well hi I’m excited I have a buddy with
me with a lot of tension but I’m on the
red dots so I like it I hope I have also
my my screen there is probably you all
understand and you recognize this kind
of that’s news headers confused man
swings with a big knife
naked man bites a know police officer
confused woman sets her house in fire
confused man taken by the roof from
rescuers confused man pees in the bucket
at the gas station incidents would
confuse people increased by 60% well
this last news header is from February
2018 from the newspaper and it says the
police collected in 2017 over 83,000
notifications about people with confused
behavior well I’m a bit tension now but
I’m lucky and I’m feel happy but I’m a
normal guy I’m a normal man but I was
crazy
I had this confused behavior I was one
of those men from the newspaper so in
this next 15 minutes I hope I’ll give
you some stills in a fast forward mode
of my life still one like an dear slide
still one
I was a young boy I was about six years
old and I saw some situation because in
the middle of the night I was sleeping
and suddenly I heard some noises from
the bathroom next to my bedroom first I
thought what’s going on so I felt some
tension but then I decided to crawl out
of my bed and walk along my LEGO
creations and gently I opened the door
and peeked around the corner
there I saw one of my brothers he was
sitting at the toilet seat and he was
shivering and for sure he was totally
out of contacts my mother she was calm
and tender and she was close to him but
I saw this tension in his eyes I myself
as a young boy I was triggered I wanted
to help I wanted to understand what was
going on with him and I saw his tension
in his eyes so as soon as possible
I went back to my room afterwards nobody
had seen and nobody knew I had seen this
as a young boy so there was one member
of my family having great trouble and as
a young boy as a sensitive young boy I
took this energy towards me so this
whole time my family there was a tension
in our family system okay next slide
when I was about 15 years old my mother
had cancer so exactly on the birthday of
my 15th birthday
that was a difficult moment I want to
wanted to understand what was happening
why was it exactly on that birthday of
mine does this happen so was there some
symbolism in it in this key moment was
it like a circle that wanted to
reconnect life and death as as one
something so I wanted to understand how
come my mother died exactly on the same
day that she gave birth to me
I feel still tension so next slide still
free at the age of 18 I read got
frustrated because this whole situation
I was into it felt so wrong I felt my
own grief but also I felt the grief of
my father and besides he had his own
problems too like being homosexual and
suppressing that feelings all of his
life so that was a difficult time my
mother her last words to me were boy
don’t be a struggle take good care of
your father
and you know what we did most my father
and I we were really good at was arguing
together in the meantime at age 18 I
also had my high school so there was a
lot of pressure to pass my exams and I
had those worries about my father so I
went to the school teacher and tried to
was difficult to do so I had made in
drawing and was something like this so
in my explanation with this drawing I
used father symbols in it like this
birds made from a para graph path and my
father hanging on a para shoots and I
said to the teacher look my father is
falling and he thinks he will be saved
by his parachutes but look closer it’s a
cone of an ice-cream
I really thought like that so then there
was this day I became confused snap and
now I’m still then that was this day I
when I was 18 I also had to go to the
north of the Netherlands for military
duty so it was a big city in the north
and the city became a maze and during
this walking in the city with a lot of
building structures and and noises I
thought I was in some kind of war or a
training program during that day I was
confused too so in the end of the day I
managed to go back home by train and it
was late in the evening somehow I
thought the electricity of the train
that I was connected to it and I was
able to influence the train speed and
braking mechanism so that was strange in
my first psychosis I was in the city
I experienced special connections with
others so I talked to strange people
impulsively I was stepped into a car the
craziness of the city I became it became
my own craziness so I felt a lot of
synchronicity and also cause and effect
so this psychosis it’s like being out of
reality losing grip of reality losing
the connections with others so on a
subconscious level it’s so stressful to
it gets interferences so you lose it and
in the end fantasy and reality is mixed
up together and it’s really hard to have
a normal reality to deal with and also
dealing with an extra one I’ll go on in
fast-forward mode now a bit with this
time of 1992 until 2011 in this years in
these years I had three times more
psychosis and I fully recovered each
