[Music]
if you saw me walking down the street
today the most you’d probably take away
is that I’m short and had brown hair you
wouldn’t think that there’s anything
different about me you wouldn’t say she
suffers from mental illness and even if
you did you’d most likely be saying it
from a place of fear and judgement not
caring concern stigma related to mental
illness prevents people from seeking
treatment makes those that are suffering
feel alienated from the rest of the
world and even affects medical options
and legislation by telling my story I
hope to shed a light on the stigma
related to mental illness the summer
before I started eighth grade I began to
feel unable to go to sleep at night I
would lie awake for hours thoughts
racing with the excitement of tomorrow’s
possibilities but I didn’t think much of
it I also began a fitness and diet
regimen that at the time seemed healthy
and perfectly normal
knowing what I know now I can call what
I experienced an eating disorder the
symptoms that had begun to be a part of
my daily life didn’t seem anything out
of the ordinary especially considering
that I didn’t know what the warning
signs of mental illness or even what
mental illness was that’s because no one
talks about it in fifth grade we are
taught sex Edie yes there isn’t a single
word uttered about mental health I
understand that from a safety standpoint
teaching kids about safe sex could
benefit their lives but I argue that if
children had even a basic understanding
of mental health lives would be saved
these health topics are both incredibly
important so I ask why are they being
treated so differently if I had had a
basic understanding of mental health
I might have never come so close to
death
by my 13th birthday it was clear that
something inside me was wrong
my mania had started out as an unbound
energy and excitement that made me see
both my life and my dreams more vividly
at that time College seemed like the
ultimate aspiration that I would work
tirelessly to achieve by the middle of
fall I had started missing school being
unable to do my homework while lying to
the teachers about it and losing all the
friends I had I still lived in that
heightened state of energy but dark
walls closed in on me making me feel as
if I was constantly living in a
life-or-death situation due to my
inability to control my emotional states
my friends became spooked and raced out
of my life leaving me to fight what was
happening on my own I began feeling
afraid and terrified because I didn’t
know what to do and there was no one to
turn to and to give you some insight on
my emotional trauma what was happening
inside my body was a million times worse
than the devastating events that were
happening on a social level
I started hallucinating and would see a
woman in a white dress when I was alone
in my room I also began having a panic
attacks daily that would last for hours
and the only way I could get out of them
was through self-harm I attended school
every day in the t-shirt displaying my
blood-soaked arms I never did this for
attention I was just too unwell to think
of covering up my wounds what I find
truly alarming is that this went on for
months no one said anything I don’t know
if it was because people were scared or
they didn’t know what it was or maybe
they just didn’t care all I wanted was
for someone to ask if I was okay but a
more daunting question was stuck in my
head
how does someone ask for help when they
have absolutely no idea what’s wrong I
was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and
I accept it along with all the
medications and therapies that followed
no matter how compliant I was there was
no stopping the progression of my
illness we had caught it too late and on
May 5th 2013 my ask for help came out as
a deafening cry I was admitted to sharp
Mesa Vista psychiatric hospital although
I was fully willing to be admitted after
a failed suicide attempt all I knew
about psych hospitals was the demeaning
and misleading images presented of loony
Bin’s in the most popular horror films
but all those pictures of people who had
lost their humanity and sadistic nurses
who thrived off of your pain were
nothing but pictures I was in a place
full of humanity and genuine caring
there were doctors and nurses who wanted
nothing more than my well-being I
entered the hospital willingly I was a
danger to myself and it saved my life
what I later learned was how many people
refused to seek treatment often because
of the false rumors they hear about
psych hospitals or they’re afraid that
someone they know will find out but the
most disheartening reason people don’t
seek treatment is how do you ask for
help when you have absolutely no idea
what’s wrong these reasons may seem
small and silly they are but these silly
of reasons are accountable for a lot of
lost lives stigma and mental illness is
accountable for a lot of lost lives not
only is mental illness stigmatized but
also the treatment options for it if
someone had cancer they wouldn’t feel
ashamed to have chemotherapy if someone
had diabetes they wouldn’t feel ashamed
to take insulin so why if someone
has a chemical imbalance in their brain
are they ashamed to seek out treatment
possibly the most stigmatized treatment
is the one I credit was saving my life I
was stuck in a deep depression for a
long time it left me so unwell that I
was hospitalized for two months nothing
was helping me
