first I just wanted to put out my
appreciation for everybody here
everybody who made this possible
everybody who’s sitting there in the
audience listening to what I have to say
I just thank you and everybody for
everything so thanks so much did you
know how that I have schizophrenia
unless I tell them most people who see
me and know me would never guess that I
have this terrible disease now that I’ve
revealed this you do you think of me
differently are you afraid to be around
me will you no longer be my friend are
you going to run away from me or isolate
me like I have leprosy almost everyone
does it has been six years since my
diagnosis and every one of the people I
associated with will no longer come
around me out of a fear that is
unfounded it is the word schizophrenia
that scares people they’ve learned from
our society that people with mental
illness are scary evil dirty bad and
dangerous we have an engraved picture
our minds of the mentally ill and
straitjackets padded rooms change the
beds and permanently institutionalized
because they’re dangerous to society
this old perception of the mentally ill
has been around 1,800 and needs to be
changed
schizophrenia is just a word it is a
word that indicates a neurological
disease in the brain that was caused by
a biological process that went wrong
most mentally ill people have a
biological / chemical imbalance in their
brains like cancer schizophrenia is a
disease of the body people who are afoot
to the disease were healthy one name of
the next became Elle I want you to know
that people who are foot 2 with
schizophrenia do not choose to be ill
and
this disease is not caused by a bad
childhood or poor upbringing as a matter
of fact schizophrenia occurs in all
societies regardless of class color
religion and culture schizophrenia ranks
among the top ten cause of disabilities
in developed countries worldwide we have
no choice we suffer the consequences of
painful and frightening disease and then
we must suffer this is the pain of a
society that rejects us and wants us
thrown away or locked up I’m going to
take you on a journey for my own
suffering with this intolerable disease
known as schizophrenia I want you to
here enter the world of the mentally ill
and our society and the suffering that
we have endured I want you to hear my
story and hear my voice so you will stop
being afraid and understand the mentally
ill or humans who are suffering the
pains of an incurable disease and that
instead of your cruelty rejection and
discrimination they need your compassion
acceptance and friendship I was 15 when
it happened I loved to swim
I’ve been swimming since I was a tiny
child I swam for a team in practice in
nearly 6 hours a day I was in the water
constantly then one day I just could not
get into the pool I just had this
feeling that I could not get into the
water my brain forbade me to get into
the water after spending hours and hours
swimming for many years that day I could
not get into the pool my coach became
angry with me because I would not enter
the pool for practice so he pushed me
into the pool I suffered in the water my
brain was on fire my brain told me get
out it was screaming at me get out get
out
I was horrified the water I couldn’t
breathe I’ve been swimming for years and
suddenly the water was so frightening I
mom thought I was joking
how could I be afraid of the water
I was paranoid then came the OCD OCD is
a disorder in the brain that makes you
do things you probably would not
normally do like touching things in my
left hand and having to touch with my
right it was humiliating when I had to
step up on a curb twenty-one times
before I could go into the aquatic
center I suddenly could not sleep in my
bed because my brain with OCD would not
let me sleep there
my mom and dad tried to force me to
sleep my bed but I usually ended up on
the couch I couldn’t explain these
things to my mom my dad I couldn’t I
couldn’t even understand them myself I
could feel my life slipping away my
brain was controlling my body in me I
was doing things that I had no control
over
suddenly Tourette syndrome appeared this
is another genetic disorder that comes
from the biology of the brain Tourette
syndrome is a condition that affects a
person central nervous system and causes
tics takes their unwanted twitches
movements or sounds that people make
uncontrollably like the movements that
I’m making right now
I was now making sounds and movements
that were humiliating people would look
at me and odd ways and told me to stop
goofing off my friends were starting to
not want to be around me because his
movements and sounds were embarrassing
to them they thought I was weird
I cannot help the movements I imagine
being in high school and suddenly your
body is twitching in strange ways and
you’re making bizarre sounds you could
not control my mom was getting really
concerned she wondered was really doing
with all the other teens in the basement
after it was discovered that I had never
taken any illegal drugs in my life the
hallucinations appeared
hey Logan I would hear someone yell then
I would hear random voices murmuring
when I returned to see he was talking I
