how when you want something so badly you
can just visualize what that’s gonna be
like well I always thought that when I
became a mom I would be like one of
those Rockstar moms with the stylish
messy bun that conveys chaos but like
with control who always wears slim
fitting pants and whose kids they
communicate really early with sign
language I know right there were a lot
of things in that picture but mental
illness was never one of them
right now an invisible mental health
epidemic is raging that if left
untreated has severe consequences for
our children parents and ultimately all
of society today I’m going to share with
you one solution to this epidemic and
it’s hiding in plain sight so a few
years ago I’m at home with my two girls
and it’s a dreary day at not gorgeous
like today that morning my
three-month-old baby and my two year old
follow me into the kitchen and I opened
the refrigerator door and honestly there
is literally nothing in there that I can
give them it’s this chilly wasteland
so I bundled them in warm coats to go to
as I’m trying to tie up my daughter’s
shoes my hands are shaking
uncontrollably I’d bundled them in their
coats and I put them in the car seat and
tuck them in with their favorite
blankies I take a deep breath my lungs
are squeezing shut my heart is racing
when I get into the car and I I grip the
steering wheel as tight as I can until
my knuckles turn white I pull the car
into drive and begin what has become my
stay on the road
Camille stay on the road
you see on the outside I looked like any
other mom but inside I can hear my own
voice screaming oh you can end this you
can drive into that wall drive into that
pole drive into that tree it seems
obvious now but at the time I simply had
no idea that I had postpartum depression
but depression is kind of like that you
think you’re fine and then it creeps up
on you like a thick fog and you know one
of those like bad low-budget zombie
movies but before you know it you are
one of those zombies trapped in a
postpartum depression or PPD is
depression that begins in the first year
after a pregnancy actually it can begin
during pregnancy and officially it
affects between 13 to 20 percent of
women and some men too but in my
experience in interviewing
hundreds of women it’s more like 80%
that experience it to some degree and
when a mom develops postpartum
depression it doesn’t just affect her
you see PPD strains marriages and
relationships and if mom doesn’t get
treatment her kids they’re more likely
to grow up and struggle with anxiety and
depression themselves have behavioral
problems even a lower IQ but somehow
despite these far-reaching implications
we still think of this as just a woman’s
problem when if you scratch the surface
you all know someone whose life has been
negatively impacted by postpartum
depression and some catastrophically so
like Florence Lee young a kind
compassionate intelligent young nurse
and a mom to an eight week old baby boy
who in 2016
got in her car and drove away from her
home alone that night when Florence
didn’t make it back home her husband
made desperate pleas to the community to
look for Florence because she had been
struggling with postpartum depression
and anxiety the next day Florence’s was
shown at a convenience store security
camera footage and it was in downtown
Vancouver and she had been buying a
Gatorade and a banana I mean I thought I
can tell you who marathon runners and
moms who are so exhausted they are just
trying to grasp at something to fuel
themselves so they can keep going but
hours later Florence’s car was found
near the Lions Gate Bridge the banana
and the Gatorade still in the passenger
seat
untouched Florence never did make it
home in isolation she took her life now
perhaps you are only aware of postpartum
depression when you hear about stories
like that of Florence Leung or the
equally tragic stories of mothers who
are so overcome with guilt at the idea
of leaving their babies behind they take
their lives too but these women these
moms they are not alone in their
hopelessness and their despair you see
in the first year postpartum a woman’s
suicide risk goes up 70% the number one
thing most likely to kill a new mom is
the one thing we don’t talk about
because the leading the leading cause of
the truth is that the majority of women
who are struggling even right now with
postpartum depression don’t get any
treatment at all because they are never
even diagnosed by we live in a world
where super moms are queens and flashy
social media blogs they only raise the
bar who wants to be the one to say
inside I feel so Hollow
it echoes and I’ve been wearing these
I’ll never forget when things turn for
me I’m with my husband in the car and
we’re coming home from a family dinner
but on this day tears are streaming out
of the corners of my eyes I cannot make
them stop you see my husband and I we’ve
been fighting over nothing for weeks
months my rock-solid marriage it’s
crumbling like old concrete I went so
badly to say something to him but what
I’m insane finally with nothing and
everything left to lose I turned to him
and I say I don’t feel well I think I
think I’m sick then go and see a doctor
he was mad he’d had it the next day
alone in my minivan all I could think
about was how far away I was from that
picture of that cool perfect happy
mother and the anguish of my failures as
a wife as a mother as a human being and
there was this voice in my ear saying
they would probably be better off
without you I push on the brakes I pull
over my car and I I clutch my phone from
my bag and I make my fingers look up the
number from maternal mental health at
Women’s Hospital because because my
when I when I get my appointment I drag
my husband anything because frankly I’m
terrified but the psychiatrist she says
to me she says you have an illness it’s
called postpartum depression it’s
actually pretty common and it’s
completely treatable we’re gonna help
you see the other side of this and we
talked about treatment options like
medication and therapies and stuff like
he doesn’t say anything but he reaches
over and he takes my hand in his he
holds it tight and he doesn’t let go in
the car ride home we come up with a plan
for when I feel like I’m in crises and
need immediate help
we called it the veto vote I can call
him home from work at any time no
questions asked
it’s a veto I used twice I gave up that
picture of what I thought a perfect mom
should be and embraced the messy one
that I am I remembered that before we
left the psychiatrist had said something
to me and it stuck with me and this was
ultimately the tool that made the
biggest difference in my life
she said camión reach out to your
community your community of your family
your friends your church if you have one
reach out and I remember at the time
thinking that hawkman I do not want to
be outing myself and waving that crazy
flag around because she then said look
you’ve been diagnosed with a serious
illness if this were cancer you would
rally your support
this is no different reach out so we did
I called my friends talk to my family
join support groups hmm I reached out
and from out of the fog wonderful people
they reached back parents at my
daughter’s school brought food my mom
helped me to find someone to help with
housework and friends wonderful friends
had my daughter over for playdates you
know knowing that she was having a fun
day when I couldn’t be the mom I wanted
to be was priceless so if you are a mom
or a dad who’s struggling right now
reach out you’re not alone and you’re
not a failure and for the rest of us we
can help by reaching into new parents
with food with our time or even with
just an ear to listen and you don’t even
have to know the parents to reach in I
will never forget the impact of one
stranger on a bad day who looked me in
most people they don’t really look at
new moms instead they just ask how the
baby is which is nice but doing this one
simple act reminds a new parent that
there’s still a person it creates a
meaningful connection in a time of
isolation you me we’re the community and
together we can lift the fog of
postpartum depression [Applause]