I was trying every medication and
therapy but we saw no change so my
psychiatrist suggested something radical
ect ect stands for electro convulsive
therapy you may know it as shock therapy
ECT has a negative reputation because it
is often portrayed as inhumane and
torturous the media neglects to show
what it really is and how many people
benefit from a yearly it is a safe often
life-saving procedure but no one wants
to know the truthful facts even many
medical professionals view it as a
disturbing Act and that’s because no one
talks about it or teaches it after
having a CT I finally had a glimpse of
happiness the depression I had been in
was so severe that I was nearly
catatonic and had no quality of life ect
was the only thing that could pull me
out of the dark the hospital I was in
was one of very few that offered it and
would fight for a minor to receive it
most hospitals don’t have the option for
it because stigma has scared people away
just like it has done for many other
life-saving resources after trying just
about every medication a year and a half
of this school in six hospitalizations I
finally became stable I was thrown out
of that tornado that was my mental
illness only to find the ruins in my
past life I had no friends no academic
future and I was constantly in fear that
I would relapse
mental illness and the stigma associated
with it took a lot away from me but I
was lucky I was lucky that I had a
family who constantly cared for me I was
lucky that my family could pay the
exorbitant costs of my treatments I was
lucky that there were good treatment
centers near me I was lucky but not
everyone is there are a lot of people
out there fighting for their lives with
much less than I had and I am sure they
are experiencing all the same ways that
stigma added to their illness just like
I did but what we can do as a society
what every single person here can do to
change how we look at it to change how
we look at people with it that’s how
we’re going to make it better that’s how
we’re going to help those people who
don’t have what I’d had because I am
Alive today because my given
circumstances were in my favor if
someone had the tools to understand that
something inside them was wrong they
would ask for help if someone wasn’t
afraid to hide their illness they would
ask for help if you saw me walking down
the street today
you wouldn’t know I have mental illness
if I were badge proclaiming I have
bipolar disorder maybe only half of you
would notice badge or no badge it’s Who
I am and I feel I had the choice to show
that with you or not but wouldn’t it be
great if the other 450 million people in
the world living with mental illness had
that choice too
thank you you
if you saw me walking down the street
today the most you’d probably take away
is that I’m short and had brown hair you
wouldn’t think that there’s anything
different about me you wouldn’t say she
suffers from mental illness and even if
you did you’d most likely be saying it
from a place of fear and judgement not
caring concern stigma related to mental
illness prevents people from seeking
treatment makes those that are suffering
feel alienated from the rest of the
world and even affects medical options
and legislation by telling my story I
hope to shed a light on the stigma
related to mental illness the summer
before I started eighth grade I began to
feel unable to go to sleep at night I
would lie awake for hours thoughts
racing with the excitement of tomorrow’s
possibilities but I didn’t think much of
it I also began a fitness and diet
regimen that at the time seemed healthy
and perfectly normal
knowing what I know now I can call what
I experienced an eating disorder the
symptoms that had begun to be a part of
my daily life didn’t seem anything out
of the ordinary especially considering
that I didn’t know what the warning
signs of mental illness or even what
mental illness was that’s because no one
talks about it in fifth grade we are
taught sex Edie yes there isn’t a single
word uttered about mental health I
understand that from a safety standpoint
teaching kids about safe sex could
benefit their lives but I argue that if
children had even a basic understanding
of mental health lives would be saved
these health topics are both incredibly
important so I ask why are they being
treated so differently if I had had a
basic understanding of mental health
I might have never come so close to
death
by my 13th birthday it was clear that
something inside me was wrong
my mania had started out as an unbound
energy and excitement that made me see
both my life and my dreams more vividly
at that time College seemed like the
ultimate aspiration that I would work
tirelessly to achieve by the middle of
fall I had started missing school being
unable to do my homework while lying to
the teachers about it and losing all the
friends I had I still lived in that
heightened state of energy but dark
walls closed in on me making me feel as
if I was constantly living in a
life-or-death situation due to my
inability to control my emotional states
my friends became spooked and raced out
of my life leaving me to fight what was
happening on my own I began feeling
afraid and terrified because I didn’t
know what to do and there was no one to
turn to and to give you some insight on
my emotional trauma what was happening
inside my body was a million times worse
than the devastating events that were
happening on a social level
