[Applause]
thank you so much hi everybody good
afternoon it’s a pleasure being here
thank you so much for inviting me as you
know I am knitting oil and I’m blind but
so is love so maybe you should get over
it
this is usually how I start a stand-up
comedy set particularly in mainstream
comedy clubs because the audience
sitting there freezes with shock and
surprise and a range of emotions in
between saying oh my god she’s disabled
and she’s laughing but why is this
surprised because somehow we have this
notion around people with disabilities
we think that they’re not individuals
first they’re really either inspiring
memes or there are these depressed
individuals right and the problem with
that is that we somehow think that
they’re either super humans or less than
human beings basically not quote unquote
normal someone who we don’t have to
engage with someone who’s that other
what happens when you treat people with
disabilities as this other is that
questions begin to flow how what all
that happens so what happened once was I
was that I was at a clinic and crack my
ribs and I was waiting for scans and
x-rays to happen and the receptionist
thought that I was in tremendous pain
switch started having a polite
conversation with me and in the middle
of the conversation she said oh how did
this happen and I was really frustrated
with myself I said you know I just
wasn’t paying attention and I fell and
she stopped to me she said I’m not
talking about your ribs I’m talking
about your eyes so how did this happen
the curiosity the questions this is an
environment that every person with a
disability learns to
awkward so let’s see let’s sort of
counter some of the curiosities that you
may be bubbling with maybe yes I’m blind
but I can eat food myself because I
don’t think you also need a mirror to
spot your mouth I’m blind but I do watch
firms and I do dream at night I of
course I’m blind but my disability is
not contagious it’s not I’m not disabled
because my family was cursed or that my
mother forgot to remedy the evil eye
that an aunt would have cast on our
family or on me right and let me tell
you the presumed misfortune that
surrounds a person with a disability
will not come to you by association but
my life before 15 was not fraught with
curiosities was not fraught with
questions because who was i before them
I was a non-disabled kid I was as
regular as kids can ever be naughty
jumping around
chattering chatting etc etc I was at
four I was learning I was training
myself in classical dance I was training
myself to paint at six I was training
myself to swim at 14 I knew that I
invested 10 years of my life in becoming
a portrait painter and at 15 I was
diagnosed with an incurable irreversible
eye disorder which would probably render
me blind
what happened then because people are
like oh when you got this news this must
have been the most traumatic like thing
of your life and I said no because I as
a 15 year old with all the confusions
that go around and teenage anyway could
hardly fathom what a life with blindness
would mean sure I knew one thing that
there will be major changes may be
unpleasant but also that my brushes
wouldn’t be my best friend’s anymore
what happened then in all low moments
you turn to philosophy to these positive
statements that everybody gives us so
the statement that I stuck to was
there’s always a light at the end of the
tunnel but the only difference was that
it wasn’t a mere positive state
my family was a living manifestation of
this light so the light for me was a
reality I had I have amazingly
supportive parents a very loving and
caring sister a brother who’s awesome
living his successful life with a
blindness so here was a family an avatar
of that lights that hope at the end of
the tunnel a reality for me but that
didn’t mean that I didn’t have to scrape
through the darkness I sometimes played
I sometimes it’s depressed anxious
confused and the range of things so one
of the days when I was sitting there
thinking why me what do I do
my spiritual master sri guru balaji
tumbling he sat across me and he said
Nidhi don’t think why me look at
yourself you have a family who loves you
and who gives you unflinching support go
beyond yourself look at other women with
disabilities and you’ll know what you
need to do in life I think that was the
day that I got really really conscious
of my privilege and I took an oath that
I would create this support that I was
fortunate enough to have for other women
with disabilities like me sure but when
I started this life with blindness I
also felt very fortunate because I had
experiences that any of you as
non-disabled people would not have and
I’m going to share some of them here the
first learning or experience was that
disability gives you stardom you want to
know how when I walk into the room
everybody starts looking at me when I
walk into a restaurant stairs and
whispers follow when I walk into a
cinema hall people forget that Shahrukh
Khan’s dawn dancing on the screen the
other thing that I learned about
disability was that disability is
mutually exclusive with everything else
so this auntie walks up to me at a
wedding which has happened many a times
not my wedding somebody else’s and she
