[Music]
Zubrin allow me to take it from here and
share with you all the past four years
of my life I don’t have it figured out
already but I have a few answers related
to the scars on the left side of my body
and a few answers about change and how
to deal with the unexpected it all
started when I turned 30 I still
remember a picture of my birthday it had
everything I wanted I was in good health
positive highly energetic I had my
wonderful family next to me I had my
best friends I just started a job and
the most famous institution in the
country and I had a boyfriend who
claimed out loud how crazy he was about
me the perfect Kodak moment
little did I know yesterday little did I
know that four months down the line that
fragile little image will break into
pieces but first let me ask you a few
questions
who here suffered from heartbreak raise
your hands who here was bullied at work
raise your hand
who here suffered from health issues or
worse medical malpractice raise your
hand this is the story of my scars I
slipped on an afternoon of a very hectic
day I still remember vividly that day
because I was trying to convince myself
not to quit my job although it was
obvious that there was a clash of value
with the working culture I really longed
to be part of a learning environment
somewhere where they value individuality
and my relationship was going through a
rough patch a very alarming rough patch
and I really needed some time to think
and I slipped a simple slip that led to
an explosion of my left elbow and a
seven-hour major operation when I woke
up they told me I was really lucky to
have a functioning arm that
exploded but there was no damage to the
nerves or muscles now all I had to do
was rehabilitate my hand for the coming
nine months until the next operation
where they would remove the 12th legs of
titanium that was supporting my elbow
now I was raised to deny pain that the
words had no value the disconnection is
the only way to survive and this is what
I did I completely disconnected from my
budget went on autopilot I’m fine
nothing happened now what I forgot to
tell you is that I’m a lefty and one of
the major pleasures of my life is
writing and painting living with one
functioning hand while the other one
tightly adapt barely moving Julie
joining the physio session all I had to
do is say I’m fine nothing happened that
was my answer answer for everything all
I had to do is deny the pain the change
of weight the constant fatigue I am fine
nothing happened but life wanted it
differently so allow me to share with
you two instances that kind of sum up
those nine months on my first day back
at work my manager looking at my hand
gave me this whole speech that I don’t
have an excuse to act like a handicapped
in order for me to avoid work and
remember that boyfriend the one who
claimed our club he loved me well the
day of the operation he decided that
life was too tough and that he couldn’t
be there to support me and that I had
enough strength to do it on my own what
a wake-up call for a grown-up who
thought that she had everything she
wanted the pain and those two instances
were my first catalyst in my journey of
change it took me less than a month to
find a new killer in learning and
development and it opened my eyes to a
new perspective of life it became my own
journey my own learning and development
journey but I was up for the roller
coaster yes I did change situations
but I did not change my mindset let me
walk you through what happened after
that first accident four years
maneuvering the Lebanese medical system
three major surgeries that led to a
transplant 16 kilos extra kilos of
toxins and my body due to antibiotics
anesthesia and surgeries and that no
doctor would admit six physiotherapists
too busy taking numerous clients to
actually customize an approach for my
hand which led to more damage and then
three months of deep fear when my hand
started acting out one test that
revealed what my surgeon was hiding a
failed attempt to fix my tendon that was
broken due to that I think due to the
titanium plagues the anchor that was
used was a metal anchor and it was
broken and LuAnn swimming loosely and
the articulation causing damage nerve
and muscle nerve in addition my triceps
was degenerating and losing its
functionality three surgeons who refused
to take my case in fear of jeopardizing
the reputation of the esteemed colleague
and finally one surgeon who accepted my
case and one transplant where they took
a part of my budget my left thigh and
used it to patchwork my elbow and
finally two major scars on my budget now
this is not a story about medical
malpractice because let’s face it it’s
Lebanon I would have lost my hand my
money and my time fighting a lost
battery now pain is a very lonely lonely
journey but it humbles you and it sheds
light on what truly matters I remember
waking up one day laughing and asking
myself how did I get here and the only
answer that came to my mind was it’s
because you didn’t react
actually you were passive all you were
doing is reacting you never took a
proactive step so I forced myself to
wake up every day look at that stranger
in the mirror
I didn’t recognize anymore and remind
her to strive not only to be a victim of
circumstances and then suddenly the
story that I was telling myself was not
anymore about heartbreak or bullying or
medical malpractice or trauma it became
a student of beginning control of my
life so I started my 110 days project of
gratitude where I forced myself to post
one gratitude per day on social media it
kind of did the ripple effect and my
surroundings started speaking a language
of gratitude and I realized that I was
so blessed that my days were not as dark
as I thought I had a father who was
there for every czo session every
exercise and every crying session I had
a mother who taught me the value of
player I had a wonderful sister who
turned every hospital room into a garden
of laughter and the Harry Potter
marathon I had an aunt my sole mother
who never left my side but never treated
me like I was broken I had a best friend
who made sure I would look beautiful
every time I’d leave the hospital
standing in front of him next to the
mirror reminding me why scars reveal the
best of us
instead of giving up on writing and
painting I taught myself to color again
I bought one coloring book per year and
I managed to finish accordingly book per
year and that was my first victory I
attended our therapy workshops writing
workshops storytelling workshops and
find new ways to write I’d even used the
weakness in my hand and as a new form of
art and since I had a manager who had
who was intuitive enough to challenge me
and give me space to grow I even found a
new passion for training and
facilitation and I tried to manage to
channel all this pain into motivation
and energy with my participants the
funny part was that a few people in my
life thought they took it on themselves
to monitor my weight usual define a loom
usually lost honey and they couldn’t
understand that what that was the list
of my way because for the first time in
my life I had a connection with my body
I learned how to love my body and listen
to it and since the regular medical
practice wasn’t hurting I went into
alternative healing techniques and I
found a new a difference between what a
healer is and a doctor is and I learned
that a budget will only be that the body
can be healthy if it’s aligned with the
emotion the mind and the spirit one of
the best compliments I ever had is that
you did not change it’s ironic since
we’re talking about the alchemy of
change but it’s true the core that
strength that makes you who you are will
always be untouched and it reveals
itself in those moments as I was
observing everything that I thought I
cared for slip away
I understood that life will go on at
every corner they might be another
unexpected event maybe another miracle
and maybe other scars but where I am
will never define who I am someone very
dear to me
reminds me on a daily
they said that I am so lucky because I
didn’t start my life yet that I can
start writing my book
from that moment blank slate with no
defined images so I created the game
what did I lose and what did I gain yes
I might have lost a career but I gained
a calling and it did interest and
well-being I might have lost at the
perfect relationship but I gained a
healthy perspective about love and
especially about self loss I might have
lost acquaintances but I gained soul
friends who are passionately in love
with life I might have lost the strength
in my hands but I gained the power of
resilience one of the healing techniques
that I tried was travelling to India for
a treatment and I remember on my last
day my doctor looked at me with a funny
smile and was beautiful accent told me
that if it took a tendon to break for me
to let go of that limited perspective of
life maybe it’s worth it because I just
gained my life my dear life so what are
you waiting for
don’t wait for a wake-up call and write
your own life thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
Zubrin allow me to take it from here and
share with you all the past four years
of my life I don’t have it figured out
already but I have a few answers related
to the scars on the left side of my body
and a few answers about change and how
to deal with the unexpected it all
started when I turned 30 I still
remember a picture of my birthday it had
everything I wanted I was in good health
positive highly energetic I had my
wonderful family next to me I had my
best friends I just started a job and
the most famous institution in the
country and I had a boyfriend who
claimed out loud how crazy he was about
me the perfect Kodak moment
little did I know yesterday little did I
know that four months down the line that
fragile little image will break into
pieces but first let me ask you a few
questions
who here suffered from heartbreak raise
your hands who here was bullied at work
raise your hand
who here suffered from health issues or
worse medical malpractice raise your
hand this is the story of my scars I
slipped on an afternoon of a very hectic
day I still remember vividly that day
because I was trying to convince myself
not to quit my job although it was
obvious that there was a clash of value
with the working culture I really longed
to be part of a learning environment
somewhere where they value individuality
and my relationship was going through a
rough patch a very alarming rough patch
and I really needed some time to think
and I slipped a simple slip that led to
an explosion of my left elbow and a
seven-hour major operation when I woke
up they told me I was really lucky to
have a functioning arm that
exploded but there was no damage to the
nerves or muscles now all I had to do
was rehabilitate my hand for the coming
nine months until the next operation
where they would remove the 12th legs of
titanium that was supporting my elbow
now I was raised to deny pain that the
words had no value the disconnection is
the only way to survive and this is what
I did I completely disconnected from my
budget went on autopilot I’m fine
nothing happened now what I forgot to
tell you is that I’m a lefty and one of
the major pleasures of my life is
writing and painting living with one
functioning hand while the other one
tightly adapt barely moving Julie
joining the physio session all I had to
do is say I’m fine nothing happened that
was my answer answer for everything all
I had to do is deny the pain the change
of weight the constant fatigue I am fine
nothing happened but life wanted it
differently so allow me to share with
you two instances that kind of sum up
those nine months on my first day back
at work my manager looking at my hand
gave me this whole speech that I don’t
have an excuse to act like a handicapped
in order for me to avoid work and
remember that boyfriend the one who
claimed our club he loved me well the
day of the operation he decided that
life was too tough and that he couldn’t
be there to support me and that I had
enough strength to do it on my own what
a wake-up call for a grown-up who
thought that she had everything she
wanted the pain and those two instances
were my first catalyst in my journey of
change it took me less than a month to
find a new killer in learning and
development and it opened my eyes to a
new perspective of life it became my own
journey my own learning and development
journey but I was up for the roller
coaster yes I did change situations
but I did not change my mindset let me
walk you through what happened after
that first accident four years
maneuvering the Lebanese medical system
three major surgeries that led to a
transplant 16 kilos extra kilos of
toxins and my body due to antibiotics
anesthesia and surgeries and that no
doctor would admit six physiotherapists
too busy taking numerous clients to
actually customize an approach for my
hand which led to more damage and then
three months of deep fear when my hand
started acting out one test that
revealed what my surgeon was hiding a
failed attempt to fix my tendon that was
broken due to that I think due to the
titanium plagues the anchor that was
used was a metal anchor and it was
broken and LuAnn swimming loosely and
the articulation causing damage nerve
and muscle nerve in addition my triceps
was degenerating and losing its
functionality three surgeons who refused
to take my case in fear of jeopardizing
the reputation of the esteemed colleague
and finally one surgeon who accepted my
case and one transplant where they took
a part of my budget my left thigh and
used it to patchwork my elbow and
finally two major scars on my budget now
this is not a story about medical
malpractice because let’s face it it’s
Lebanon I would have lost my hand my
money and my time fighting a lost
battery now pain is a very lonely lonely
journey but it humbles you and it sheds
light on what truly matters I remember
waking up one day laughing and asking
myself how did I get here and the only
answer that came to my mind was it’s
because you didn’t react
actually you were passive all you were
doing is reacting you never took a
proactive step so I forced myself to
wake up every day look at that stranger
in the mirror
I didn’t recognize anymore and remind
her to strive not only to be a victim of
circumstances and then suddenly the
story that I was telling myself was not
anymore about heartbreak or bullying or
medical malpractice or trauma it became
a student of beginning control of my
life so I started my 110 days project of
gratitude where I forced myself to post
one gratitude per day on social media it
kind of did the ripple effect and my
surroundings started speaking a language
of gratitude and I realized that I was
so blessed that my days were not as dark
as I thought I had a father who was
there for every czo session every
exercise and every crying session I had
a mother who taught me the value of
player I had a wonderful sister who
turned every hospital room into a garden
of laughter and the Harry Potter
marathon I had an aunt my sole mother
who never left my side but never treated
me like I was broken I had a best friend
who made sure I would look beautiful
every time I’d leave the hospital
standing in front of him next to the
mirror reminding me why scars reveal the
best of us
instead of giving up on writing and
painting I taught myself to color again
I bought one coloring book per year and
I managed to finish accordingly book per
year and that was my first victory I
attended our therapy workshops writing
workshops storytelling workshops and
find new ways to write I’d even used the
weakness in my hand and as a new form of
art and since I had a manager who had
who was intuitive enough to challenge me
and give me space to grow I even found a
new passion for training and
facilitation and I tried to manage to
channel all this pain into motivation
and energy with my participants the
funny part was that a few people in my
life thought they took it on themselves
to monitor my weight usual define a loom
usually lost honey and they couldn’t
understand that what that was the list
of my way because for the first time in
my life I had a connection with my body
I learned how to love my body and listen
to it and since the regular medical
practice wasn’t hurting I went into
alternative healing techniques and I
found a new a difference between what a
healer is and a doctor is and I learned
that a budget will only be that the body
can be healthy if it’s aligned with the
emotion the mind and the spirit one of
the best compliments I ever had is that
you did not change it’s ironic since
we’re talking about the alchemy of
change but it’s true the core that
strength that makes you who you are will
always be untouched and it reveals
itself in those moments as I was
observing everything that I thought I
cared for slip away
I understood that life will go on at
every corner they might be another
unexpected event maybe another miracle
and maybe other scars but where I am
will never define who I am someone very
dear to me
reminds me on a daily
they said that I am so lucky because I
didn’t start my life yet that I can
start writing my book
from that moment blank slate with no
defined images so I created the game
what did I lose and what did I gain yes
I might have lost a career but I gained
a calling and it did interest and
well-being I might have lost at the
perfect relationship but I gained a
healthy perspective about love and
especially about self loss I might have
lost acquaintances but I gained soul
friends who are passionately in love
with life I might have lost the strength
in my hands but I gained the power of
resilience one of the healing techniques
that I tried was travelling to India for
a treatment and I remember on my last
day my doctor looked at me with a funny
smile and was beautiful accent told me
that if it took a tendon to break for me
to let go of that limited perspective of
life maybe it’s worth it because I just
gained my life my dear life so what are
you waiting for
don’t wait for a wake-up call and write
your own life thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
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