what if I told you that you are all part
of the jury that could end one of the
most widespread forms of violence
existing in the world today what if I
told you that you already know a victim
of this crime but they are your friends
your family members the people you love
and that you can be the difference
between life and death for them what if
I told you you also already know a
perpetrator but your judgment your
action or inaction can be the difference
between holding them accountable and
them continuing to harm those people you
love what if I tell you that together we
can make sexual violence history yes I’m
going to be talking to you about sexual
violence because I believe we can end it
and I want to talk to you about higher
because in order to end it
we need the talk these are difficult
issues to talk about difficult because
so many people are so deeply affected
difficult because so much shame and
guilt are attached to speaking I out
difficult because these are big issues
deeply ingrained in our societies but
I’m going out on a limb here and I’m
talking to you about it because I
believe we can change things but I’m
gonna need your help to do that
so Who am I to be talking to you about
this to be standing on this stage taking
up your time I am someone who
comfortably believed that rape was
something that happened to other people
until it happened to me I am a survivor
of years of sexual violence and domestic
abuse I’m an artist an activist an
ambassador part of a movement that spans
generations and continents and centuries
a movement to change our laws and our
societies to create and continue a
conversation about sexual consent and
ultimately to end sexual violence for
good I’ve had years to think about these
issues about how to solve them about
writing about how to solve them but this
might be new to some of you so I want
you to know what it is we are fighting
for because it’s gonna be a big fight
and a long fight
it’s gonna be a big fight and in order
for us to have the motivation to keep
fighting I think we need to think about
what it is we’re fighting for so I’d
like to invite you to close your eyes
please I want you to imagine a place
where all people of all genders feel
free and safe when walking home alone at
3:00 a.m. or we are all able to look up
at the stars and smell the morning dew
and listen to the siren of the city
waking up and revel in the joy of that I
want you to imagine a place where all
people of all genders feel free and safe
when coming back home at 3:00 p.m. where
we all feel at ease in our own kitchens
and in our own beds a place where none
of us feel afraid when we walk out the
door or when we come back in I want you
to imagine a world where we don’t spend
so much time and energy on things like
pepper spray and police apps on our
phone and keys hidden between our
knuckles and loud fake phone calls to
friends as we walk home where we can
spend that time and money on a better
thanks a world where we are all
liberated from the ever-present fear of
violence the constant calculation of
risk and danger I want you to imagine a
world where we can all look up at the
stars at 3:00 a.m. instead of on who
might be following us I’d like you to
open your eyes night please this place
you’ve imagined yeah I’m gonna label it
the future that’s what we’re working
towards that’s what we’re fighting for I
truly believe that this future is
possible but I also know it’s gonna take
a lot of work to get there
because in the world we live in today
most people do not have this freedom or
this safety in the world we live in
today someone is raped somewhere every
98th second to me that’s a terrifying
fact to remind us of the extent and the
urgency of these issues I’ve asked the
Ted team to give us a reminder every
time 98 seconds have passed because I
want us to know what’s at stake here
because it’s gonna be a big fight and a
long fight and we’re gonna need some
here’s something rape is committed every
day in every country and every community
against people of every gender and age
and class against people we love and
trust and want to protect here’s the
thing you already know a victim of rape
you also already know a rapist whether
or not you know who those are the plain
statistics that means that you my friend
are already part of the jury this is a
poem from my new book We Need to Talk
it’s called the jury before there is a
police report if there is a police
report before there is a trial if there
is a trial before there is any attempt
at legal justice there is the jury the
jury is the families and friends the
co-workers and classmates and
acquaintances the unguarded crowd whose
mixed reactions of support or disbelief
of accountability or failure to take any
responsibility determines everything to
come the jury is the difference between
leaving abuse and being forced coerced
manipulated shamed and guilted into
staying the jury is the difference
between ending violence against the
victim and perpetrating even more
violence against them the jury can be
abusers to the psychological abuse of
disbelief and doubt of victim blaming of
gossip mongering our gaslighting all
over again are doing the abusers work
for them the jury quite simply is the
difference between life and death for a
while the jury is everything not because
they make decisions about the
perpetrator but because they lay down
the law the ultimate verdict for the
victim the answer to the question will
anyone believe me
to all my fellow victims and survivors
listening watching I want to say this I
see you I believe you you are not to
blame you are not alone I am with you we
are with you and we will stand with you
fight alongside you every step of the
way to all of you when I say that you
know a victim what do I mean by that
statistically speaking no matter how
large or small your friend group no
matter how big your extended family you