would see no one in the room I started
to become frightened when I realized
that no one else was hearing these
voices that I was clearly hearing the
voices would not stop I tried to focus
on other things and they would still be
talking to me Logan don’t listen to your
parents they’re evil hi Logan what’s up
Logan it’s me I tried to ignore them but
I couldn’t they just kept talking day in
and day out Logan don’t eat that
Logan sit on that chair Logan look out
the window finally I gave in an answer
the voices in my mind pretty soon I was
having full conversations with the three
people in my mind I’m losing complete
touch with the real people in my life
then these people started to tell me how
to do everything they were telling me
what to wear what music to listen to
what to eat where to sleep and then they
even told me that I could not swim ever
again the voices were controlling my
life then the visual hallucinations
started I started to see things that
were not there I asked my mom if she saw
some of the strange things that I was
clearly saying can you imagine that my
mom never even saw the man with no face
standing right next to her when my mom
told me that none of these things were
real the voices would tell me that she
was lying then Gertrude came Gertrude
was my childhood teddy bear I never knew
her name until she told me who she was I
started to take the bear everywhere went
and it would talk to me and tell me what
to do bizarre right at the time I
thought it was completely normal
my friends thought that I was on drugs
but no drugs
imagine being in high school taking your
Tabor everywhere things got so bad and
my mom took me out of school and began
homeschooling me so that she could watch
me she was freaking out
Gertrude loved me so much and she told
me not stress my mom your mom doesn’t
love you anymore don’t listen your dad
he doesn’t care about you listen only to
me
Gertrude started to control my life I
know all of the Sun so weird but the
time I let her control my every move she
possessed me Gertrude became suspicious
of my mom because my mom would insist
that she was not real my mom was trying
to get me help which made Gertrude angry
you could say that I was going
completely insane I went from being a
normal teenager to live in to living in
a completely unreal world in a matter of
weeks my brain was causing me to twitch
hear voices have to touch things twice
repetitive motions make sounds see
things that were not really there and
carry and talk to a teddy bear that had
become my very best friend
I was a mess it was a horrific day my
parents were gone shopping and I was at
home with my older sister Gertrude told
me to take a large sharp knife and cut
myself all over my arm at this point I
was I was also literally outside of my
body watching myself take the knife and
slice my arm
over and over again I could see the cuts
and I could see the blood it was like I
was watching someone else to this
horrific act but it was me I even
wondered if I was dead because I could
see my physical body in front of me and
I was watching the action I was not
inside my body it was like watching
myself in the mirror this mental
psychosis is called disassociation this
Association is separation of the
consciousness in the body
I did not even feel like the body was my
own I could not feel the knife I had no
pain I could see the blood all around my
body but I kept cutting my parents came
home and immediately rushed me to the
emergency room I don’t remember going to
the state mental hospital I just
remember being there dr. Kelly Palmer
took on my case as melee diagnosed with
paranoid schizophrenia bipolar disorder
Tourette’s OCD ADHD and a dissociative
disorder dr. Palmer comments he had
never seen anyone so young have such
severe mental illness dr. Palmer worked
really hard to save my life he
diligently tried many mixtures of
different antipsychotic medications
until he found a combination that
finally controlled my symptoms I spent
over a year in the state mental hospital
being treated by a team that worked hard
to give you my life back the staff of
the hospital encouraged me every day to
get better and go on with my life
they told me not to give up and to fight
to live again the hard-working team
taught me ways to live my life as
normally as I can with this disease they
told me over and over that the world
would see me in a degrading way but they
saw me as a human with value and that it
only matters how you see yourself the
therapy included taking me to the pool
and getting me back into the water it
was hard at first but with caring and
loving people I was able to slowly start
doing laps again I still have some OCD
issues about the water and will never be
able to compete again but I can some
laps for fun the staff of the hospital
was as kind as they could be but for me
at 15 it was the saddest year of my life
I miss
my family I was scared I miss going to
school the ability to learn I was really
sick
I still see dr. Palmer my hero once a
month to make sure my brain is still
stable on the medication this is a new
normal for me I have to take close to
ten medications daily and I still have
