I was born in 1971 and this is long
before we were using ultrasound
technology to determine the gender of
babies in utero or count ten fingers and
ten toes so it was not only a surprise
to my young parents that I was a girl
but the bigger surprise was that I was
born without my left arm now this is
also during a time when fathers were out
in the hospital lobby chain smoking
cigarettes in the hospital while mother
is delivered with just doctors and
nurses present so when I arrived they
sedated my mother and whisked me off for
further tests and went to tell my father
he had a daughter which was such happy
news but they followed it with but she
was born without her arm she’s got a
pretty severe handicap now as my dad
tells it he was flooded with fears what
will become of my girl will she have a
normal life a job will I have to take
care of this kid for the rest of my life
when my mother came to and they
presented me to her she said is this it
she’s just missing her hand oh we got
so a few days later I was home and I
loved these photos of my young parents
for a lot of reasons but particularly
the one of my dad because I’ve used this
photo all over the country and now here
at Ted on this stage and I never got his
consent to put his photo in his little
red skivvies out there for the world to
see are we still good dad as you can see
I was a happy baby and I grew and
developed and hit every developmental
milestone that other babies did like
pushing up sitting crawling and in fact
I crawled in such a lopsided fashion but
maybe it prompted me to stand up early
so because of my limb difference I was
advanced right I walked a little bit
early
and I was literally running circles
around other babies I was fit with my
first prosthesis at nine months old and
I began doing things by manually
stacking blocks holding hands
maneuvering objects there wasn’t
anything other kids could do that I
couldn’t do I made a world fit for
people with two hands work for me a girl
with a hand and a hook I was full of
potential I was just like every other
kid except I wasn’t and I didn’t see any
other kids or know any other kids like
me and it became very evident that I was
the only kid like me in town when I went
to kindergarten I’d say that’s precisely
the time that I started seeing myself
not for all of my potential but rather
for all that I was lacking the attention
that my hook got me in school made me
very uncomfortable
I developed a sense of shame and guilt
for not looking like and being like
everyone else kids would come up to me
and say what’s wrong with your arm in a
real stinky way and what I wanted to say
but instead I just told them that I was
born this way which never really
satisfied their questions I was an easy
target for name-calling like Captain
Hook and toolshed which really hurt and
I don’t even know what it meant
I just knew other kids weren’t getting
called toolshed it was just me I was
picked last four teams in PE because
people made assumptions that I wasn’t
gonna be good at anything even adults
made assumptions about my capabilities
and my cognitive abilities often talking
down to me or babying me like I couldn’t
understand them I’m like I’m missing my
but in order to combat the negative
attention that my arm often got I would
pull my shirt sleeves down put it in my
pocket hide it behind my back
inadvertently in doing this I was
showing the world that this is something
that I was uncomfortable with but that
wasn’t true I was uncomfortable with the
way people responded to me I became very
consumed and concerned with the way the
world perceived me and I started making
decisions based on my arm or lack
thereof decisions like what instrument
to play in elementary school what do you
think I picked just throw some out drums
Oh drums would have been so rock and
roll and right up my alley but instead I
chose at ten years old the trumpet not
because I love the sweet sound of that
horn no it was actually it was a safe
choice there was no risk in failing in
front of other people it required three
fingers I had them I knew I could do it
and I knew that it wouldn’t give anyone
the chance to point at me and say I knew
she couldn’t do it because she’s missing
her arm now there were times that I
would stretch my comfort zone I really
wanted to be part of a team so I tried
out for the basketball team and though I
was good enough to be on the team the
coaches pulled me aside and they said
Kerri we think you might be a danger to
the other kids if you want to keep
playing what we’d like you to do is wrap
your prosthesis and soft fall
what do you think I did quit I quit
playing basketball and well I thought
that you know team sports weren’t made
for people like me so instead I started
investing my time in individual sports
but you know I’d say you strapped a pair
of skates on me I’m a danger to anybody
within about 10 feet of me in high
school I was exhausted with all this
covering up in an effort to make other
people comfortable in my presence I had
seen this quote and I think it was on a
refrigerator magnet it looked just like
this and it was life isn’t about finding
yourself it’s about creating yourself
and I thought yeah I’m gonna do that so
I went to work creating a persona that I
