[Music]
[Applause]
conflicts why is it that we avoid them
so much just by hearing the word
conflict sometimes we already feel
something bad why is it that we try to
avoid conflict so much if it’s
unavoidable
I never seen any human relationship that
didn’t face conflicts sooner or later
doesn’t matter if it’s a personal or a
professional relationship sooner or
later we will face conflicts in 2012 I
decided together with my wife and my two
kids and with a group of friends to
create an eco village in the south of
bahia brazil we were with a group of
people we trusted we found this amazing
piece of land in the riverbanks full of
fruit trees was paradise was a dream
coming true to live and work and share
our lives with people we trusted a
couple of months later a couple of weeks
we were sharing a communal kitchen and I
have to tell you I’m a vegetarian
and after a couple of weeks living
together with these amazing people
one day I open up my fridge the communal
fridge and there was a dead chicken
staring right back at me maybe for not a
vegetarian you can’t imagine how I feel
but for me having a free that animal
freezer is something really important
but for my friend a neighbor and partner
it is really important to eat a healthy
chicken that was just walking around us
a couple of hours ago so how can we
solve this conflict we solved that
conflict and many others that came later
and then after four years being together
in the second village one night were
very calm relaxing when suddenly four
guys wearing skis masks and holding guns
entered our space and threatened our
lives it’s a very different scale of
conflict compared to that chicken in the
fridge but it’s also conflict what does
this two conflicts have in common and
probably every conflict that there was
ever existed conflicts come from
unfulfilled needs I needed a fridge free
of that animals my neighbor needed a
healthy chicken to eat these four guys
that came robbing us they probably had
their needs denied their whole lives and
the only way they found to fulfill their
needs was resorting to violence so why
is it that we try to pretend conflicts
do not exist we say no no we’re all
friends here everything is great we
don’t have any conflicts or we try to
blame it on someone else and say this
guy is the problem he has to leave the
group we need to eliminate the conflict
but then we realize that we can’t
eliminate conflict so we try to minimize
it no no it’s just a small thing I can
swallow it
yeah but you can’t actually swallow it
and what we fail to realize is that
conflict in fact are an opportunity an
opportunity to connect with the people
around us it’s an opportunity to be more
creative to realize a different
perspective so how can we be prepared
for conflicts how can we plan for
conflicts in advance in my practice
I found four steps that helped us out
dealing with conflicts and even
preparing for them in advance and it
starts by writing down clear agreements
we have to be very honest talk about
what we need and write down clear
agreements to have a contract and then
when conflicts emerge there is a first
step of dealing with them which is
direct conversation I try to express my
feelings to explain my needs and I make
a request and I have to be prepared to
perhaps receive a no for an answer and I
also listened very deeply to what the
other person has to say to me as well
profound listening empathy remember
conflicts our opportunity for
connections for deepening our bonds not
always that works so we have a second
level we invite someone from our
community to mediate our conflict a
person with skills that can help us out
that is not directly involved in the
situation and that can listen to both
sides and support our conflict
resolution not always that works either
so
we can ask for an external arbitration
this is a legal entity that allows us to
solve conflicts and a much cheaper and
faster way than going to regular justice
and the arbitrary is gonna listen to
both sides not only according to the law
but also according to people’s feelings
so this is a buffer we have before
taking it to justice but if all that
fails then we have the police we have
the courts to solve the conflicts that
were not able to solve it before so how
was it that we managed to solve our
conflicts in our community in our
collective well the chicken part was
easy we talked I suppress my feelings my
friend expressed his feelings and we
decided to have a closed container for
chickens and that was great the robbery
was a bit harder we couldn’t sit with
the Sultans and try to reason with them
we went to the police but within a group
we were more resilient than ever our
bones were stronger than ever so I have
a final wish for you here today that we
all leave this room and consider
conflicts as a gift as an opportunity
wherever there are people there are
conflicts so why not be prepared for
them let’s include conflicts in our
plans
[Applause]
[Applause]
conflicts why is it that we avoid them
so much just by hearing the word
conflict sometimes we already feel
something bad why is it that we try to
avoid conflict so much if it’s
unavoidable
I never seen any human relationship that
didn’t face conflicts sooner or later
doesn’t matter if it’s a personal or a
professional relationship sooner or
later we will face conflicts in 2012 I
decided together with my wife and my two
kids and with a group of friends to
create an eco village in the south of
bahia brazil we were with a group of
people we trusted we found this amazing
piece of land in the riverbanks full of
fruit trees was paradise was a dream
coming true to live and work and share
our lives with people we trusted a
couple of months later a couple of weeks
we were sharing a communal kitchen and I
have to tell you I’m a vegetarian
and after a couple of weeks living
together with these amazing people
one day I open up my fridge the communal
fridge and there was a dead chicken
staring right back at me maybe for not a
vegetarian you can’t imagine how I feel
but for me having a free that animal
freezer is something really important
but for my friend a neighbor and partner
it is really important to eat a healthy
chicken that was just walking around us
a couple of hours ago so how can we
solve this conflict we solved that
conflict and many others that came later
and then after four years being together
in the second village one night were
very calm relaxing when suddenly four
guys wearing skis masks and holding guns
entered our space and threatened our
lives it’s a very different scale of
conflict compared to that chicken in the
fridge but it’s also conflict what does
this two conflicts have in common and
probably every conflict that there was
ever existed conflicts come from
unfulfilled needs I needed a fridge free
of that animals my neighbor needed a
healthy chicken to eat these four guys
that came robbing us they probably had
their needs denied their whole lives and
the only way they found to fulfill their
needs was resorting to violence so why
is it that we try to pretend conflicts
do not exist we say no no we’re all
friends here everything is great we
don’t have any conflicts or we try to
blame it on someone else and say this
guy is the problem he has to leave the
group we need to eliminate the conflict
but then we realize that we can’t
eliminate conflict so we try to minimize
it no no it’s just a small thing I can
swallow it
yeah but you can’t actually swallow it
and what we fail to realize is that
conflict in fact are an opportunity an
opportunity to connect with the people
around us it’s an opportunity to be more
creative to realize a different
perspective so how can we be prepared
for conflicts how can we plan for
conflicts in advance in my practice
I found four steps that helped us out
dealing with conflicts and even
preparing for them in advance and it
starts by writing down clear agreements
we have to be very honest talk about
what we need and write down clear
agreements to have a contract and then
when conflicts emerge there is a first
step of dealing with them which is
direct conversation I try to express my
feelings to explain my needs and I make
a request and I have to be prepared to
perhaps receive a no for an answer and I
also listened very deeply to what the
other person has to say to me as well
profound listening empathy remember
conflicts our opportunity for
connections for deepening our bonds not
always that works so we have a second
level we invite someone from our
community to mediate our conflict a
person with skills that can help us out
that is not directly involved in the
situation and that can listen to both
sides and support our conflict
resolution not always that works either
so
we can ask for an external arbitration
this is a legal entity that allows us to
solve conflicts and a much cheaper and
faster way than going to regular justice
and the arbitrary is gonna listen to
both sides not only according to the law
but also according to people’s feelings
so this is a buffer we have before
taking it to justice but if all that
fails then we have the police we have
the courts to solve the conflicts that
were not able to solve it before so how
was it that we managed to solve our
conflicts in our community in our
collective well the chicken part was
easy we talked I suppress my feelings my
friend expressed his feelings and we
decided to have a closed container for
chickens and that was great the robbery
was a bit harder we couldn’t sit with
the Sultans and try to reason with them
we went to the police but within a group
we were more resilient than ever our
bones were stronger than ever so I have
a final wish for you here today that we
all leave this room and consider
conflicts as a gift as an opportunity
wherever there are people there are
conflicts so why not be prepared for
them let’s include conflicts in our
plans
[Applause]
Please follow and like us: