[Music]
so my talk today is not about Donald
Trump well it’s a little bit about
Donald trouble get to that really what I
want to talk about today is seeking out
discomfort conquering your fears
linguini most importantly what I want to
talk about is how we can make real
meaningful connections with each other
and how we can start seeing each other
as human beings and and how we crave
human contact with each other so right
after the election I was too busy to
really like be depressed and mopey about
it like all of my friends I was working
on a creative placemaking project that
was called sea change and during the
week after the election I had to produce
and install this giant art installation
and we were working for had been working
on it for months and we were installing
it in this neighborhood that was
undergoing a lot of change there was a
new development that was going up that
was threatening to displace hundreds of
low-income families lots of so-called
gentrify are moving into the
neighborhood and there were complaints
that they weren’t saying hello to
anybody on the street they weren’t
interacting with the longtime black
residents that had lived in this
neighborhood for generations and there
were new stores opening to cater to this
this new crowd there was a yoga studio a
coffee shop called The Colony Club a
doggie daycare and so I you know as I
was thinking about how to do this
project I got an inspiration from kind
of an odd source I was reading a story
in the modern love column of the New
York Times and in this story
two people asked each other thirty-six
questions that become increasingly more
personal and
at the end of that they stare into each
other’s eyes for four minutes
and the idea was that they were supposed
to fall in love with each other and
because they had made themselves more
vulnerable to each other I mean I don’t
know about you but I can’t even think
about staring somebody for 10 seconds
like that’s that just sounded horrifying
to me but I was really intrigued by this
idea of seeing each other and so that
idea of seen each other became the core
of my project so what we did was we made
video portraits of people who lived in
the neighborhood and we sought out
people who were the unseen and unheard
members of the community the ones who if
they went to a community meeting they
weren’t the loudest ones and you know
about those people who are always the
loudest ones at those meetings and in
fact some of them even told me that they
didn’t even bother going to those
meetings because nobody was listening to
them anyway so we we made these video
portraits of their faces and I wanted to
use video instead of still photography
because I felt like you know it made
their faces more dynamic and alive you
can see people’s eyes blinking you can
see their hair blowing in the wind we
projected these videos into vacant
storefront windows and buildings along
the main thoroughfare of this
neighborhood my thought and you know
they were projected at nighttime so you
could see them obviously and so my ideal
was to give life and give light to these
dark spaces on this this rapidly
changing neighborhood it was an amazing
experience to watch pedestrians walking
down the street and they would just stop
and stare and just gaze into the eyes of
these people and cars would literally
pull over and just sit there with the
car running just looking at the faces in
conjunction with this the video part
portion of the project I organized
several gatherings of of people in the
neighborhood different I organized
different things so that people could
have different ways of interacting with
each other and it was you know really
important to be able to give people an
opportunity to actually talk to each
other once they saw each other
spaces so during this whole process I
met a man named Buddy Moore he became
very instrumental in the success of this
project
he’s a 78 year old black man who has
lived in this neighborhood almost his
entire life and we became kind of
unlikely friends and he caught he became
sort of my ambassador to the
neighborhood he introduced me to people
he sort of advised me on how to navigate
some of the social tensions that were
happening and so like I said he was one
of the most important pieces of the
puzzle as in terms of the success of the
project at one of the gatherings where
we were both ad he told this incredible
stunning story about how his parents had
moved their small family from South
Carolina to DC when he was only 2 years
old he had two brothers and he said the
reason was because his parents were
afraid that their sons would be lynched
in South Carolina and I just was like my
took the that’s why she took the breath
out of me but I was a little bit too shy
to share my story during that that
gathering so later he and I had lunch
and I told him the story of how my my
own mother had risked her life to bring
our extended family from Vietnam to
America and the reason was because they
would have been killed by communists at
that time communists were killing people
who had land who had any education who
had worked with the Americans during the
war and so in that moment like our
friendship mine and buddies solidified
until then we had been cordial
neighborly acquaintances but that
