my body my body my body my body is my
first place of geography my first map
first landscape it’s the first place I
learned the importance of belonging I do
not want to lose it on my skin you will
see that I’m a child born of immigrants
chocolate brown and tinged with Sona
Chihuahua Novelli my parents held
Zimbabwe in their hearts moved me within
it steeped in its hellos its food and
its rituals that land remained alive in
our home on my tongue the words roll off
rough and unruly a lingering ache
remembered a yearning longing to be
spoken did a poo muck ideal had been an
honour of elders hands upheld and
offering water to wash hands rituals my
body has performed in reverence remain
etched in my muscle memory I’m a river a
border crossed and sunk within
resurfacing how to hold my body upright
shoulders and curled from lifetimes of
insecurity
I learned to stand tall to keep eyes
level to hold delicately and firmly
myself how to move ripe rounded swaying
gliding through crowds holding books and
pots on my head this this is remembered
from before my body is memory on August
28 2014 my life burst open I was in New
York working on my silver performance
piece looking at abroad and as I jumped
back and forth across a rope that was
the delineations of my body of borders
of crossing race and gender and
sexuality something happened my Achilles
tendon rupture
and there I was 29 years old with the
first injury I’d ever really had in my
life
and instead of going back home to put up
my show I went back to New Orleans and
began the healing process ritual number
one Stillman
I was in denial when I got hurt I
somehow managed to walk through the
entirety of the JFK International
Airport with a ruptured Achilles tendon
and not until my doctor said that I
would be in a cast for six to eight
weeks and a boot for another two to
three months did I understand the
severity of what had happened so I went
home to my apartment that I just moved
in to you by myself with my dog that I
just acquired and cried I didn’t know
what to do see I’m a theatre artist I’m
a mover I want to explore space and time
with my whole body and I had to sit
still a good friend a neighbor
encouraged me to begin meditating and
after a few days of wallowing in my own
misery I woke up one morning went out
into the backyard sat in the Sun and
meditated and then I cried and then I
wrote and the next day I did it again
and then I did it again I would go
outside I would sit
I would meditate I would cry and I would
write and as I did things began to open
up I began to be more vulnerable with
myself more honest about the fact that I
was sad and depressed and lonely and
that I had a lot of people around me who
were there to support me and must begin
my gratitude practice ritual number to
daily practice
so I have really great friends and after
this happened one of my friends
organized the schedule and so there were
people who came and walked my dog in the
morning and people who came to walk my
dog in the evenings and friends who
brought over lunch because I couldn’t
stand that long to cook and friends who
brought over dinner and I would start to
write on Facebook everything that I was
grateful for I’m grateful for Emily who
walks my dog I am grateful for Savannah
who made me lunch I am grateful for the
coloring books that Chris brought by for
me to pass my time the fall of 2014 was
also about when the black lives matter
movement became really visible in the
media and as a writer I started writing
poetry so everyone every black person
every black boy every black girl that
was murdered by the police I began to
write a poem for them and that became
part of my practice and then I wanted to
find ways to invite other people into
the rituals that I was creating for
myself and so I had a party I had a
casting party with my friends and
everyone came over and we decorated my
cast together and there was this lovely
little girl giving side-eye
and on the back it said s is for soul
sister and they drew some stars and some
Sun and they did my toenails
did you know adornment is very important
and we had a really great time and we
also wrote together and we staying
together and we colored together and I
started to form communities of practice
around the rituals that I was creating
for myself I am a multidisciplinary
ritual and theatre performance artist so
for me it’s really important that my
work becomes an extension of myself goes
out beyond myself and this was a way to
begin doing it my solo show looking at a
bride the piece from the beginning is
from that piece is about finding home in
one’s body about traversing borders and
boundaries the piece was supposed to
happen in October of 2015 and instead my
friends and I in the wild seeds Octavia
Butler emergence strategies organizing
book club decided to host an event
called the wild seeds weekend of magic
and during that event there were three
occasion there was a conversation about
gender-based violence there was a pop-up
show and there was a black feminist
healing revival and again it was a place
to take the tools that I’ve been
cultivating the preparation that I had
laid and to start to do something with
it to create some collective ritual
around the grief that so many people
were holding the joy that we wanted to
manifest and so at this revival we
meditated and we cried and we wrote we
wrote affirmations for each other we
wrote prayers we wrote dreams it was
really incredible ritual number three
creative transformation so while I was
convalescing I had a lot of time on my
hands
and I was working with this really
amazing book Julia Cameron’s the artists
way and I made it through five chapters
and ideas were just coming ideas for
creative projects ideas for poems ideas
for books ideas for movies and one of
the pieces was a ritual performance
piece called vessels that I’m currently
working on that is a seven woman
harmonic meditation on the Middle
Passage that’s looking to answer the
question what this freedom sound like in
a space of confinement I wrote a grant
for it in October started walking in
February got the grant in April and was
on a plane in July
this is me in Infini learning some
dances and some songs and some rituals
of women they’re learning more things to
incorporate into the process of my work
I think it’s really important when
making work about transformative justice
to make sure that I’m okay
and I learned from that preparation and
from that stillness that in order for me
to be okay there had to be spaces for me
to rest there had to be spaces for me to
cultivate and there had to be spaces for
me to transform to shift my practice to
shift the way in which I was operating
in the world so now I’m going to invite
all of you encourage all of you to think
about what your own rituals are and if
you don’t have any what they could be
and we’re actually going to do a short
ritual together so I’m going to ask for
everyone to find your feet planted on
the ground your chairs are real
comfortable so if you’re leaning back
and scoot forward a little bit and I’m
going to ask you to close your eyes and
to come to stillness and I want you to
breathe I want you to inhale and I want
inhale again and exhale inhale fill up
your lung
pull up your old back fill up your chest
and exhale as you continue to do this I
want you to think about what you want to
release what’s not serving you
what is inhibiting your growth and on
your next inhale I want you to take it
in and on your exhale I want you to
and now I want you to think about what
you want to receive what would support
your work your family your community
this world and I want you to breathe
thank you so much for taking the time to
be in ritual space with me I hope that
you can find things that help you the better do your best work on your journey