I really want to thank you guys
personally for coming out being here on
your Saturday because I almost didn’t
make it not because I wanted to lay in
my bed I love my bed but not because I
wanted to sleep in not because of
anything that happened even today it was
something that started a while back you
see when I first got the news that I was
going to be a TEDx speaker I was super
super excited thank you very much and
then a couple days they released the
list of all the speakers nothing great I
get to see who was gonna be on this
journey with me it’d be so fun and I
opened up the document and I was like oh
my gosh it’s so cool the first like I
had to check my hair and make sure that
I had looked good in my headshot I look
good right okay cool
so it was like yeah who’s this oh I know
him
I know her oh my gosh their titles look
so cool and then I felt it it was that
first stroke of panic their titles look
so cool oh my gosh uh who are these
people anyway who’s this lady oh my gosh
obviously obviously she is a
professional and this guy he looks like
he’s been doing TEDx talks from before I
was born
oh my gosh oh and then then there’s
Ronald Forbes Ronald Forbes oh my gosh
no don’t get me wrong
Ronald is my boy but he’s a three-time
Olympian how am I supposed to compete
with that oh I’m just a life coach
people still don’t even know what a life
coach is oh my gosh oh my gosh what am I
gonna talk about oh how am I gonna do
this
that’s just a glimpse of easy it is for
a scary story to sneak into your mind so
thankfully I am NOT here to race Ronald
today I am here to talk to you about
scary stories the stories that prevent
you from showing up and I want to share
a little bit of my
story with you but first I’m gonna have
to tell you about me if you were to do a
functional MRI of my brain it would look
yeah my mind is a really scary place and
never go there alone don’t ever go there
alone so as a kid I was a big
scaredy-cat and I had a vivid
imagination my parents are back there hi
parents they can attest to this because
as a little kid like a toddler I would
do really weird stuff like just look
into the darkness and just really freak
my mother out just like what is wrong
with you as a teenager I would lay in my
bed consoling myself and can you imagine
like being that 80’s 90’s kid that grows
up with jaws and arachnophobia and I
know what you did last summer I would
just lay there in my bed like it’s okay
you’re all right don’t worry about the
spider invasion that’s gonna happen
under the bed and whatever you do don’t
think about that oh my god too late too
late yeah and then there was the shark
from the swimming pool and the anacondas
in a bathtub and the Syriac serial
killers lurking behind every closed door
yeah I had mastered the art of creating
danger where none existed and as a
grownup it didn’t just go away
I just evolved my stories I created
stories about who I was and who I wasn’t
based on society not what I could do not
what I wanted to do just what everybody
else thought and I think we all have the
story of who we are and who were not and
from me my story that kept coming up
over and over again was that I wasn’t
enough and it’s really weird because I
have done a lot of things in my life but
at various points I never felt like it
was enough and I think we can all relate
to the not enough story right like at
some point you don’t feel tall enough
first
smart enough or fast enough or pretty
enough or funny enough yeah we all have
that at some point and here’s the thing
like our stories dictate how we show up
in the world and how we don’t show up in
the world so I want you just to consider
for a second what your scary story is
I’m sort of second and lock-in because I
want to explain how stories work your
mind is a really powerful machine and it
dictates how your reality is going to
turn out so if you imagine you insert
your scary story in here it’s gonna do
its best to make it happen for you and
it’s going to influence how you show up
in the world and more importantly how
you don’t show up in the world so my
story that I wasn’t enough had me
thinking that anything I did was never
enough so I would just be doing more and
more I didn’t want anyone to know my
boner ability so I wasn’t gonna tell
anybody that I felt like I wasn’t enough
cuz you know that would make me look
weak and of course I would never ask for
help because people would say it wasn’t
enough and that would also make me look
weak so I was just going about my life
doing more doing more doing more and the
more I did the less I took care of
myself
I didn’t eat right I didn’t sleep right
I didn’t work out it wasn’t just I
wasn’t taking care of my health and in
my head I was like I’m doing everything
I’m supposed to be doing to be happy and
in reality I’m showing up this miserable
tired resentful angry person wondering
why I wasn’t happy and this wasn’t just
at work this was everywhere in my life
when it came to my health I was like I’m
gonna lose five pounds in five minutes I
you know I was in school it wasn’t slow
and steady it was you know late alright