experience of knowing that our parents
had gone to these extraordinary measures
to save us really bonded us so like I
said right around the election I didn’t
really have much time to wallow and
being angry sad frustrated I felt all
those things but I was so busy working
on this project that I
Kanna had to suppress those feelings a
little bit but you know at the same time
I wanted to do something I I just
couldn’t I just didn’t feel like I could
sit back and and just be sad basically
and so I did kind of a weird thing I
posted an invitation on Facebook and I
said if you’re a trump voter I would
like to invite you over for dinner
because I want to talk to you and I it
was on a whim I don’t know I didn’t know
wasn’t sure what would happen from it um
but in part I did it because I just
couldn’t imagine that over 62 million
people who voted for him were all
terrible people and I wanted to find out
like why did you vote for this person
that I find abhorrent I mean I had read
lots of books and articles about you
know the white working-class voters all
of that I tried watching I tried
watching Fox News as much as I possibly
could stand it and all of that was
pretty useful information but you know
it’s filtered through this political
pundit tree if it was filtered through
the media like I wanted to hear directly
from the trunk voter um partially
partially because I was curious but
mostly because I just felt like this
country was tearing apart and I was in
this bubble that in which I never talked
to anybody who thought much differently
for me who you know most people I
couldn’t you know hang out with have
about the same education where so III
was just I just wanted to find out what
the the other side thought and I thought
if we could just talk to each other we
might actually together be able to find
solutions find ways to heal this this
obvious divide in our country I decided
to invite people for dinner in
particular because I thought well maybe
it’ll be less likely to insult me if I
cook dinner for them and you know it was
in I mean a little bit I was a little
scared right because I people had posted
terrible things on social media
and you know they had called me stupid
and naive and those are like the nice
things that they said you know people
say things to each other
when you can’t when they can’t see you
when you’re hidden behind a laptop and
you don’t see the other person I
believed that Donald Trump is despicable
no question I’ve made no secret of that
but I just had this feeling in my gut
that you know not all the people who
voted for him more despicable
I might there were some people in my own
family who voted for Trump as I’m sure
some of you have that too and you know
my my my mother who is a refugee voted
for trumping you’d think she’d have more
more sympathy for refugees but no and
part of the reason is because she’s
Vietnamese Vietnamese people hate China
they don’t like the growing influence of
China not only in Southeast Asia but in
the world and so at the time she
believed that Trump would keep China in
check and that’s why she voted for him
and I don’t think my mother is
despicable I have a Bolivian friend who
at her spanish-speaking church the /
rich the the pastor told the
parishioners to vote for Donald Trump
and a lot of these people who go to this
church she said are undocumented and the
reason is because they don’t they don’t
believe in abortion and so they should
never vote for abortion rights and my
Bolivian for she did not vote for
trumpet-like she said these people are
not despicable people I believe her I
also have a white middle-aged man friend
who just not what has that sounds like
[Laughter]
he told me the story of how his mother
had been held in a Soviet prison for ten
years and when she was finally let go
she came to America and this guy voted
his mother so this is his mother he
voted for Trump and when I asked him
about the Russian interference in our
about Putin he’s like no problem like I
wanna I have a small business and that’s
what matters to me and I think Trump is
going it’s good for business he’s a
great guy
not despicable so it was very confusing
and I wanted to find out why these nice
likeable people could vote for what for
such a terrible person so nobody
accepted my invitation on Facebook
unsurprisingly even though they were
very you know they made a lot of
colorful comments during the campaign
but suddenly everybody went quiet and I
didn’t have any voting friends or
acquaintances in my circle at least none
that I knew of I finally found one
though it was the co-worker of a friend
of a friend and I she introduced me and
at first this woman was kind of
reluctant I you know I think she might
have thought it was maybe laying a trap
for her something like maybe I was gonna
pin her down and make her watch Michael
Moore movies and so I was like no no
like we’re here I’m not gonna persuade
you to my viewpoint I you know I’m not
gonna let anybody do any name-calling
during dinner like it’s I just want to
listen talk and hear what you have to
say and so she agreed and so because I
didn’t know any other Trump voters she
brought her libertarian boyfriend and
her across the hall neighbor so like the
you know it was digging deep to get
