good afternoon if this presentation goes
well my name is Sarah Guerra and I’m a
suicide prevention specialist with
Riverside trauma center
if this presentation goes badly my name
is Betty I’m here today to talk to you
about the three lives that I believe
adults tell kids and why we shouldn’t
believe them as a suicide prevention
specialist I spend a tremendous amount
of time listening to people talk about
their lives the things that they face
and how they understand the world around
them I’ve had the great fortune of
working with many many young people and
also a lot of adults and much to my
surprise that turned out that young
people and adults view the world very
differently some of you may already be
aware of this and I’ve heard over and
over people talk about how they think of
young people as being naive and
hopefully optimistic about things but I
started to wonder what if the kids are
actually right what if the way that they
see things is actually true of course
the first question I had in my mind is
how could it be possible that so many
adults are wrong and then I thought
about the reality that many adults
believe that the earth is flat still
many adults believe that the earth is
flat and then I started to ask how would
it happen that so many adults could come
to believe something that’s not true
and the more that I thought about it I
thought about certain narratives that we
teach to young people and the
impressions that they can have from
those and so the first lie that I
believe we tell kids is that they’re too
sensitive of course there’s many
different definitions for the word
sensitive and the one we think of most
often is responding to something
emotionally or being too easily impacted
but I can’t help but wonder who gets to
define what it means to be too easily
impacted by something is it a young
person who defines that or is it an
adult and the reality is when I think
about the things that hurt young people
it all makes sense to me those things
are hurtful if it’s being picked on at
school or it’s having people not want to
be around you those things are hurtful
and I understand adults often feel that
we need to help our case
to be prepared to deal with the
difficulties life will hand them and so
we’re trying to help them grow a thicker
skin but I’m afraid that sometimes what
we’re actually doing is hurting their
skin and I think it’s important to think
about the difference little tidbit you
may not know many years ago a man named
Winston Churchill I’m assuming people
are familiar with him he came to the
United States and he said I’m really
concerned about what’s happening in
Germany I think that something’s wrong
and yet we didn’t listen to him
so another definition for the word
sensitive is to be able to pick up on
the slightest changes in a stimuli in my
mind Winston Churchill was able to pick
up on a change in a stimuli and he could
convert it he informed people that he
was seeing that and we didn’t listen to
it so I just wonder how the world might
be different if we thought of
sensitivity as being a strength instead
of thinking of it so often as being a
weakness for someone so the first lie is
that you’re too sensitive the second lie
is that life is not fair and the reality
is there are things that happen in our
lives that are not fair but I’d like to
differentiate between what is a natural
law and what is a human construct
so one story I’d like to share with you
is about a young man that I was very
fortunate to have in my life named Ramon
Ramon had been through many many
difficult things and he had actually
ended up living with my uncle my uncle
wanted to adopt him
but unfortunately my uncle was diagnosed
with cancer and that prevented him from
being able to take Ramon permanently
that was natural law it was unfair but
it was a natural law years later Ramon
continued to thrive he was very very
fortunate he was taken in by another
family and he found himself at Temple
University which was a really big deal
for him but when the headaches first
started he didn’t go to the doctor and
the reason he didn’t go to the doctor
was because he didn’t have health
insurance unfortunately by the time he
went to the doctor and in fact he went
to the emergency room the headaches were
so severe that he couldn’t tolerate the
pain anymore
and that’s when we learned that Ramon
had cancer in his brain I can’t promise
you
if that had been caught earlier it would
have saved him and in fact it’s unlikely
that it would have because of the type
of cancer he had but I can’t help but
believe that if it had been caught
sooner his days would have been longer
and they would have been better that
wasn’t just because of natural law it
was also a human construct which is our
health care system another story is a
young woman I had the honor of working
with she was a single mother due to a
terrible tragedy that had happened and
because of her situation she had no
choice but to be on financial aid
including low-income housing in food
stamps and she had been coming for a
long time the therapy wasn’t really
helping very much it turned out what she
needed was a job when she got her job
she started to feel proud of herself she
would come and she would tell me about
how great she was doing and how they
were talking about giving her more hours
and they were talking about asking her
to think about having a leadership role
and then one day she came in to see me
and I could tell by her face that
something was horribly wrong and I said
what happened
of course I’m imagining that something
terrible’s happened to one of her
children or a family member and she said
