[Applause]
story shape the world at the set but who
do stories actually shape so the short
and obvious answer to this is of course
everyone but I think there is merit in
going into further detail about the
mechanisms by which story shape us and
how we can use the power of storytelling
to take control of our own life as with
most things in my life I wish to begin
with talking about children when I was
six I fell off my brother’s back and
that’s how I first began to read all by
myself that story is not important what
is what matters is the first story or
rather the first book that I ever read
this one Brothers Grimm did not actually
create all these stories these have been
handed down since the 1700s
now collated in the nineteenth century
being read by children the world over to
this day like a mother tongue
these are acquired and passed down
generations this brings me to an
important aspect of storytelling the
author is not oftentimes the most
important person in the life of the
story the story evolves picks up new
authors along the way must like a
beautiful flower in a garden and bees
getting attracted to it and spreading
the pollen all over so but the nectar is
not always sweet often it is very bitter
it took us nearly three centuries to
realize that these stories have fed us
tales of misogyny a mistrust for every
relationship with the word step in it a
warped correlation between size and evil
and not to miss a mention of the
glorification of a thief who stole from
a giant just because he cursed
how deep in our bones is all this the
hapless pretty girl who always needs
rescuing the ugly the evil stepmother
the bad ugly stepsisters agree now
almost being a Stepan for evil anybody
who does not conform to the world
standards of beauty or normalcy is
looked viewed with mistrust and
suspicion where do you think that gut
feel him from in the formative years of
a child we are fed the worldview that a
girl only needs to look pretty and boys
get to go on adventures this brings me
to the power of storytelling who gets to
tell the story and what is the text the
subtext of these fairy tales is that
beauty that a cunning is associated with
the physically malformed and that a
beautiful beauty with helplessness so
this is quite this thing we as parents
need to interrogate what passes between
our years and that of our family
but luckily times change people change
and stories evolve too
comic books have come of age with the
female at the center stage of many a
storyline be it Wonder Woman Star Wars
or even Disney they are beginning to
reflect this change and the new
generation has a new mythology to look
forward to and no longer need to be
troubled by the problematic tales of the
past but fairy tales are not the only
stories we tell our children jokes tell
a story too jokes tell a story of what
is acceptable to laugh at who is
acceptable to be laughed down upon when
we tell a joke to a child we are shaping
their future we are shaping their
perception of what lies within the
boundary of decency and what does not so
one time pretty long ago when I was
quite sure about the orientation of both
my children I jokingly and rather
insensitively told them feel free to
choose your own life partner but I have
a condition the boy gets to marry a girl
and the girl gets to marry a boy why
they asked in unison why indeed I would
not have made this insensitive joke had
I not been sure of their orientation but
with that why I realized that I carried
within me centuries of ingrained
indoctrinated nonsense that had made my
thinking so narrow and shallow
my apologies way below I told them years
later I would change it to feel free to
choose your own life partner with
responsibility period caste color sex
orientation no bar the key word being
responsibility I wrote about this on
Quora
it is incredible how many children are
out there afraid to come out and speak
openly to their parents I do hope that
there will be many more such Indian
homes which will reflect this change in
mindset stories of children shaping
their parents one idea at a time but
jokes are not the only insensitive
things going around innocent innocuous
sounding stories mess with the minds of
even adults many of you may have
received this as a Watts have forward
from some doubt in your family group or
somebody but just a short recap for
those who may not so husband and wife
had this agreement that they would not
open the door for anyone at night one
night the husband’s parents came
visiting they knocked on the door the
husband looked at his wife he remembered
they had a pact so he did not open the
door they went away a while later that
same night the wife’s parents came
they knocked on the door – the wife
looked at her husband she remembered
they had an agreement but she had tears
in her eyes I can’t do this to my
parents and she opened the door for them
the husband said nothing they had two
boys and a few years later they had a
baby girl husband threw a lavish party
for her he invited everybody he knew in
town for that so that night his wife
asked him she said we had these two boys