time mostly by putting efforts in my job
and I became an educated social worker
using my own personal insights and a lot
of empathy in 2011 there was a guy a man
and I supported him in his daily life he
died due to alcohol addiction so that
was a big trigger for me and I ended up
in the hospital again as soon as I came
back to work all of my colleagues more
or less knew about my psychosis and it
was one lesson for me there from that
point I was totally open and clear about
my circuses and my history with mental
illness I had again faced my past with
mornings and from now on from that
moment on I decided instead of carrying
someone’s problems I totally take mine
so that was a relief
I feel better relief now too so I guess
I will be fine thank you for the support
yeah so there was a struggle and it was
a struggle now again ah so I had this
work finally I came a bit over it so
that it was a really a hard moment in my
life losing someone in my work but I
took a lesson from it
and that’s the nice thing because in
2014 my way of working it was seen and I
was asked to have a job at how we do
harp in Arnhem how’re the harp is an
education program for people with lived
experience and it’s from New York and
named Howard gelts that’s the name from
how he had the harp how it gelt was a
man in New York with schizophrenia and
yet one good quote he wants to help and
he said we bring consumers into the
system to change the system from within
so that education program came to Anam
and I was asked to work there as a coach
and as a trainer using also my empathy
there were students at how it happen
annum these students I learned they
learned how to support people in
stressful situations and as a trainer
and a coach I helped them to find that
strength again and their talents and
their best position well this is Ellen
from last class last year she is now in
Hong Kong and she sent this photo so we
still collaborate so I hope these
students and because those students
trusted me and followed my story and
believed me in return they empowered me
this equal relationship and that was
really nice because in this environment
of work I embraced my total weakness and
found my strongest position and from
that strong position it really felt like
I landed I had fallen so many times in
my life I finally found safe healthy
ground fearless grounds we created
together
so I was really proud of that process
and standing more strong and from that
position I she had a social media
article made by a television
broadcasting called the monitor about me
using a flower buckets in a gas station
at the shop peeing in it
so that was me and it felt really good
because this story went viral in 2016
and I was proud even on the story to
open up and to talk about stigma so
after that I was asked to share my life
story again with creators of a new
future reality concepts about psychosis
called The Forgotten mom together we
find a way to yeah to get grip on this
confused behavior and the the team from
Cairo and CFA they were really
passionate and they worked really hard I
became their agenda item in this meeting
I can see still there I had timed until
half past two
there was really nice because it’s a
real complex story but we managed to
make this complex story narrow a
narrative in a narrative way and to tell
it from the inside out and it was a
follower ball story too so they had a
lot of work to do with this and we made
it together that was also a really nice
it’s my daughter with the poster and
this is a bit of the inside of the fiar
this virtual reality it’s nice because
it’s a follower ball story from the
inside and people are able to have a bit
known of the end of the complex story in
this dynamic story about
psychosis afterwards in this VR workshop
as members of the TEDx people feel more
relieved because this story it’s a whole
story it’s not only the stressful story
you lose you see in the newspaper it’s a
whole story also with positive thoughts
in it so people change the paradigm so
mental illness and are more comfortable
with it so this VR this particular VR
its effect it has a circular reasoning
and there on the slide because it’s
about fear with less fear people nearby
someone with psychosis like me can come
near and being near creates a healthy
atmosphere having more grip on a shared
multi reality and this shared reality
becomes less strange for me and for the
other one together there will be more
normal behavior and that reduces fear so
that’s the circle I want to explain to
you so this fear of this VR is a thing a
toy maybe for some people but for me
this VR empowered my life so this is my
final quote and you see already in my
family I was a young boy a young healthy
boy and I became a confused man I’m
happy and I’m healthy and I’m so proud
of my family being a solid system
together and I’m still alive that’s what
I like also and yes this sense
of healing the world what was in my
psychotic times this sense of healing
the world it became my illness and now I
use my illness to heal the world thank
you [Applause]
