my name is Charlie and I would like to
say that I’m a professional norm breaker
this wasn’t something that I chose to
become it’s simply seen all my life that
who I was and what I wanted to do was
never within society’s framework of what
was deemed acceptable and for me this
became the most clear when I as a
teenager came out as transgender but
before we dive into that I think just so
we’re on the same page I’ll define what
I mean when I say norms okay so a norm
is a social rule that gives you clues on
how to act within a given situation and
norms like that they make sense they
tell us that that crazy story of what
happened last week at the bar that’s not
something you tell your new coworker
when you meet your boss you go in for a
handshake not a kiss and when you give a
TED talk you wear your nice jeans
without the rips and tears in them these
aren’t rules you’ll find written down
anywhere norms are usually unspoken and
you find them you sort of don’t fully
realize them until you accidentally
break them and then given what how the
people around you react you realize okay
how am I supposed to be so norms are
sort of like the white lines on the
soccer field they show us the playroom
that we have on what is acceptable
behavior but when these norms then come
the question okay here are the lines
what happens if I am to cross them what
if I don’t play along by the rules what
are the consequences of being a norm
breaker now when I was 16 I was having
some major issues with myself and those
issues came from me like everyone else
being brought up in accordance to some
of society’s strongest norms some that
ourselves integrated into us our entire
lives that we seldom even seem to
realize that they’re there the gender
norms that we have now if I were to ask
you how many genders are there the most
common answer would be two right there
are boys and
girls all right but then how do you know
if someone’s a boy or a girl well that’s
easy you look at them and you know and
this was what I was taught when I was
born the doctors looked at me and they
said to my parents congratulations we
looked at your child we look between the
between their legs and you have a girl
good for you now take her home and and
that was really the beginning of it
because our gender isn’t only determined
by our genitalia we are brought up since
birth we are groomed into behaving in
different ways the same action can have
very different reactions for instance if
a young boy at the playground was to
push a girl around and pull her hair and
call her mean things a surprising amount
of parents seemed willing to forgive
this because he likes her when I was six
I got into a lot of fight with my fights
with my male classmates and one time I
punched the boy in the face my parents
were not pleased me saying that I liked
him did not help my case I was behaving
the same way the boys were but since
that since I had been told that I was a
girl my react my action got a very
different reaction and it kept on going
like this I was told I was groomed I was
told that my actions I couldn’t act the
way the boys were coz I was not a boy I
was a girl I should learn how to act
like one so when I at age 16 realized
that I in fact was not a girl I was
terrified I already knew the
consequences of being a norm breaker
when I was younger all the other
children would always be very social
they would play soccer together and they
would have playdates and they would have
sleepovers and I like to sit in solitude
with my books and read that was what I
wanted to do and when we buy the time we
turned 11 the other kids had decided
that that social exclusion was no longer
enough because I didn’t seem to react to
it I wasn’t really bothered by never
being invited and always being picked
laughs of sports now at age 11
to be actively punished for daring to be
different so some boys took to throwing
rocks at me at school so I would realize
that I couldn’t behave differently that
was not to be tolerated
I got bullying simply for acting
different if I were to come out as
transgender come out as being
fundamentally different what would the
repercussions be how would people react
I would have to put myself on the line
every time I would have to come out as
being different I would make other
people uncomfortable
I would maybe put myself in harm’s way
the statistics of assault and homicide
against transgenders were not in my
favor so at age 16 realizing I was
transgender I took a page from the book
of Mormon musical and I turned it off I
repressed the problem I told myself
wasn’t that I was transgender it was
that I simply hadn’t been feminine
enough and if I committed myself to
making myself the girliest girl the
world had ever seen I would be fine so
that’s what I did I took to standing
with my toes and knees together I put my
hands together
I would tilt my head and I would giggle
and smile I’d have long eyelashes and
sin lots of makeup I’d have long curly
hair I were the prettiest dresses with
the poofy skirts and I was just the
prettiest little thing at age 17 after
having lived through one of the worst
years of my life I realized that I had
come to a crossroads the time had come
for me to make a decision of who I
wanted to be and how I wanted to live my
life the way I saw it now the norms were