are related to a victim of rape you are
friends with a victim someone you know
and love has been raped or abused
whether they’ve told you about it or not
and I want to make this clear they are
under no obligation to tell you about it
when I say that you already know a
perpetrator a rapist what do I mean by
that I mean what exactly am i accusing
you of here I’m sorry to be the one to
tell you this but rapists don’t come
with name tags stating their violent
crimes being a rapist it’s not a
character trait or identity marker
written on someone’s forehead rape is a
crime a choice committed by a
perpetrator in a particular context
against a particular victim a rapist can
have raped one person and been nothing
but consensual with another an abuser
can have abused one partner and been
nothing but kind to another this does
not excuse their crimes this does not
invalidate their victims testimonies and
this means that you already know a
rapist whether or not you know who I
want to make this perfectly clear rape
is not a natural phenomenon it’s not an
accident it’s not incidental it’s not
unavoidable it’s a man-made problem and
it can be ended by us it can be ended by
us since you already know a victim and
you already know a perpetrator whether
or not you know who your way of speaking
about or staying silent about sexual
violence strongly affects at least two
people in your life you can choose to
believe a victim
and to support them you can choose to
hold a perpetrator accountable to not
excuse their crimes you can choose to be
part of making sexual violence history
alternatively of course you can do
nothing and someone in your life who’s
had to experience this will find your
silence terrifying even violent and
someone in your life who has committed
this will continue to believe that they
can get away with violent crimes because
they will be able to but only as long as
people like us do nothing because we are
all part of the jury here one of the
most terrifying statistics I know is
that today only six in every 1,000
rapists end up in jail that means nine
thousand nine hundred and ninety four go
free let me tell you that’s that’s not a
statistic that makes me feel safe
walking home alone at night that’s not a
statistic that makes me feel safe
working or flirting or commuting or
breathing that’s not a statistic that
makes me able to look up at the stars at
3:00 a.m. instead of on who might be
following me the reason so few rapists
are convicted has a lot to do with how
we treat victims how we disbelieve and
die owed victims by we I mean us
collectively I mean I read societies our
media our police forces our criminal
justice systems I mean our collective
willingness to treat victims as if they
are on trial but treat perpetrators as
if they are not responsible for their
own actions
what’s propping up this willingness to
disbelieve victims but excused
perpetrators is this idea this idea that
it’s likely that victims would falsely
report that they would report something
that didn’t happen or exaggerate what
did I want to make this very clear not
only is this blatantly factually untrue
because no other violent crime is
unlikely to be falsely reported as rape
so not only is this blatantly violently
untrue
it is also the reason so few victims
report in the first place it is also the
reason so few victims even tell the
people closest to them four years after
they’ve been raped because they’re
afraid that it won’t matter anyway that
we won’t take them seriously that we
won’t believe them and you know what
far too often they are right our
collective willingness to doubt victims
to excuse rapists has attacked can’t
because doing nothing is not enough we
need to start doing something we need to
start doing something so what do we do
we need to start talking we need to talk
to burst the bubble of shame and guilt
and silent complicity we need to start
listening we need to start taking
victims story seriously making an IRA
job to support them instead of
interrogate them and we need to start
asking some very uncomfortable questions
questions like why would you say that
rape joke is funny questions like what
do you mean that woman only reported her
ex partner for abuse for the money or
the attention or the fame questions like
why have we made it almost impossible to
report a rape and even harder to convict
a rapist
why do our police forces and our
criminal justice systems interrogate
victims so much and perpetrators so
little questions like why and how do we
change it I’m gonna need your help with
this because we need to start doing we
need to start lobbying for institutional
and legal changes to create consent laws
rather than rape laws making clear than
anything less than a yes is a no we need
to start educating police and legal
personnel and we need to start having
some very public conversations about how
to stop racing rapists because we are
racing them generations of them armies
of them and it needs to stop because
this problem will not go away on its own
because under time since I started
speaking to you ten people have been
raped in the time it’s gonna take you to
go to the bathroom
and grab a cup of coffee another ten
will be and another 10 and another 10
and another 10 and another 10 and this
constant flow of violence will not end
until we end it until we end it we are
each in a unique position to do this for
the people we love and care about you
can choose to support or not to support
to believe or not to believe to lobby or
not to lobby to listen to not to listen
to speak or not to speak to act or not
to act your choice can be the difference
between life and death for someone you
love
your choice can be the beginning of a
world where sexual violence is history
in my lifetime I want us all to be able
to walk home alone at 3:00 a.m. and look
at the Stars in my lifetime I want us
all to be able to come home at 3:00 p.m.
and feel safe and respected in my
lifetime I want all of our bodies and
our boundaries to be unbroken and
unbreachable in my lifetime I want us
all to live lives free from violence and
full of support it is possible in our
lifetime it is possible but to make
sexual violence history we all need to start doing the work together
of the jury that could end one of the
most widespread forms of violence
existing in the world today what if I
told you that you already know a victim
of this crime but they are your friends
your family members the people you love
and that you can be the difference
between life and death for them what if
I told you you also already know a
perpetrator but your judgment your
action or inaction can be the difference
between holding them accountable and
them continuing to harm those people you
love what if I tell you that together we
can make sexual violence history yes I’m
going to be talking to you about sexual
violence because I believe we can end it
and I want to talk to you about higher
because in order to end it
we need the talk these are difficult
issues to talk about difficult because
so many people are so deeply affected
difficult because so much shame and
guilt are attached to speaking I out
difficult because these are big issues
deeply ingrained in our societies but
I’m going out on a limb here and I’m
talking to you about it because I
believe we can change things but I’m
gonna need your help to do that
so Who am I to be talking to you about
this to be standing on this stage taking
up your time I am someone who
comfortably believed that rape was
something that happened to other people
until it happened to me I am a survivor
of years of sexual violence and domestic
abuse I’m an artist an activist an
ambassador part of a movement that spans
generations and continents and centuries
a movement to change our laws and our
societies to create and continue a
conversation about sexual consent and
ultimately to end sexual violence for
good I’ve had years to think about these
issues about how to solve them about
writing about how to solve them but this
might be new to some of you so I want
you to know what it is we are fighting
for because it’s gonna be a big fight
and a long fight
it’s gonna be a big fight and in order
for us to have the motivation to keep
fighting I think we need to think about
what it is we’re fighting for so I’d
like to invite you to close your eyes
please I want you to imagine a place
where all people of all genders feel
free and safe when walking home alone at
3:00 a.m. or we are all able to look up
at the stars and smell the morning dew
and listen to the siren of the city
waking up and revel in the joy of that I
want you to imagine a place where all
people of all genders feel free and safe
when coming back home at 3:00 p.m. where
we all feel at ease in our own kitchens
and in our own beds a place where none
of us feel afraid when we walk out the
door or when we come back in I want you
to imagine a world where we don’t spend
so much time and energy on things like
pepper spray and police apps on our
phone and keys hidden between our
knuckles and loud fake phone calls to
friends as we walk home where we can
spend that time and money on a better
thanks a world where we are all
liberated from the ever-present fear of
violence the constant calculation of
risk and danger I want you to imagine a
world where we can all look up at the
stars at 3:00 a.m. instead of on who
might be following us I’d like you to
open your eyes night please this place
you’ve imagined yeah I’m gonna label it
the future that’s what we’re working
towards that’s what we’re fighting for I
truly believe that this future is
possible but I also know it’s gonna take
a lot of work to get there
because in the world we live in today
most people do not have this freedom or
this safety in the world we live in
today someone is raped somewhere every
98th second to me that’s a terrifying
fact to remind us of the extent and the
urgency of these issues I’ve asked the
Ted team to give us a reminder every
time 98 seconds have passed because I
want us to know what’s at stake here
because it’s gonna be a big fight and a
long fight and we’re gonna need some
here’s something rape is committed every
day in every country and every community
against people of every gender and age
and class against people we love and
trust and want to protect here’s the
thing you already know a victim of rape
you also already know a rapist whether
or not you know who those are the plain
statistics that means that you my friend
are already part of the jury this is a
poem from my new book We Need to Talk
it’s called the jury before there is a
police report if there is a police
report before there is a trial if there
is a trial before there is any attempt
at legal justice there is the jury the
jury is the families and friends the
co-workers and classmates and
acquaintances the unguarded crowd whose
mixed reactions of support or disbelief
of accountability or failure to take any
responsibility determines everything to
come the jury is the difference between
leaving abuse and being forced coerced
manipulated shamed and guilted into
staying the jury is the difference
between ending violence against the
victim and perpetrating even more
violence against them the jury can be
abusers to the psychological abuse of
disbelief and doubt of victim blaming of
gossip mongering our gaslighting all
over again are doing the abusers work
for them the jury quite simply is the
difference between life and death for a
while the jury is everything not because
they make decisions about the
perpetrator but because they lay down
the law the ultimate verdict for the
victim the answer to the question will
anyone believe me
to all my fellow victims and survivors
listening watching I want to say this I
see you I believe you you are not to
blame you are not alone I am with you we
are with you and we will stand with you
fight alongside you every step of the
way to all of you when I say that you
know a victim what do I mean by that
statistically speaking no matter how
large or small your friend group no
matter how big your extended family you
are related to a victim of rape you are