I started hallucinating and would see a
woman in a white dress when I was alone
in my room I also began having a panic
attacks daily that would last for hours
and the only way I could get out of them
was through self-harm I attended school
every day in the t-shirt displaying my
blood-soaked arms I never did this for
attention I was just too unwell to think
of covering up my wounds what I find
truly alarming is that this went on for
months no one said anything I don’t know
if it was because people were scared or
they didn’t know what it was or maybe
they just didn’t care all I wanted was
for someone to ask if I was okay but a
more daunting question was stuck in my
head
how does someone ask for help when they
have absolutely no idea what’s wrong I
was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and
I accept it along with all the
medications and therapies that followed
no matter how compliant I was there was
no stopping the progression of my
illness we had caught it too late and on
May 5th 2013 my ask for help came out as
a deafening cry I was admitted to sharp
Mesa Vista psychiatric hospital although
I was fully willing to be admitted after
a failed suicide attempt all I knew
about psych hospitals was the demeaning
and misleading images presented of loony
Bin’s in the most popular horror films
but all those pictures of people who had
lost their humanity and sadistic nurses
who thrived off of your pain were
nothing but pictures I was in a place
full of humanity and genuine caring
there were doctors and nurses who wanted
nothing more than my well-being I
entered the hospital willingly I was a
danger to myself and it saved my life
what I later learned was how many people
refused to seek treatment often because
of the false rumors they hear about
psych hospitals or they’re afraid that
someone they know will find out but the
most disheartening reason people don’t
seek treatment is how do you ask for
help when you have absolutely no idea
what’s wrong these reasons may seem
small and silly they are but these silly
of reasons are accountable for a lot of
lost lives stigma and mental illness is
accountable for a lot of lost lives not
only is mental illness stigmatized but
also the treatment options for it if
someone had cancer they wouldn’t feel
ashamed to have chemotherapy if someone
had diabetes they wouldn’t feel ashamed
to take insulin so why if someone
has a chemical imbalance in their brain
are they ashamed to seek out treatment
possibly the most stigmatized treatment
is the one I credit was saving my life I
was stuck in a deep depression for a
long time it left me so unwell that I
was hospitalized for two months nothing
was helping me
I was trying every medication and
therapy but we saw no change so my
psychiatrist suggested something radical
ect ect stands for electro convulsive
therapy you may know it as shock therapy
ECT has a negative reputation because it
is often portrayed as inhumane and
torturous the media neglects to show
what it really is and how many people
benefit from a yearly it is a safe often
life-saving procedure but no one wants
to know the truthful facts even many
medical professionals view it as a
disturbing Act and that’s because no one
talks about it or teaches it after
having a CT I finally had a glimpse of
happiness the depression I had been in
was so severe that I was nearly
catatonic and had no quality of life ect
was the only thing that could pull me
out of the dark the hospital I was in
was one of very few that offered it and
would fight for a minor to receive it
most hospitals don’t have the option for
it because stigma has scared people away
just like it has done for many other
life-saving resources after trying just
about every medication a year and a half
of this school in six hospitalizations I
finally became stable I was thrown out
of that tornado that was my mental
illness only to find the ruins in my
past life I had no friends no academic
future and I was constantly in fear that
I would relapse
mental illness and the stigma associated
with it took a lot away from me but I
was lucky I was lucky that I had a
family who constantly cared for me I was
lucky that my family could pay the
exorbitant costs of my treatments I was
lucky that there were good treatment
centers near me I was lucky but not
everyone is there are a lot of people
out there fighting for their lives with
much less than I had and I am sure they
are experiencing all the same ways that
stigma added to their illness just like
I did but what we can do as a society
what every single person here can do to
change how we look at it to change how
we look at people with it that’s how
we’re going to make it better that’s how
we’re going to help those people who
don’t have what I’d had because I am
Alive today because my given
circumstances were in my favor if
someone had the tools to understand that
something inside them was wrong they
would ask for help if someone wasn’t
afraid to hide their illness they would
ask for help if you saw me walking down
the street today
you wouldn’t know I have mental illness
if I were badge proclaiming I have
bipolar disorder maybe only half of you
would notice badge or no badge it’s Who
I am and I feel I had the choice to show
that with you or not but wouldn’t it be
great if the other 450 million people in
the world living with mental illness had
that choice too
thank you you
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