many difficulties with my physical
abilities after the trauma to my brain I
will be on harsh medications for the
rest of my life to control my symptoms
but the saddest part of my experience of
my friends relatives and community have
all deserted me when it comes to a
mental illness everyone turns their head
and looks the other way even though I am
virtually normal people who learned that
I have schizophrenia immediately see the
stereotype that we have all been trained
to believe we’re the mentally ill could
not be helped could not recover or
chained left and forgotten a spring of
2014 I graduated from high school at the
top of my class I was on the honor roll
and received a scholarship I’m now
attending Idaho State University have
made new friends I allow people to get
to know me and then I tell them that I
have schizophrenia most cannot believe
what I am telling them and just laugh
thinking is a joke
I am a walking witness to the power of
positive care and recovery I never
hesitate or tire of telling people my
story I hope that one day this terrible
disease will no longer affect anyone a
burden Society I am very proud of my
success story you have the opportunity
to help others that suffer from mental
illness by taking these actions
first you can drop your preconceived
notions about people with mental illness
and know that many who suffer from these
diseases are just like you they want to
be understood and loved second the
illness is a disease it is not the
identity of that person
third the people with mental illness
want you to help them by limiting the
stigma on society when you hear people
talking poorly making fun of her
spreading non truth about the disease
you could calmly tell them the truth
about the people who suffer from these
illnesses fourth be a friend to someone
who suffers mentally listen to their
story and get to know them have
compassion fifth if you suspect that
someone that you know may have a mental
illness and is not being treated help
them to get the care that they need look
at me and see the truth most people
today with mental illness can be normal
to almost normal lives with the caring
support team or a sense of community a
trained police force and innovative
medications and therapy to keep them
stable I want you to stomp on the stigma
of the mentally ill are always violent
or dangerous instead of treating the
mentally ill as if we were not human I
beg you to reach out understand become
educated and learn you may just save a
life like mine thank you very much
[Applause]
you
[Applause]
appreciation for everybody here
everybody who made this possible
everybody who’s sitting there in the
audience listening to what I have to say
I just thank you and everybody for
everything so thanks so much did you
know how that I have schizophrenia
unless I tell them most people who see
me and know me would never guess that I
have this terrible disease now that I’ve
revealed this you do you think of me
differently are you afraid to be around
me will you no longer be my friend are
you going to run away from me or isolate
me like I have leprosy almost everyone
does it has been six years since my
diagnosis and every one of the people I
associated with will no longer come
around me out of a fear that is
unfounded it is the word schizophrenia
that scares people they’ve learned from
our society that people with mental
illness are scary evil dirty bad and
dangerous we have an engraved picture
our minds of the mentally ill and
straitjackets padded rooms change the
beds and permanently institutionalized
because they’re dangerous to society
this old perception of the mentally ill
has been around 1,800 and needs to be
changed
schizophrenia is just a word it is a
word that indicates a neurological
disease in the brain that was caused by
a biological process that went wrong
most mentally ill people have a
biological / chemical imbalance in their
brains like cancer schizophrenia is a
disease of the body people who are afoot
to the disease were healthy one name of
the next became Elle I want you to know
that people who are foot 2 with
schizophrenia do not choose to be ill
and
this disease is not caused by a bad
childhood or poor upbringing as a matter
of fact schizophrenia occurs in all
societies regardless of class color
religion and culture schizophrenia ranks
among the top ten cause of disabilities
in developed countries worldwide we have
no choice we suffer the consequences of
painful and frightening disease and then
we must suffer this is the pain of a
society that rejects us and wants us
thrown away or locked up I’m going to
take you on a journey for my own
suffering with this intolerable disease
known as schizophrenia I want you to
here enter the world of the mentally ill
and our society and the suffering that
we have endured I want you to hear my
story and hear my voice so you will stop
being afraid and understand the mentally
ill or humans who are suffering the
pains of an incurable disease and that
instead of your cruelty rejection and
discrimination they need your compassion
acceptance and friendship I was 15 when
it happened I loved to swim