friends with a victim someone you know
and love has been raped or abused
whether they’ve told you about it or not
and I want to make this clear they are
under no obligation to tell you about it
when I say that you already know a
perpetrator a rapist what do I mean by
that I mean what exactly am i accusing
you of here I’m sorry to be the one to
tell you this but rapists don’t come
with name tags stating their violent
crimes being a rapist it’s not a
character trait or identity marker
written on someone’s forehead rape is a
crime a choice committed by a
perpetrator in a particular context
against a particular victim a rapist can
have raped one person and been nothing
but consensual with another an abuser
can have abused one partner and been
nothing but kind to another this does
not excuse their crimes this does not
invalidate their victims testimonies and
this means that you already know a
rapist whether or not you know who I
want to make this perfectly clear rape
is not a natural phenomenon it’s not an
accident it’s not incidental it’s not
unavoidable it’s a man-made problem and
it can be ended by us it can be ended by
us since you already know a victim and
you already know a perpetrator whether
or not you know who your way of speaking
about or staying silent about sexual
violence strongly affects at least two
people in your life you can choose to
believe a victim
and to support them you can choose to
hold a perpetrator accountable to not
excuse their crimes you can choose to be
part of making sexual violence history
alternatively of course you can do
nothing and someone in your life who’s
had to experience this will find your
silence terrifying even violent and
someone in your life who has committed
this will continue to believe that they
can get away with violent crimes because
they will be able to but only as long as
people like us do nothing because we are
all part of the jury here one of the
most terrifying statistics I know is
that today only six in every 1,000
rapists end up in jail that means nine
thousand nine hundred and ninety four go
free let me tell you that’s that’s not a
statistic that makes me feel safe
walking home alone at night that’s not a
statistic that makes me feel safe
working or flirting or commuting or
breathing that’s not a statistic that
makes me able to look up at the stars at
3:00 a.m. instead of on who might be
following me the reason so few rapists
are convicted has a lot to do with how
we treat victims how we disbelieve and
die owed victims by we I mean us
collectively I mean I read societies our
media our police forces our criminal
justice systems I mean our collective
willingness to treat victims as if they
are on trial but treat perpetrators as
if they are not responsible for their
own actions
what’s propping up this willingness to
disbelieve victims but excused
perpetrators is this idea this idea that
it’s likely that victims would falsely
report that they would report something
that didn’t happen or exaggerate what
did I want to make this very clear not
only is this blatantly factually untrue
because no other violent crime is
unlikely to be falsely reported as rape
so not only is this blatantly violently
untrue
it is also the reason so few victims
report in the first place it is also the
reason so few victims even tell the
people closest to them four years after
they’ve been raped because they’re
afraid that it won’t matter anyway that
we won’t take them seriously that we
won’t believe them and you know what
far too often they are right our
collective willingness to doubt victims
to excuse rapists has attacked can’t
because doing nothing is not enough we
need to start doing something we need to
start doing something so what do we do
we need to start talking we need to talk
to burst the bubble of shame and guilt
and silent complicity we need to start
listening we need to start taking
victims story seriously making an IRA
job to support them instead of
interrogate them and we need to start
asking some very uncomfortable questions
questions like why would you say that
rape joke is funny questions like what
do you mean that woman only reported her
ex partner for abuse for the money or
the attention or the fame questions like
why have we made it almost impossible to
report a rape and even harder to convict
a rapist
why do our police forces and our
criminal justice systems interrogate
victims so much and perpetrators so
little questions like why and how do we
change it I’m gonna need your help with
this because we need to start doing we
need to start lobbying for institutional
and legal changes to create consent laws
rather than rape laws making clear than
anything less than a yes is a no we need
to start educating police and legal
personnel and we need to start having
some very public conversations about how
to stop racing rapists because we are
racing them generations of them armies
of them and it needs to stop because
this problem will not go away on its own
because under time since I started
speaking to you ten people have been
raped in the time it’s gonna take you to
go to the bathroom
and grab a cup of coffee another ten
will be and another 10 and another 10
and another 10 and another 10 and this
constant flow of violence will not end
until we end it until we end it we are
each in a unique position to do this for
the people we love and care about you
can choose to support or not to support
to believe or not to believe to lobby or
not to lobby to listen to not to listen
to speak or not to speak to act or not
to act your choice can be the difference
between life and death for someone you
love
your choice can be the beginning of a
world where sexual violence is history
in my lifetime I want us all to be able
to walk home alone at 3:00 a.m. and look
at the Stars in my lifetime I want us
all to be able to come home at 3:00 p.m.
and feel safe and respected in my
lifetime I want all of our bodies and
our boundaries to be unbroken and
unbreachable in my lifetime I want us
all to live lives free from violence and
full of support it is possible in our
lifetime it is possible but to make
sexual violence history we all need to start doing the work together
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