out one hand and turn to the person next
to you turn to the person next to you
and now put your hands palm against palm
no with the person next to you yeah and
now I want one of you to push push the
other one okay so how many how many of
you pushed back to keep your hands in
the same place and how many of you just
let yourself to be pushed okay well
those are the only two ways that people
deal with being pushed around
they either retaliate or they just give
up Hong Kong as a part of China as a
part of Asia get stereotyped with a lot
of other Asian countries especially on
the front of strict parents and force
overachievers a lot of children are
brought up being forced into things that
they don’t necessarily like or want to
do and even more are brought up in fear
at their own parents obviously the
intention behind pushing your children
into doing certain things is a good one
however since they may not necessarily
want to do it or like it it’s not the
best way to build a strong bond of the
families too many people are brought up
in fear of their parents and that’s what
really needs to change the way I see it
forcing someone to do something they
don’t want to do or don’t like doing is
like asking someone to get up in front
of you and sing a song that they don’t
necessarily like or know the words to
and expecting them to do it well they’re
not going to be able to sing it properly
on the other hand if you let them choose
a song and it’s excite them to sing it
properly chances are that they’ll choose
ones they know well and when they get up
they’ll probably be successful at it I
also think that as a child you should be
able to trust your parents and too many
people are brought up in fear of their
own and don’t have a good relationship
with them which causes a lot of stress
and not a lot of experimentation with
hobbies I have a friend who doesn’t have
the best relationship with their parents
right now and as she grew up she began
to become more rebellious and wouldn’t
tell them little thing
like if she was invited to a birthday
party out of the fear that they wouldn’t
let her go the older she got the more
intense her reactions started to be and
one day she went to the complete extreme
and that night and did in a really big
disaster with a lot of people involved
not knowing that your parents are always
gonna be there for you is one of the
biggest mistakes anyone my age could
ever make when I was about seven until I
was about 10 or 11 my parents forced me
to do something called cumin cumin is an
educational network that teaches through
the form of repetition and I had to
learn math Mandarin and English through
this method and I hated it so much that
sometimes seeing the logo made me want
to throw up one day I was playing around
in my mom’s notebook and I drew a
picture in the picture with the family
affairs being me and my parents and the
smallest bear in the middle
me was hanging from a noose tied to a
tree on the noose it said to mom I think
seeing that photo finally convinced my
parents to pull me out of it but a lot
of parents don’t see the signs that
their children give them when they don’t
like what they’re doing anyway as Thomas
said earlier I do play golf and as a
teenager I know the stress and the
pressure that your parents put on you to
do something well how I started was I
was walking through a mall with my dad
when I was about four years old
and I saw a photo on the wall of a
golfer called paula creamer and she was
wearing all pink and as a four-year-old
obviously I was attracted to the color
pink and the poster caught my eye when
my dad came back I asked him daddy can
girls play golf and he was so shocked
that I even knew what it was but I
didn’t watch it on TV and I had a
plastic play sat at home so I was pretty
knowledgeable anyway we talked about it
and we established that I wanted to play
the sport and we left that store we left
the store with a little pink golf set
about 50 centimetres tall that I still
have today I used to hit little
styrofoam golf balls around our backyard
and one day my dad and his friends saw
me hitting them and decided I had some
potential and from then on I started
going to training when I first started
training I was put in a group with only
boys
and I was really disappointed about that
at first but it didn’t take me that long
to catch the basics and soon enough I
was just as good as all of them the
first experience I ever had at winning
something was in that first year of
training we played a friendly
competition as little group of four
people and I came off smiling and happy
a little five-year-old and I was told by
two seven or eight year old boys that
were crying and they ran to their mommy
mom the girl beat us that’s not fair
that’s not fair she cheated and I know
it was a long time ago but I still
remember how proud I was at that very
moment the first real tournament I ever
played was when I was about seven and I
showed up with my parents dressed
head-to-toe in a blue tracksuit that
looked really ridiculous my nails were
bitten down to stubs because I was so
nervous and I’m pretty sure I almost
peed myself multiple times before I even
started all my parents did that day was
encourage me to make friends and even
though I did terribly I had fun and that
was all that really mattered after about
a year of playing competitive golf I
started to mentally toughen up and soon
enough I started to win my name began to
creep to the top of leaderboards my
expectations of myself grew as I got
older and so did my parents expectations
with me when I was about 10 I finally
got a spot on the Hong Kong golf team
and that was when I really started to
feel the pressure I would practice a lot
and I barely had any friends at that
point when I was about 12 I started to
become more social I wanted to spend
more time with my friends less time on
my schoolwork and less time on my sport