thought would be acceptable that I
thought people would admire I wanted to
be confident so I pretended that I was I
pulled my shirt sleeves up I pulled my
chest back to my chin up and I went into
the world pretending that it didn’t
bother me that people were pointing or
staring or whispering as I walked by
what was worse they turned away
sometimes not making eye contact with
with me I carried this desire to create
a persona that people would admire into
my 30s now in my 30s I had seen a number
of people in the limb loss community
making great strides professionally
socially by becoming athletes para
athletes and I thought why not get in on
that bandwagon can’t hurt me right so I
started doing races and I was part of an
all challenged triathlon team so my swim
partner he had lost three of his limbs
in a train accident my bike partner was
missing his leg and then me on the all
challenged team I was doing the run
which I felt very fraudulent about to be
considered challenged nonetheless I was
there right and I met this gentleman and
he’s like hey you’re a triathlete and I
couldn’t say no I’m just here feeding my
egos need for acceptance and I said no
I’m just doing the run and he said did
you know that there’s never been a
female below elbow amputee competitor at
the national level in paratriathlon and
I was like no I don’t follow the sport
and he said I’m the president of the USA
team tell you what come to New York City
this summer do the race and look since
there’s never been anybody in your
category all you have to do is finish
bingo
jackpot all right so I stand before you
today a two-time paratriathlon national
champion
look all of these efforts they were
really just all ego-driven they were all
about me trying to get me out from under
my fear shadow to deal with the pains of
childhood rejection of not being perfect
of not fitting in all of these efforts
they really weren’t getting me closer to
my true self titles behind my name
trophies on the wall medals around my
neck that doesn’t tell you who I am I
was at a conference earlier this year
and I heard this incredibly dynamic
speaker say in your life you will either
be in service of your fears or in
service of your potential and I thought
about that for a minute and I thought
why did it take me so long to get that
message I thought of my childhood what
do you do when your fears anxieties and
insecurities are so powerful that they
block your vision and your ability to
see yourself clearly how do you serve
anything but your fears if you can’t see
past them the one place where my fears
anxieties insecurities all that ego
stuff it didn’t show up it was when I
was working in the service of others
whether it was when I was a young
campfire girl making arts and crafts
with members of an adult group home or
volunteering in my high school with
developmentally impaired students
teaching them how to count change and
navigate the bus system and find their
potential or whether it was when I
became a teacher myself or had my own
children and became a mother and worked
with other children to bring out the
potential in them there’s just no room
up here or right here for all of your
ego stuff when you genuinely stand in
service of another 20 years ago I took a
job in the prosthetics industry that
allowed me to work with other people
with limb differences like myself we
built a nationwide mentoring program
that is ready to serve anyone who is
facing or has gone through amputation
what we learned is that there is no
greater
to heal yourself to find your strength
and to live your purpose than by helping
another in a similar situation 13 years
ago I was invited to attend a camp for
kids with limb differences it was in
Maine and I arrived a little bit late
and when I got there the kids were in
the lake splashing around and swimming
and have a great having a great time and
the beach was littered with prosthetic
arms and legs to the layperson this may
have looked like a grisly crime scene to
me it was pure perfection here we see
young kids helping one another talking
about fears and anxieties trying new
things in a safe and supported space
helping each other helps them become
confident strong independent and
comfortable in their own skin serving
each other’s highest potential brings
them effortlessly into recognizing their
own I think back of my own child and I
used to think this was a curse but you
know I’ve pivoted on this beautiful
circumstance of my life and I’ve used it
to connect with people all people in
real deep and meaningful ways and in
the best way to find yourself is to lose
yourself in the service of others
through service you find you’re not
fearful you’re thoughtful
you’re not self consumed you’re generous
you’re not limited you’re gifted you are
not alone now today when I’m considering
my decisions I think about my passion
and my motivation in my intention if my
motivation is to be of service to
something greater than my ego and my
intention is to bring about something
good in the world then I know I’m
tapping in to my authentic self you can
serve your fears or you can serve your
potential
and if you find yourself in a moment
where you can’t see past your fears to
your potential get out of your own way go beyond and step into service
