son began as any other day would I was
downstairs watching TV and it was
probably the Sopranos our Breaking Bad
and in walks my child and he hands his
mother and myself a journal and says
read this and then he leaves the room
and he goes back up to his bedroom and
we open up this journal and we start
reading through the words reading
through the confusion the lack of
understanding of what he was
experiencing and what he was feeling was
apparent but we could tell that he was
really struggling with something for a
period of time and in a parent’s life
you get sometimes one shot to do the
right thing the first time so we went
upstairs and we we we hugged him we said
that we loved him unconditionally and
that we were there for him and we were
going to get him the help and get him
the support that we needed to get some
answers so during the talk that night we
found out that we weren’t the first
people that he told actually so he turns
out that he went and told his younger
brother Jacob first and the beauty of
that is that Jacob and young people like
Jacob epitomize the openness and the
young minds before the seeds of things
like racism and homophobia and
transphobia and sexism and it’s rehab
had time to take their toll you know
they don’t have that discrimination they
don’t have that hatred they don’t have
those prejudices so Jacob not knowing
what really his older brother was
talking about kept his secret and he was
loyal and he was there for him
unconditionally and us adults I think we
can all learn something from from young
people in that way so the next day we
realized okay we need to do something
about this we need to help get him the
help that he needs and the answers
because we didn’t know what we were
dealing with so we made an appointment
with our family doctor and got in there
fairly quickly and there
our our first meeting there with a
doctor she was very compassionate she
was very understanding and we had a
great chat
she’s known us a long time she’s known
both my children since they were born so
we know each other really well and she
decided it would be a good idea to refer
our son to a counselor that specializes
in working with LGV cutie to youth so we
we took that that was gonna be our next
step and parallel for that she made a
referral to the Children’s Hospital to
put us on the waiting list for a
consultation with the assessment team
there as well
so meanwhile we made that appointment we
went to the first counseling appointment
and our son and the counselor made an
immediate connection prior to that
obviously he was suffering from some
anxiety and depression and and worried
and during the sessions that they had
together I could see that my son was
starting to reconnect with friends
reconnect with with with his social life
and he his anxiety went away they made a
really good connection and and he was
opening up and sharing and over a long
period of time or many sessions through
that counseling they formulated a
timeline and that timeline started to
put all the pieces together all the
feelings that that he’d had over time
and all were pointing and concluding
that it’s possible that we may have a
transgender son we were called in as
parents and the timeline was a literal
timeline made of paper it was probably 7
feet long big sheets of paper glued
together and on it was a series of
feelings experiences thoughts dating
back years that we had no idea about
that we’re all being revealed that we’re
starting to come out through their
sessions and at that point the counselor
is educated and professional and his
experiences she was she was not
qualified to make a formal assessment so
by then we were ready to go to our
consultation at the Children’s Hospital
that was our next step so we took with
what we knew then
and we I remember the day like it was
yesterday getting in the car driving all
the way into into town to the hospital I
remember the exact parking spot I parked
in as we got out and walked in the
underground parking lot up the elevator
you could smell coffee in the lobby so
we all went and got Starbucks at the
kiosk and I think it was kind of
something familiar that we needed in a
such a foreign place that we’d never
really been before and you know what a
state-of-the-art facility that place was
it was it was really really
mind-boggling inspiring but we grabbed
their coffees and I remember walking
down the hall and up the spiral
staircase and down to this Center where
we got to meet the team of doctors and
medical professionals who were going to
consult with us on the next stage of his
assessment so there that day we got to
meet the team they explained to us that
the assessment process is a long-term
process and it involves their team it
involves inclusion of our family doctor
and it would have to involve an
independent third party psychologist so
each of these professionals work with
our son to monitor her as mental health
monitor his physical health his
psychological health and everything
about him to make sure that the
assessment process doesn’t miss anything
so that kind of began our journey in
formally being included in this
assessment process following up with
that meeting we went and had our first
appointment with the psychologist and
his job is basically to delve into who
Cole is and determine what’s going on
and work with him over time and
determine is he in fact a transgender
person or is there some other underlying
issue that’s going on and if he
concludes that yes he is transgender
then maybe we’re on this spectrum does
he fall so that was his job and again
that’s the that was a long term process
we basically the emotional rollercoaster
that you go on as a parent when over a
period of time you’re driving your child
to the regular counseling sessions that
we’re continuing just for his you know
his everyday mental and emotional health
the psychology appointments the
children’s hospital appointments all
these things kind of happening parallel
to each other over a period of time and
at the same time he began at the
beginning of grade 9 was starting so he
began to social transition in the very
first day or two of grade 9
but his mother and I were worried about
how is that gonna play out how is he
gonna be accepted in a school he went to
a school that goes from grade 1 to 12
he’s starting in grade 9 with the same
students same friends teachers and staff
that he’d always known how will he be
received how was this gonna go over so
we we were a little worried we connected
with the principal and the counselors
and we formulated a plan that that ended
up being were we’re gonna bring in a