guests it might at the table I and then
I invited two liberal friends who kind
of balanced out the table I want to make
sure it was even so that nobody thought
we were ganging up on anybody and it was
amazing oh I should tell you I made a I
thought through the menu it was a red
and blue menu I made I had blue corn
chips and red salsa
I made a blue cheese sauce and put it on
this pasta that I found that was red
I’ve been tinted with beet juice and
then for dessert I made a blueberry and
cherry crisp which was delicious
although it did turn into a symbolic
purple
by the end of the the meal so when the
guests arrive we just started talking
about politics from the second they got
there until the last person left and you
know it was fine but I just felt like I
felt like the things that I really
remembered about people was not about
what positions they held politically
what I remember we’re sort of the things
that made the more human to me
for example the women who the woman had
voted for Trump she basically said I
want to keep more of my money so I’m
voting for tax policy basically but her
Sirian she told the story about her
Syrian grandmother who immigrated to
America and I thought that’s strange but
interesting about you the one guy he one
of his main reasons for voting for Trump
was Kasich you really wanted to appeal
Obamacare but he told a story of how he
had traveled all over the world he lived
in many countries in Hong Kong for five
years and he talked about how much he
loved learning about different cultures
especially for a guy who had grown up as
a self-professed
redneck in South Carolina so again I was
just floored I liked these people I
couldn’t figure out why these very
likeable people voted for this terrible
person and you know I guess I kind of
started thinking maybe we shouldn’t be
labeling all of them as racist
xenophobic ignorant bigots I also
started to think why are these dinners
just aren’t really about politics after
all for the next dinner because I really
wanted to get to know people I wanted us
to get to know each other more I
instituted a ban on political
conversation for 30 minutes when
everybody got there we talked about
movies that we had seen places we had
traveled I mean it was like a bad first
date so at the end of the thirty minutes
I pulled out this bag yet and I made
everybody put their hand on it and
promised to be respectful to each other
and have you know a civil discourse and
then we tore the bread apart
I’m very into symbolism and I’m very
cheesy like that so the conversation was
going okay
again polite civilized and then we kind
of started veering off into a truck not
uncharted territory like we started
talking about like rehashing Benghazi
there and then there was this debate
about well was Japanese internment
really so bad I wish I’d had that back
yet again to bludgeon some of these
people I also realized saving America
one dinner party at a time was not going
to be easy the next dinner party or now
not the next a subsequent one because
I’ve done several of these a subsequent
subsequent one took place in rural Ohio
I you know I had felt safe inviting
people to my home in DC I mean 94% of
the people voted for Clinton in DC and
so I felt pretty good about that and I
thought you know going to Ohio was gonna
sort of test this theory that you know
whether all Trump voters are racist
sexist ignorant you know phobic bigots I
thought I was thinking I’m gonna find
some of those people when I go to Ohio
so I flew into Columbus I rent a car and
I Drive north into Trump land and I
pulled over at a rest area to have a
little bathroom break and when I got out
of the car I was kind of looking around
at all the people and I thought ooh I
wonder it’s like wonder if any of these
people think I should just go back to
where I came from so I was like you know
a little reticent and then maybe a
little further down the road I stopped
at a gas station and I went in to buy
snack and I found myself being like
really quiet and unassuming and extra
polite I realized that some habits die
hard I’ve grown up in the south where I
was the only Asian looking kid in my
community other than my little brother
and I had learned to make myself
invisible because if people see you they
might make fun of you they might call
you terrible names and so I found myself
doing that and in in Ohio because I was
suddenly feeling like
oh look at all the white people here and
all the potential Trump voters so I
arrived and I decided I wanted to try
something new try experiment with a
different way of trying to deepen our
connections before we started talking
about politics so what I did was I
paired up everybody a liberal with a
conservative and I instructed everyone
to tell a story about when they felt
like there were their best selves and we
just kept talking and talking and I got
paired up with this woman who told me
that she really loved German history and
I said Oh tell me about that
and she said well I’m especially
interested in Nazi history and I gasped
but I kept my cool and we just kept
talking and we just kept telling stories
about ourselves to each other and it was
just really it was just really amazing
and we just it we I mean I had a lot at
15 minutes for that portion of the
evening I mean we ended up all everybody
all the pairs of people we ended up
talking for almost 45 minutes because
once we started telling the stories we
just wanted to know more about each
other
telling the stories seemed to make each
make ourselves more human to each other
I was at that dinner when I finally
realized that maybe it was possible to
heal the political divide in our country
one conversation at a time so people
often ask me like you know what did you
learn what did they say you know it’s
sort of like I went to the zoo or I went
you know I did some anthropological
survey and I just somehow discovered
something amazing that the thing the one
thing that was gonna make it all make
sense or unite all of us and I wish I
could tell you that I have the answer to
that there is no one thing what I really
what I found out was that we have we all
have this urge to connect with each
other
I made no secret of my disdain for
Donald Trump and yet Trump voters came
to my house for dinner I thought that
was amazing
we crave human
tact I think that I think that once we
start having actual meaningful
conversations with each other it starts
we start seeing each other as human
beings and I don’t mean conversations
like we’re like I say something then you
say something then I say something I
mean you actually have to share
something meaningful something that
means something to you and you and then
you have to listen and really listen
it’s not casual conversation so I feel
like if people were to do this sort of
thing our country we would be less
fearful of each other and we would
become less polarized it’s really hard
to do it’s very very very uncomfortable
but I think it’s worth doing so don’t
get me wrong this experience does not
lessen my abhorrence for Donald Trump
I still Emporium but I don’t and poor
all the people who voted for him in fact
I found myself liking many of them
they’re not they’re not data points
they’re just flawed human beings who
have good intentions just like me just
like you so that woman I told you about
while we were talking she told me that
she had survived breast cancer and I
just started to cry I told her that I
had kicked breast cancer three years ago
and then she started to cry and at that
moment I realized I couldn’t I wanted to
hate her but I just couldn’t and we just
we just saw each other and we realized
that it wasn’t going to be politics that
bound us together
it was our shared experiences they made
us see each other as humans made us
visible to each other and that’s what’s
going to heal the political divide in
our country thank you
you
you
so my talk today is not about Donald
Trump well it’s a little bit about
Donald trouble get to that really what I
want to talk about today is seeking out
discomfort conquering your fears
linguini most importantly what I want to
talk about is how we can make real
meaningful connections with each other
and how we can start seeing each other
as human beings and and how we crave
human contact with each other so right
after the election I was too busy to
really like be depressed and mopey about
it like all of my friends I was working
on a creative placemaking project that
was called sea change and during the
week after the election I had to produce
and install this giant art installation
and we were working for had been working
on it for months and we were installing
it in this neighborhood that was
undergoing a lot of change there was a
new development that was going up that
was threatening to displace hundreds of
low-income families lots of so-called
gentrify are moving into the
neighborhood and there were complaints
that they weren’t saying hello to
anybody on the street they weren’t
interacting with the longtime black
residents that had lived in this
neighborhood for generations and there
were new stores opening to cater to this
this new crowd there was a yoga studio a
coffee shop called The Colony Club a
doggie daycare and so I you know as I
was thinking about how to do this
project I got an inspiration from kind
of an odd source I was reading a story
in the modern love column of the New
York Times and in this story
two people asked each other thirty-six
questions that become increasingly more
personal and
at the end of that they stare into each
other’s eyes for four minutes
and the idea was that they were supposed
to fall in love with each other and
because they had made themselves more
vulnerable to each other I mean I don’t
know about you but I can’t even think
about staring somebody for 10 seconds
like that’s that just sounded horrifying
to me but I was really intrigued by this
idea of seeing each other and so that
idea of seen each other became the core
of my project so what we did was we made
video portraits of people who lived in
the neighborhood and we sought out
people who were the unseen and unheard
members of the community the ones who if
they went to a community meeting they
weren’t the loudest ones and you know
about those people who are always the
loudest ones at those meetings and in
fact some of them even told me that they
didn’t even bother going to those
meetings because nobody was listening to
them anyway so we we made these video
portraits of their faces and I wanted to
use video instead of still photography