says beta my dear baby you’re so
beautiful you’re still blind
the third thing that I learned was that
the minute you can’t see people are sure
that you can’t speak and you can’t hear
so as soon as I walk in a room with
someone the conversations flow in that
direction I remember recently my
colleague was travelling with me and
somebody in a restaurant said madam what
will Madame have will you please tell us
she got irritated and she said Madame’s
tummy Madame’s mouths please ask her but
the very important thing I learned about
myself as a disabled person was that I’m
very lazy and I am NOT cured because I’m
lazy enough not to find a cure because
everybody in this world knows about your
disability and the probable cures better
than you the most interesting
experiences were the experiences of my
family and I’ll share one of them here
just one my father when I was diagnosed
at fifteen with an incurable
irreversible eye disorder I was told by
his very educated doctor practicing
doctor friend that listen wait for three
years Hydra disability let her become
legal get her married otherwise she will
remain unmarried and a burden on you for
all the rest of her life my father
turned around and said sure thank you
I’m not hiding her disability it’s not a
shame I marriage is not the only girl
goal for my daughters and what I need to
do now is not do all of this I need to
empower her I need to be her support
while she finds or rediscovers
independence and joy in a life with
blindness but why did the doctor feel
that I wouldn’t get married why would
women with disabilities not get married
because somehow women with disabilities
are not considered women enough you know
in a culture in a context where for us
women still are fighting these images of
being the correct woman the right woman
the perfect mother the perfect wife the
good everything in quotes the good
mother the good wife the good girl the
good daughter women with disabilities
assumed to be just seekers of care
you know they can never be nurturers
they can never be carers and they’re of
course supposed to comply with all these
gendered roles which presumably they
won’t and so they can’t get married that
really gave me a direction just this one
experience so armed with the post
graduation and mass-media refusing to
work with mainstream media organizations
I dived into a life into the world of
activism and I decided to work as my
goal was for the betterment of girls and
women with disabilities to really work
on their sexual and reproductive health
and rights I actually to confess didn’t
know the what working on sexuality and
sexual rights would mean in this society
for me in my head I was exposed to
sexuality at the age of nine at a
cousin’s wedding when you know people
were giggling around all these wedding
songs which have not-so-subtle in
windows about lovemaking and bedroom and
night and etc etc so moany sexuality was
that simple but apparently attraction
sexuality sexual rights are not so
simple in society and I learned it the
hard way there was a lot of backlash
there was venom directed towards me and
the questions always were why sexuality
there is education there’s employment
there’s accessibility and this so
important why sexuality and this is what
I was faced with when I started my
journey as an activist in 2011 sure I
thought things will change over a period
of time you know there’ll be more
awareness which there may be but even in
2015 when the film margarita with the
straw was released it was about a girl a
young girl with cerebral palsy who talks
about her love her desires or sexuality
and I remember a TV actress then stood
up and said listen this is not important
for people with disabilities you know if
they have 10 things on their mind sex
would be the tenth and that’s what I
realized
we have the superpower to turn ordinary
film at TV actresses into mind readers
because how else would she know what we
want yeah
why would someone force us to choose
between education and sexuality between
employment and sexuality who’s someone
else to speak on our behalf and that’s
the day I realized that women with
disabilities really are silenced
they are silenced they’re invisible and
I always crack a joke that it’s a
privilege to be disabled because the
minute I am disabled and thus white
canes with me people don’t look at me
because I’m I’m so I can be so fat and
invisible because the slim white cane is
with me right the wheelchair the white
canes the hearing aids these become the
identity of the women and they stopped
they’re fine
this is not the only reaction that we
were grappling with this activist I got
a lot of personal comments where people
said oh you want to feel like you’re
doing some things so sure you know this
is pseudo activism you’re doing elitist
activism because you’re like from Mumbai
and educated in English speaking you are
single and young so of course you’re
desperate and that’s why you’re working
on sexuality but the best one was when
someone from the disability community
called me and said listen the word is
going around very joyfully he said the
word is going around that nigger will
only knows to talk about sex I was
really offended as a young woman I