you didn’t do anything for them and now
this grand party for your daughter why
so the husband said because she is the
one who will open the door for me notice
are so sweet so be sure right they hold
your hand for a while but they hold your
heart for a lifetime
it’s the tagline of this story but I beg
to differ I call out the hypocrisy in
this one stories like these foster and
fester the belief that daughters will
take care of their parents till the end
of their lives and be sweet and tender
and loving but a son is a son only till
the time he becomes a husband and
thereafter he will do whatever his wife
asks him to do stories like these put us
in a box behind bars and they just gauge
our thinking such small stories create
even smaller mentalities and when we
when those people who throw these
stories as attachment they realize that
we are lapping it up watch our Facebook
you must have read it a hundred times
the story they decide to throw even more
stories like this resulting in a dumbing
down of society Indian TV serials are
mute testimony to this not so mute but
yes they are testimony to that so
remember remember I said about story
shaping children I think we need to be
more very about the stories that shape
adults stories that deceive have
consequences
entire parallel realities exist where
stories have been created by people in
positions of power media you know who’s
who and worst of all people themselves
stories that scratch an itch they seem
true they feel right
these aren’t truth spread far faster
than any truth and that has consequences
the allure of passing a lie around the
thrill of watching it grow did you hear
did you hear that thrill far outweighs
the need to search for the bland boring
truth and that has consequences too
often we elect the liar who tells us the
most comfortable untruth or we trust our
valuables with that company which tells
us the most comforting life so the end
result of these things the end game of
these people is for us to mistrust
everything that we read see here until
we get disgusted and we withdraw these
stories erode trust Hashmi to stands
testimony to the erosion of trust
between individuals the shame is a cross
for the people to bear so with this you
see the I salute those brave women and
men who dared come out and speak about
this trust deficit who dare demand
justice for themselves and fall out the
perpetrator of the crime and who refused
to be the victim anymore such stories
shaped not just individuals they shape
entire societies a society when you tell
enough stories in a society it becomes
common knowledge after a while it
becomes the culture of that place
when you go forward in time and you look
back that culture is history history is
kept alive by those who remember to tell
those stories down generations and by
those who keep a record often the two
are not the same people
the British told us for 250 years in
that time several historians came
studied our culture traditions people
they wrote about us they wrote so many
they did read our books they spoke to
people all in English the regional voice
was lost who would tell us these stories
if they are not in English when was the
last time any of you ever read an entire
book in Hindi or your mother tongue Oh
Sanskrit which has been a language for
thousands of years with the decline of
Sanskrit we are beginning to lose a
voice we are beginning to lose a
perspective we are beginning to lose
stories about ourselves told by
ourselves instead we will be left with
stories about us told by others and we
need to be wary of those stories who
tells what and to what in and whose
voice did we lose because wonderful
things happen when we tell our own
stories when we go to places where there
are guides who show us around they bring
the place alive with those stories a
tiny place like Kanyakumari is brimming
with the wealth of stories inside of her
whenever I go to a new place I make it a
point to listen to the stories of that
place and come home and tell my children
about it so after our visit to
Kanyakumari I wrote a poem for my then
young children to go to school and tell
their friends about it this one
the land of the three seas we called it
a tale of love deceit rejection of how
the world was saved from destruction
because a lady didn’t wear
ah kanya Kumari forever a temple speaks
of a cursed gem of an arrogant king who
refuses to bow before the deity of a
cunning architect who deliberately made
the door to the sanctum sanctorum so
small that the king was forced to bend
before he entered a rock stands
testament to the awakening of
Vivekananda just before the iconic
speech which would inspire an entire
generation of Indians countless stories
abound all the world over stories of
heroes who chiseled amok here left a
scar there leaving the world transformed
each time some heroes are famous Gandhi
Mandela Malala who traveled my favorite
their biographies inspire their lives a
beacon to follow but somewhere among
these are the nameless heroes of the
world people who thought they should and
who decided they would their names
