you
ventured on aroma Ford has been paid for
you is no easy feat and that is what
becoming a mom long before you’ve ever
experienced the normal rites of passage
in life feels like I had my first child
at the age of 14 as you can imagine
there’s an incredible amount of pressure
that comes with being responsible for
another human life at such a young age
when you hear this about me do you feel
sorry for me what if I told you that
becoming a teen mom was the best thing
that ever happened to me now I will also
tell you that being the mother of a
teenager is the worst thing let me be
clear I am NOT an advocate of teen
pregnancy however I’ve come to
understand that we must all grapple with
some kind of struggle in life and the
hand that I was dealt at teen pregnancy
written on the cards certainly not
something that I would have chosen for
myself and I’m pretty sure when my
parents gave birth to me their hopes and
dreams for me did not include me
becoming a mom while I was still a baby
myself every diamond that sparkles in
every ring and crown started life below
the depths of the earth more than 240
kilometres down at temperatures of 1600
degrees or greater Carbon squeezes into
coal or graphite which can take up to
three billion years to create the
hardest and most valuable of gems the
pressure required to create diamonds is
equivalent to four thousand grown men
standing on your foot it was that kind
of pressure that I experienced as a teen
mom and it completely altered the course
of my life you know there’s something
very humbling about having stood in a
soup kitchen line or in the West
fare mine or in the line at the Gas and
Electric Company begging them to keep
your lights on because your seasonal job
at the local amusement park is just
enough to buy diapers and pay for your
bus fare all right how about standing in
the freezing cold waiting for the bus
with eight bags of groceries that you
purchased with your food stamps you’ve
got a crime baby in one arm a stroller
in the other a baby bag on one shoulder
and a book bag on the other praying that
when you get home there’s enough time
left at the end of the day to do some
homework that kind of struggle can
change a person often not in the best
ways but for me for me it provided a
sense of fight because mostly I wasn’t
fighting for myself you see I had this
beautiful brown eyed creature that would
look to me for his source of strength
each and every day and on the day that
could wrestle up even a mustard seed of
strength to fight for myself I was
somehow able to access strength the size
of a sea coconut seemed to fight for him
the beautiful thing about my story is if
you were to ask my son what it was like
being raised by a 14 year old girl he
would probably say he doesn’t know he
shared with me in a touching letter that
he didn’t remember the struggle he
didn’t know that those high-water pants
that he was wearing weren’t really was
stopped and he never felt any hunger
pains all things that would have
certainly exposed our situation he also
shared that it was amazing to know that
his mom had been able to accomplish so
much while being on this life-altering
journey and that I somehow epitomize for
him the definition of a true hard worker
he shared that my example showed him
that it didn’t matter what your
circumstances were that you could change
your perspective and ultimately change
your outcome if I took the time to
explain to you all of the wonderful
things that
with me I’d be standing in a poll by the
end of this talk he did say though that
Keane was my biggest fan
and that he was proud of me a girl can
have a better fan club I thought to
myself what could I say to my son and
response that would summarize our
journey together and if I were to write
back I would be sure to say son having
to ask for help is not a sign of
weakness in fact a shows great strength
humility and wisdom it builds muscle and
character necessary for the journey of
his and I would also tell him that my 14
year old self could not have begun to
formulate the words to tell him about
all the hopes and dreams that I had for
him how his life was somehow going to be
different it would be better at the time
I didn’t know what better could look
like but I knew that I would find it for
him and in a moment of real transparency
I would tell him if I had to go back and
do it all over again I would choose a
different death I married a wonderful
man who’s been in his life since he was
two years old but there is absolutely
nothing that can take away the hole left
in the heart of a child by the absence
of a parent I would apologize profusely
I would encourage my son to take that
pain that is sure to be experiencing
from that loss and use it to find
himself to do better and to be better I
would also tell him that he can thank me
for his dashing good looks those must
have come from me but mostly I would
just thank him thank him for being my
motivation my inspiration the pressure
that I needed to become the woman I am
today it’s funny my son and I were
experiencing the world in totally
different ways yet existing
same time in history this pressure that
I’m speaking up certainly taught me to
trust my instincts and build grit and
character muscle necessary for the
journey ahead but it is the very same
kind of pressure that I’ve spent my
entire life shielding my son from
fortunately there is no incubator big
enough to hold a 23 year old man so the
pressures of life they will surely come
for him and my hope is that he will see
them as an opportunity and as a
privilege and he would grow from them
pressure is this thing that we try to
avoid at all costs
yet it can build strength and grit and
resiliency and all the things that help
us to discover who we truly are in the
face of adversity and though it can be
painful it can help us to become our
best selves and fulfill our unique purpose on this earth pressure