hurry up and get this done thirty
minutes isn’t enough I need to do an
hour and by the end of the week I would
be totally exhausted or I’d end up
injuring myself and the days that I was
off I’d be like you see that’s not good
enough you should be working out
just beat myself up and in my
relationships I would go out of my way
to make the other person happy so that
we can have this happy relationship and
then I would get resentful because I’d
feel like I was doing too much and they
were taking me for granted and I’d push
them away or eventually they’d leave or
whatever that’s its own craziness but in
my loneliness I would sit there and be
like what more could I have done to make
this relationship work I didn’t see any
of what I was doing I was just so busy
doing doing doing because I was
terrified that if I stopped for just a
minute
my whole world would come crashing down
around me
and guess what after enough 16-hour days
of exhausting yourself it does anyway so
my crash kind of showed up like this I
walked into my boss’s office and I was
like not hey Jonathan um yeah I have
this kind of aching dull pain that’s
running from here to here and it’s been
there for like two days so I think I’m
gonna go to the doctor just letting you
know no Jonathan it’s a good guy as far
as bosses go and I will never forget
that day because he just looked at me
like he was dumbstruck he was like
Chanda are you okay you look pale do you
need me to take you to the hospital and
of course me and my story were just no
no no boss man you do you’re saying I am
I am good I got this I just need to
leave like right now and I went off do
you think at any point I realized that
this was all a result of my own doing
and I was still doing it nope I just did
what any normal person would doing boss
allow me to work wherever I wanted in
the world
so life coaching fit that mold for me
and I had been a business owner before
so I was really excited to be my own
boss again I could create whatever I
wanted I’m a creative person so I
I hated the restriction of lives like I
want to be creative I want to be free to
do what I want to do how I want to do it
set my own rules you know make my own
hours work in my pajamas yeah baby yeah
so it came time for me to launch out
into this adventure full-time and
everything was coming together I was a
little bit scared of losing that lawyer
salary but I had a plan my heart was
definitely in the right place I felt
good about this choice I was making and
I had a mentor I had a business coach
and I’d asked the universe to have my
back
and most of all I had a new lease on
life so there I was and don’t have any
entrepreneurs out here yay my people
yeah yeah for those of you who aren’t
entrepreneurs are never been one
entrepreneurship is the greatest test of
you’re not good enough story yeah she
knows so fast forward eight months and
I’m doing all the things I’m supposed to
be doing I’m advertising I’m posting I’m
doing free sessions for people to get
them lured in and I’m doing workshops
and I’m still not getting the results I
want so what’s going on and when the
money is not coming it gets really
really scary so on the contrary people
are like all the like clients I did the
sample sessions where they’re like Oh
Johnny you’re an amazing coach you were
just wonderful my friends are rooting me
along and I’m like if I am so great can
please pay me and put your money where
your mouth is thank you here I was again
a great lawyer supposedly a great coach
as I was being told but there was still
a gap in my reality so obviously it
wasn’t the job I was showing up I was
doing what I was supposed to be doing I
was doing my best I was doing everything
I was told well that’s what I was doing
everything I was told I had missed the
point of this whole journey
I wasn’t being me and Winston Churchill
has a really great quote on this said
sometimes your best isn’t good enough
sometimes you have to do what’s required
and for me what was required was to be
myself I wasn’t showing up as myself I
was hiding behind my social media posts
I was you know one foot in one foot out
applying for jobs that I didn’t even
want so I had to figure out how it was
gonna be me and I had been playing it
safe and I don’t know safe
I know scary I drew the scary thing my
greatness was in doing the scary thing
but how do you embrace scary when you’re
scared stupid how do you show up great
when you barely feel good enough the
answer came to me when I was bawling my
eyes out in my pajamas at three o’clock
on a random Thursday and as I sat there
in a heaped-up hot mess I felt something
change inside of me
I felt this voice come up out of the
darkness and it was like weird it was
kind of like samuel l.jackson and Will
Smith’s put together and it was really
angry it was like no no no no no no oh
hell no you aren’t going out like this
like some little punk you are gonna get
up and change your community and show
people what it means to be a great coach
you can’t really argue with that so what
did I need to change my story it all
came down to three things faith grace