I’ve been swimming since I was a tiny
child I swam for a team in practice in
nearly 6 hours a day I was in the water
constantly then one day I just could not
get into the pool I just had this
feeling that I could not get into the
water my brain forbade me to get into
the water after spending hours and hours
swimming for many years that day I could
not get into the pool my coach became
angry with me because I would not enter
the pool for practice so he pushed me
into the pool I suffered in the water my
brain was on fire my brain told me get
out it was screaming at me get out get
out
I was horrified the water I couldn’t
breathe I’ve been swimming for years and
suddenly the water was so frightening I
mom thought I was joking
how could I be afraid of the water
I was paranoid then came the OCD OCD is
a disorder in the brain that makes you
do things you probably would not
normally do like touching things in my
left hand and having to touch with my
right it was humiliating when I had to
step up on a curb twenty-one times
before I could go into the aquatic
center I suddenly could not sleep in my
bed because my brain with OCD would not
let me sleep there
my mom and dad tried to force me to
sleep my bed but I usually ended up on
the couch I couldn’t explain these
things to my mom my dad I couldn’t I
couldn’t even understand them myself I
could feel my life slipping away my
brain was controlling my body in me I
was doing things that I had no control
over
suddenly Tourette syndrome appeared this
is another genetic disorder that comes
from the biology of the brain Tourette
syndrome is a condition that affects a
person central nervous system and causes
tics takes their unwanted twitches
movements or sounds that people make
uncontrollably like the movements that
I’m making right now
I was now making sounds and movements
that were humiliating people would look
at me and odd ways and told me to stop
goofing off my friends were starting to
not want to be around me because his
movements and sounds were embarrassing
to them they thought I was weird
I cannot help the movements I imagine
being in high school and suddenly your
body is twitching in strange ways and
you’re making bizarre sounds you could
not control my mom was getting really
concerned she wondered was really doing
with all the other teens in the basement
after it was discovered that I had never
taken any illegal drugs in my life the
hallucinations appeared
hey Logan I would hear someone yell then
I would hear random voices murmuring
when I returned to see he was talking I
would see no one in the room I started
to become frightened when I realized
that no one else was hearing these
voices that I was clearly hearing the
voices would not stop I tried to focus
on other things and they would still be
talking to me Logan don’t listen to your
parents they’re evil hi Logan what’s up
Logan it’s me I tried to ignore them but
I couldn’t they just kept talking day in
and day out Logan don’t eat that
Logan sit on that chair Logan look out
the window finally I gave in an answer
the voices in my mind pretty soon I was
having full conversations with the three
people in my mind I’m losing complete
touch with the real people in my life
then these people started to tell me how
to do everything they were telling me
what to wear what music to listen to
what to eat where to sleep and then they
even told me that I could not swim ever
again the voices were controlling my
life then the visual hallucinations
started I started to see things that
were not there I asked my mom if she saw
some of the strange things that I was
clearly saying can you imagine that my
mom never even saw the man with no face
standing right next to her when my mom
told me that none of these things were
real the voices would tell me that she
was lying then Gertrude came Gertrude
was my childhood teddy bear I never knew
her name until she told me who she was I
started to take the bear everywhere went
and it would talk to me and tell me what
to do bizarre right at the time I
thought it was completely normal
my friends thought that I was on drugs
but no drugs
imagine being in high school taking your
Tabor everywhere things got so bad and
my mom took me out of school and began
homeschooling me so that she could watch
me she was freaking out
Gertrude loved me so much and she told
me not stress my mom your mom doesn’t
love you anymore don’t listen your dad
he doesn’t care about you listen only to
me
Gertrude started to control my life I
know all of the Sun so weird but the
time I let her control my every move she
possessed me Gertrude became suspicious
of my mom because my mom would insist
that she was not real my mom was trying
to get me help which made Gertrude angry
you could say that I was going
completely insane I went from being a
normal teenager to live in to living in
a completely unreal world in a matter of
weeks my brain was causing me to twitch
hear voices have to touch things twice
repetitive motions make sounds see
things that were not really there and
carry and talk to a teddy bear that had
become my very best friend
I was a mess it was a horrific day my
parents were gone shopping and I was at