paused I thought and then I replied I
said what do you guys mean by naughty
girl only knows to talk about sex what
about doing it
he was stumped he no response to the Hat
but it was very interesting because when
I started my work I call researched and
co-authored a website sexuality and
disability dot o-r-g working with a
Mumbai based nonprofit point of view and
as way I was very excited about the work
and I went and I shared it with my
friends I said you know this is a
website we’re talking to girls and women
with disabilities we’re talking about
sexual and
productive health and rights and we will
soon start trainings in this area and I
would really like to take this work
ahead so if I told a friend I was like
we’re talking about everything from body
acceptance to consent to sexuality
relationship marriage parenting violence
abuse parenting as a person with a
disability and the the man turned around
and said what did you say Mary and I
said yes how will these disabled women
get married are you now going to force
us men to get married to them so I
turned to the next person next friend
and I shared the same thing the same
spectrum of work and she said oh did you
see parenting how would women with
disabilities be parents what if
something happens to the child what does
the child gets hurt I said oh what if
your child gets hurt and she said with
my child is very naughty he always gets
hurt so I said sure your child gets hurt
because he is naughty a disabled woman’s
child gets hurt because she’s disabled I
went to the third frame and I again
shared the same thing and she said did
you see um sexuality and sex I’m
parenting and I said yeah she said oh
you mean these women on wheelchairs can
have I mean can conceive obviously the
glaring omission was can they have sex
and that’s when I realized that in India
we generally say hi how are you how do
you do this is a greeting but when it
comes to people with disabilities we
don’t even pause to think and we say hi
how are you how do you do it that’s the
line that we operate on right but then
someone turned around and said don’t
worry ha we have very special
arrangements for people with
disabilities and particularly women
because women with disabilities are
quite frankly like quite undesirable
that of I don’t think they also have
desires because they have to grapple
with so much more and they unde a table
and unmanageable but there’s one
solution so burn survivor a friend of
mine who was a burn survivor she came to
me and she said oh I’ve been advised
very strongly by my neighbors that I
should marry a black
man so then my quote-unquote ugliness
doesn’t affect him and that was a
perfect solution because why don’t we
put disabled and disabled together so
then we can live in this world of the
quote/unquote normal and that’s what
happens it’s very interesting because
it’s forces people into a lot of
situations as well and I’ll share a very
little small situation here where my
friend was waiting for me in a
restaurant we were meeting for a cup of
coffee and he was also visually impaired
and he reached early so he was just
calling me and saying listen when you
enter the restaurant just walk down
straight towards the end I’m on the left
corner table and I said wait you don’t
have to tell me all this he said why I
said just wait and watch and I reached
the restaurant and the security guard
said madam sorry is waiting for you
since when come come come I’ll take you
to him as a whole visually impaired
person can go have coffee only with
another visually impaired person right
it you know I often say that disability
doesn’t stop us from having experiences
from living awful life what does is the
environment what stops us is the
attitude of the people around us sure
you know we can take it tolerate and
better to a level but ignorance quite
frankly ceases to be an excuse
curiosity becomes irritating and help
against my choice is absolutely not
welcome and if you still do all this the
joke is on you with this idea I started
to perform stand-up comedy to create
sensitization around disability gender
and sexuality and related issues and
became India’s first-ever disabled
female comedian as of today what did
this to me and this did to me was I took
my activism and comedy combined and
worked on creating awareness on changing
attitudes on bettering the lives of
girls and women with disabilities there
were struggles there were successes
there were a variety of tools there was
trainings research writing campaigns
that I engaged in with a range of human
rights and women’s rights
anas Asians that I work but for me what
was really important was to take that
vision of the 15 year old girl could
acquire and blindness to date that
vision ahead of creating a support for
women with disabilities with this vision
in mind I recently launched my
organization rising flame just with one
thought that women with disabilities
need to build their voice that they need
to become leaders and embody the change
because we need a change for women with
disabilities to be recognized as women
to be recognized as human beings and we
don’t just need one change we need waves
of it thank you very much
thank you so much hi everybody good
afternoon it’s a pleasure being here
thank you so much for inviting me as you
know I am knitting oil and I’m blind but
so is love so maybe you should get over
it
this is usually how I start a stand-up
comedy set particularly in mainstream
comedy clubs because the audience
sitting there freezes with shock and
surprise and a range of emotions in
between saying oh my god she’s disabled
and she’s laughing but why is this
surprised because somehow we have this
notion around people with disabilities
we think that they’re not individuals
first they’re really either inspiring
memes or there are these depressed
individuals right and the problem with
that is that we somehow think that
they’re either super humans or less than
human beings basically not quote unquote
normal someone who we don’t have to
engage with someone who’s that other
what happens when you treat people with
disabilities as this other is that
questions begin to flow how what all
that happens so what happened once was I
was that I was at a clinic and crack my
ribs and I was waiting for scans and
x-rays to happen and the receptionist
thought that I was in tremendous pain
switch started having a polite
conversation with me and in the middle
of the conversation she said oh how did
this happen and I was really frustrated
with myself I said you know I just
wasn’t paying attention and I fell and
she stopped to me she said I’m not
talking about your ribs I’m talking
about your eyes so how did this happen
the curiosity the questions this is an
environment that every person with a
disability learns to
awkward so let’s see let’s sort of
counter some of the curiosities that you
may be bubbling with maybe yes I’m blind
but I can eat food myself because I
don’t think you also need a mirror to
spot your mouth I’m blind but I do watch
firms and I do dream at night I of
course I’m blind but my disability is
not contagious it’s not I’m not disabled
because my family was cursed or that my
mother forgot to remedy the evil eye
that an aunt would have cast on our
family or on me right and let me tell
you the presumed misfortune that
surrounds a person with a disability
will not come to you by association but
my life before 15 was not fraught with
curiosities was not fraught with
questions because who was i before them
I was a non-disabled kid I was as
regular as kids can ever be naughty
jumping around
chattering chatting etc etc I was at
four I was learning I was training
myself in classical dance I was training
myself to paint at six I was training
myself to swim at 14 I knew that I
invested 10 years of my life in becoming
a portrait painter and at 15 I was
diagnosed with an incurable irreversible
eye disorder which would probably render
me blind
what happened then because people are
like oh when you got this news this must
have been the most traumatic like thing
of your life and I said no because I as
a 15 year old with all the confusions
that go around and teenage anyway could
hardly fathom what a life with blindness
would mean sure I knew one thing that
there will be major changes may be
unpleasant but also that my brushes
wouldn’t be my best friend’s anymore
what happened then in all low moments
you turn to philosophy to these positive
statements that everybody gives us so
the statement that I stuck to was
there’s always a light at the end of the
tunnel but the only difference was that
it wasn’t a mere positive state
my family was a living manifestation of
this light so the light for me was a
reality I had I have amazingly
supportive parents a very loving and
caring sister a brother who’s awesome
living his successful life with a
blindness so here was a family an avatar
of that lights that hope at the end of
the tunnel a reality for me but that
didn’t mean that I didn’t have to scrape
through the darkness I sometimes played
I sometimes it’s depressed anxious
confused and the range of things so one
of the days when I was sitting there
thinking why me what do I do
my spiritual master sri guru balaji
tumbling he sat across me and he said
Nidhi don’t think why me look at
yourself you have a family who loves you
and who gives you unflinching support go
beyond yourself look at other women with
disabilities and you’ll know what you
need to do in life I think that was the
day that I got really really conscious
of my privilege and I took an oath that
I would create this support that I was
fortunate enough to have for other women
with disabilities like me sure but when
I started this life with blindness I
also felt very fortunate because I had
experiences that any of you as
non-disabled people would not have and
I’m going to share some of them here the
first learning or experience was that
disability gives you stardom you want to
know how when I walk into the room
everybody starts looking at me when I
walk into a restaurant stairs and
whispers follow when I walk into a
cinema hall people forget that Shahrukh
Khan’s dawn dancing on the screen the
other thing that I learned about
disability was that disability is
mutually exclusive with everything else
so this auntie walks up to me at a
wedding which has happened many a times
not my wedding somebody else’s and she
says beta my dear baby you’re so
beautiful you’re still blind
the third thing that I learned was that
the minute you can’t see people are sure
that you can’t speak and you can’t hear
so as soon as I walk in a room with
someone the conversations flow in that
direction I remember recently my
colleague was travelling with me and
somebody in a restaurant said madam what
will Madame have will you please tell us
she got irritated and she said Madame’s
tummy Madame’s mouths please ask her but
the very important thing I learned about
myself as a disabled person was that I’m
very lazy and I am NOT cured because I’m
lazy enough not to find a cure because
everybody in this world knows about your
disability and the probable cures better
than you the most interesting
experiences were the experiences of my
family and I’ll share one of them here
just one my father when I was diagnosed
at fifteen with an incurable
irreversible eye disorder I was told by
his very educated doctor practicing
doctor friend that listen wait for three
years Hydra disability let her become
legal get her married otherwise she will
remain unmarried and a burden on you for
all the rest of her life my father
turned around and said sure thank you
I’m not hiding her disability it’s not a
shame I marriage is not the only girl
goal for my daughters and what I need to
do now is not do all of this I need to
empower her I need to be her support
while she finds or rediscovers
independence and joy in a life with
blindness but why did the doctor feel
that I wouldn’t get married why would
women with disabilities not get married
because somehow women with disabilities
are not considered women enough you know
in a culture in a context where for us
women still are fighting these images of
being the correct woman the right woman
the perfect mother the perfect wife the
good everything in quotes the good
mother the good wife the good girl the
good daughter women with disabilities
assumed to be just seekers of care
you know they can never be nurturers
they can never be carers and they’re of
course supposed to comply with all these
gendered roles which presumably they
won’t and so they can’t get married that
really gave me a direction just this one
experience so armed with the post
graduation and mass-media refusing to
work with mainstream media organizations
I dived into a life into the world of
activism and I decided to work as my
goal was for the betterment of girls and
women with disabilities to really work
on their sexual and reproductive health
and rights I actually to confess didn’t
know the what working on sexuality and
sexual rights would mean in this society
for me in my head I was exposed to
sexuality at the age of nine at a
cousin’s wedding when you know people
were giggling around all these wedding
songs which have not-so-subtle in
windows about lovemaking and bedroom and
night and etc etc so moany sexuality was
that simple but apparently attraction
sexuality sexual rights are not so
simple in society and I learned it the
hard way there was a lot of backlash
there was venom directed towards me and
the questions always were why sexuality
there is education there’s employment
there’s accessibility and this so
important why sexuality and this is what
I was faced with when I started my
journey as an activist in 2011 sure I
thought things will change over a period
of time you know there’ll be more
awareness which there may be but even in
2015 when the film margarita with the
straw was released it was about a girl a
young girl with cerebral palsy who talks
about her love her desires or sexuality
and I remember a TV actress then stood
up and said listen this is not important
for people with disabilities you know if
they have 10 things on their mind sex
would be the tenth and that’s what I
realized
we have the superpower to turn ordinary
film at TV actresses into mind readers
because how else would she know what we
want yeah
why would someone force us to choose
between education and sexuality between
employment and sexuality who’s someone
else to speak on our behalf and that’s
the day I realized that women with
disabilities really are silenced
they are silenced they’re invisible and
I always crack a joke that it’s a
privilege to be disabled because the
minute I am disabled and thus white
canes with me people don’t look at me
because I’m I’m so I can be so fat and
invisible because the slim white cane is
with me right the wheelchair the white
canes the hearing aids these become the
identity of the women and they stopped
they’re fine
this is not the only reaction that we
were grappling with this activist I got
a lot of personal comments where people
said oh you want to feel like you’re
doing some things so sure you know this
is pseudo activism you’re doing elitist
activism because you’re like from Mumbai
and educated in English speaking you are
single and young so of course you’re
desperate and that’s why you’re working
on sexuality but the best one was when
someone from the disability community
called me and said listen the word is
going around very joyfully he said the
word is going around that nigger will
only knows to talk about sex I was
really offended as a young woman I
paused I thought and then I replied I
said what do you guys mean by naughty
girl only knows to talk about sex what
about doing it
he was stumped he no response to the Hat
but it was very interesting because when
I started my work I call researched and
co-authored a website sexuality and
disability dot o-r-g working with a
Mumbai based nonprofit point of view and
as way I was very excited about the work
and I went and I shared it with my
friends I said you know this is a
website we’re talking to girls and women
with disabilities we’re talking about
sexual and
productive health and rights and we will
soon start trainings in this area and I
would really like to take this work
ahead so if I told a friend I was like
we’re talking about everything from body
acceptance to consent to sexuality
relationship marriage parenting violence
abuse parenting as a person with a
disability and the the man turned around
and said what did you say Mary and I
said yes how will these disabled women
get married are you now going to force
us men to get married to them so I
turned to the next person next friend
and I shared the same thing the same
spectrum of work and she said oh did you
see parenting how would women with
disabilities be parents what if
something happens to the child what does
the child gets hurt I said oh what if
your child gets hurt and she said with
my child is very naughty he always gets
hurt so I said sure your child gets hurt
because he is naughty a disabled woman’s
child gets hurt because she’s disabled I
went to the third frame and I again
shared the same thing and she said did
you see um sexuality and sex I’m
parenting and I said yeah she said oh
you mean these women on wheelchairs can
have I mean can conceive obviously the
glaring omission was can they have sex
and that’s when I realized that in India
we generally say hi how are you how do
you do this is a greeting but when it
comes to people with disabilities we
don’t even pause to think and we say hi
how are you how do you do it that’s the
line that we operate on right but then
someone turned around and said don’t
worry ha we have very special
arrangements for people with
disabilities and particularly women
because women with disabilities are
quite frankly like quite undesirable
that of I don’t think they also have
desires because they have to grapple
with so much more and they unde a table
and unmanageable but there’s one
solution so burn survivor a friend of
mine who was a burn survivor she came to
me and she said oh I’ve been advised
very strongly by my neighbors that I
should marry a black
man so then my quote-unquote ugliness
doesn’t affect him and that was a
perfect solution because why don’t we
put disabled and disabled together so
then we can live in this world of the
quote/unquote normal and that’s what
happens it’s very interesting because
it’s forces people into a lot of
situations as well and I’ll share a very
little small situation here where my
friend was waiting for me in a
restaurant we were meeting for a cup of
coffee and he was also visually impaired
and he reached early so he was just
calling me and saying listen when you
enter the restaurant just walk down
straight towards the end I’m on the left
corner table and I said wait you don’t
have to tell me all this he said why I
said just wait and watch and I reached
the restaurant and the security guard
said madam sorry is waiting for you
since when come come come I’ll take you
to him as a whole visually impaired
person can go have coffee only with
another visually impaired person right
it you know I often say that disability
doesn’t stop us from having experiences
from living awful life what does is the
environment what stops us is the
attitude of the people around us sure
you know we can take it tolerate and
better to a level but ignorance quite
frankly ceases to be an excuse
curiosity becomes irritating and help
against my choice is absolutely not
welcome and if you still do all this the
joke is on you with this idea I started
to perform stand-up comedy to create
sensitization around disability gender
and sexuality and related issues and
became India’s first-ever disabled
female comedian as of today what did
this to me and this did to me was I took
my activism and comedy combined and
worked on creating awareness on changing
attitudes on bettering the lives of
girls and women with disabilities there
were struggles there were successes
there were a variety of tools there was
trainings research writing campaigns
that I engaged in with a range of human
rights and women’s rights
anas Asians that I work but for me what
was really important was to take that
vision of the 15 year old girl could
acquire and blindness to date that
vision ahead of creating a support for
women with disabilities with this vision
in mind I recently launched my
organization rising flame just with one
thought that women with disabilities
need to build their voice that they need
to become leaders and embody the change
because we need a change for women with
disabilities to be recognized as women
to be recognized as human beings and we
don’t just need one change we need waves
of it thank you very much
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