and gratitude and they weren’t easy I
had to work on them but they have
changed my entire existence I’ll start
faith is a trust-based word and face
faith means you have to believe in some
time believe in something sometimes I
had to trust that if I showed up as
myself people would accept me and
sometimes I still doubted that even
though I’m awesome I just didn’t know it
at the time I had to trust it but when I
didn’t I needed grace I need to be able
to forgive myself because some days I
punked out
some days I got scared sometimes life
happens you get sick whatever I needed a
tool that was going to allow me to
release that burden and not beat myself
up so that I couldn’t move forward but
some days you still get stuck in your
story and those days the only thing that
helped me was gratitude I had to stop
worrying about what I didn’t have and
just trust I had enough I had to be
grateful for what I had because I always
had everything I needed and my not
enough was better than what some people
even had so here’s the other really cool
thing about gratitude it’s going to
allow you to really live your life
because if you just rush off to the next
thing and don’t take a moment to
appreciate where you are the journey
that you came on then you’re gonna find
a way to doubt the integrity of your
journey and where you are you’re gonna
find a new version of that same old
story yeah I made a major career change
but you know it was no big deal
when yes it was a huge big scary deal
and you can be proud of that so once I
let go of my story and I allowed myself
to just be myself the floodgates opened
I found a place I loved working people I
loved working with and clients that were
happy to pay me you seen the other
really cool thing and I still can’t get
over it sometimes is when I feel like
showing up and I’m saying no I really
want to get my best today the universe
will send me a reminder and it will be
like someone will just pop up and be
like I saw what you did on social media
the other day and you really inspired me
to change a part of my life the old me
would have
and they like oh my gosh now I’m
responsible for you and your happiness
but from this new story I can just take
pleasure in knowing that I helped
somebody else by just being myself you
see when you give yourself permission to
rewrite your story and take a bridge to
a new destination and stand to see and
have a new reality you give others
permission to do the same so if I leave
you with this it’s don’t fear the gap in
your reality just mind it thank you very
much [Applause]
personally for coming out being here on
your Saturday because I almost didn’t
make it not because I wanted to lay in
my bed I love my bed but not because I
wanted to sleep in not because of
anything that happened even today it was
something that started a while back you
see when I first got the news that I was
going to be a TEDx speaker I was super
super excited thank you very much and
then a couple days they released the
list of all the speakers nothing great I
get to see who was gonna be on this
journey with me it’d be so fun and I
opened up the document and I was like oh
my gosh it’s so cool the first like I
had to check my hair and make sure that
I had looked good in my headshot I look
good right okay cool
so it was like yeah who’s this oh I know
him
I know her oh my gosh their titles look
so cool and then I felt it it was that
first stroke of panic their titles look
so cool oh my gosh uh who are these
people anyway who’s this lady oh my gosh
obviously obviously she is a
professional and this guy he looks like
he’s been doing TEDx talks from before I
was born
oh my gosh oh and then then there’s
Ronald Forbes Ronald Forbes oh my gosh
no don’t get me wrong
Ronald is my boy but he’s a three-time
Olympian how am I supposed to compete
with that oh I’m just a life coach
people still don’t even know what a life
coach is oh my gosh oh my gosh what am I
gonna talk about oh how am I gonna do
this
that’s just a glimpse of easy it is for
a scary story to sneak into your mind so
thankfully I am NOT here to race Ronald
today I am here to talk to you about
scary stories the stories that prevent
you from showing up and I want to share
a little bit of my
story with you but first I’m gonna have
to tell you about me if you were to do a
functional MRI of my brain it would look
yeah my mind is a really scary place and
never go there alone don’t ever go there
alone so as a kid I was a big
scaredy-cat and I had a vivid
imagination my parents are back there hi
parents they can attest to this because
as a little kid like a toddler I would
do really weird stuff like just look
into the darkness and just really freak
my mother out just like what is wrong
with you as a teenager I would lay in my
bed consoling myself and can you imagine
like being that 80’s 90’s kid that grows
up with jaws and arachnophobia and I
know what you did last summer I would
just lay there in my bed like it’s okay
you’re all right don’t worry about the
spider invasion that’s gonna happen
under the bed and whatever you do don’t
think about that oh my god too late too
