that every single person in this room is
entitled in some way and I’m gonna go
even further out on that limb and say
that that statement probably makes you
pretty uncomfortable because when you
think of entitlement you think of
spoiled rich kids and whining teenagers
things that you don’t really want to be
associated with the word carries so much
negative power but when it comes down to
it feeling entitled just means that you
feel like you are deserving of certain
things and what if we could take that
word and its current reality in our
culture and make it something that is
powerful in a positive way now I wanted
to talk about this today because my
generation kind of got screwed when it
comes to entitlement there are a lot of
people who are entitled in the negative
sense of the word and older folks really
like to complain about it but what they
don’t see is that we weren’t born this
way we were raised this way generational
differences are the clearest
manifestation of cultural change no one
is born feeling like they’re deserving
of anything but they’re given things and
told things and they built up
expectations of what they feel is normal
and what they should have yes we’ve been
given iPhones and the most incredible
technology that the world has ever seen
but the same is true for every
generation before us before phones there
were computers cars the wheel you get
what I’m saying but what’s special about
my generation is that we have been told
that we can do anything we want we’ve
been told to follow our dreams and
believe in ourself that we are
incredible and we are special and
because of that we have created special
futures for ourselves with influence
from the media that feeds us the
extravagant lives of celebrities and
even just by looking around at the
incredible people in our area and so we
have we feel like we’re entitled and
expected to have these perfectly
balanced lives of famous success and
fortune and anyone or anything that gets
in our way will feel the wrath and
that’s where you get this negative
entitlement where you get people who are
so angry and defensive when things don’t
go their way we have such high
expectations for ourselves and put so
much pressure on ourselves and we can
lose sight
the things that are really important in
life every test and every application
becomes that next step to our perfect
future life and it’s it’s easy to let
the little ultimately insignificant
things become the end of the world
and we live in this world in which
housing prices have outpaced inflation
and college substances and job offers
are increasingly rare and so little
things can get bigger like if I do
poorly on this test that means that I’m
gonna get a bad grade in this class and
then I’ll have a bad GPA and with a bad
GPA then I’m not gonna get into a fancy
college without this fancy college then
I’m not gonna be able to get a job and
I’m not gonna make any money I’m not
gonna have a house and then I’m gonna
live on the streets and I’m gonna job so
it’s pretty easy to go to a dark place
and that’s where my generation can run
into trouble because disappointment
after disappointment that kind of
negative spiral gets in our head and
that’s where that this feeling that
we’re entitled to a certain a path in
life can lead us down a path of
depression and anxiety according to Jean
21 to 2% of Americans born before 1915
experienced a depressive episode during
their lifetimes even though they lived
through the Great Depression and two
world wars today the lifetime rate of
major depression is 10 times higher
between 15 and 20 percent and that
increase isn’t a fluke it’s not an
increase in the reporting of mental
health issues it’s a sign that there has
been a significant change in our culture
in the last century now part of that
change is that we have been told that we
can do anything and that’s transformed
into a feeling that we should be able to
do anything but what happens when we
can’t we have high expectations and a
sense of entitlement to those
expectations plus living in a
competitive and sometimes unforgiving
world you’re going to have
disappointment and sometimes there’s a
lot of it and when that disappointment
isn’t dealt with properly it’s easily to
find yourself down sliding down a
slippery slope of self-loathing because
who can help from blaming the bad things
that happen in their life on themselves
and this is especially relevant for my
generation because of the culture of
individualism that we have grown up in
we have been given so much control over
ourselves what we wear how
speak what we watch and do we’ve been
given a lot of freedom and with that
freedom becomes great responsibility we
feel so responsible for all of the
things that happen in our lives and ever
more at fault when things go wrong it’s
easy to lose sight of the context of
situations and just look back at
ourselves and say it’s my fault
everything’s on me I’m doing it all
wrong
so I rest my case we were set up for
failure they told us that we can have it
all and we believed them and felt
entitled to it all and when we couldn’t
have it all we got mad we got sad and we
got mental health issues not too long
ago I was trapped in this cycle of high
expectations that I couldn’t meet when I
lost an election in my youth group or I
did poorly on a test I felt like there
was something wrong with me
because I had this strict idea of what
my life was gonna be I was gonna get all
A’s I was gonna do sports theater my
youth group everything and I was gonna
do it all well at the same time but that
didn’t go as planned because life got in
the way because I had social obligations
family obligations because I’m a major
procrastinator it just gets kind of
messy sometimes and that’s the way that
life goes but I couldn’t see that I kept
looking at myself and saying why can’t
you do this I expected that I was
supposed to be able to do this thing
this crazy thing and I was only able to
get out of this place that started with
a sense of entitlement to a certain life
path using a sense of entitlement but
this time it was different entitlement I
stood up from rejections and deviations
for my plan and I said I am entitled to
success I am entitled to fulfillment and
happiness and I may not be entitled to
it the exact way that I had planned but
I sure as hell deserve it so using that
confidence that I would find my way I
worked even harder
even when rejections knocked me down I
decided that I wouldn’t settle for a
life of bitterness and disappointment
and jealousy because I am entitled to
good and I have the power to make and
find that good in my life it just takes
a little hard work and the same is true
for every single one of you remember
when I told you that you were entitled I
meant it you are entitled to good and
happiness and success and good people
and
and I promise that once you find peace
with that fact that you will find all of
those things more readily in your life
and research backs me up Brene brown a
commended researcher and author spent
many years of her life dedicated to
researching shame and one of the things
that she came away with is that people
who have more good in their lives are
those who feel they are worthy of good
in a recent TED talk she said that there
was one variable that separated those
who have a strong sense of love and
belonging and those who struggle for it
and that was that people who have a
strong sense of love and belonging
believe they are worthy of love and
belonging in the words of the
Declaration of Independence every
individual is endowed with certain
unalienable rights life liberty and the
pursuit of happiness so go forth and
pursue your happiness with a sense of
entitlement but it’s up to you how you
use that entitlement my advice is to
throw away that feeling that you are
entitled to this perfect life that
follows a certain path and replaced it
with the confidence that you are
entitled to good you’re going to face
disappointments and rejections and
you’re going to make mistakes but when
you move through life with the knowledge
that you deserve success none of those
hiccups can knock you down let
entitlement push you to take risks and
pick you up when you fall and keep that
knowledge that you are worthy with you
when you’re mad at the world and not at
yourself because life isn’t fair they
didn’t tell us that enough when we were
kids but what they did tell us was true
believe in yourself follow your dreams
be yourself you are special but special
doesn’t mean perfect or invincible
special means that you are strong and
capable of incredible things it just
takes the little blood sweat and tears
it means that you are worthy and you are
entitled to good thank you [Applause]