before we were using ultrasound
technology to determine the gender of
babies in utero or count ten fingers and
ten toes so it was not only a surprise
to my young parents that I was a girl
but the bigger surprise was that I was
born without my left arm now this is
also during a time when fathers were out
in the hospital lobby chain smoking
cigarettes in the hospital while mother
is delivered with just doctors and
nurses present so when I arrived they
sedated my mother and whisked me off for
further tests and went to tell my father
he had a daughter which was such happy
news but they followed it with but she
was born without her arm she’s got a
pretty severe handicap now as my dad
tells it he was flooded with fears what
will become of my girl will she have a
normal life a job will I have to take
care of this kid for the rest of my life
when my mother came to and they
presented me to her she said is this it
she’s just missing her hand oh we got
so a few days later I was home and I
loved these photos of my young parents
for a lot of reasons but particularly
the one of my dad because I’ve used this
photo all over the country and now here
at Ted on this stage and I never got his
consent to put his photo in his little
red skivvies out there for the world to
see are we still good dad as you can see
I was a happy baby and I grew and
developed and hit every developmental
milestone that other babies did like
pushing up sitting crawling and in fact
I crawled in such a lopsided fashion but
maybe it prompted me to stand up early
so because of my limb difference I was
advanced right I walked a little bit
early
and I was literally running circles
around other babies I was fit with my
first prosthesis at nine months old and
I began doing things by manually
stacking blocks holding hands
maneuvering objects there wasn’t
anything other kids could do that I
couldn’t do I made a world fit for
people with two hands work for me a girl
with a hand and a hook I was full of
potential I was just like every other
kid except I wasn’t and I didn’t see any
other kids or know any other kids like
me and it became very evident that I was
the only kid like me in town when I went
to kindergarten I’d say that’s precisely
the time that I started seeing myself
not for all of my potential but rather
for all that I was lacking the attention
that my hook got me in school made me
very uncomfortable
I developed a sense of shame and guilt
for not looking like and being like
everyone else kids would come up to me
and say what’s wrong with your arm in a
real stinky way and what I wanted to say
but instead I just told them that I was
born this way which never really
satisfied their questions I was an easy
target for name-calling like Captain
Hook and toolshed which really hurt and
I don’t even know what it meant
I just knew other kids weren’t getting
called toolshed it was just me I was
picked last four teams in PE because
people made assumptions that I wasn’t
gonna be good at anything even adults
made assumptions about my capabilities
and my cognitive abilities often talking
down to me or babying me like I couldn’t
understand them I’m like I’m missing my
but in order to combat the negative
attention that my arm often got I would
pull my shirt sleeves down put it in my
pocket hide it behind my back
inadvertently in doing this I was
showing the world that this is something
that I was uncomfortable with but that
wasn’t true I was uncomfortable with the
way people responded to me I became very
consumed and concerned with the way the
world perceived me and I started making
decisions based on my arm or lack
thereof decisions like what instrument
to play in elementary school what do you
think I picked just throw some out drums
Oh drums would have been so rock and
roll and right up my alley but instead I
chose at ten years old the trumpet not
because I love the sweet sound of that
horn no it was actually it was a safe
choice there was no risk in failing in
front of other people it required three
fingers I had them I knew I could do it
and I knew that it wouldn’t give anyone
the chance to point at me and say I knew
she couldn’t do it because she’s missing
her arm now there were times that I
would stretch my comfort zone I really
wanted to be part of a team so I tried
out for the basketball team and though I
was good enough to be on the team the
coaches pulled me aside and they said
Kerri we think you might be a danger to
the other kids if you want to keep
playing what we’d like you to do is wrap
your prosthesis and soft fall
what do you think I did quit I quit
playing basketball and well I thought
that you know team sports weren’t made
for people like me so instead I started
investing my time in individual sports
but you know I’d say you strapped a pair
of skates on me I’m a danger to anybody
within about 10 feet of me in high
school I was exhausted with all this
covering up in an effort to make other
people comfortable in my presence I had
seen this quote and I think it was on a
refrigerator magnet it looked just like
this and it was life isn’t about finding
yourself it’s about creating yourself
and I thought yeah I’m gonna do that so
I went to work creating a persona that I
thought would be acceptable that I
thought people would admire I wanted to
