the Indian voice is a quiet one almost a
whisper sometimes it even stutters as if
it is unsure of its place in the world
we are arguably the largest diaspora as
our footprints are embedded in the soil
of 206 nations across the planet and yet
when it comes to speaking up our voice
is hushed by migration and generation
gaps we’ve moved so far away from the
homeland in search of bigger houses and
greener grass that we forgot what home
actually feels like we built little
India’s wherever we go and demand for
more temples just to be in touch with
our roots to give us a sense of being
Indian in a place that is not India but
the identity of the Indian person is a
continuous tug-of-war between belonging
to its own community and the world
larger than itself I am a fourth
generation Indian person born and raised
in Malaysia which makes me a tiny dot in
the 8.9% of my country’s total 27
million population my roots come from
Bangalore on one side and Tamil Nadu on
the other yet my feets are firmly
planted in a place called Malaysia a
land that I share with the Malay and
Chinese communities that are constantly
trying to decide if it wants to be a
potpourri of cultures or a melting pot
in fact there is a debate as to whether
I am Malaysian Indian or Indian
Malaysian meaning am i indian first or
am i Indian at all and then there are
other different constructs
that for the deconstruct my identity
like for instance at my Hindu or a my
Tamil or a my South Indian this dilemma
became the call of my master’s thesis
instead of relying on handouts of who we
are I wanted to know
I studied the representation of the
Malaysian Indian community in local
television advertisements during
Deepavali I wanted to know how do we
define ourselves as India for decades we
have been depicted on screen as
melodramatic people we are either too
loud too rough too pitiful or sometimes
the reverse just plain comic relief’s
this notion comes from the Indian
immigrant impression that is embedded in
Malaysian history needless to say it’s
as though all the Indian minority
communities are fresh off the boats such
negative and outdated perceptions of the
Indian community is the reason why
stereotypes are built and brand our
community and this as a result new
generation of Indian people choose not
to rejuvenate their identity instead
they cast it aside or they cut corners
to fit to belong because you see it’s
not valuable to be Indian when you are a
minority twenty-five years ago my Tamil
tongued grandmother decided to learn
English for the sake of her
grandchildren she knew that the only way
she could pass down her recipe for
mutton curry and all that advice is by
being able to talk to her grandchildren
who are trying to become global citizens
deep down I think my party knew that if
she did not let go of her language she
would lose her voice today I am a spoken
word poet who believes in carrying her
heritage on stage
even if it sometimes comes with a little
baggage but hey if you ain’t got baggage
you ain’t got story I believe that we
can carry our identity across border
lines in to our bloodlines by educating
our children with the tales of our times
for me
poetry is that instrument poetry is
ageless timeless and it also saves time
like right now right now I could show
you pictorial slides of my research
findings but instead I will leave you
with a poem a poem about my Indiana tee
I struggle with my identity or should I
say my indian tea tea though I probably
take Indian on tiny check boxes of
forums trying to fit me into a category
yet I am nothing but a statistic if the
category denies me denying my stubborn
Tom taking after the tyrants to colonize
my ancestors instead of my mother’s own
tongue it’s not my fault that you’re
sensitive and highly strung
because I call my upper daddy because
Melissa sounds so English before it ends
with Ronnie do I need to eat on banana
leaves with my hands to pledge
allegiance to the UH next to me our life
forever be condemned to be a minority of
the minority who would rather order
passe in Malay because she can barely
count to three without getting cringes
flinches and stairs wooden Linda and you
laugh at me tease me to my face and
curse my family who raised a girl who
are dresses
instead of saris at weddings where I
should be paired to my husband-to-be
alas it is my chastity that you question
because no black for two decorates this
forehead of ambition get straight A’s
for the final exams for the community
and the coda go to university be a
doctor and make us proud karna we
Indians must stick together and be there
for each other but on my graduation day
you tell me mass comm is not in favor
my degree can’t make me an engineer but
I can read your news Vanakkam say
Vaseline on that so teach me so teach me
and I will say more than the
introduction give me a chance to make up
for my a plus English tuition despising
the language you so crudely mentioned
the lack of my ability and questions my
spirituality when you’re the one who
taught the people a string of our native
obscenities my bloodlines run deep along
the rivers of the holy Ganga to Tamil
Nadu Bangalore and Karnataka I may not
kneel and pray like you but I believe in
karma which I thought you did but you
stuck to bar brawls and self-righteous
gangsters yes I know you didn’t do it
must you take to the streets to prove
your innocence wave your picket slides
and throw stones at the government
representatives who you claimed know
nothing of your plight and whoa because
they build the tamil schools you refused
to go sponsor your babies and businesses
and for corrupt need to make a stand
that we are significant as an 8% and
they said and they said and they said
numba gain trust that tomorrow will be a
better day
but Trust is blind when that is the only
tamil word they can say to cover empty
promises and get your board with free
Brioni dinners there are no Saints
because we’re all sinners while they’re
greedy for power only greedier not
enough Mahalo for more temples and
festival holidays and discounts for my
brother who chose the param 2 here
drogyny and easy money because it paid
the bills and he could have sit through
a law degree forgive me but hell hath no
fury like a woman scorned because she
chose friends lighter than her shade of
brown or darker on the color palette
from white to black and you frown at me
wondering why I didn’t stick to the clan
the Indian boy was good enough but I
and I watched you grinding your teeth
chewing at what is hard to swallow at
principals and traditions you don’t
understand but follow knowing that
you’ll be frowned upon if you told me to
stick to my own kind but you already are
cuz when you’re my daddy daughter comes
home with a punjabi it’s not fine but I
hold out my hand with you seeking your
acceptance beneath my frustration and
expensive education to read our history
locate our past and affirm the present
shine the dim future and light the
pathway for our descendants so look and
what you have in the palm of your hands
and look no further we’ve sat down too
long at the buzz of earnest cafes
blaming each other for what we can’t
have don’t have should have when we
already have the human ability to
succeed in all that we choose to be
remember that a community with problems
[Applause]
between Barton Adam spins and tabla
beats you and I are no different so
polish your culture armor and let all
grudges go life may be rough but it need
not be another Vijay TV episode though I
didn’t climb Everest or started a line I
can’t make that curry to save my life
and I’m not defined but accept me as I
accept you with arms open wide because I
choose to take India as I am on the
inside
you [Applause]