness
that I just described that’s the other
end of the spectrum there are 49 million
children in America who have a father
living in the home yet how many of them
are disengaged dad’s vacant shells
zombie-like figures who represent an
entirely different type of
fatherlessness the US Bureau of Labor
Statistics shows that the average
American male works more than eight
hours a day spends more than four hours
and their mobile devices two hours
watching television two hours doing
household chores and duties and less
than two hours caring for and helping
household children the scary thing is
that number actually goes down on the
weekends we would expect our fathers to
be engaging their kids even more this is
thus our state of the union of
fatherhood in our country today and you
may be saying Justin you’re paying a
pretty grim picture of fatherhood but
it’s reality fatherhood is no longer a
playground it’s become a battleground
and we have to reclaim fatherhood and
overcome fatherlessness if you want to
change the charge
three of our society for future
generations at this point you’re
probably expecting me to launch into a
story about how I didn’t have a dad
growing up and I overcame all these
obstacles well it’s not true I had a
good dad growing up he wasn’t a perfect
dad but he was a good dad and I am far
from a perfect dad there are plenty of
times that I let my environment my
circumstances my insecurities get the
best of me and I yell at my kids or lose
my temper or don’t live up to the
standard that I’ve set for myself as a
father however there are other times
that I have the opportunity to engage my
kids and those moments of engagement or
what really really truly matters because
you see for me seven years ago I had a
moment that changed everything about my
perspective on fatherhood I took a risk
and that risk was to take my
three-year-old daughter on a
daddy-daughter date night now you may be
saying what’s the risk in that but I’ll
tell you it put me at a complete place
of vulnerability a place that I don’t
often like to go in fact I was more
nervous about that first date with my
three year old than I was for the first
date with my wife because what do you
talk about at dinner with a
three-year-old would she remember this
would she care and most importantly
would she think I’m a good dad I cleared
that head trash out and focused on why
we were there in the first place because
see I’m a believer that far more is
caught than taught and this was my way
at a very early age of embedding in my
daughter what a great man would look
like when she meets the man of her
dreams one day you know setting the
standard for excellence in a man the
things of generations past frankly like
opening doors having manners treating
her and others with respect
complimenting her appropriately I
remember like it was yesterday
I was in my suit and tie and she was in
the cutest little red dress and we’d
gone to her favorite restaurant where
she was enjoying her usual plain noodles
with the hint of butter and a Shirley
Temple
well we had wrapped up dinner and made
our way down the stairs to the sounds of
a five-piece jazz band and twirling her
as we walked out the door to go next
door to Ben & Jerry’s and have dessert
we then walked across the Charleston
market and leaning up against the wall
we were doing one of our favorite things
which was people watching especially the
tourists and as I leaned back I put my
hand in my pockets I felt the crinkle of
the receipts from dinner and curious I
pulled him out to see what I had spent
on dinner with my daughter and looking
down realize that I had spent over $70
on dinner and dessert with my
three-year-old daughter then most of
that was mine but you get the point
seventy dollars on dinner with my
three-year-old and that’s when it hit me
that perspective shift no Justin you
didn’t spend $70 on dinner with your
three-year-old you invested seventy
dollars in the life of your
three-year-old and what a great
investment it was so much has changed
since then my wife and I now have four
beautiful children nine seven five and
three the oldest the girl and then three
boys in a row my wife is an incredible
woman a successful entrepreneur which
has afforded her the opportunity to work
almost every Saturday at her startup
bridal boutique over the last 10 years
this has also afforded me this at every
Saturday to spend time one on four now
with my children engaging them and what
a blessing it’s been it wasn’t long
after my kids figured out that it’s dad
on Saturday that they began asking
midweek dad what’s the plan for Saturday
what are we gonna do what’s the game
plan and I realized I couldn’t just loaf
my way into a Saturday I had to be
intentional and engage my children and
have a game plan well they weren’t all
manufactured moments there were
certainly moments that were more like
dad at home with the kids on Saturday
but they affectionately named our day
together daddy Saturday and our epic
adventures began to date we’ve done
things like bubble wrap battles blown up
volcanoes done more things with water
balloons and glow sticks than I ever
thought possible we put a pool on the
trampoline
we’ve played sports on the beach we’ve
ridden heavy-duty construction equipment
I’ve built obstacle course
after obstacle course and racetrack
after racetrack
we’ve been creative some things have
been extravagant some things have been
very simplistic but at the end of the
day we’ve had some incredible moments
and memories together on our Saturdays
Pan they’ve been some great memories the
platform has actually become bigger than
just me now as I hope to engage other
father’s in being intentional with their
children and creating their own daddy
Saturdays if you add up all the hours
that I’ve spent with my children on
Saturdays if you combine all those hours
through all of four of my kids it’s
about 12,000 hours that I spent on
Saturdays with them at this point over
the last nine and a half years according