me with a lot of tension but I’m on the
red dots so I like it I hope I have also
my my screen there is probably you all
understand and you recognize this kind
of that’s news headers confused man
swings with a big knife
naked man bites a know police officer
confused woman sets her house in fire
confused man taken by the roof from
rescuers confused man pees in the bucket
at the gas station incidents would
confuse people increased by 60% well
this last news header is from February
2018 from the newspaper and it says the
police collected in 2017 over 83,000
notifications about people with confused
behavior well I’m a bit tension now but
I’m lucky and I’m feel happy but I’m a
normal guy I’m a normal man but I was
crazy
I had this confused behavior I was one
of those men from the newspaper so in
this next 15 minutes I hope I’ll give
you some stills in a fast forward mode
of my life still one like an dear slide
still one
I was a young boy I was about six years
old and I saw some situation because in
the middle of the night I was sleeping
and suddenly I heard some noises from
the bathroom next to my bedroom first I
thought what’s going on so I felt some
tension but then I decided to crawl out
of my bed and walk along my LEGO
creations and gently I opened the door
and peeked around the corner
there I saw one of my brothers he was
sitting at the toilet seat and he was
shivering and for sure he was totally
out of contacts my mother she was calm
and tender and she was close to him but
I saw this tension in his eyes I myself
as a young boy I was triggered I wanted
to help I wanted to understand what was
going on with him and I saw his tension
in his eyes so as soon as possible
I went back to my room afterwards nobody
had seen and nobody knew I had seen this
as a young boy so there was one member
of my family having great trouble and as
a young boy as a sensitive young boy I
took this energy towards me so this
whole time my family there was a tension
in our family system okay next slide
when I was about 15 years old my mother
had cancer so exactly on the birthday of
my 15th birthday
that was a difficult moment I want to
wanted to understand what was happening
why was it exactly on that birthday of
mine does this happen so was there some
symbolism in it in this key moment was
it like a circle that wanted to
reconnect life and death as as one
something so I wanted to understand how
come my mother died exactly on the same
day that she gave birth to me
I feel still tension so next slide still
free at the age of 18 I read got
frustrated because this whole situation
I was into it felt so wrong I felt my
own grief but also I felt the grief of
my father and besides he had his own
problems too like being homosexual and
suppressing that feelings all of his
life so that was a difficult time my
mother her last words to me were boy
don’t be a struggle take good care of
your father
and you know what we did most my father
and I we were really good at was arguing
together in the meantime at age 18 I
also had my high school so there was a
lot of pressure to pass my exams and I
had those worries about my father so I
went to the school teacher and tried to
was difficult to do so I had made in
drawing and was something like this so
in my explanation with this drawing I
used father symbols in it like this
birds made from a para graph path and my
father hanging on a para shoots and I
said to the teacher look my father is
falling and he thinks he will be saved
by his parachutes but look closer it’s a
cone of an ice-cream
I really thought like that so then there
was this day I became confused snap and
now I’m still then that was this day I
when I was 18 I also had to go to the
north of the Netherlands for military
duty so it was a big city in the north
and the city became a maze and during
this walking in the city with a lot of
building structures and and noises I
thought I was in some kind of war or a
training program during that day I was
confused too so in the end of the day I
managed to go back home by train and it
was late in the evening somehow I
thought the electricity of the train
that I was connected to it and I was
able to influence the train speed and
braking mechanism so that was strange in
my first psychosis I was in the city
I experienced special connections with
others so I talked to strange people
impulsively I was stepped into a car the
craziness of the city I became it became
my own craziness so I felt a lot of
synchronicity and also cause and effect
so this psychosis it’s like being out of
reality losing grip of reality losing
the connections with others so on a
subconscious level it’s so stressful to
it gets interferences so you lose it and
in the end fantasy and reality is mixed
up together and it’s really hard to have
a normal reality to deal with and also
dealing with an extra one I’ll go on in
fast-forward mode now a bit with this
time of 1992 until 2011 in this years in
these years I had three times more
psychosis and I fully recovered each
time mostly by putting efforts in my job
and I became an educated social worker
using my own personal insights and a lot
of empathy in 2011 there was a guy a man
and I supported him in his daily life he
died due to alcohol addiction so that
was a big trigger for me and I ended up
in the hospital again as soon as I came
back to work all of my colleagues more
or less knew about my psychosis and it
was one lesson for me there from that
point I was totally open and clear about
my circuses and my history with mental
illness I had again faced my past with
mornings and from now on from that
moment on I decided instead of carrying
someone’s problems I totally take mine
so that was a relief
I feel better relief now too so I guess
I will be fine thank you for the support
yeah so there was a struggle and it was
a struggle now again ah so I had this
work finally I came a bit over it so
that it was a really a hard moment in my
life losing someone in my work but I
took a lesson from it
and that’s the nice thing because in
2014 my way of working it was seen and I
was asked to have a job at how we do
harp in Arnhem how’re the harp is an
education program for people with lived
experience and it’s from New York and
named Howard gelts that’s the name from
how he had the harp how it gelt was a
man in New York with schizophrenia and
yet one good quote he wants to help and
he said we bring consumers into the
system to change the system from within
so that education program came to Anam
and I was asked to work there as a coach
and as a trainer using also my empathy
there were students at how it happen
annum these students I learned they
learned how to support people in
stressful situations and as a trainer
and a coach I helped them to find that
strength again and their talents and
their best position well this is Ellen
from last class last year she is now in
Hong Kong and she sent this photo so we
still collaborate so I hope these
students and because those students
trusted me and followed my story and
believed me in return they empowered me
this equal relationship and that was
really nice because in this environment
of work I embraced my total weakness and
found my strongest position and from
that strong position it really felt like
I landed I had fallen so many times in
my life I finally found safe healthy
ground fearless grounds we created
together
so I was really proud of that process
and standing more strong and from that
position I she had a social media
article made by a television
broadcasting called the monitor about me
using a flower buckets in a gas station
at the shop peeing in it
so that was me and it felt really good
because this story went viral in 2016
and I was proud even on the story to
open up and to talk about stigma so
after that I was asked to share my life
story again with creators of a new
future reality concepts about psychosis
called The Forgotten mom together we
find a way to yeah to get grip on this
confused behavior and the the team from
Cairo and CFA they were really
passionate and they worked really hard I
became their agenda item in this meeting
I can see still there I had timed until
half past two
there was really nice because it’s a
real complex story but we managed to
make this complex story narrow a
narrative in a narrative way and to tell
it from the inside out and it was a
follower ball story too so they had a
lot of work to do with this and we made
it together that was also a really nice
it’s my daughter with the poster and
this is a bit of the inside of the fiar
this virtual reality it’s nice because
it’s a follower ball story from the
inside and people are able to have a bit
known of the end of the complex story in
this dynamic story about
psychosis afterwards in this VR workshop
as members of the TEDx people feel more
relieved because this story it’s a whole
story it’s not only the stressful story
you lose you see in the newspaper it’s a
whole story also with positive thoughts
in it so people change the paradigm so
mental illness and are more comfortable
with it so this VR this particular VR
its effect it has a circular reasoning
and there on the slide because it’s
about fear with less fear people nearby
someone with psychosis like me can come
near and being near creates a healthy
atmosphere having more grip on a shared
multi reality and this shared reality
becomes less strange for me and for the
other one together there will be more
normal behavior and that reduces fear so
that’s the circle I want to explain to
you so this fear of this VR is a thing a
toy maybe for some people but for me
this VR empowered my life so this is my
final quote and you see already in my
family I was a young boy a young healthy
boy and I became a confused man I’m
happy and I’m healthy and I’m so proud
of my family being a solid system
together and I’m still alive that’s what
I like also and yes this sense
of healing the world what was in my
psychotic times this sense of healing
the world it became my illness and now I
use my illness to heal the world thank
you [Applause]
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