home with my older sister Gertrude told
me to take a large sharp knife and cut
myself all over my arm at this point I
was I was also literally outside of my
body watching myself take the knife and
slice my arm
over and over again I could see the cuts
and I could see the blood it was like I
was watching someone else to this
horrific act but it was me I even
wondered if I was dead because I could
see my physical body in front of me and
I was watching the action I was not
inside my body it was like watching
myself in the mirror this mental
psychosis is called disassociation this
Association is separation of the
consciousness in the body
I did not even feel like the body was my
own I could not feel the knife I had no
pain I could see the blood all around my
body but I kept cutting my parents came
home and immediately rushed me to the
emergency room I don’t remember going to
the state mental hospital I just
remember being there dr. Kelly Palmer
took on my case as melee diagnosed with
paranoid schizophrenia bipolar disorder
Tourette’s OCD ADHD and a dissociative
disorder dr. Palmer comments he had
never seen anyone so young have such
severe mental illness dr. Palmer worked
really hard to save my life he
diligently tried many mixtures of
different antipsychotic medications
until he found a combination that
finally controlled my symptoms I spent
over a year in the state mental hospital
being treated by a team that worked hard
to give you my life back the staff of
the hospital encouraged me every day to
get better and go on with my life
they told me not to give up and to fight
to live again the hard-working team
taught me ways to live my life as
normally as I can with this disease they
told me over and over that the world
would see me in a degrading way but they
saw me as a human with value and that it
only matters how you see yourself the
therapy included taking me to the pool
and getting me back into the water it
was hard at first but with caring and
loving people I was able to slowly start
doing laps again I still have some OCD
issues about the water and will never be
able to compete again but I can some
laps for fun the staff of the hospital
was as kind as they could be but for me
at 15 it was the saddest year of my life
I miss
my family I was scared I miss going to
school the ability to learn I was really
sick
I still see dr. Palmer my hero once a
month to make sure my brain is still
stable on the medication this is a new
normal for me I have to take close to
ten medications daily and I still have
many difficulties with my physical
abilities after the trauma to my brain I
will be on harsh medications for the
rest of my life to control my symptoms
but the saddest part of my experience of
my friends relatives and community have
all deserted me when it comes to a
mental illness everyone turns their head
and looks the other way even though I am
virtually normal people who learned that
I have schizophrenia immediately see the
stereotype that we have all been trained
to believe we’re the mentally ill could
not be helped could not recover or
chained left and forgotten a spring of
2014 I graduated from high school at the
top of my class I was on the honor roll
and received a scholarship I’m now
attending Idaho State University have
made new friends I allow people to get
to know me and then I tell them that I
have schizophrenia most cannot believe
what I am telling them and just laugh
thinking is a joke
I am a walking witness to the power of
positive care and recovery I never
hesitate or tire of telling people my
story I hope that one day this terrible
disease will no longer affect anyone a
burden Society I am very proud of my
success story you have the opportunity
to help others that suffer from mental
illness by taking these actions
first you can drop your preconceived
notions about people with mental illness
and know that many who suffer from these
diseases are just like you they want to
be understood and loved second the
illness is a disease it is not the
identity of that person
third the people with mental illness
want you to help them by limiting the
stigma on society when you hear people
talking poorly making fun of her
spreading non truth about the disease
you could calmly tell them the truth
about the people who suffer from these
illnesses fourth be a friend to someone
who suffers mentally listen to their
story and get to know them have
compassion fifth if you suspect that
someone that you know may have a mental
illness and is not being treated help
them to get the care that they need look
at me and see the truth most people
today with mental illness can be normal
to almost normal lives with the caring
support team or a sense of community a
trained police force and innovative
medications and therapy to keep them
stable I want you to stomp on the stigma
of the mentally ill are always violent
or dangerous instead of treating the
mentally ill as if we were not human I
beg you to reach out understand become
educated and learn you may just save a
life like mine thank you very much
[Applause]
you
[Applause]
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