because I felt like you know it made
their faces more dynamic and alive you
can see people’s eyes blinking you can
see their hair blowing in the wind we
projected these videos into vacant
storefront windows and buildings along
the main thoroughfare of this
neighborhood my thought and you know
they were projected at nighttime so you
could see them obviously and so my ideal
was to give life and give light to these
dark spaces on this this rapidly
changing neighborhood it was an amazing
experience to watch pedestrians walking
down the street and they would just stop
and stare and just gaze into the eyes of
these people and cars would literally
pull over and just sit there with the
car running just looking at the faces in
conjunction with this the video part
portion of the project I organized
several gatherings of of people in the
neighborhood different I organized
different things so that people could
have different ways of interacting with
each other and it was you know really
important to be able to give people an
opportunity to actually talk to each
other once they saw each other
spaces so during this whole process I
met a man named Buddy Moore he became
very instrumental in the success of this
project
he’s a 78 year old black man who has
lived in this neighborhood almost his
entire life and we became kind of
unlikely friends and he caught he became
sort of my ambassador to the
neighborhood he introduced me to people
he sort of advised me on how to navigate
some of the social tensions that were
happening and so like I said he was one
of the most important pieces of the
puzzle as in terms of the success of the
project at one of the gatherings where
we were both ad he told this incredible
stunning story about how his parents had
moved their small family from South
Carolina to DC when he was only 2 years
old he had two brothers and he said the
reason was because his parents were
afraid that their sons would be lynched
in South Carolina and I just was like my
took the that’s why she took the breath
out of me but I was a little bit too shy
to share my story during that that
gathering so later he and I had lunch
and I told him the story of how my my
own mother had risked her life to bring
our extended family from Vietnam to
America and the reason was because they
would have been killed by communists at
that time communists were killing people
who had land who had any education who
had worked with the Americans during the
war and so in that moment like our
friendship mine and buddies solidified
until then we had been cordial
neighborly acquaintances but that
experience of knowing that our parents
had gone to these extraordinary measures
to save us really bonded us so like I
said right around the election I didn’t
really have much time to wallow and
being angry sad frustrated I felt all
those things but I was so busy working
on this project that I
Kanna had to suppress those feelings a
little bit but you know at the same time
I wanted to do something I I just
couldn’t I just didn’t feel like I could
sit back and and just be sad basically
and so I did kind of a weird thing I
posted an invitation on Facebook and I
said if you’re a trump voter I would
like to invite you over for dinner
because I want to talk to you and I it
was on a whim I don’t know I didn’t know
wasn’t sure what would happen from it um
but in part I did it because I just
couldn’t imagine that over 62 million
people who voted for him were all
terrible people and I wanted to find out
like why did you vote for this person
that I find abhorrent I mean I had read
lots of books and articles about you
know the white working-class voters all
of that I tried watching I tried
watching Fox News as much as I possibly
could stand it and all of that was
pretty useful information but you know
it’s filtered through this political
pundit tree if it was filtered through
the media like I wanted to hear directly
from the trunk voter um partially
partially because I was curious but
mostly because I just felt like this
country was tearing apart and I was in
this bubble that in which I never talked
to anybody who thought much differently
for me who you know most people I
couldn’t you know hang out with have
about the same education where so III
was just I just wanted to find out what
the the other side thought and I thought
if we could just talk to each other we
might actually together be able to find
solutions find ways to heal this this
obvious divide in our country I decided
to invite people for dinner in
particular because I thought well maybe
it’ll be less likely to insult me if I
cook dinner for them and you know it was
in I mean a little bit I was a little
scared right because I people had posted
terrible things on social media
and you know they had called me stupid
and naive and those are like the nice
things that they said you know people
say things to each other
when you can’t when they can’t see you
when you’re hidden behind a laptop and
you don’t see the other person I
believed that Donald Trump is despicable
no question I’ve made no secret of that
but I just had this feeling in my gut
that you know not all the people who
voted for him more despicable
I might there were some people in my own