to Malcolm Gladwell and his principle of
the 10,000 hours I guess that would make
me an expert dad I’ll tell you I’m far
from an expert dad but what I will say
is that over that time I’ve learned a
few things about fatherhood and what I
believe is a solution to fatherlessness
it starts with one thing and that’s
intentionality
it also takes what I like to call the
father factors first it takes the
blessing versus a burden mindset I
remember after one of our long daddy’s
Saturdays I was exhausted the kids were
tired they had gone inside to watch
television and I was outside picking up
toys that were strewn from one end of
the yard of the next the remnants of our
amazing day together and as I’m picking
up each toy I’m getting more and more
frustrated to myself saying isn’t this
why I had four kids why are they not out
here helping me why am i doing all this
by myself and each toy was a burden and
then that’s where another perspective
shift came in God said to me Justin you
can view these toys and your kids as a
burden where you have a choice you can
view them as a blessing
each one of these toys a reminder of the
amazing day in the amazing time that
you’ve had together see when you have
kids the days are so long but the years
are so short in fact we have a visual
reminder of this in our home we have
glass jars one for each child with
pebbles in them each of those pebbles
represents a weekend that they have in
the home the average American child has
between 950 and a thousand weekends
before they leave the home
my oldest daughter who’s 9 her jar is
already half way gone hard to believe we
must treat our kids with the blessing
versus a burden mindset margin matters
as fathers we need to focus on peak
performance as a dad how do we attain
that well it starts with not burning
ourselves out during the week having
some gas left in the tank so we can
engage our kids and be intentional with
them when it matters that focuses on
eating right sleeping taking care of
yourself minimizing stress during the
week so that when you have that time
with your kids it can be intentional and
engaging and epic it’s about saying no
to the wrong things and yes to the right
things it’s trusting that what we don’t
do with our week will maximize what we
do do with our children margin matters
we also as dads need to stop being the
hero
you already are your kids hero and you
always will be when you think about
every movie that’s ever been made you’ve
got a hero a villain a conflict that
occurs and a guide dad’s if you become
the hero of the story then what happens
is your kids never get to fight the
villain or overcome the obstacles or
experience failure you enable them and
then when they get to adulthood they
don’t know what that’s like and they
won’t succeed the level that they could
instead if you make your kids the hero
of the story and you serve as the guide
and they overcome those villains and
fight those those challenges and
experience failure as a child and
they’ll have what it takes to succeed
when they reach adulthood make the kids
the hero of the story and service their
it’s also about creating epic moments
let me qualify what epic means epic does
not have to be extravagant expensive or
extraordinary sometimes epic can be the
most simple moments I can think of
moments where we were on the trampoline
tickling them to their toes and laughing
is staring up the clouds and just
experiencing one of those heavenly
moments with your kids so simple yet it
was epic or taking a bike ride to the
harbor in the early morning with one of
them and watching the Sun Rise it’s epic
when I think about epic moments and all
that I’ve learned about the hours with
my kids I’ve learned this if we’re
intentional and we engage them then it
just turns out to be epic because think
about it when you were a kid remember
the first time you went to the forest or
saw the ocean or what’s an amusement
park everything is bigger and better
when you’re a kid and just being there
and engaging them tends to lend itself
to being epic we also need to have a dad
compass a true north for fatherhood and
this is so important in our society
today with millennial fathers coming
down the pipeline a generation Z fathers
soon to come they have no clear vision
or path for fatherhood
so fathers today need to set that course
we need to have a compelling vision for
ourselves as fathers and for our
children and be relentless in the
pursuit of that vision I think of the
biblical hero Nehemiah who said I’m
doing a great work and I cannot come
down that’s the type of resolve we need
to have his father’s and finally it’s
not about raising good kids it’s about
raising good kids who have what it takes
to succeed in this hard world and become
great adults you see dads our legacy is
dependent upon the investment we make in
our children today it’s the small
deposits over time that accumulate to
add up to their success in adulthood
that’s what matters fatherlessness is a
single biggest impact on our society
today
it’s the resolve of the American father
by being intentional engaging our
children and implementing the father
factors that is the solution the
challenge to myself and to father’s
everywhere is this are you willing to be
vulnerable humble self-sacrificing
create a compelling vision for yourself
as a father and for your children and
change the world one daddy Saturday at a
time thank you
[Applause]
[Applause]
there is an epidemic that is the root
cause for the societal ills of America
today and it’s not what you may think
it’s not capitalism socialism
environmentalism or racism those
affected by this epidemic have a four
times greater likelihood of living in
poverty or two times more likely to
become obese two times more likely to be
a high school dropout
more life had become pregnant as a
teenager abuse drugs commit a crime and
go to prison the epidemic I’m speaking
about is fatherlessness and its impact
is huge in fact the US Census Bureau
states that there are 24 million
children in America that’s 1 in 3 who
live without a biological father in the
home fatherlessness is an epidemic and
the consequences of fatherlessness and
the breakdown the family or having a
monumental impact on our society today
so yes we need to wrap our hands around
fatherlessness as I’ve described it
however there’s something that I believe
that’s lurking below the surface that
hasn’t even far wider reach and deeper
impact and the type of fatherlessness
that I just described that’s the other
end of the spectrum there are 49 million
children in America who have a father
living in the home yet how many of them
are disengaged dad’s vacant shells
zombie-like figures who represent an
entirely different type of
fatherlessness the US Bureau of Labor
Statistics shows that the average
American male works more than eight
hours a day spends more than four hours
and their mobile devices two hours
watching television two hours doing
household chores and duties and less
than two hours caring for and helping
household children the scary thing is
that number actually goes down on the
weekends we would expect our fathers to
be engaging their kids even more this is
thus our state of the union of
fatherhood in our country today and you
may be saying Justin you’re paying a
pretty grim picture of fatherhood but
it’s reality fatherhood is no longer a
playground it’s become a battleground
and we have to reclaim fatherhood and
overcome fatherlessness if you want to
change the charge
three of our society for future
generations at this point you’re
probably expecting me to launch into a
story about how I didn’t have a dad
growing up and I overcame all these
obstacles well it’s not true I had a
good dad growing up he wasn’t a perfect
dad but he was a good dad and I am far
from a perfect dad there are plenty of
times that I let my environment my
circumstances my insecurities get the
best of me and I yell at my kids or lose
my temper or don’t live up to the
standard that I’ve set for myself as a
father however there are other times
that I have the opportunity to engage my
kids and those moments of engagement or
what really really truly matters because
you see for me seven years ago I had a
moment that changed everything about my
perspective on fatherhood I took a risk
and that risk was to take my
three-year-old daughter on a
daddy-daughter date night now you may be
saying what’s the risk in that but I’ll
tell you it put me at a complete place
of vulnerability a place that I don’t
often like to go in fact I was more
nervous about that first date with my
three year old than I was for the first
date with my wife because what do you
talk about at dinner with a
three-year-old would she remember this
would she care and most importantly
would she think I’m a good dad I cleared
that head trash out and focused on why
we were there in the first place because
see I’m a believer that far more is
caught than taught and this was my way
at a very early age of embedding in my
daughter what a great man would look
like when she meets the man of her
dreams one day you know setting the
standard for excellence in a man the
things of generations past frankly like
opening doors having manners treating
her and others with respect
complimenting her appropriately I
remember like it was yesterday
I was in my suit and tie and she was in
the cutest little red dress and we’d
gone to her favorite restaurant where
she was enjoying her usual plain noodles
with the hint of butter and a Shirley
Temple
well we had wrapped up dinner and made
our way down the stairs to the sounds of
a five-piece jazz band and twirling her
as we walked out the door to go next
door to Ben & Jerry’s and have dessert
we then walked across the Charleston
market and leaning up against the wall
we were doing one of our favorite things
which was people watching especially the
tourists and as I leaned back I put my
hand in my pockets I felt the crinkle of
the receipts from dinner and curious I
pulled him out to see what I had spent
on dinner with my daughter and looking
down realize that I had spent over $70
on dinner and dessert with my
three-year-old daughter then most of
that was mine but you get the point
seventy dollars on dinner with my
three-year-old and that’s when it hit me
that perspective shift no Justin you
didn’t spend $70 on dinner with your
three-year-old you invested seventy
dollars in the life of your
three-year-old and what a great
investment it was so much has changed
since then my wife and I now have four
beautiful children nine seven five and
three the oldest the girl and then three
boys in a row my wife is an incredible
woman a successful entrepreneur which
has afforded her the opportunity to work
almost every Saturday at her startup
bridal boutique over the last 10 years
this has also afforded me this at every
Saturday to spend time one on four now
with my children engaging them and what
a blessing it’s been it wasn’t long
after my kids figured out that it’s dad
on Saturday that they began asking
midweek dad what’s the plan for Saturday
what are we gonna do what’s the game
plan and I realized I couldn’t just loaf
my way into a Saturday I had to be
intentional and engage my children and
have a game plan well they weren’t all
manufactured moments there were
certainly moments that were more like
dad at home with the kids on Saturday
but they affectionately named our day
together daddy Saturday and our epic
adventures began to date we’ve done
things like bubble wrap battles blown up
volcanoes done more things with water
balloons and glow sticks than I ever
thought possible we put a pool on the
trampoline
we’ve played sports on the beach we’ve
ridden heavy-duty construction equipment
I’ve built obstacle course
after obstacle course and racetrack
after racetrack
we’ve been creative some things have
been extravagant some things have been
very simplistic but at the end of the
day we’ve had some incredible moments
