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Pull of Gravity | El Sawyer | TEDxCuracao


I’m 18 years old and it’s my first day

in prison I’m standing in line there’s

like 50 men in line with me and we’re

all going through an intake process at

grade four state prison in Pennsylvania

we’re instructed to take our clothes off

and go to a shower on the other side of

the shower is a correctional officer and

the correction officer hands every one

of us a paper and on top of the paper

has a has a number at the top of the

paper um you know fresh into the jail

so I’m I have a bravado so I’m not going

to act like I’m the one that’s gonna

follow the rules right so I’m standing

there he hands me a paper and my first

thought is to kind of bone a paper up

and throw it I got her but then I notice

in front of me there’s a older gentleman

on older inmate that is saying something

to his older gentleman is assisting in

the intake process and he’s instructing

the guy couple guys in front of me

something about the paper and I don’t

know what he’s saying

so they got closer I kinda stay back

from my bravado and asked him say excuse

me but what’s up with the number well on

the paper he says you got to remember it

I said why and he whispered to me says

typical my upbringing was typical to me

it’s typical to poor communities

throughout you guess every mailed my

family on both sides were incarcerated

there was drugs and guns readily

available in my community I had a single

family household drop down school in

eighth grade at 16 I had a son and at 17

cents to 8 to 20 years in prison

when I got to prison

it was weird angle I mean that’s obvious

right but we all heard a prison before

so we all know what we know I came in

with the same thoughts there was nothing

that could prepare me for it it was

aggressive people were angry depressed

it was violent I seen people commit

suicide I had friends that were stabbed

and killed

I myself was stabbed there was a time in

prison that I literally thought that I

was never coming home again there was an

opportunity to learn video or get on his

video crew that they had in the prison

and I had no ambitions of doing video or

film or anything like that but I had a

kind of a secret agenda that I would get

on the crew just to be able to learn

video to video myself so I could send a

videotape of myself home to my son so he

would learn who I was just in case I

would never get a chance to tell him

myself or see him if I over eight years

after eight years I was preparing to go

home if I admitted or not I trusted the

system i trusting the Phoebe keep me

warm

sometimes protect me I trusted the

system so I trusted that when I went

home I was prepared to go home their

programs they knew what I needed to do

to go home and stay home they know I

don’t know

so I’m 25 years old preparing to go home

and I took every program they had this

is an example of a program that they

gave me what’s going on here what are

you doing home what do you think you’re

doing you supposed to work tonight we’re

not doing anything we’re just hanging

out

I can’t believe I ever trusted you feel

hot all over and my muscles are tight

she’s not gonna get away with this she

is disrespecting me by doing drugs in my

silly right it’s funny laugh is silly

especially for somebody like me that

just came from an environment like that

in prison this is gonna prepare me to go

but this is my tool to go home and this

is real but when I went home this is the

environment I’m going home to this is

what I seen this was my reality or where

I was going to and nothing in prison no

program I took prepared me for this do

the whole time of Trent you know trying

to prepare to go home it’s it’s it’s

they make you very aware of the stats

the stats are there’s 700,000 people

every year in the United States that

come home from prison 700,000 people

that come home from prison and of that

700,000 people to come home two-thirds

of them go back to prison five hundred

and twenty-five thousand people go back

within the first three years no I never

had it got a high school diploma I never

had a job before I’m expected to come

home gained employment somehow and you

know feed myself and my son with those

stats looming besides the fact that if

you’re african-american in in the u.s.

one out of three go to prison anyway so

we’re trying and on top of those stats

and on top of seeing this these images

and haven’t given been given the

programming that was totally and

relevant to our the position I was in on

top of all that when I first come home

and I walked to a door I stopped and

paused because I didn’t even know what

to do with the door there’s no doorknobs

in prison

there’s no doorknobs as the toilets

don’t look the same I didn’t know about

keys cash none of that we hadn’t

expected to succeed or make a plan for

the future but what I did have I had

amazing friends and families mentors

that ensured my success they made it

their business that they loved the human

in me enough that they refused to see me

fail still to today do those networks I

was able to start to use my skills to

actually teach kids so I started

teaching video so teaching video all

around I started setting up media labs

media programs started making films

I had a unlikely I was I was

commissioned by the US Attorney’s Office

which is the Department of Justice the

US Department of Justice to make films

for them it was always been my vision to

use my skills and my experience to help

someone that found themselves in the

same situation I was in when it was

somebody man or woman that were in

prison for you know X amount of years

that’s prepared to go home I can show

them through film what home looks like I

can show a lawmaker or a you know

prosecutor what the home looks like in

living conditions look like

the people that they serve do my time in

prison and since I’ve been home even now

today I see people go back and forth to

prison it’s like they go back and forth

so regular it’s like a change of address

to me the way I explain it as if it’s

like second nature or if its nature like

you know and and and as natural as as a

forces of gravity with support from the

Department of Justice I was able to

create a film called pull of gravity

that focuses on those specific

environments and those pools that pull

someone back into those life that

lifestyle we created this film pull of

gravity we shattered over a year period

of time we followed three individuals I

was one of them we used a film as a tool

we screen it hundreds of time all of

hundreds of times all over the country

from prisons and colleges federal

departments whatever from on a Monday I

could be with judges a conference of

judges three hundred some judges and

afterwards as always always one judge

afterwards that I’m in the hallway of

components I said you’ll out come here

come here come and there’s a judge you

know listen listen I’ve been unjust for

thirty years and I was never told to

consider at all the environment people

read that are coming home to or reentry

as a whole or that same week I would be

in a federal prison screening for prison

officials staff and the population

Demi’s and I would have an inmate

without fails I would have an MA stand

up every time and say I thought I was

prepared to go home now I’m scared to go

home

scared to go home last August I was

asked I was invited to meet with

President Barack Obama to meet and

discuss his criminal justice

reform initiative and I remember vividly

two two rules they gave me they said you

know stand up on the time I met him

right so I’m nervous right I’m like all

standing there sweaty and nervous this

is big right so meeting the president so

I’m standing there they told me two

rules they said when he comes in stand

up and you greet him as mr. president

some of the guy I got this I got two

rules like cool I can work with that so

I stood up I heard his motorcade come in

her screeching is impressive he gets out

the car and I’m like standing there and

he walks up and I says mr. president yes

sir hello mr. president he grabs my hand

he says mister L saw your wonderful to

meet you

right at that moment I found myself

flashing back to holding that paper in

my hand with the number across the top

an older gentleman telling me to

remember the number because now that’s

my name from now on but I’m not a number

I have a name

thank you so much [Applause]

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