and the more I wanted to go out and be
social the harsher my parents were when
they told me that I couldn’t because I’d
be wasting my talent they began to push
me into practicing when I’ll admit I
really didn’t want to and I very often
had the mindset that I’d rather be out
with my friends and playing golf that
day I would begin to go to tournaments
and competitions feeling sick because I
was so scared of disappointing my
parents not myself I was scared of
disappointing my parents and that was
the problem I didn’t feel like I wanted
to win anymore
and since my practice wasn’t as intense
I wanted it to be I didn’t have the
confidence that I would be able to
either this is a problem that a lot of
children make these days they’re too
scared of their parents and what they
think of them that they don’t try their
best at things that they should
ironically now that I look back on it I
know that my parents were the only
reason I didn’t give up in those tough
years so they were part of my problem at
the time it was only because I was too
scared to actually make my own goals and
go out and achieve them if they hadn’t
been with me every step of the way when
I wanted to quit I would never have been
standing up here right now
and I never would have realized that I
really was playing the sport for myself
they had to convince me every day that
there was no point playing a sport or
doing anything if you’re not doing it
for yourself and I finally agreed with
them after I realized that I had to play
for myself I started to improve a little
bit but I still wasn’t good enough to
win again because I’m still pressured by
them I believe that everyone no matter
who you are goes through a breakthrough
moment be it for a sport or if you’re
realizing that you shouldn’t lie to your
parent everyone goes through one and I
went through mine last summer I went on
a trip with a group of children around
my age that I’ll play golf competitively
to America and we were visiting colleges
around the west coast during that trip
we only played one golf tournament and I
had the independence that I needed from
my parents in the floor at that point
however I didn’t even make the cut at
that tournament I did really bad and
that night after the game I’ve
devastated I cried my eyes out in the
hotel room being so annoyed and so
embarrassed about how I played and not
even having my parents there convinced
me that I was playing the school the
sport for myself and after that I made a
promise that I would never feel that
embarrassed ever again as long as I was
playing sport when I got back to Hong
Kong the first thing that I told my
parents was I want more independence in
the sport and they said ok that’s fine
they were allowed to give me their input
and their feet but it didn’t necessarily
mean that I was ever gonna listen as
soon as I got back I also got invited to
the Hong Kong jr. open which is a pretty
big tournament in Hong Kong in the
lead-up to that tournament I practiced
so hard that the calluses on my hands
began to split open and I didn’t do it
because anyone told me to I did it
because I wanted to prove to myself that
I had the abilities and the confidence
to win no I don’t know if you all know
how golf works so I’m gonna give you a
quick rundown it’s a game of who can
shoot the lowest basically each golf
course has a par and par is the amount
of shots that it should take you to get
the ball into the hole in 18 holes of
clear water Bay Golf Course which is
where the tournament was the par 17
which means that if you’re a really good
player you should be able to add up your
entire 18 hole score of golf shots to 17
anyway I went out on the first day of
that tournament pretty confident myself
and I played well I go to 74 wasn’t the
best so after my four hour around the
goal I have went to my dad and said I
wanted to practice so for two hours
after I was done with that round of golf
I spent a long time hitting ball after
ball after ball trying to rebuild the
confidence that I walked in there with
that morning that night when I went home
I was fourth out of maybe 20 people the
next day I was convinced that I would do
better than the left and I finished that
day with a 69 having a 69 1-under 70
jump me to the lead and I was leading by
three shots for that tournament the next
day I was so nervous and I knew the
competition was good and that all I had
to do was beat the person in second
place I was so scared but I just sat on
that fear and I played well anyway and
for the 72 the same as the girl in
second place which meant that I won I
didn’t even realize I’d won until people
started coming up to me shaking my head
and saying no congratulations you played
really well and in that moment I felt
the exhilaration that I’d been missing
for so so long anyway overall I think
that as a teenager and as a child you
should be able to experiment with
hobbies and with your life in general so
that you’re actually able to find
your true passion once that passion is
found however there needs to be general
support behind it an example of this is
my parents who are over there if they
just let me give up in those years that
I was playing terrible golf I would
never have been up here right now and I
never would have realized that I really
loved the sport
imagine if you have a friend that was
really really good at something would
you let them quit good you should never
never let them quit if they’re good at
something everyone goes through a point
where they want to quit or give up at
something that they’re good at but they
should never because it’s a waste of
their time it’s a waste of their passion
basically you should never force someone
to sing a song that they don’t know the
words to should never stop someone from
singing a song that they do like and you
should just please convince them to find
a song that they want to sing thank you [Applause]