and memories together on our Saturdays
Pan they’ve been some great memories the
platform has actually become bigger than
just me now as I hope to engage other
father’s in being intentional with their
children and creating their own daddy
Saturdays if you add up all the hours
that I’ve spent with my children on
Saturdays if you combine all those hours
through all of four of my kids it’s
about 12,000 hours that I spent on
Saturdays with them at this point over
the last nine and a half years according
to Malcolm Gladwell and his principle of
the 10,000 hours I guess that would make
me an expert dad I’ll tell you I’m far
from an expert dad but what I will say
is that over that time I’ve learned a
few things about fatherhood and what I
believe is a solution to fatherlessness
it starts with one thing and that’s
intentionality
it also takes what I like to call the
father factors first it takes the
blessing versus a burden mindset I
remember after one of our long daddy’s
Saturdays I was exhausted the kids were
tired they had gone inside to watch
television and I was outside picking up
toys that were strewn from one end of
the yard of the next the remnants of our
amazing day together and as I’m picking
up each toy I’m getting more and more
frustrated to myself saying isn’t this
why I had four kids why are they not out
here helping me why am i doing all this
by myself and each toy was a burden and
then that’s where another perspective
shift came in God said to me Justin you
can view these toys and your kids as a
burden where you have a choice you can
view them as a blessing
each one of these toys a reminder of the
amazing day in the amazing time that
you’ve had together see when you have
kids the days are so long but the years
are so short in fact we have a visual
reminder of this in our home we have
glass jars one for each child with
pebbles in them each of those pebbles
represents a weekend that they have in
the home the average American child has
between 950 and a thousand weekends
before they leave the home
my oldest daughter who’s 9 her jar is
already half way gone hard to believe we
must treat our kids with the blessing
versus a burden mindset margin matters
as fathers we need to focus on peak
performance as a dad how do we attain
that well it starts with not burning
ourselves out during the week having
some gas left in the tank so we can
engage our kids and be intentional with
them when it matters that focuses on
eating right sleeping taking care of
yourself minimizing stress during the
week so that when you have that time
with your kids it can be intentional and
engaging and epic it’s about saying no
to the wrong things and yes to the right
things it’s trusting that what we don’t
do with our week will maximize what we
do do with our children margin matters
we also as dads need to stop being the
hero
you already are your kids hero and you
always will be when you think about
every movie that’s ever been made you’ve
got a hero a villain a conflict that
occurs and a guide dad’s if you become
the hero of the story then what happens
is your kids never get to fight the
villain or overcome the obstacles or
experience failure you enable them and
then when they get to adulthood they
don’t know what that’s like and they
won’t succeed the level that they could
instead if you make your kids the hero
of the story and you serve as the guide
and they overcome those villains and
fight those those challenges and
experience failure as a child and
they’ll have what it takes to succeed
when they reach adulthood make the kids
the hero of the story and service their
it’s also about creating epic moments
let me qualify what epic means epic does
not have to be extravagant expensive or
extraordinary sometimes epic can be the
most simple moments I can think of
moments where we were on the trampoline
tickling them to their toes and laughing
is staring up the clouds and just
experiencing one of those heavenly
moments with your kids so simple yet it
was epic or taking a bike ride to the
harbor in the early morning with one of
them and watching the Sun Rise it’s epic
when I think about epic moments and all
that I’ve learned about the hours with
my kids I’ve learned this if we’re
intentional and we engage them then it
just turns out to be epic because think
about it when you were a kid remember
the first time you went to the forest or
saw the ocean or what’s an amusement
park everything is bigger and better
when you’re a kid and just being there
and engaging them tends to lend itself
to being epic we also need to have a dad
compass a true north for fatherhood and
this is so important in our society
today with millennial fathers coming
down the pipeline a generation Z fathers
soon to come they have no clear vision
or path for fatherhood
so fathers today need to set that course
we need to have a compelling vision for
ourselves as fathers and for our
children and be relentless in the
pursuit of that vision I think of the
biblical hero Nehemiah who said I’m
doing a great work and I cannot come
down that’s the type of resolve we need
to have his father’s and finally it’s
not about raising good kids it’s about
raising good kids who have what it takes
to succeed in this hard world and become
great adults you see dads our legacy is
dependent upon the investment we make in
our children today it’s the small
deposits over time that accumulate to
add up to their success in adulthood
that’s what matters fatherlessness is a
single biggest impact on our society
today
it’s the resolve of the American father
by being intentional engaging our
children and implementing the father
factors that is the solution the
challenge to myself and to father’s
everywhere is this are you willing to be
vulnerable humble self-sacrificing
create a compelling vision for yourself
as a father and for your children and
change the world one daddy Saturday at a
time thank you
[Applause]
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