etched forever in our minds be it that
solitary man who stood in front of those
tanks in Tiananmen Square
oh wait that single soldier who refused
to salute to Hitler their stories their
actions forever will stand as a symbol
of the power of one their names to not
live on but their stories to I want to
be sure that I emphasize at this point
that not all of us may get an
opportunity to tell our stories
sometimes it’s not in our hands but
while there is still strength in your
mind and body be sure to keep your story
ready to pass on like a baton to the
future
it is a cliche to be standing at the
podium and say that you everyone has the
the problem with you young ones is that
sometimes you dream too high and when it
doesn’t come true you get dejected your
go-to story doesn’t have to be as grand
as Gandhi’s or as brave as malala’s or
as dangerous as general Serbs your go-to
story can be small it can be in your
school your workplace your community
even your home so my go-to story is from
my campus of the then re see now NIT
Trichy so campus interviews were on and
there were these this reputed South
waste company who had come for
interviewing us so being what may be
termed as a bit of an end to cut late–
I landed up pretty early at the
placement office with my resume all
spruced up to give to him the company
representative said girls need not apply
company policy my nickname in college
was Darth Vader
I made sure that guide that Dame knew
why
so I said unless you interview both
girls and boys I will not permit you to
do the interviews in art college all or
none so the firm was sent back they
returned after a fortnight having
changed their company policy
and I was among the first girls to be
selected there they had to hastily
construct eyelets and all for us and
that the first person I read there on my
very first day would be my husband he’s
sitting right there either story I leave
for another time but I’m here today
because of my connect with the
youngsters on Quora I am but a tiny cog
in the wheel of the world maybe not even
that but even I have saved a life from
getting lost by talking to a child all
night and talking him out of taking it
even I have restored the self-esteem of
a
child by showing her a mirror and
showing her her birth even I have
brought one history in child back to his
parents saved one marriage and I believe
that I have affected a tiny change in
the small world around me that story is
mine to tell of the power of one to make
a difference no matter how small what’s
yours thank you
story shape the world at the set but who
do stories actually shape so the short
and obvious answer to this is of course
everyone but I think there is merit in
going into further detail about the
mechanisms by which story shape us and
how we can use the power of storytelling
to take control of our own life as with
most things in my life I wish to begin
with talking about children when I was
six I fell off my brother’s back and
that’s how I first began to read all by
myself that story is not important what
is what matters is the first story or
rather the first book that I ever read
this one Brothers Grimm did not actually
create all these stories these have been
handed down since the 1700s
now collated in the nineteenth century
being read by children the world over to
this day like a mother tongue
these are acquired and passed down
generations this brings me to an
important aspect of storytelling the
author is not oftentimes the most
important person in the life of the
story the story evolves picks up new
authors along the way must like a
beautiful flower in a garden and bees
getting attracted to it and spreading
the pollen all over so but the nectar is
not always sweet often it is very bitter
it took us nearly three centuries to
realize that these stories have fed us
tales of misogyny a mistrust for every
relationship with the word step in it a
warped correlation between size and evil
and not to miss a mention of the
glorification of a thief who stole from
a giant just because he cursed
how deep in our bones is all this the
hapless pretty girl who always needs
rescuing the ugly the evil stepmother
the bad ugly stepsisters agree now
almost being a Stepan for evil anybody
who does not conform to the world
standards of beauty or normalcy is
looked viewed with mistrust and
suspicion where do you think that gut
feel him from in the formative years of
a child we are fed the worldview that a
girl only needs to look pretty and boys
get to go on adventures this brings me
to the power of storytelling who gets to
tell the story and what is the text the
subtext of these fairy tales is that
beauty that a cunning is associated with
the physically malformed and that a
beautiful beauty with helplessness so
this is quite this thing we as parents
need to interrogate what passes between
our years and that of our family
but luckily times change people change
and stories evolve too
comic books have come of age with the
female at the center stage of many a
storyline be it Wonder Woman Star Wars
or even Disney they are beginning to
