would change my life but in 2005 he came
home and told me he had to write a
country report what country I asked
Rwanda
we’re not Spain Mexico or Romania where
is Rwanda we looked at a map and we
found one of Africa’s smallest countries
landlocked between Burundi Uganda
Democratic Republic of Congo and
Tanzania as a neurotic Jewish mother I
felt I’d had to be involved his report
took me over continents and oceans for
more than a decade as he and his twin
brother were also studying for their Bar
Mitzvahs with lessons of the Holocaust
one day he said to me you know mom this
Holocaust and the genocide it’s the same
why do keep people keep doing this over
and over again we had looked in Seattle
for books and we could only find one and
so I started helping him to research by
luck I found a coffee shop in Seattle
now what’s better for research than
coffee we made a date and we went and
the owner of the coffee shop told us you
have to meet Arthur why so with one
email he replied and he said yes he
would help us and he would fill in all
the gaps my son was able to finish his
report with an a-plus-plus but I was far
from done even though he was done this
guided me on an adventure to go back to
school to finish my bachelor’s and to
dig deeper into my own Jewish heritage
it was my crossroads and there were
beginning signs of connections
as the boys were finishing their studies
for their bar mitzvah we found out they
also had to do a community service
project what would any parent say well
let’s go to Rwanda so I found out that
well they needed to be 15 to trek the
gorillas and I was nervous about going
to developing country where I didn’t
speak the language with two 13 year olds
I have never traveled like that before
so we decided to wait in the meantime I
worked on my studies emphasized on
social justice and conservation then a
year later in 2006 I was able to make
that trip for the first time with Arthur
and I watched him in the fields of the
coffee farms with people and I realized
that what I was witnessing was a country
that had been recently devastated by
genocide where it was so beautiful and
so peaceful it was quite amazing and
then I was given a permit to go Trek the
mountain gorillas and if you ever have a
chance to do that I recommend it my
journey in Rwanda those six days ended
with a trip to the gasosa genocide
memorial there I was followed by our
driver who we didn’t think spoke any
English and from room to room I learned
so much and then we got to the room
dedicated to genocides of the 20th
century and I saw images of the
Holocaust I looked at the driver and I
showed him the Star of David on my neck
and the ones on the wall and for the
first time he said to me so in Rwanda
you’re a Tutsi this gave me a very
strange feeling of historic connection
over time
and distance and person-to-person I left
Rwanda the next day I cried the whole
way home trying to imagine how I was
going to get back to a Wanda
and like any heartsick lover I pined to
go back and I was determined to take my
kids so that they could see and
understand what I was seeing why I was
there I had also met and made some
connections and I hired a driver Paul he
had decided that he would take us to
Uganda to visit the Abu dire community
and our friend rabbi Aaron the Abu daya
is a community of Jews in Uganda and the
only Jewish community of African descent
so when I returned to Seattle in March I
decided to take a deep dive into the
pool I looked at my kids and I said what
do you think about not going to Rwanda
for a month but how about we go for six
months you don’t go to school in Seattle
for your first fall semester of high
school and we go from August to December
and without a lot of thought they said
okay my friends and family thought I had
lost my mind I was scared and this was a
kind of commitment I hadn’t never made
to anything but being a mom before so
this was really new for me so we emailed
back and forth about our itinerary
housing transportation and our packing
list Paul suggested we bring everything
to Rwanda because goods in Rwanda are
often scarce and expensive we left with
31 boxes I also made a deal with the
boys
the deal was sort of a safety net for
all of us I said that if at the end of
the trip they decided they didn’t want
to return to Seattle or if they did want
to return to Seattle I wouldn’t argue
either way one of my kids said to me as
we were getting close to leaving he says
you know mom I’m kind of nervous about
being the only white kid in class and I
said you’re already the only Jew how is
that different
and with that he was kind of okay so I
believe that travel is a great connector
and an amazing teacher
especially when you have an opportunity
to live locally why the boys were in
school I volunteered and worked on my
photography at the end of our trip we
had an incredible Safari for 21 days we
drove out of Rwanda through the
Serengeti in Tanzania up to Kenya and
Uganda
where we were finally able to spend
Shabbat with our friend rabbi Aaron it
was truly a Safari of a lifetime but
things had changed with Paul and we had
fallen in love with each other so one of
our last nights in together in Rwanda he
took me to the restaurant called heaven
after dessert he surprised me and asked
me to marry him I said yes so this
promise meant though that I had to take
the boys back to Seattle and we decided
and I had to leave Paul behind we
decided that we would keep our
engagement a secret in part because we
didn’t want a funny rumor mill going
around and also we needed to secure his
visa staying connected with Paul wasn’t
too hard I was commuting back and forth
and we had also used a lot of email and
a lot of Skype we decided to open a
business called in Horry expeditions and
business tours we chose the word in
whoring for
variety of reasons one and horrid
answers are unique to Rwanda they were
the dancers entertainers and warriors
for the kings in ancient times it was a
word that people could say without being
misunderstood and it meant chosen Paul
and I had always acknowledged our unique
connection through genocide and we
thought that this would be an
interesting and unique advantage for our
guests coming to Rwanda
Paul was a returnee to Rwanda from
Uganda so he came with a knowledge of
what Rwanda needed as an expat I had an
idea of what some of the tourists might
like we thought this was a match made in
heaven
back in Seattle the boys were in high
school and I had finished my bachelor’s
degree and for the first time in my life
I was loving being a student I found a
master’s program that allowed me to
graduate within days of the boys
graduating from high school so I
enrolled in this program for creative
change we didn’t have to do a thesis we
had to create a change project my change
project was designing a tour for
educators into Rwanda about genocide
reconciliation and rebuilding but now I
had this funny balance of life between
Rwanda and Seattle I had one kid at home
with the dog and one kid in college in
Chicago and I had this feeling of always
being home and never being home Rwanda
is about 24 hours and 8,000 miles from
Seattle one way so the struggle to stay
connected especially to home was hard I
decided to start writing for about a
year
what I called my thirst I know it was
essentially an open diary unedited of
what was going on and how we were
managing I used what’s happened Facebook
a lot I know that time and distance is a
strain on our relationships and I know
we all know we’re busy and that has
become a kind of a bone of contention
for me because we all make time for what
we we feel is important and for who is
important but in the connection world my
online community has helped I used
Facebook and photography groups and
through that I found that my letters
weren’t as interesting as my images and
that has given me a whole different set
of sex satisfaction I’ve also found
Rwanda to be what I’ve called Jewishly
lonely because of the large mission
community it’s been an awkward place for
me to feel like I fit in so I had left
Seattle very much participating in my
synagogue I had taught Sunday School
Ganju Shabbat and I had recently even
had my own adult Bat Mitzvah like I
needed one more thing to do but I did
and I missed that sense of connection
and tradition
so my remedy was to start a Facebook
page called Jewish in Rwanda seeking
either people traveling through Rwanda
or expats living in Rwanda that were
also Jewishly lonely the ebb and flow of
our community had shrinks and grows
people come and go but two years ago we
were able to host a community of 15 to
22 Jews for Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur
Sukkot Purim and Passover it was a
unique community from seven countries
five or six States Jews of different
kinds of observation dietary
restrictions and knowledge
but it didn’t matter to anybody because
we were together and we had form
dominion and for one year
I wasn’t Jewish late only then in 2013
Paul and I were finally able to get
married it was a crazy weekend where
Hanukkah and thanksgiving had this
collide together it’s a
once-in-a-lifetime event
we melded our lives together under the
Hupa the Jewish wedding canopy where I
took all the fabrics I had collected
from Rwanda and I created and designed
our own wedding canopy one that talked
about our travel migration and community
we even designed our wedding cake to
look like African fabric with safari
animals on it it was an incredible day
of friends and family connecting
traditions and love together as I
reflect back on these last 12 years
who would ever imagine that a 5th grade
homework project could do this much for
the mom it has brought me to realize the
connections of my friends family faith
photography learning and love the
biggest connection was the connection
I’ve been able to make for myself to
find something that truly I’m engaged in
I know I am living us crazy lucky life
right now being able to commute back and
forth we say what do you want to do this
weekend oh let’s go look at your rafts
some days it’s so incredible I look in
the mirror and I say do you know you
live in Rwanda how did you get here and
then I have to pinch myself
so in conclusion my suggestion is
the next time you ask someone what they
have for homework tonight never
underestimate the power of a fifth grade
homework assignment it might just have
you diving into the deep end of the pool
– thank you [Applause]