professional speaker who’s going to
present to a couple of the grades
basically who Cole is what does it mean
to be a transgender person what can they
expect what kinds of questions could
they ask Cole what kinds of questions
would be considered inappropriate that
took place that day Cole stayed home I
stay at home with him and the next day
Cole returned to school that day he
walked in he walked down the hallways
and people were like hey Cole you know
hey Cole how’s it going it went off
without a hitch it was awesome I was
super appreciative of the the school and
the staff and the principal and
everybody that made that happen and took
a leap of faith because there was an
apprehension and there was some work
concerns and worries about what people
might think but all in all it was we
were starting to see the light at the
end of the tunnel that year as the year
progressed in his school life he was
getting straight A’s
he was volunteering in the library
helping out there he was doing
extracurricular work with the yearbook
committee and photography doing videos
in his video class of winning awards and
and basically reintegrating in drama
putting himself out there acting things
like
so he had generally he was back to
living a normal life in grade 9 and it
was really really really successful
close to a year later the assessment
process was winding up you know he had
done numerous sessions with the
psychologist the Children’s Hospital all
the different people and professionals
and doctors that he had to meet over a
long period of time and we were awaiting
the conclusion because you need to have
a thumbs-up or a green light from both
your family doctor from the team at the
Children’s Hospital as well as a
psychologist to all be in agreement and
that way we would know that he how he
was going to be a set it assessed so the
day came unanimous all three you have a
transgender son and you’ve never seen a
happier child in your life to finally be
acknowledged for who he was after going
through that lengthy process after being
questioned and assessed and that process
was lengthy it was exhausting and he
finally felt acknowledged for who he was
so that was the light at the end of the
tunnel we were there this is my son Cole
we took that documentation that we were
given by the hospital and by the doctors
I went and had a awesome time at the
office with the government that does
these types of things with name changes
and things and the lady helped me fill
out the paperwork sent it in within a
few weeks we got a certificate that his
name and as gender designation was
legally changed took that reapplied it
got his birth certificate reissued with
all his new information on there and
then took he went and did his mug shot
as you can see there and he submitted
the paperwork and he got a federally
issued passport with his new identity
and his new information on there and
parallel to that he got his medical card
and on his 16th birthday just this past
November on his birthday like a rite of
passage he got his driver’s license we
have a success story and
through my journey I’ve met some
powerful people that have really had an
influence on me and one of the people
that I’ve met her name was Eric
connected with her name was Heidi and
she was the mum of a transgender son as
well
his name was Finn and Finn suffered from
depression and anxiety and was in and
out of treatment and it for self-harm
and suicidal thoughts until the day came
where he realised that maybe I’m a boy
because I feel like I’ve been a boy and
he connected with that and for the
pieces of the puzzle came together for
him and as soon as that his mother a
support of that and acknowledged that
and knew what they were dealing with he
was released and he went back to normal
all his depression anxiety went away and
he went back to school and he was the
happiest kid you flourished he became a
budding artist in the school and during
his grade seven graduation he won the
coveted award for compassion and
integrity and he seemed happy in the
future looked bright for them but
underneath it all there was some sadness
there was something not right
he felt he knew how society perceived
trans people and one day during dinner
there was a discussion of about some
challenges their family were facing due
to his social transition and he stormed
off and went to his room as teenagers
often do and Heidi and her husband went
to bed early because her husband needed
an early flight the next morning next
morning Heidi and her husband were
driving to the airport it was a long
drive two hours into that drive phone
call Finn Finn Finn took his own life
that night he took his own life because
the the weight of the world and how
society treats trans youth was something
he couldn’t handle anymore and Heidi
wanted me to share this because Heidi
doesn’t want her son’s life to have met
enough
she wants his memory to make a
difference and I told her I would try to
get through this and share this Society
failed Finn we’ve failed Finn and that’s
why I’m speaking out that’s why I
started going to rallies in support of
and to stand up for trans youth LGBTQ
youth
and advocate for inclusive schools we
started attending rallies we’re waving
our rainbow flags everything we could to
show support even on dark stormy cold
winter rainy nights I would go out to
these things because it’s the commitment
that I’ve made which brings some
negative attention on me this Eric he
sends me this saying well he’s an Apache
attack helicopter and it sounds funny it
I’ve been called anything from a Lib
tard because I support equal rights and
trans rights I’ve been called a child
abuser for supporting my son parents
like me have been verbally attacked and
onstop for for what we’re doing for
standing up for trans rights for
standing up for LGBTQ students I believe
that everybody has the ability to be a
superhero for these kids and stand up I
believe that everybody has can be a
superhero if we just have the courage to
put on the cape and be there for these
children if you have loved ones if you
have family members if you have friends
you’ve turned your back on make that
phone call send that text write your
school board write your local
politicians show that you support equal
rights trans rights LGBT inclusivity and
you know at the end of the day we need
to stand up and and show that our voices
are heard
every time I’ve stood up for myself or
for my child I’m I’m the one who ends up
being called a bully
because I’m basically defending what I
believe in at the end of the day I truly
believe that love wins thank you [Applause]