reflect this change and the new
generation has a new mythology to look
forward to and no longer need to be
troubled by the problematic tales of the
past but fairy tales are not the only
stories we tell our children jokes tell
a story too jokes tell a story of what
is acceptable to laugh at who is
acceptable to be laughed down upon when
we tell a joke to a child we are shaping
their future we are shaping their
perception of what lies within the
boundary of decency and what does not so
one time pretty long ago when I was
quite sure about the orientation of both
my children I jokingly and rather
insensitively told them feel free to
choose your own life partner but I have
a condition the boy gets to marry a girl
and the girl gets to marry a boy why
they asked in unison why indeed I would
not have made this insensitive joke had
I not been sure of their orientation but
with that why I realized that I carried
within me centuries of ingrained
indoctrinated nonsense that had made my
thinking so narrow and shallow
my apologies way below I told them years
later I would change it to feel free to
choose your own life partner with
responsibility period caste color sex
orientation no bar the key word being
responsibility I wrote about this on
Quora
it is incredible how many children are
out there afraid to come out and speak
openly to their parents I do hope that
there will be many more such Indian
homes which will reflect this change in
mindset stories of children shaping
their parents one idea at a time but
jokes are not the only insensitive
things going around innocent innocuous
sounding stories mess with the minds of
even adults many of you may have
received this as a Watts have forward
from some doubt in your family group or
somebody but just a short recap for
those who may not so husband and wife
had this agreement that they would not
open the door for anyone at night one
night the husband’s parents came
visiting they knocked on the door the
husband looked at his wife he remembered
they had a pact so he did not open the
door they went away a while later that
same night the wife’s parents came
they knocked on the door – the wife
looked at her husband she remembered
they had an agreement but she had tears
in her eyes I can’t do this to my
parents and she opened the door for them
the husband said nothing they had two
boys and a few years later they had a
baby girl husband threw a lavish party
for her he invited everybody he knew in
town for that so that night his wife
asked him she said we had these two boys
you didn’t do anything for them and now
this grand party for your daughter why
so the husband said because she is the
one who will open the door for me notice
are so sweet so be sure right they hold
your hand for a while but they hold your
heart for a lifetime
it’s the tagline of this story but I beg
to differ I call out the hypocrisy in
this one stories like these foster and
fester the belief that daughters will
take care of their parents till the end
of their lives and be sweet and tender
and loving but a son is a son only till
the time he becomes a husband and
thereafter he will do whatever his wife
asks him to do stories like these put us
in a box behind bars and they just gauge
our thinking such small stories create
even smaller mentalities and when we
when those people who throw these
stories as attachment they realize that
we are lapping it up watch our Facebook
you must have read it a hundred times
the story they decide to throw even more
stories like this resulting in a dumbing
down of society Indian TV serials are
mute testimony to this not so mute but
yes they are testimony to that so
remember remember I said about story
shaping children I think we need to be
more very about the stories that shape
adults stories that deceive have
consequences
entire parallel realities exist where
stories have been created by people in
positions of power media you know who’s
who and worst of all people themselves
stories that scratch an itch they seem
true they feel right
these aren’t truth spread far faster
than any truth and that has consequences
the allure of passing a lie around the
thrill of watching it grow did you hear
did you hear that thrill far outweighs
the need to search for the bland boring
truth and that has consequences too
often we elect the liar who tells us the
most comfortable untruth or we trust our
valuables with that company which tells
us the most comforting life so the end
result of these things the end game of
these people is for us to mistrust
everything that we read see here until
we get disgusted and we withdraw these
stories erode trust Hashmi to stands
testimony to the erosion of trust
between individuals the shame is a cross
for the people to bear so with this you
see the I salute those brave women and
men who dared come out and speak about
this trust deficit who dare demand
justice for themselves and fall out the
perpetrator of the crime and who refused
to be the victim anymore such stories
shaped not just individuals they shape
entire societies a society when you tell
enough stories in a society it becomes
