so the year was 2006 and I was sitting
on a conveyor belt that ran through
Harvard Law School and it would make
frequent drop-offs at Wall Street firms
across the country and all of these
firms were indistinguishable they
featured the same ampersands the
partners wore the same pinstripes all of
the documents smelled like something you
would pull out of your grandmother’s
attic and at the end of that summer I
got a call from a buddy of mine we had
both played high school football now I
know I look like a strapping young male
but as a senior back in Mount Pleasant
high school I was five nine and a half a
hundred and sixty-three pounds and that
was with the protein shakes and the
bananas and my buddy was also an
undersized football player but we both
loved the game and so I go to this camp
and I’m sitting in the back of the room
and the coach comes out and says one of
our volunteer coaches has not shown up
so it’s 2006 and I’m on my blackberry so
don’t don’t judge me but I’m on the
blackberry and I look up and I think to
myself okay he says do we have anyone
who could fill in for this coach I’m
thinking to myself I played football in
Texas home a Friday night light so I
raised my hand and he said all right
coach where are you from
I said Mount Pleasant high school Mount
Pleasant high school all right what’s
your name coach Roberts coach Roberts
you have group six I had absolutely no
clue what this man was talking about
group six consisted of sixty sixth
graders none of whom had any athletic
talent whatsoever they couldn’t pack
peddle they could run forward even worse
than that their parents had taken them
to Academy to the Nike outlet and they
had head
and wristbands and ankle bands they were
just doing it they were protecting the
house they were all of the things so
these kids couldn’t play football they
had a coach who couldn’t coach football
and for the next 72 hours we spent most
of our days together and at the end of
that experience I recognized something
that had never happened before in my
life
for three days I did not have to set my
alarm clock to get up every morning I
was up and I was excited to coach these
young men and the thing that really
astounded me was the fact that for very
brief moments around a football field
kids from the southside of Chicago
kids from the Northside of Dallas these
are kids whose parents don’t shop at the
same types of grocery stores they don’t
go to the same types of churches they
don’t drive the same types of cars but
for brer very brief moments on a
football field socioeconomic status and
race lifts away and you have eleven men
who are trying to make a play work so I
decided I wanted to be a football coach
and the first thing I did was call my
mom
you don’t know Gwynn Roberts Quinn
Roberts for 30 years was an elementary
school principal and so I call and I say
mom I want to be a football coach just
oh honey that’s so great do you think
your law firms will let you sort of do
this as a pro bono project I said no mom
I want to do this full-time he said okay
let me put your dad on the phone you
don’t know the Reverend Curt Roberts 38
years minister of the Mount Olive
Baptist Church Reverend Roberts gets on
the phone he says son what’s wrong with
you I said well I worked this campus
again whatever let me ask you this do
you know how much debt you’re in
I did so at the time might spent five
years in Cambridge had racked up two
hundred and fifty thousand dollars in
debt you mathematicians will know that
this is a quarter of a million dollars
pre interest mind you printers I said
dad listen
Bank of America does a great job of
reminding me every single day that from
the moment Dean Elena Kagan hands me
that diploma I have six months of
freedom that’s it well you also remember
our deal and the deal was this my
parents would pay for undergrad but I
would pay for grad and law school I said
well technically dad you know you kind
of owe me money I got a full ride to go
to Texas so and you never paid me back
so I could I could use that money to pay
for Law School
being the minister that he is you said
well let’s pray son and so we pray
[Applause]
prayer ends they hang up the phone and
I’ll write a letter to every team in the
NFL ok how many how many are there how
many are there
32 I’m gonna say the name of a team and
you’re gonna say no you ready Chargers
Bills Patriots Cowboys ok it’s getting
bad now ok listen I get the point
I got 31 rejections as soon as I would
put a letter in the mail a rejection
letter would come the next day for most
31 rejections I remember taking the
letters and putting them up in my
apartment and the hallways and my
friends would come over and listen these
are classmates who are headed to the
White House and to clerk for Scalia and
they said Darren what in the heck is
wrong with you and finally I got the one
yes that I needed so Herm Edwards head
football coach of the Kansas City Chiefs
calls and he says I need to speak with
Darren Roberts I’m not convinced as Herm
Edwards magic okay so I’ve said yes son
what’s wrong with you I said well you
know nothing that’s been documented
here’s the deal I work this campus again
whatever listen I don’t even open my own
mail but my assistant got your letter
she put it on my desk I don’t know why
you want to do this but take out a pen
so I take out my pilot v5 precise pen
and he says write this down
training camp intern training camp
intern no pay no pay no benefits so at
this point I’m wondering why do I need
the pen right no pay no benefits 18-hour
days he said son I need to answer right
now it took me two seconds to say yes
I’m in so after graduation I drove my
2002 Tahoe from Cambridge Massachusetts
to Kansas City Missouri and for all
intents and purposes I was the grunt so
if the offensive lineman needed 35
barbeque sandwiches I was their guy if
the defensive lineman needed two cases
of skull and I know a lot of you you’re
refined people skull this is chewing
tobacco okay I was a guy who went from
7-eleven to 7-eleven to get as many
things of skulls I could and I would
head back to Arrowhead for six months I
slept in Arrowhead Stadium
I had a blow-up twin mattress and slept
there because I wanted to be the first
face that Herm Edwards saw every day
that he walked in at 4:15 and my only
hope was that if I could just hold out
for an entire season I would have a
chance to make it so at the end of the
season we went four and twelve and you
mathematicians will also know this is
not a good record and there’s this thing
this phenomenon called Black Monday in
the NFL this is not to be confused with
Black Friday which is a day where you
can get great deals on electronics Black
Monday and the NFL is the Monday after
the last game of the regular season and
this is the day when coaches get fired
and so I watched these coaches walk into
her Edward’s office
walk out and they have a short amount of
time to get all their belongings and
exit the building so a secretary comes
to my office which was really a
converted closet we had torn the door
off the hinges
so she knocks on the frame and she says
coach Edwards would like to see I’m
walking into his office and I’m thinking
to myself well technically I can’t get
fired listen if you were to google
darren roberts and kansas city chiefs in
2007 absolutely nothing would come up I
had to sneak into the team picture all
right I had to sneak on the plains I got
kicked off of one for all intents and
purposes I was not there and so I walk
into his office and I sat down and coach
Edwards says we really appreciate your
contributions that is the deathblow some
he’s bracing and I’m thinking to myself
this is not gonna go over well in Mount
Pleasant Texas that I got fired from an
internship and I hear the the sound of a
piece of paper slide across his desk and
I look up and I see the NFL shield and
coach Edwards says welcome to the
National Football League this is your
first coaching contract now listen
three years of law school I took out
that pilot v5 precise pen
I saw something that resembled my name
and a line and I could have started a
fire in Arrowhead Stadium I mean I
scribbled my signature so fast he’s like
hold on hey son hold on you thought you
want to rep you two terms I know no no
no no you just you take this this is for
you
execute that as soon as humanly possible
that’s how I got my start in the league
I spent seven years like coach with the
Lions and coached in West Virginia and
with the Cleveland Browns and then
returned to the University of Texas
because after getting fired from the
Browns my son walked up to me and I was
scrambling eggs and he said you made
breakfast he was three at the time I’m
like yes Dillon he walks away comes back
you eat breakfast
so I turned my life and I said hey
Hillary we’re spending a lot of money on
this private school that we’re sending
Dylan T and I I don’t know if it’s too
late to get a refund well we have our
receipts what’s wrong with him and
Hillary Bing Hillary turns to me he says
tell me the last time that you had
breakfast with Dylan and so smurt turns
to silence and I realized that I can’t
even think of the last time that I had
had breakfast with my son and the cruel
irony was this I had spent the majority
of seven years with other people’s sons
and my own son did not know me so I get
to the University of Texas and I’m
teaching classes and the first question
I ask students and I’ve taught over a
thousand students here at the University
of Texas the first question I ask is
what is holding you back is so
undergrads being undergrads they have
clarifying questions and they want to
know if it’s graded and I say listen
just write the response down and I’ve
collected these responses and what would
you guess is the word that keeps
percolating to the surface it’s good you
can read fear fear fear fear and as you
start to unpack the responses it’s not
just fear but it’s a fear of taking
risks and a fear of rejection
now Bronnie ware was a hospice provider
and she asked people men and women on
their death beds what was their major
regret right what were some of their
major regrets and this one response
keeps coming over and over and over back
up in her work I wish I had the courage
to live a life true to myself now in
ancient times the Egyptians would write
a question on papyrus if they were
considering a risk for a big decision
and they would go to the Oracle and they
would slide this request underneath the
door and they will wait for some
response
perhaps it was a raven flying from above
alright today we have Instagram stories
and the poll we poll people we ask hey
should we go and join this startup hey
should we leave our jobs and it’s very
difficult for people to understand and
to figure out at what point they should
jump and this is the reason why it’s
like you it’s like he is falling
economists have determined that there is
this phenomenon called the IKEA effect
now we’ve all been to Ikea you know you
walk in and there are these pristine
desk and the light is flowing oh so
gently along the oak or the faux oak and
you see this desk and you start to
imagine it in your apartment so you buy
it and they throw that box on top of
your Prius and you head home and then
you realize that you don’t have any
screwdrivers you don’t know what a
mallet is and you start building this
thing and what you have at the end sort
of resembles a desk it’s wobbly one of
the drawers won’t quite pull out but
here’s the thing you’ve spent so much
time building this thing that it’s yours
and you keep it and this IKEA effects is
really the New Age notion of sunk cost
so what we’re finding in the research is
that many people are willing or
unwilling to change their circumstance
or take a risk because they built so
much time building their status quo and
they don’t want to even think outside
the box they want to continue to live as
they are so I’ve done a cruel thing and
I have a research team here at the
University of Texas we have started to
introduce strains of rejection to
students in my class so for example one
of my assignment is a rejection
challenge so in pairs I send students
out and they have to go and ask a
barista at a Starbucks for free drink so
you have one partners videotape
episode okay and it’s great you should
watch the footage I mean the person
videotaping the one who’s going for the
rejection her hands shaking she’s
nervous and we asked them beforehand hey
listen how likely do you think you ought
to take risk in life and then we asked
them the same question afterwards and
what we’re finding is this the more that
we are exposing people to rejection but
more than likely it is that they are
willing to take a chance in the future
and here’s the reason why this is my
theory is that we build up so much
anxiety over the decision to make the
plunge and once we survive it we look
back and we say that wasn’t so bad
here’s another assignment this is
something you can do at home but you
won’t because you’re afraid it’s the
rejection resume so I want you to take
that prestige and resume that you have
under education I want you to list all
of the schools that you didn’t get into
every single one under work experience
list every job you didn’t get list every
internship you were turned away from
under honors and awards the same every
distinction that you did not get and
here’s what I tell you will happen if
you sit down by yourself and look back
over this list of rejections you will
start to realize that at the time they
seem like something you would never be
able to overcome but now you’ll look
back and you’ll say I can weather that
storm and perhaps I have the courage to
move on to the next risk so I’m
imploring you not to think outside of
the box I’m begging you to burn the
whole damn thing altogether go out there and get rejected thank you
on a conveyor belt that ran through
Harvard Law School and it would make
frequent drop-offs at Wall Street firms
across the country and all of these
firms were indistinguishable they
featured the same ampersands the
partners wore the same pinstripes all of
the documents smelled like something you
would pull out of your grandmother’s
attic and at the end of that summer I
got a call from a buddy of mine we had
both played high school football now I
know I look like a strapping young male
but as a senior back in Mount Pleasant
high school I was five nine and a half a
hundred and sixty-three pounds and that
was with the protein shakes and the
bananas and my buddy was also an
undersized football player but we both
loved the game and so I go to this camp
and I’m sitting in the back of the room
and the coach comes out and says one of
our volunteer coaches has not shown up
so it’s 2006 and I’m on my blackberry so
don’t don’t judge me but I’m on the
blackberry and I look up and I think to
myself okay he says do we have anyone
who could fill in for this coach I’m
thinking to myself I played football in
Texas home a Friday night light so I
raised my hand and he said all right
coach where are you from
I said Mount Pleasant high school Mount
Pleasant high school all right what’s
your name coach Roberts coach Roberts
you have group six I had absolutely no
clue what this man was talking about
group six consisted of sixty sixth
graders none of whom had any athletic
talent whatsoever they couldn’t pack
peddle they could run forward even worse
than that their parents had taken them
to Academy to the Nike outlet and they
had head
and wristbands and ankle bands they were
just doing it they were protecting the
house they were all of the things so
these kids couldn’t play football they
had a coach who couldn’t coach football
and for the next 72 hours we spent most
of our days together and at the end of
that experience I recognized something
that had never happened before in my
life
for three days I did not have to set my
alarm clock to get up every morning I
was up and I was excited to coach these
young men and the thing that really
astounded me was the fact that for very
brief moments around a football field
kids from the southside of Chicago
kids from the Northside of Dallas these
are kids whose parents don’t shop at the
same types of grocery stores they don’t
go to the same types of churches they
don’t drive the same types of cars but
for brer very brief moments on a
football field socioeconomic status and
race lifts away and you have eleven men
who are trying to make a play work so I
decided I wanted to be a football coach
and the first thing I did was call my
mom
you don’t know Gwynn Roberts Quinn
Roberts for 30 years was an elementary
school principal and so I call and I say
mom I want to be a football coach just
oh honey that’s so great do you think
your law firms will let you sort of do
this as a pro bono project I said no mom
I want to do this full-time he said okay
let me put your dad on the phone you
don’t know the Reverend Curt Roberts 38
years minister of the Mount Olive
Baptist Church Reverend Roberts gets on
the phone he says son what’s wrong with
you I said well I worked this campus
again whatever let me ask you this do
you know how much debt you’re in
I did so at the time might spent five
years in Cambridge had racked up two
hundred and fifty thousand dollars in
debt you mathematicians will know that
this is a quarter of a million dollars
pre interest mind you printers I said
dad listen
Bank of America does a great job of
reminding me every single day that from
the moment Dean Elena Kagan hands me
that diploma I have six months of
freedom that’s it well you also remember
our deal and the deal was this my
parents would pay for undergrad but I
would pay for grad and law school I said
well technically dad you know you kind
of owe me money I got a full ride to go
to Texas so and you never paid me back
so I could I could use that money to pay
for Law School
being the minister that he is you said
well let’s pray son and so we pray
[Applause]
prayer ends they hang up the phone and
I’ll write a letter to every team in the
NFL ok how many how many are there how
many are there
32 I’m gonna say the name of a team and
you’re gonna say no you ready Chargers
Bills Patriots Cowboys ok it’s getting
bad now ok listen I get the point
I got 31 rejections as soon as I would
put a letter in the mail a rejection
letter would come the next day for most
31 rejections I remember taking the
letters and putting them up in my
apartment and the hallways and my
friends would come over and listen these
are classmates who are headed to the
White House and to clerk for Scalia and
they said Darren what in the heck is
wrong with you and finally I got the one
yes that I needed so Herm Edwards head
football coach of the Kansas City Chiefs
calls and he says I need to speak with
Darren Roberts I’m not convinced as Herm
Edwards magic okay so I’ve said yes son
what’s wrong with you I said well you
know nothing that’s been documented
here’s the deal I work this campus again
whatever listen I don’t even open my own
mail but my assistant got your letter
she put it on my desk I don’t know why
you want to do this but take out a pen
so I take out my pilot v5 precise pen
and he says write this down
training camp intern training camp
intern no pay no pay no benefits so at
this point I’m wondering why do I need
the pen right no pay no benefits 18-hour
days he said son I need to answer right
now it took me two seconds to say yes
I’m in so after graduation I drove my
2002 Tahoe from Cambridge Massachusetts
to Kansas City Missouri and for all
intents and purposes I was the grunt so
if the offensive lineman needed 35
barbeque sandwiches I was their guy if
the defensive lineman needed two cases
of skull and I know a lot of you you’re
refined people skull this is chewing
tobacco okay I was a guy who went from
7-eleven to 7-eleven to get as many
things of skulls I could and I would
head back to Arrowhead for six months I
slept in Arrowhead Stadium
I had a blow-up twin mattress and slept
there because I wanted to be the first
face that Herm Edwards saw every day
that he walked in at 4:15 and my only
hope was that if I could just hold out
for an entire season I would have a
chance to make it so at the end of the
season we went four and twelve and you
mathematicians will also know this is
not a good record and there’s this thing
this phenomenon called Black Monday in
the NFL this is not to be confused with
Black Friday which is a day where you
can get great deals on electronics Black
Monday and the NFL is the Monday after
the last game of the regular season and
this is the day when coaches get fired
and so I watched these coaches walk into
her Edward’s office
walk out and they have a short amount of
time to get all their belongings and
exit the building so a secretary comes
to my office which was really a
converted closet we had torn the door
off the hinges
so she knocks on the frame and she says
coach Edwards would like to see I’m
walking into his office and I’m thinking
to myself well technically I can’t get
fired listen if you were to google
darren roberts and kansas city chiefs in
2007 absolutely nothing would come up I
had to sneak into the team picture all
right I had to sneak on the plains I got
kicked off of one for all intents and
purposes I was not there and so I walk
into his office and I sat down and coach
Edwards says we really appreciate your
contributions that is the deathblow some
he’s bracing and I’m thinking to myself
this is not gonna go over well in Mount
Pleasant Texas that I got fired from an
internship and I hear the the sound of a
piece of paper slide across his desk and
I look up and I see the NFL shield and
coach Edwards says welcome to the
National Football League this is your
first coaching contract now listen
three years of law school I took out
that pilot v5 precise pen
I saw something that resembled my name
and a line and I could have started a
fire in Arrowhead Stadium I mean I
scribbled my signature so fast he’s like
hold on hey son hold on you thought you
want to rep you two terms I know no no
no no you just you take this this is for
you
execute that as soon as humanly possible
that’s how I got my start in the league
I spent seven years like coach with the
Lions and coached in West Virginia and
with the Cleveland Browns and then
returned to the University of Texas
because after getting fired from the
Browns my son walked up to me and I was
scrambling eggs and he said you made
breakfast he was three at the time I’m
like yes Dillon he walks away comes back
you eat breakfast
so I turned my life and I said hey
Hillary we’re spending a lot of money on
this private school that we’re sending
Dylan T and I I don’t know if it’s too
late to get a refund well we have our
receipts what’s wrong with him and
Hillary Bing Hillary turns to me he says
tell me the last time that you had
breakfast with Dylan and so smurt turns
to silence and I realized that I can’t
even think of the last time that I had
had breakfast with my son and the cruel
irony was this I had spent the majority
of seven years with other people’s sons
and my own son did not know me so I get
to the University of Texas and I’m
teaching classes and the first question
I ask students and I’ve taught over a
thousand students here at the University
of Texas the first question I ask is
what is holding you back is so
undergrads being undergrads they have
clarifying questions and they want to
know if it’s graded and I say listen
just write the response down and I’ve
collected these responses and what would
you guess is the word that keeps
percolating to the surface it’s good you
can read fear fear fear fear and as you
start to unpack the responses it’s not
just fear but it’s a fear of taking
risks and a fear of rejection
now Bronnie ware was a hospice provider
and she asked people men and women on
their death beds what was their major
regret right what were some of their
major regrets and this one response
keeps coming over and over and over back
up in her work I wish I had the courage
to live a life true to myself now in
ancient times the Egyptians would write
a question on papyrus if they were
considering a risk for a big decision
and they would go to the Oracle and they
would slide this request underneath the
door and they will wait for some
response
perhaps it was a raven flying from above
alright today we have Instagram stories
and the poll we poll people we ask hey
should we go and join this startup hey
should we leave our jobs and it’s very
difficult for people to understand and
to figure out at what point they should
jump and this is the reason why it’s
like you it’s like he is falling
economists have determined that there is
this phenomenon called the IKEA effect
now we’ve all been to Ikea you know you
walk in and there are these pristine
desk and the light is flowing oh so
gently along the oak or the faux oak and
you see this desk and you start to
imagine it in your apartment so you buy
it and they throw that box on top of
your Prius and you head home and then
you realize that you don’t have any
screwdrivers you don’t know what a
mallet is and you start building this
thing and what you have at the end sort
of resembles a desk it’s wobbly one of
the drawers won’t quite pull out but
here’s the thing you’ve spent so much
time building this thing that it’s yours
and you keep it and this IKEA effects is
really the New Age notion of sunk cost
so what we’re finding in the research is
that many people are willing or
unwilling to change their circumstance
or take a risk because they built so
much time building their status quo and
they don’t want to even think outside
the box they want to continue to live as
they are so I’ve done a cruel thing and
I have a research team here at the
University of Texas we have started to
introduce strains of rejection to
students in my class so for example one
of my assignment is a rejection
challenge so in pairs I send students
out and they have to go and ask a
barista at a Starbucks for free drink so
you have one partners videotape
episode okay and it’s great you should
watch the footage I mean the person
videotaping the one who’s going for the
rejection her hands shaking she’s
nervous and we asked them beforehand hey
listen how likely do you think you ought
to take risk in life and then we asked
them the same question afterwards and
what we’re finding is this the more that
we are exposing people to rejection but
more than likely it is that they are
willing to take a chance in the future
and here’s the reason why this is my
theory is that we build up so much
anxiety over the decision to make the
plunge and once we survive it we look
back and we say that wasn’t so bad
here’s another assignment this is
something you can do at home but you
won’t because you’re afraid it’s the
rejection resume so I want you to take
that prestige and resume that you have
under education I want you to list all
of the schools that you didn’t get into
every single one under work experience
list every job you didn’t get list every
internship you were turned away from
under honors and awards the same every
distinction that you did not get and
here’s what I tell you will happen if
you sit down by yourself and look back
over this list of rejections you will
start to realize that at the time they
seem like something you would never be
able to overcome but now you’ll look
back and you’ll say I can weather that
storm and perhaps I have the courage to
move on to the next risk so I’m
imploring you not to think outside of
the box I’m begging you to burn the
whole damn thing altogether go out there and get rejected thank you
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