late yeah and then there was the shark
from the swimming pool and the anacondas
in a bathtub and the Syriac serial
killers lurking behind every closed door
yeah I had mastered the art of creating
danger where none existed and as a
grownup it didn’t just go away
I just evolved my stories I created
stories about who I was and who I wasn’t
based on society not what I could do not
what I wanted to do just what everybody
else thought and I think we all have the
story of who we are and who were not and
from me my story that kept coming up
over and over again was that I wasn’t
enough and it’s really weird because I
have done a lot of things in my life but
at various points I never felt like it
was enough and I think we can all relate
to the not enough story right like at
some point you don’t feel tall enough
first
smart enough or fast enough or pretty
enough or funny enough yeah we all have
that at some point and here’s the thing
like our stories dictate how we show up
in the world and how we don’t show up in
the world so I want you just to consider
for a second what your scary story is
I’m sort of second and lock-in because I
want to explain how stories work your
mind is a really powerful machine and it
dictates how your reality is going to
turn out so if you imagine you insert
your scary story in here it’s gonna do
its best to make it happen for you and
it’s going to influence how you show up
in the world and more importantly how
you don’t show up in the world so my
story that I wasn’t enough had me
thinking that anything I did was never
enough so I would just be doing more and
more I didn’t want anyone to know my
boner ability so I wasn’t gonna tell
anybody that I felt like I wasn’t enough
cuz you know that would make me look
weak and of course I would never ask for
help because people would say it wasn’t
enough and that would also make me look
weak so I was just going about my life
doing more doing more doing more and the
more I did the less I took care of
myself
I didn’t eat right I didn’t sleep right
I didn’t work out it wasn’t just I
wasn’t taking care of my health and in
my head I was like I’m doing everything
I’m supposed to be doing to be happy and
in reality I’m showing up this miserable
tired resentful angry person wondering
why I wasn’t happy and this wasn’t just
at work this was everywhere in my life
when it came to my health I was like I’m
gonna lose five pounds in five minutes I
you know I was in school it wasn’t slow
and steady it was you know late alright
hurry up and get this done thirty
minutes isn’t enough I need to do an
hour and by the end of the week I would
be totally exhausted or I’d end up
injuring myself and the days that I was
off I’d be like you see that’s not good
enough you should be working out
just beat myself up and in my
relationships I would go out of my way
to make the other person happy so that
we can have this happy relationship and
then I would get resentful because I’d
feel like I was doing too much and they
were taking me for granted and I’d push
them away or eventually they’d leave or
whatever that’s its own craziness but in
my loneliness I would sit there and be
like what more could I have done to make
this relationship work I didn’t see any
of what I was doing I was just so busy
doing doing doing because I was
terrified that if I stopped for just a
minute
my whole world would come crashing down
around me
and guess what after enough 16-hour days
of exhausting yourself it does anyway so
my crash kind of showed up like this I
walked into my boss’s office and I was
like not hey Jonathan um yeah I have
this kind of aching dull pain that’s
running from here to here and it’s been
there for like two days so I think I’m
gonna go to the doctor just letting you
know no Jonathan it’s a good guy as far
as bosses go and I will never forget
that day because he just looked at me
like he was dumbstruck he was like
Chanda are you okay you look pale do you
need me to take you to the hospital and
of course me and my story were just no
no no boss man you do you’re saying I am
I am good I got this I just need to
leave like right now and I went off do
you think at any point I realized that
this was all a result of my own doing
and I was still doing it nope I just did
what any normal person would doing boss
allow me to work wherever I wanted in
the world
so life coaching fit that mold for me
and I had been a business owner before
so I was really excited to be my own
boss again I could create whatever I
wanted I’m a creative person so I
I hated the restriction of lives like I
want to be creative I want to be free to
do what I want to do how I want to do it
set my own rules you know make my own
hours work in my pajamas yeah baby yeah
so it came time for me to launch out
into this adventure full-time and
everything was coming together I was a
little bit scared of losing that lawyer
salary but I had a plan my heart was
definitely in the right place I felt
good about this choice I was making and
I had a mentor I had a business coach
and I’d asked the universe to have my
back
and most of all I had a new lease on