family who voted for Trump as I’m sure
some of you have that too and you know
my my my mother who is a refugee voted
for trumping you’d think she’d have more
more sympathy for refugees but no and
part of the reason is because she’s
Vietnamese Vietnamese people hate China
they don’t like the growing influence of
China not only in Southeast Asia but in
the world and so at the time she
believed that Trump would keep China in
check and that’s why she voted for him
and I don’t think my mother is
despicable I have a Bolivian friend who
at her spanish-speaking church the /
rich the the pastor told the
parishioners to vote for Donald Trump
and a lot of these people who go to this
church she said are undocumented and the
reason is because they don’t they don’t
believe in abortion and so they should
never vote for abortion rights and my
Bolivian for she did not vote for
trumpet-like she said these people are
not despicable people I believe her I
also have a white middle-aged man friend
who just not what has that sounds like
[Laughter]
he told me the story of how his mother
had been held in a Soviet prison for ten
years and when she was finally let go
she came to America and this guy voted
his mother so this is his mother he
voted for Trump and when I asked him
about the Russian interference in our
about Putin he’s like no problem like I
wanna I have a small business and that’s
what matters to me and I think Trump is
going it’s good for business he’s a
great guy
not despicable so it was very confusing
and I wanted to find out why these nice
likeable people could vote for what for
such a terrible person so nobody
accepted my invitation on Facebook
unsurprisingly even though they were
very you know they made a lot of
colorful comments during the campaign
but suddenly everybody went quiet and I
didn’t have any voting friends or
acquaintances in my circle at least none
that I knew of I finally found one
though it was the co-worker of a friend
of a friend and I she introduced me and
at first this woman was kind of
reluctant I you know I think she might
have thought it was maybe laying a trap
for her something like maybe I was gonna
pin her down and make her watch Michael
Moore movies and so I was like no no
like we’re here I’m not gonna persuade
you to my viewpoint I you know I’m not
gonna let anybody do any name-calling
during dinner like it’s I just want to
listen talk and hear what you have to
say and so she agreed and so because I
didn’t know any other Trump voters she
brought her libertarian boyfriend and
her across the hall neighbor so like the
you know it was digging deep to get
guests it might at the table I and then
I invited two liberal friends who kind
of balanced out the table I want to make
sure it was even so that nobody thought
we were ganging up on anybody and it was
amazing oh I should tell you I made a I
thought through the menu it was a red
and blue menu I made I had blue corn
chips and red salsa
I made a blue cheese sauce and put it on
this pasta that I found that was red
I’ve been tinted with beet juice and
then for dessert I made a blueberry and
cherry crisp which was delicious
although it did turn into a symbolic
purple
by the end of the the meal so when the
guests arrive we just started talking
about politics from the second they got
there until the last person left and you
know it was fine but I just felt like I
felt like the things that I really
remembered about people was not about
what positions they held politically
what I remember we’re sort of the things
that made the more human to me
for example the women who the woman had
voted for Trump she basically said I
want to keep more of my money so I’m
voting for tax policy basically but her
Sirian she told the story about her
Syrian grandmother who immigrated to
America and I thought that’s strange but
interesting about you the one guy he one
of his main reasons for voting for Trump
was Kasich you really wanted to appeal
Obamacare but he told a story of how he
had traveled all over the world he lived
in many countries in Hong Kong for five
years and he talked about how much he
loved learning about different cultures
especially for a guy who had grown up as
a self-professed
redneck in South Carolina so again I was
just floored I liked these people I
couldn’t figure out why these very
likeable people voted for this terrible
person and you know I guess I kind of
started thinking maybe we shouldn’t be
labeling all of them as racist
xenophobic ignorant bigots I also
started to think why are these dinners
just aren’t really about politics after
all for the next dinner because I really
wanted to get to know people I wanted us
to get to know each other more I
instituted a ban on political
conversation for 30 minutes when
everybody got there we talked about
movies that we had seen places we had
traveled I mean it was like a bad first
date so at the end of the thirty minutes
I pulled out this bag yet and I made
everybody put their hand on it and
promised to be respectful to each other
and have you know a civil discourse and
then we tore the bread apart
I’m very into symbolism and I’m very
cheesy like that so the conversation was
going okay
again polite civilized and then we kind
of started veering off into a truck not
uncharted territory like we started