Sara I had to quit my job what why did
you have to quit your job and she said
because I had to report my income and
when I reported my income it was too
much and I lost the bulk of my help with
my housing and almost all of my food
stamps I literally can’t afford to work
this didn’t happen to this woman because
life is unfair this happened to this
woman because of a human construct that
is unfair it’s a system that’s supposed
to be there to help people work their
way out of poverty and yet all too often
it actually keeps them trapped in it and
so I believe that one of the things we
tell people that’s really very dangerous
as that life is unfair without
differentiating between whether it’s a
human construct or a natural law and the
third lie that I think that we tell
young people is don’t dream big be
realistic and I understand that we do
this because
don’t want our kids hearts to be broken
when they don’t reach a dream that we
think is unlikely to happen but what
I’ve learned in my life is that life
will teach those hard lessons all by
itself they don’t need us to be the
person to deliver the heartbreak they
think about the little boy who looks up
at his dad and says someday I want to go
to Harvard and his dad says well you
know son you have to have really good
grades to go to Harvard he’s gonna learn
that or the little girl who says you
know someday I want to grow up and be a
doctor somebody says you know you have
to have a lot of money and go to school
for a really long time they don’t mean
to smash smash her dreams but it is the
message that they’re giving I also think
about all of the things that have
happened in our country for the best
because somebody had the courage to
dream big I can’t help but think about
Rosa Parks
now maybe we would have still made that
progress if she hadn’t sat at the front
of the bus but I would argue that we’ll
never know and maybe we wouldn’t of we
still have a long way to go when it
comes to racial justice but I think
about how probably the most powerful
speech in American history was I have a
dream and yet so often unbeknownst to us
and unintentionally we say things that
discourage people from dreaming so I
would just sort of be aware of when we
do that to kids so what I’m asking you
to do is take these three different
ideas together to take the idea that
sensitivity is your strength that the
world could be fair or at least the
things that human beings construct and
that big dreams are our path forward and
ask ourselves what kind of world could
we have if we did that I often think
about one of my favorite songs by John
Lennon and he says you may think some
may think that I’m a dreamer but I’m not
the only one someday I hope you will
join us and I hope that you think this
is an idea worth sharing thank you you
well my name is Sarah Guerra and I’m a
suicide prevention specialist with
Riverside trauma center
if this presentation goes badly my name
is Betty I’m here today to talk to you
about the three lives that I believe
adults tell kids and why we shouldn’t
believe them as a suicide prevention
specialist I spend a tremendous amount
of time listening to people talk about
their lives the things that they face
and how they understand the world around
them I’ve had the great fortune of
working with many many young people and
also a lot of adults and much to my
surprise that turned out that young
people and adults view the world very
differently some of you may already be
aware of this and I’ve heard over and
over people talk about how they think of
young people as being naive and
hopefully optimistic about things but I
started to wonder what if the kids are
actually right what if the way that they
see things is actually true of course
the first question I had in my mind is
how could it be possible that so many
adults are wrong and then I thought
about the reality that many adults
believe that the earth is flat still
many adults believe that the earth is
flat and then I started to ask how would
it happen that so many adults could come
to believe something that’s not true
and the more that I thought about it I
thought about certain narratives that we
teach to young people and the
impressions that they can have from
those and so the first lie that I
believe we tell kids is that they’re too
sensitive of course there’s many
different definitions for the word
sensitive and the one we think of most
often is responding to something
emotionally or being too easily impacted
but I can’t help but wonder who gets to
define what it means to be too easily
impacted by something is it a young
person who defines that or is it an
adult and the reality is when I think
about the things that hurt young people
it all makes sense to me those things
are hurtful if it’s being picked on at
school or it’s having people not want to
be around you those things are hurtful
and I understand adults often feel that
we need to help our case
to be prepared to deal with the
difficulties life will hand them and so
we’re trying to help them grow a thicker
skin but I’m afraid that sometimes what
we’re actually doing is hurting their
skin and I think it’s important to think
about the difference little tidbit you
may not know many years ago a man named
Winston Churchill I’m assuming people
are familiar with him he came to the
United States and he said I’m really
concerned about what’s happening in
Germany I think that something’s wrong
and yet we didn’t listen to him
so another definition for the word
sensitive is to be able to pick up on
the slightest changes in a stimuli in my
mind Winston Churchill was able to pick
up on a change in a stimuli and he could
convert it he informed people that he
was seeing that and we didn’t listen to
it so I just wonder how the world might
be different if we thought of
sensitivity as being a strength instead
of thinking of it so often as being a
weakness for someone so the first lie is
that you’re too sensitive the second lie
is that life is not fair and the reality
is there are things that happen in our
lives that are not fair but I’d like to
differentiate between what is a natural
law and what is a human construct
so one story I’d like to share with you
is about a young man that I was very
fortunate to have in my life named Ramon
Ramon had been through many many
difficult things and he had actually
ended up living with my uncle my uncle
wanted to adopt him
but unfortunately my uncle was diagnosed
with cancer and that prevented him from
being able to take Ramon permanently
that was natural law it was unfair but
it was a natural law years later Ramon
continued to thrive he was very very
fortunate he was taken in by another
family and he found himself at Temple
University which was a really big deal
for him but when the headaches first
started he didn’t go to the doctor and
the reason he didn’t go to the doctor
was because he didn’t have health
insurance unfortunately by the time he
went to the doctor and in fact he went
to the emergency room the headaches were
so severe that he couldn’t tolerate the
pain anymore
and that’s when we learned that Ramon
had cancer in his brain I can’t promise
you
if that had been caught earlier it would
have saved him and in fact it’s unlikely
that it would have because of the type
of cancer he had but I can’t help but
believe that if it had been caught
sooner his days would have been longer
and they would have been better that
wasn’t just because of natural law it
was also a human construct which is our
health care system another story is a
young woman I had the honor of working
with she was a single mother due to a
terrible tragedy that had happened and
because of her situation she had no
choice but to be on financial aid
including low-income housing in food
stamps and she had been coming for a
long time the therapy wasn’t really
helping very much it turned out what she
needed was a job when she got her job
she started to feel proud of herself she
would come and she would tell me about
how great she was doing and how they
were talking about giving her more hours
and they were talking about asking her
to think about having a leadership role
and then one day she came in to see me
and I could tell by her face that
something was horribly wrong and I said
what happened
of course I’m imagining that something
terrible’s happened to one of her
children or a family member and she said
Sara I had to quit my job what why did
you have to quit your job and she said
because I had to report my income and
when I reported my income it was too
much and I lost the bulk of my help with
my housing and almost all of my food
stamps I literally can’t afford to work
this didn’t happen to this woman because
life is unfair this happened to this
woman because of a human construct that
is unfair it’s a system that’s supposed
to be there to help people work their
way out of poverty and yet all too often
it actually keeps them trapped in it and
so I believe that one of the things we
tell people that’s really very dangerous
as that life is unfair without
differentiating between whether it’s a
human construct or a natural law and the
third lie that I think that we tell
young people is don’t dream big be
realistic and I understand that we do
this because
don’t want our kids hearts to be broken
when they don’t reach a dream that we
think is unlikely to happen but what
I’ve learned in my life is that life
will teach those hard lessons all by
itself they don’t need us to be the
person to deliver the heartbreak they
think about the little boy who looks up
at his dad and says someday I want to go
to Harvard and his dad says well you
know son you have to have really good
grades to go to Harvard he’s gonna learn
that or the little girl who says you
know someday I want to grow up and be a
doctor somebody says you know you have
to have a lot of money and go to school
for a really long time they don’t mean
to smash smash her dreams but it is the
message that they’re giving I also think
about all of the things that have
happened in our country for the best
because somebody had the courage to
dream big I can’t help but think about
Rosa Parks
now maybe we would have still made that
progress if she hadn’t sat at the front
of the bus but I would argue that we’ll
never know and maybe we wouldn’t of we
still have a long way to go when it
comes to racial justice but I think
about how probably the most powerful
speech in American history was I have a
dream and yet so often unbeknownst to us
and unintentionally we say things that
discourage people from dreaming so I
would just sort of be aware of when we
do that to kids so what I’m asking you
to do is take these three different
ideas together to take the idea that
sensitivity is your strength that the
world could be fair or at least the
things that human beings construct and
that big dreams are our path forward and
ask ourselves what kind of world could
we have if we did that I often think
about one of my favorite songs by John
Lennon and he says you may think some
may think that I’m a dreamer but I’m not
the only one someday I hope you will
join us and I hope that you think this
is an idea worth sharing thank you you
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