sort of like the toy you have on your
young child you know with the holes and
the shape that you have to put through
them the way I saw it being a woman and
being feminine was a round hole and I
was a square shape I could push myself
through the hole I know I could I’ve
been brought up as a girl I knew how
they were supposed to act I knew what
they were supposed to look like but
pushing myself through that hole would
mean carving my edge
off huge chunks of me would have to
disappear I would have to completely
eradicate parts of who I was simply to
fit into society’s idea of being a girl
or I could do something much more
difficult I could pick up a figurative
saw and I couldn’t make my own hole and
that would be a much bigger challenge in
many ways I would have to constantly
challenge the norms of how genders are
and what they’re supposed to act like I
would have to go into every new
situation coming out of the closet again
and again and again I would make a lot
of people feel uncomfortable I would
make a lot of people feel awkward I
would be misunderstood and I would feel
so so strange but I would do all of this
as me I would have a chance to fully be
myself and live my life the way I wanted
to and call me selfish but at the age of
17 I wasn’t ready to destroy my own
personality in order to please everyone
else in the room so I picked up my
proverbial saw and I came out as a
non-binary transgender when I tell
people that I’m non-binary the most
common response I get is what this isn’t
something that we’ve been taught even
exists we’ve been taught that there’s a
boy and there’s girl and that’s a I’ve
been told that you’re just confused
Charlie there are only two genders
Charlie my doctors disagreed by that
with that by the way both my surgeons
and my psychologists so you know
medicine is on my side in this case
making that clear but society still has
this very strong idea of boys and girls
and how they should act and how they
should behave so when I tell people that
I’m non-binary they can’t wrap their
head around the concept this doesn’t fit
in with their worldview and since I
don’t look like a girl this is I don’t
look like a boy
they say okay okay Charlie’s a girl a
strange girl but a girl nonetheless
which means that when I don’t act as a
girl things get very strange because
when I came out I said all right I will
stop following gender norms just because
I’ve been taught I’m supposed to I will
act polite because that’s good but if I
think the male way of doing it looks
more fun I will do it that way
I will be Who I am I will not follow the
female norms because that makes everyone
else down more please I will be me for
me I will not be anyone else for anyone
else so that’s what I did
I looked at my brothers and the way they
talked about themselves and I would
mimic Don
I stopped downplaying myself constantly
and instead I raised myself up to the
skies yes I am the best
yes you are in fact lucky that I am here
tonight you better hold on to your hat
because I’m about to blow your minds I
stopped laughing at jokes that made me
uncomfortable because it would keep the
conversation light if someone told me a
story where the punchline was a racist
joke I stopped giggling uncomfortably
behind my hand instead I would take a
step forward cross my arms raise my chin
and say why should I laugh at your
prejudice ‘im if I was in a conversation
with someone who just kept on talking
about themselves in a sort of way to
lift their own ego I wouldn’t keep on
asking questions because that was the
polite thing to do my goal of a
conversation conversation shifted from
being keep it going to keep it equal if
I give you my attention I also have the
right to take your attention a
conversation is supposed to be with
someone not at someone and and this this
has caused friction because people don’t
understand they what I am doing is still
considered polite but it’s not
considered polite for a girl
to do so when I do it I am called I’m
called a bitch quite often I’ve been
told that I was not raced right because
this questioning of gender norms it
comes in so late into our lives that
once it happens it’s usually too late
for us to fully grasp it I’m a climbing
instructor for twelve years old okay and
when I a few weeks ago mention something
about transgender issues they looked at
me with blank faces and said what does
that mean at age twelve how many years
of media have we already been exposed to
how many books have we read how many
movies have we watched how many
interactions have we had with other
people and they had never even heard of
a transgender person and what that meant
if we are from birth until age 18
brought up to think there are boys and
girls and they are different and they
act different and then at age 18 world
told or you know whatever you can be
whichever you want or something else
that’s cool I guess then what does that
really what does that really mean people
won’t understand that you can’t wrap
your head around an entirely new concept
when you’ve been told something else in
its birth and I think that this became
really clear in a particular situation
here at this school okay so I when I
started here I was already out and open
as non-binary and for me being
non-binary means that my gender identity
is not on the male/female spectrum I am
completely devoid of gender I’m totally
androgynous I have moved beyond it so
I’m not male I’m not female I’m just
nothing and I told my friends this and
they said that they understood but when
I and I was also elected as one of the
school ambassadors and so and so were my
friends and those friends said that they
understood what I meant when I said that
I was non-binary but when the school was
going to have an all
girls inspirational evening there was
still four of them who asked if I was
going to be there
they didn’t even seem to understand how
hurtful that question was how it made my
throat tighten and my eyes prickle since
I was 16 I’ve had the issue that people
refuse to stop seeing me as a female and
you asked if I’m gonna be an all-girls
event that very question is offensive I
am NOT a girl I do not belong at an
all-girls event I have as little
business there as the next male
ambassador I am NOT a girl stop treating
me as one and I think it’s important
that we as a society look at these norms
and bring them up to question and really
evaluate what they do to us I’m not
saying we need to get rid of them I’m
not advocating a completely genderless
society where everyone looks and acts
the same because not everyone is the
same but we need a society where you can
be different and that is okay a young
girl should be allowed to talk about
herself and her interests let her finish
she probably has a great point to make
if a boy wants to take the backseat of a
conversation and only ask questions
fantastic
maybe his idea of sharing is by learning
and listening rather than being the one
who always talks if a child goes up to
their parent and says I want to use only
gender-neutral pronouns and also cut my
hair and also wear a dress
splendid let them give people freedom to
be themselves and express themselves the
way they want be open to people breaking
the norms teach them from a young age
that that’s okay the norms are they’re
constructed by us we have the power to
change them and the end of the world
won’t happen if we break them the line
is here I can simply cross it there was
no lightning the world kept on turning
because by being open to people being
different we can really start
understanding a different Ness by being
open with being open comes understanding
and with understanding comes acceptance
and in that way maybe the next time I
tell someone hi I’m Charlie nice to meet
you I’m non-binary their response won’t
be half a race eyebrow and uh right okay
maybe the response will simply be oh
cool I haven’t met one before could you
please tell me more because I want to
learn and I want to understand thank you
[Applause]
say that I’m a professional norm breaker
this wasn’t something that I chose to
become it’s simply seen all my life that
who I was and what I wanted to do was
never within society’s framework of what
was deemed acceptable and for me this
became the most clear when I as a
teenager came out as transgender but
before we dive into that I think just so
we’re on the same page I’ll define what
I mean when I say norms okay so a norm
is a social rule that gives you clues on
how to act within a given situation and
norms like that they make sense they
tell us that that crazy story of what
happened last week at the bar that’s not
something you tell your new coworker
when you meet your boss you go in for a
handshake not a kiss and when you give a
TED talk you wear your nice jeans
without the rips and tears in them these
aren’t rules you’ll find written down
anywhere norms are usually unspoken and
you find them you sort of don’t fully
realize them until you accidentally
break them and then given what how the
people around you react you realize okay
how am I supposed to be so norms are
sort of like the white lines on the
soccer field they show us the playroom
that we have on what is acceptable
behavior but when these norms then come
the question okay here are the lines
what happens if I am to cross them what
if I don’t play along by the rules what
are the consequences of being a norm
breaker now when I was 16 I was having
some major issues with myself and those
issues came from me like everyone else
being brought up in accordance to some
of society’s strongest norms some that
ourselves integrated into us our entire
lives that we seldom even seem to
realize that they’re there the gender
norms that we have now if I were to ask
you how many genders are there the most
common answer would be two right there
are boys and
girls all right but then how do you know
if someone’s a boy or a girl well that’s
easy you look at them and you know and
this was what I was taught when I was
born the doctors looked at me and they
said to my parents congratulations we
looked at your child we look between the
between their legs and you have a girl
good for you now take her home and and
that was really the beginning of it
because our gender isn’t only determined
by our genitalia we are brought up since
birth we are groomed into behaving in
different ways the same action can have
very different reactions for instance if
a young boy at the playground was to
push a girl around and pull her hair and
call her mean things a surprising amount
of parents seemed willing to forgive
this because he likes her when I was six
I got into a lot of fight with my fights
with my male classmates and one time I
punched the boy in the face my parents
were not pleased me saying that I liked
him did not help my case I was behaving
the same way the boys were but since
that since I had been told that I was a
girl my react my action got a very
different reaction and it kept on going
like this I was told I was groomed I was
told that my actions I couldn’t act the
way the boys were coz I was not a boy I
was a girl I should learn how to act
like one so when I at age 16 realized
that I in fact was not a girl I was
terrified I already knew the
consequences of being a norm breaker
when I was younger all the other
children would always be very social
they would play soccer together and they
would have playdates and they would have
sleepovers and I like to sit in solitude
with my books and read that was what I
wanted to do and when we buy the time we
turned 11 the other kids had decided
that that social exclusion was no longer
enough because I didn’t seem to react to
it I wasn’t really bothered by never
being invited and always being picked
laughs of sports now at age 11
to be actively punished for daring to be
different so some boys took to throwing
rocks at me at school so I would realize
that I couldn’t behave differently that
was not to be tolerated
I got bullying simply for acting
different if I were to come out as
transgender come out as being
fundamentally different what would the
repercussions be how would people react
I would have to put myself on the line
every time I would have to come out as
being different I would make other
people uncomfortable
I would maybe put myself in harm’s way
the statistics of assault and homicide
against transgenders were not in my
favor so at age 16 realizing I was
transgender I took a page from the book
of Mormon musical and I turned it off I
repressed the problem I told myself
wasn’t that I was transgender it was
that I simply hadn’t been feminine
enough and if I committed myself to
making myself the girliest girl the
world had ever seen I would be fine so
that’s what I did I took to standing
with my toes and knees together I put my
hands together
I would tilt my head and I would giggle
and smile I’d have long eyelashes and
sin lots of makeup I’d have long curly
hair I were the prettiest dresses with
the poofy skirts and I was just the
prettiest little thing at age 17 after
having lived through one of the worst
years of my life I realized that I had
come to a crossroads the time had come
for me to make a decision of who I
wanted to be and how I wanted to live my
life the way I saw it now the norms were
sort of like the toy you have on your
young child you know with the holes and
the shape that you have to put through
them the way I saw it being a woman and
being feminine was a round hole and I
was a square shape I could push myself
through the hole I know I could I’ve
been brought up as a girl I knew how
they were supposed to act I knew what
they were supposed to look like but
pushing myself through that hole would
mean carving my edge
off huge chunks of me would have to
disappear I would have to completely
eradicate parts of who I was simply to
fit into society’s idea of being a girl
or I could do something much more
difficult I could pick up a figurative
saw and I couldn’t make my own hole and
that would be a much bigger challenge in
many ways I would have to constantly
challenge the norms of how genders are
and what they’re supposed to act like I
would have to go into every new
situation coming out of the closet again
and again and again I would make a lot
of people feel uncomfortable I would
make a lot of people feel awkward I
would be misunderstood and I would feel
so so strange but I would do all of this
as me I would have a chance to fully be
myself and live my life the way I wanted
to and call me selfish but at the age of
17 I wasn’t ready to destroy my own
personality in order to please everyone
else in the room so I picked up my
proverbial saw and I came out as a
non-binary transgender when I tell
people that I’m non-binary the most
common response I get is what this isn’t
something that we’ve been taught even
exists we’ve been taught that there’s a
boy and there’s girl and that’s a I’ve
been told that you’re just confused
Charlie there are only two genders
Charlie my doctors disagreed by that
with that by the way both my surgeons
and my psychologists so you know
medicine is on my side in this case
making that clear but society still has
this very strong idea of boys and girls
and how they should act and how they
should behave so when I tell people that
I’m non-binary they can’t wrap their
head around the concept this doesn’t fit
in with their worldview and since I
don’t look like a girl this is I don’t
look like a boy
they say okay okay Charlie’s a girl a
strange girl but a girl nonetheless
which means that when I don’t act as a
girl things get very strange because
when I came out I said all right I will
stop following gender norms just because
I’ve been taught I’m supposed to I will
act polite because that’s good but if I
think the male way of doing it looks
more fun I will do it that way
I will be Who I am I will not follow the
female norms because that makes everyone
else down more please I will be me for
me I will not be anyone else for anyone
else so that’s what I did
I looked at my brothers and the way they
talked about themselves and I would
mimic Don
I stopped downplaying myself constantly
and instead I raised myself up to the
skies yes I am the best
yes you are in fact lucky that I am here
tonight you better hold on to your hat
because I’m about to blow your minds I
stopped laughing at jokes that made me
uncomfortable because it would keep the
conversation light if someone told me a
story where the punchline was a racist
joke I stopped giggling uncomfortably
behind my hand instead I would take a
step forward cross my arms raise my chin
and say why should I laugh at your
prejudice ‘im if I was in a conversation
with someone who just kept on talking
about themselves in a sort of way to
lift their own ego I wouldn’t keep on
asking questions because that was the
polite thing to do my goal of a
conversation conversation shifted from
being keep it going to keep it equal if
I give you my attention I also have the
right to take your attention a
conversation is supposed to be with
someone not at someone and and this this
has caused friction because people don’t
understand they what I am doing is still
considered polite but it’s not
considered polite for a girl
to do so when I do it I am called I’m
called a bitch quite often I’ve been
told that I was not raced right because
this questioning of gender norms it
comes in so late into our lives that
once it happens it’s usually too late
for us to fully grasp it I’m a climbing
instructor for twelve years old okay and
when I a few weeks ago mention something
about transgender issues they looked at
me with blank faces and said what does
that mean at age twelve how many years
of media have we already been exposed to
how many books have we read how many
movies have we watched how many
interactions have we had with other
people and they had never even heard of
a transgender person and what that meant
if we are from birth until age 18
brought up to think there are boys and
girls and they are different and they
act different and then at age 18 world
told or you know whatever you can be
whichever you want or something else
that’s cool I guess then what does that
really what does that really mean people
won’t understand that you can’t wrap
your head around an entirely new concept
when you’ve been told something else in
its birth and I think that this became
really clear in a particular situation
here at this school okay so I when I
started here I was already out and open
as non-binary and for me being
non-binary means that my gender identity
is not on the male/female spectrum I am
completely devoid of gender I’m totally
androgynous I have moved beyond it so
I’m not male I’m not female I’m just
nothing and I told my friends this and
they said that they understood but when
I and I was also elected as one of the
school ambassadors and so and so were my
friends and those friends said that they
understood what I meant when I said that
I was non-binary but when the school was
going to have an all
girls inspirational evening there was
still four of them who asked if I was
going to be there
they didn’t even seem to understand how
hurtful that question was how it made my
throat tighten and my eyes prickle since
I was 16 I’ve had the issue that people
refuse to stop seeing me as a female and
you asked if I’m gonna be an all-girls
event that very question is offensive I
am NOT a girl I do not belong at an
all-girls event I have as little
business there as the next male
ambassador I am NOT a girl stop treating
me as one and I think it’s important
that we as a society look at these norms
and bring them up to question and really
evaluate what they do to us I’m not
saying we need to get rid of them I’m
not advocating a completely genderless
society where everyone looks and acts
the same because not everyone is the
same but we need a society where you can
be different and that is okay a young
girl should be allowed to talk about
herself and her interests let her finish
she probably has a great point to make
if a boy wants to take the backseat of a
conversation and only ask questions
fantastic
maybe his idea of sharing is by learning
and listening rather than being the one
who always talks if a child goes up to
their parent and says I want to use only
gender-neutral pronouns and also cut my
hair and also wear a dress
splendid let them give people freedom to
be themselves and express themselves the
way they want be open to people breaking
the norms teach them from a young age
that that’s okay the norms are they’re
constructed by us we have the power to
change them and the end of the world
won’t happen if we break them the line
is here I can simply cross it there was
no lightning the world kept on turning
because by being open to people being
different we can really start
understanding a different Ness by being
open with being open comes understanding
and with understanding comes acceptance
and in that way maybe the next time I
tell someone hi I’m Charlie nice to meet
you I’m non-binary their response won’t
be half a race eyebrow and uh right okay
maybe the response will simply be oh
cool I haven’t met one before could you
please tell me more because I want to
learn and I want to understand thank you
[Applause]
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