talking about like rehashing Benghazi
there and then there was this debate
about well was Japanese internment
really so bad I wish I’d had that back
yet again to bludgeon some of these
people I also realized saving America
one dinner party at a time was not going
to be easy the next dinner party or now
not the next a subsequent one because
I’ve done several of these a subsequent
subsequent one took place in rural Ohio
I you know I had felt safe inviting
people to my home in DC I mean 94% of
the people voted for Clinton in DC and
so I felt pretty good about that and I
thought you know going to Ohio was gonna
sort of test this theory that you know
whether all Trump voters are racist
sexist ignorant you know phobic bigots I
thought I was thinking I’m gonna find
some of those people when I go to Ohio
so I flew into Columbus I rent a car and
I Drive north into Trump land and I
pulled over at a rest area to have a
little bathroom break and when I got out
of the car I was kind of looking around
at all the people and I thought ooh I
wonder it’s like wonder if any of these
people think I should just go back to
where I came from so I was like you know
a little reticent and then maybe a
little further down the road I stopped
at a gas station and I went in to buy
snack and I found myself being like
really quiet and unassuming and extra
polite I realized that some habits die
hard I’ve grown up in the south where I
was the only Asian looking kid in my
community other than my little brother
and I had learned to make myself
invisible because if people see you they
might make fun of you they might call
you terrible names and so I found myself
doing that and in in Ohio because I was
suddenly feeling like
oh look at all the white people here and
all the potential Trump voters so I
arrived and I decided I wanted to try
something new try experiment with a
different way of trying to deepen our
connections before we started talking
about politics so what I did was I
paired up everybody a liberal with a
conservative and I instructed everyone
to tell a story about when they felt
like there were their best selves and we
just kept talking and talking and I got
paired up with this woman who told me
that she really loved German history and
I said Oh tell me about that
and she said well I’m especially
interested in Nazi history and I gasped
but I kept my cool and we just kept
talking and we just kept telling stories
about ourselves to each other and it was
just really it was just really amazing
and we just it we I mean I had a lot at
15 minutes for that portion of the
evening I mean we ended up all everybody
all the pairs of people we ended up
talking for almost 45 minutes because
once we started telling the stories we
just wanted to know more about each
other
telling the stories seemed to make each
make ourselves more human to each other
I was at that dinner when I finally
realized that maybe it was possible to
heal the political divide in our country
one conversation at a time so people
often ask me like you know what did you
learn what did they say you know it’s
sort of like I went to the zoo or I went
you know I did some anthropological
survey and I just somehow discovered
something amazing that the thing the one
thing that was gonna make it all make
sense or unite all of us and I wish I
could tell you that I have the answer to
that there is no one thing what I really
what I found out was that we have we all
have this urge to connect with each
other
I made no secret of my disdain for
Donald Trump and yet Trump voters came
to my house for dinner I thought that
was amazing
we crave human
tact I think that I think that once we
start having actual meaningful
conversations with each other it starts
we start seeing each other as human
beings and I don’t mean conversations
like we’re like I say something then you
say something then I say something I
mean you actually have to share
something meaningful something that
means something to you and you and then
you have to listen and really listen
it’s not casual conversation so I feel
like if people were to do this sort of
thing our country we would be less
fearful of each other and we would
become less polarized it’s really hard
to do it’s very very very uncomfortable
but I think it’s worth doing so don’t
get me wrong this experience does not
lessen my abhorrence for Donald Trump
I still Emporium but I don’t and poor
all the people who voted for him in fact
I found myself liking many of them
they’re not they’re not data points
they’re just flawed human beings who
have good intentions just like me just
like you so that woman I told you about
while we were talking she told me that
she had survived breast cancer and I
just started to cry I told her that I
had kicked breast cancer three years ago
and then she started to cry and at that
moment I realized I couldn’t I wanted to
hate her but I just couldn’t and we just
we just saw each other and we realized
that it wasn’t going to be politics that
bound us together
it was our shared experiences they made
us see each other as humans made us
visible to each other and that’s what’s
going to heal the political divide in
our country thank you
you
you
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