another story another truth maybe
something that wasn’t wrought with so
many obstacles in the first chapters of
my life I’m sure you’re wondering why
so I want you all to look and see that
I’m dressed as a very successful
businesswoman right we all get that well
this I wear occasionally of course for
like pitches or fun events like this but
in my everyday life as a nanny for
another family and I’m gonna do
something very unorthodox in TED talk
and I’m going to take off some of my
business clothes and I am wearing of
course a cool t-shirt and my yoga pants
because how many moms wear yoga pants
every day raise your hands
as my microphone is coarse gonna get
caught we knew this was gonna have some
issues of course we couldn’t do it just
as simple as that anyway we’re just
gonna go ahead and get undressed right
and everyone is grateful that I have
these shoes on because they look really
great with this outfit and I won’t put
on the tennis shoes like mr. Rogers does
we’ll skip that and I’ll just stand in
my socks so every day this is what I
wear so I am a single mother that’s what
I do every day that’s who I am and I’m
very happy about it it’s something that
I’m passionate about and it’s something
that’s really dear to my heart so I want
to talk a little bit about the single
mother situation these are my beautiful
kids as you can see so a heroine of mine
now that I’m comfy Ellen says find out
who you are and be that person that is
what your soul was put on this earth to
be find that truth live that truth and
every everything else will come
she’s pretty important to me so I love
to quote her these are my beautiful kids
here so here’s the honest truth
of being a single mom it’s been an
extremely tough road I wanted to do a
little bit of statistics there are 12
million single-parent families in the
u.s. so if we take those 12 million
single parents and the single mothers
that are in that category are make up
80% of those single mothers and there
are 31 percent of those eighty percent
where food insecure meaning they’ve gone
to food banks they’ve been on food
stamps and I could say chick been there
13% of those have used the food banks
and like I said food stamps and I have
been there too
31% have spent half their income on
housing which makes it extremely
difficult to actually have any sort of
life so its ends meat is very difficult
also single mothers are receiving child
support of those 45% of single mothers
receive all of their child support their
support so yay for those dads 29%
received partial and 26% get nothing so
nothing from nothing is nothing I’m sure
everyone knows that but it’s very hard
to think about that there are 12 2
million single mothers out there a
little over 2 million that actually
receive zero child support they do it
all on their own or with the help of
hopefully family and friends if they
so the question is how is someone like
me or a single mother out there going to
overcome this struggle that is the
question especially if you do not have a
college degree or education I we’re
gonna do a little backstory on myself so
you guys can understand a little bit of
Who I am
I was married very young eighteen and
started out you know my life thinking
that I was just gonna be a mom and that
was gonna be it and unfortunately
sometimes those fairytales don’t come to
pass I grew up in the woods of Montana
and that’s a teepee that we lived in I’m
the oldest
and as my Ellen always says is if you
obviously don’t follow someone else’s
path enlist you’re lost in the woods but
then by all means follow that path I’m
here to say Ellen um guess what there
was there wasn’t a path there for me to
follow so we were raised pretty poor my
family we didn’t discuss college we we
basically were raised with a like the
apocalyptic idea that you were gonna be
a hard worker you have you know milking
goats gardening wool spinning these were
the traits that I was taught which are
great if society collapse but not so
great in the real world so growing up
that way was very interesting in fact
here’s some fun pictures of a hillbilly
hot tub so of course it was fun and also
I we had some great lighting that is a
Coleman lantern that’s very exquisite
lighting if you want to know where to
get one of those so very fun also I was
raised in a very large family I am the
oldest of seventeen and yes my dad was a
polygamist at one point he had two wives
and
three for one period of time very
grateful for my third mom and as you see
it there is my my two moms in that
picture my mom is in the middle and my
second mom is in the on the edge so grew
up very in a very large family and my
mom would take off a lot so I ended up
in thrusted with raising my siblings so
at the age of 18 I got married and was
actually interested on having a
stepdaughter at the age of 18 which was
a great blessing and I also had four
awesome amazing incredible kids of my
own
my biggest loss that I had to deal with
was um when my stepdaughter was struck
by a car and killed at the age of 12 I
was she was crossing to go see some
friends this was five days before
Christmas and over a decade ago but
still pretty fresh but that was one of
the biggest losses that I had to deal
with after I got divorced so we we moved
away from North or southern Utah and we
ended up our marriage kind of collapsed
after the death of our daughter I had to
get back into the work force field and
discover what it was like to get out
there and find a job I was a waitress
I was I mean I probably have 24 resume
you know 24 different job titles you
could put under my name as you see here
I was a barista but getting out in the
workforce was terrifying it was
overwhelming it was scary
but I knew that I had to do it for my
kids after I was divorced I happened to
fall into a terrible relationship now
this is one of those life left’s lessons
that you get to go on and discover how
how strong you are I became I started
dating my doctor at the time and he was
treating me for an autoimmune disorder I
had
and so that turned into a lot of
physical emotional abuse that I don’t
want to go into too much detail but it
was a very difficult time I ended up
leaving him and starting over and was
very blessed to be able to do that with
a strength and help of my children
especially so I want you guys to I knew
that I had to be the hero in my own life
so I wanted to share with you some of my
little tips on how to be a hero in your
own life reason for why you’re doing
what you’re doing to be a single mother
entrepreneur you need to find out your
big reason for what you’re doing it
could be more time with your kids it
could be you know going on more trips or
you know just inspiring other people the
other one is I for inquire and that is
to ask questions because someone usually
always has the answers that’s been the
biggest hurdle for me is getting putting
myself out there and asking those
questions and usually someone knows
someone survived I know that word is a
misused word but I like to use survive
as persevere and it obviously holds an S
and what I’m spelling here so survive
means working your tail off it means
going the extra mile it means putting in
the extra hours it means putting in the
extra money that it takes to get to your
goals your dreams or whatever it is that
you find as your reason why I put ears
closed as my e because the naysayers out
there are going to tell you that your
dream or your goals aren’t good enough
and you’re gonna have to shut that out
and that was one of the biggest things
is to learn that when people tell you
that it’s not possible you just have to
say you know what I’m gonna do it peace
out rise up is obviously my company but
it also holds a really true deep meaning
to me because it’s about rising up and
not letting someone else stand in your
path or dictate your dreams or your
opportunities of imagined
better so rise up for yourself and thank
you guys so very much [Music]