life so there I was and don’t have any
entrepreneurs out here yay my people
yeah yeah for those of you who aren’t
entrepreneurs are never been one
entrepreneurship is the greatest test of
you’re not good enough story yeah she
knows so fast forward eight months and
I’m doing all the things I’m supposed to
be doing I’m advertising I’m posting I’m
doing free sessions for people to get
them lured in and I’m doing workshops
and I’m still not getting the results I
want so what’s going on and when the
money is not coming it gets really
really scary so on the contrary people
are like all the like clients I did the
sample sessions where they’re like Oh
Johnny you’re an amazing coach you were
just wonderful my friends are rooting me
along and I’m like if I am so great can
please pay me and put your money where
your mouth is thank you here I was again
a great lawyer supposedly a great coach
as I was being told but there was still
a gap in my reality so obviously it
wasn’t the job I was showing up I was
doing what I was supposed to be doing I
was doing my best I was doing everything
I was told well that’s what I was doing
everything I was told I had missed the
point of this whole journey
I wasn’t being me and Winston Churchill
has a really great quote on this said
sometimes your best isn’t good enough
sometimes you have to do what’s required
and for me what was required was to be
myself I wasn’t showing up as myself I
was hiding behind my social media posts
I was you know one foot in one foot out
applying for jobs that I didn’t even
want so I had to figure out how it was
gonna be me and I had been playing it
safe and I don’t know safe
I know scary I drew the scary thing my
greatness was in doing the scary thing
but how do you embrace scary when you’re
scared stupid how do you show up great
when you barely feel good enough the
answer came to me when I was bawling my
eyes out in my pajamas at three o’clock
on a random Thursday and as I sat there
in a heaped-up hot mess I felt something
change inside of me
I felt this voice come up out of the
darkness and it was like weird it was
kind of like samuel l.jackson and Will
Smith’s put together and it was really
angry it was like no no no no no no oh
hell no you aren’t going out like this
like some little punk you are gonna get
up and change your community and show
people what it means to be a great coach
you can’t really argue with that so what
did I need to change my story it all
came down to three things faith grace
and gratitude and they weren’t easy I
had to work on them but they have
changed my entire existence I’ll start
faith is a trust-based word and face
faith means you have to believe in some
time believe in something sometimes I
had to trust that if I showed up as
myself people would accept me and
sometimes I still doubted that even
though I’m awesome I just didn’t know it
at the time I had to trust it but when I
didn’t I needed grace I need to be able
to forgive myself because some days I
punked out
some days I got scared sometimes life
happens you get sick whatever I needed a
tool that was going to allow me to
release that burden and not beat myself
up so that I couldn’t move forward but
some days you still get stuck in your
story and those days the only thing that
helped me was gratitude I had to stop
worrying about what I didn’t have and
just trust I had enough I had to be
grateful for what I had because I always
had everything I needed and my not
enough was better than what some people
even had so here’s the other really cool
thing about gratitude it’s going to
allow you to really live your life
because if you just rush off to the next
thing and don’t take a moment to
appreciate where you are the journey
that you came on then you’re gonna find
a way to doubt the integrity of your
journey and where you are you’re gonna
find a new version of that same old
story yeah I made a major career change
but you know it was no big deal
when yes it was a huge big scary deal
and you can be proud of that so once I
let go of my story and I allowed myself
to just be myself the floodgates opened
I found a place I loved working people I
loved working with and clients that were
happy to pay me you seen the other
really cool thing and I still can’t get
over it sometimes is when I feel like
showing up and I’m saying no I really
want to get my best today the universe
will send me a reminder and it will be
like someone will just pop up and be
like I saw what you did on social media
the other day and you really inspired me
to change a part of my life the old me
would have
and they like oh my gosh now I’m
responsible for you and your happiness
but from this new story I can just take
pleasure in knowing that I helped
somebody else by just being myself you
see when you give yourself permission to
rewrite your story and take a bridge to
a new destination and stand to see and
have a new reality you give others
permission to do the same so if I leave
you with this it’s don’t fear the gap in
your reality just mind it thank you very
much [Applause]
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