be confident so I pretended that I was I
pulled my shirt sleeves up I pulled my
chest back to my chin up and I went into
the world pretending that it didn’t
bother me that people were pointing or
staring or whispering as I walked by
what was worse they turned away
sometimes not making eye contact with
with me I carried this desire to create
a persona that people would admire into
my 30s now in my 30s I had seen a number
of people in the limb loss community
making great strides professionally
socially by becoming athletes para
athletes and I thought why not get in on
that bandwagon can’t hurt me right so I
started doing races and I was part of an
all challenged triathlon team so my swim
partner he had lost three of his limbs
in a train accident my bike partner was
missing his leg and then me on the all
challenged team I was doing the run
which I felt very fraudulent about to be
considered challenged nonetheless I was
there right and I met this gentleman and
he’s like hey you’re a triathlete and I
couldn’t say no I’m just here feeding my
egos need for acceptance and I said no
I’m just doing the run and he said did
you know that there’s never been a
female below elbow amputee competitor at
the national level in paratriathlon and
I was like no I don’t follow the sport
and he said I’m the president of the USA
team tell you what come to New York City
this summer do the race and look since
there’s never been anybody in your
category all you have to do is finish
bingo
jackpot all right so I stand before you
today a two-time paratriathlon national
champion
look all of these efforts they were
really just all ego-driven they were all
about me trying to get me out from under
my fear shadow to deal with the pains of
childhood rejection of not being perfect
of not fitting in all of these efforts
they really weren’t getting me closer to
my true self titles behind my name
trophies on the wall medals around my
neck that doesn’t tell you who I am I
was at a conference earlier this year
and I heard this incredibly dynamic
speaker say in your life you will either
be in service of your fears or in
service of your potential and I thought
about that for a minute and I thought
why did it take me so long to get that
message I thought of my childhood what
do you do when your fears anxieties and
insecurities are so powerful that they
block your vision and your ability to
see yourself clearly how do you serve
anything but your fears if you can’t see
past them the one place where my fears
anxieties insecurities all that ego
stuff it didn’t show up it was when I
was working in the service of others
whether it was when I was a young
campfire girl making arts and crafts
with members of an adult group home or
volunteering in my high school with
developmentally impaired students
teaching them how to count change and
navigate the bus system and find their
potential or whether it was when I
became a teacher myself or had my own
children and became a mother and worked
with other children to bring out the
potential in them there’s just no room
up here or right here for all of your
ego stuff when you genuinely stand in
service of another 20 years ago I took a
job in the prosthetics industry that
allowed me to work with other people
with limb differences like myself we
built a nationwide mentoring program
that is ready to serve anyone who is
facing or has gone through amputation
what we learned is that there is no
greater
to heal yourself to find your strength
and to live your purpose than by helping
another in a similar situation 13 years
ago I was invited to attend a camp for
kids with limb differences it was in
Maine and I arrived a little bit late
and when I got there the kids were in
the lake splashing around and swimming
and have a great having a great time and
the beach was littered with prosthetic
arms and legs to the layperson this may
have looked like a grisly crime scene to
me it was pure perfection here we see
young kids helping one another talking
about fears and anxieties trying new
things in a safe and supported space
helping each other helps them become
confident strong independent and
comfortable in their own skin serving
each other’s highest potential brings
them effortlessly into recognizing their
own I think back of my own child and I
used to think this was a curse but you
know I’ve pivoted on this beautiful
circumstance of my life and I’ve used it
to connect with people all people in
real deep and meaningful ways and in
the best way to find yourself is to lose
yourself in the service of others
through service you find you’re not
fearful you’re thoughtful
you’re not self consumed you’re generous
you’re not limited you’re gifted you are
not alone now today when I’m considering
my decisions I think about my passion
and my motivation in my intention if my
motivation is to be of service to
something greater than my ego and my
intention is to bring about something
good in the world then I know I’m
tapping in to my authentic self you can
serve your fears or you can serve your
potential
and if you find yourself in a moment
where you can’t see past your fears to
your potential get out of your own way go beyond and step into service
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