[Applause]
it was a main summer day and I spent it
wandering the humid aisles of the
Brunswick indoor flea market with my
camera in hand I search for interesting
objects and subjects to capture hoping
to strike Instagram gold seeing nothing
that was worth paying attention to
I decided to move along and just as I
was about to pick up my pace I heard a
voice ask what are you taking pictures
of I turned toward the voice to see two
white men and their seventy’s perched in
a cluttered booth filled with old
fishing equipment and boxes of papers
let’s call them Jim and Ray just stuff I
see I said they welcomed me into their
space and there we were we talked about
Maine and how traditional industries are
changing and that’s when Jim said it’s
the computers they’re taking our jobs
Trump’s gonna bring them back so
no he’s not I yelled in my head as much
as I wanted to correct Jim over a year
ago I decided I would engage in a new
practice and no it wasn’t the latest
yoga trend it’s radical listening
radical listening is the practice of
intentionally quieting your internal
voice in judgments thereby offering your
full mental space to the speaker this
practice allows me to ask more informed
questions receive well-thought-out
answers and enable worthwhile
conversations sometimes and think about
it whether it was last year’s election
or the last conversation with your
partner about their socks becoming an
art installation on your apartment floor
we are terrible at listening to people
we disagree with it’s a defense
mechanism an element of our brain that’s
been evolving over millions of years to
protect us when we feel most vulnerable
and/or at risk of being wrong however I
believe that being listened to and
understood are ways in which we affirm
each other’s existence and when people
feel that they are left out or ignored
we experience doubt and extremism in our
society our communities our politics and
our relationships now I think we’ve
forgotten that every conversation
doesn’t have to end with someone joining
your side we don’t all need to be on the
same team here and even more I’m not
sure we taught or maybe we forgot along
the way how to disagree respectfully
radical listening is not easy or simple
at all it’s a constant practice and
reminder to self to suspend what I
presume to know about someone and their
experience in our shared society back in
the booth at the
we market I practiced I reminded I
listened and I also struggled a lot when
Ray said that Hillary Clinton was the
Antichrist I really struggled with that
and in that moment I reminded and I
practiced and I listened and it wasn’t
the easiest conversation that I’ve ever
had but we were there sticking to it
then as in today radical listening is
necessary work that doesn’t necessarily
get easier ask anyone who knows me I
have a very hard time not correcting
people when they’re wrong I mean really
hard however what I know won’t always
change someone’s mind beliefs and
opinions and if I approach every
conversation with the intent to
proselytize I’m gonna burn out so if I
can shift my approach rethink my
expectations and preserve some of my
energy perhaps I can engage in
conversations that end with more empathy
compassion and understanding perhaps
even I can model this practice for
someone who’s hesitant and that’s
because radical listening is a necessary
step to effecting change in order to
change our society I need to know how
someone on the other side things to have
a successful relationship I need to try
to understand my partner to have a
successful society I need to try to
understand those two men at the flea
market and they need to try to
understand me too
it goes both ways
back in the booth at the flea market our
conversation was winding down I had my
camera in hand and I was ready to move
along they thanked me for listening told
me to read breitbart and Ray went on to
say that he believed America to be a
country of laws you know when scooby-doo
goes rut Rome that was me when I
practiced and reminded and listened ray
went on to say that those laws extend
even to law enforcement that use
excessive and deadly force against black
people instead of protecting and serving
them Wow I thought a moment I didn’t
expect and that’s what happens when we
listen radically we have the opportunity
to listen to and learn from people even
those that seem so different from us and
it’s in that listening that we begin the
process of radical change and even more
what this practice has taught me and I
hope will teach you is how to become
more comfortable
being uncomfortable thank you
[Applause]
it was a main summer day and I spent it
wandering the humid aisles of the
Brunswick indoor flea market with my
camera in hand I search for interesting
objects and subjects to capture hoping
to strike Instagram gold seeing nothing
that was worth paying attention to
I decided to move along and just as I
was about to pick up my pace I heard a
voice ask what are you taking pictures
of I turned toward the voice to see two
white men and their seventy’s perched in
a cluttered booth filled with old
fishing equipment and boxes of papers
let’s call them Jim and Ray just stuff I
see I said they welcomed me into their
space and there we were we talked about
Maine and how traditional industries are
changing and that’s when Jim said it’s
the computers they’re taking our jobs
Trump’s gonna bring them back so
no he’s not I yelled in my head as much
as I wanted to correct Jim over a year
ago I decided I would engage in a new
practice and no it wasn’t the latest
yoga trend it’s radical listening
radical listening is the practice of
intentionally quieting your internal
voice in judgments thereby offering your
full mental space to the speaker this
practice allows me to ask more informed
questions receive well-thought-out
answers and enable worthwhile
conversations sometimes and think about
it whether it was last year’s election
or the last conversation with your
partner about their socks becoming an
art installation on your apartment floor
we are terrible at listening to people
we disagree with it’s a defense
mechanism an element of our brain that’s
been evolving over millions of years to
protect us when we feel most vulnerable
and/or at risk of being wrong however I
believe that being listened to and
understood are ways in which we affirm
each other’s existence and when people
feel that they are left out or ignored
we experience doubt and extremism in our
society our communities our politics and
our relationships now I think we’ve
forgotten that every conversation
doesn’t have to end with someone joining
your side we don’t all need to be on the
same team here and even more I’m not
sure we taught or maybe we forgot along
the way how to disagree respectfully
radical listening is not easy or simple
at all it’s a constant practice and
reminder to self to suspend what I
presume to know about someone and their
experience in our shared society back in
the booth at the
we market I practiced I reminded I
listened and I also struggled a lot when
Ray said that Hillary Clinton was the
Antichrist I really struggled with that
and in that moment I reminded and I
practiced and I listened and it wasn’t
the easiest conversation that I’ve ever
had but we were there sticking to it
then as in today radical listening is
necessary work that doesn’t necessarily
get easier ask anyone who knows me I
have a very hard time not correcting
people when they’re wrong I mean really
hard however what I know won’t always
change someone’s mind beliefs and
opinions and if I approach every
conversation with the intent to
proselytize I’m gonna burn out so if I
can shift my approach rethink my
expectations and preserve some of my
energy perhaps I can engage in
conversations that end with more empathy
compassion and understanding perhaps
even I can model this practice for
someone who’s hesitant and that’s
because radical listening is a necessary
step to effecting change in order to
change our society I need to know how
someone on the other side things to have
a successful relationship I need to try
to understand my partner to have a
successful society I need to try to
understand those two men at the flea
market and they need to try to
understand me too
it goes both ways
back in the booth at the flea market our
conversation was winding down I had my
camera in hand and I was ready to move
along they thanked me for listening told
me to read breitbart and Ray went on to
say that he believed America to be a
country of laws you know when scooby-doo
goes rut Rome that was me when I
practiced and reminded and listened ray
went on to say that those laws extend
even to law enforcement that use
excessive and deadly force against black
people instead of protecting and serving
them Wow I thought a moment I didn’t
expect and that’s what happens when we
listen radically we have the opportunity
to listen to and learn from people even
those that seem so different from us and
it’s in that listening that we begin the
process of radical change and even more
what this practice has taught me and I
hope will teach you is how to become
more comfortable
being uncomfortable thank you
[Applause]
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