common knowledge after a while it
becomes the culture of that place
when you go forward in time and you look
back that culture is history history is
kept alive by those who remember to tell
those stories down generations and by
those who keep a record often the two
are not the same people
the British told us for 250 years in
that time several historians came
studied our culture traditions people
they wrote about us they wrote so many
they did read our books they spoke to
people all in English the regional voice
was lost who would tell us these stories
if they are not in English when was the
last time any of you ever read an entire
book in Hindi or your mother tongue Oh
Sanskrit which has been a language for
thousands of years with the decline of
Sanskrit we are beginning to lose a
voice we are beginning to lose a
perspective we are beginning to lose
stories about ourselves told by
ourselves instead we will be left with
stories about us told by others and we
need to be wary of those stories who
tells what and to what in and whose
voice did we lose because wonderful
things happen when we tell our own
stories when we go to places where there
are guides who show us around they bring
the place alive with those stories a
tiny place like Kanyakumari is brimming
with the wealth of stories inside of her
whenever I go to a new place I make it a
point to listen to the stories of that
place and come home and tell my children
about it so after our visit to
Kanyakumari I wrote a poem for my then
young children to go to school and tell
their friends about it this one
the land of the three seas we called it
a tale of love deceit rejection of how
the world was saved from destruction
because a lady didn’t wear
ah kanya Kumari forever a temple speaks
of a cursed gem of an arrogant king who
refuses to bow before the deity of a
cunning architect who deliberately made
the door to the sanctum sanctorum so
small that the king was forced to bend
before he entered a rock stands
testament to the awakening of
Vivekananda just before the iconic
speech which would inspire an entire
generation of Indians countless stories
abound all the world over stories of
heroes who chiseled amok here left a
scar there leaving the world transformed
each time some heroes are famous Gandhi
Mandela Malala who traveled my favorite
their biographies inspire their lives a
beacon to follow but somewhere among
these are the nameless heroes of the
world people who thought they should and
who decided they would their names
etched forever in our minds be it that
solitary man who stood in front of those
tanks in Tiananmen Square
oh wait that single soldier who refused
to salute to Hitler their stories their
actions forever will stand as a symbol
of the power of one their names to not
live on but their stories to I want to
be sure that I emphasize at this point
that not all of us may get an
opportunity to tell our stories
sometimes it’s not in our hands but
while there is still strength in your
mind and body be sure to keep your story
ready to pass on like a baton to the
future
it is a cliche to be standing at the
podium and say that you everyone has the
the problem with you young ones is that
sometimes you dream too high and when it
doesn’t come true you get dejected your
go-to story doesn’t have to be as grand
as Gandhi’s or as brave as malala’s or
as dangerous as general Serbs your go-to
story can be small it can be in your
school your workplace your community
even your home so my go-to story is from
my campus of the then re see now NIT
Trichy so campus interviews were on and
there were these this reputed South
waste company who had come for
interviewing us so being what may be
termed as a bit of an end to cut late–
I landed up pretty early at the
placement office with my resume all
spruced up to give to him the company
representative said girls need not apply
company policy my nickname in college
was Darth Vader
I made sure that guide that Dame knew
why
so I said unless you interview both
girls and boys I will not permit you to
do the interviews in art college all or
none so the firm was sent back they
returned after a fortnight having
changed their company policy
and I was among the first girls to be
selected there they had to hastily
construct eyelets and all for us and
that the first person I read there on my
very first day would be my husband he’s
sitting right there either story I leave
for another time but I’m here today
because of my connect with the
youngsters on Quora I am but a tiny cog
in the wheel of the world maybe not even
that but even I have saved a life from
getting lost by talking to a child all
night and talking him out of taking it
even I have restored the self-esteem of
a
child by showing her a mirror and
showing her her birth even I have
brought one history in child back to his
parents saved one marriage and I believe
that I have affected a tiny change in
the small world around me that story is
mine to tell of the power of one to make
a difference no matter how small what’s
yours thank you
Please follow and like us: