this is partly a TED talk and partly a
public declaration of queer love this is
my girlfriend
Alessia and me we are kissing in front
of st. Peter’s Basilica one of the key
landmarks in the Italian and global
Christian landscape right where the
obelisk lines up with the dome recall
that kissing point and we kissed there
often when I come to stay in this city
we live right around the corner so st.
Peter’s Square has really become a home
for us and this has become a beloved
tradition of ours kiss scene as an
openly queer couple in a space that
means so much to us but continues to
exclude us we have become very
accustomed to some of the most common
reactions including think of the
children you must repent for that and
why do you care so much things are
getting better anyways NSA and I are not
interested in waiting for the world to
become more welcoming for us we are not
interested in atoning for this supposed
sin we want to bathe in this sin we want
to soak it up we want to taste it we
want to hold it in our arms whenever and
wherever we want inevitably we sometimes
don’t go unnoticed but this is our goal
we spend much of our lives as invisible
sometimes we masquerade as straight
friends to maintain our own safety
sometimes despite our best efforts to be
seen we are made out to be deplorable
and unnatural by certain people
institutions and ideologies that
surround us it’s not easy for us so
we’ve made our own little form of
protest one that serves the both of us
and brings us both much happiness but it
is far from the first to have taken
place within this very space people have
run nude through st. Peter’s Basilica
people have demonstrated for the right
of
women to enter into the priesthood in
the middle of the square and LGBTQIA
after activists have brought much color
to the square with pride flags and there
is one protestor who has had a
particular impact on my life
one that Alesi and i try to pay homage
to every time we kiss in this Square and
that is Alfredo mondo on January 13th
1998 or mondo set himself on fire in st.
Peter’s Square as pope john paul ii was
speaking to a crowd and orlando a gay
man did this as an act of protest
against the church’s denunciation of
homosexuality he died 11 days later in
the hospital at 39 years old
despite Orlando’s tragic death his story
has gone largely forgotten in history
but as memory is honored by the Italian
queer community during a gap year that I
took in Italy about two years ago after
high school I watched this community
make itself visible
I watched it occupies spaces as its very
own using kissing as a tool of protest
when that is immediately recognizable
and this image of the queer kiss it
became so powerful and especially within
an Italian context so shocking that it
immediately caught on as a key image and
part of this key slogan so hashtag lost
the sabato meaning the same kiss and our
kisses were the romantic or friendly
pecks on the cheek they showed up in
newspapers across the country garnering
a really exciting amount of attention
but at this particular protest I did not
kiss my girlfriend Alessia and I didn’t
kiss her because I hadn’t yet found the
courage to have an entire conversation
with her our story which I would really
love to share with you all was very much
just beginning
I meant Alessia at the aptly named gay
Center in Rome during
meeting for queer youth when I first saw
her we were doing a kind of warm-up
exercise we were instructed to pretend
to be trees to extend our arms to the
side like branches close our eyes and
feel our legs sturdy and grounded so
there I was in a foreign country
surrounded by people speaking a language
I wasn’t yet familiar with pretending to
be a tree squinting my eyes and staring
at the most beautiful girl I’ve ever
seen and today when I look at her in
person or over Skype I’m just as
overwhelmed but we almost missed our
opportunity because we’re both very shy
when we finally found the courage to
spend some time just the two of us I
found the words so what’s going on
between us come tumbling out of my mouth
and she kissed me and it was the most
intense kiss I’ve ever experienced and
from that moment forward all I wanted to
do was kiss this girl from San Pietro to
Pina though from the ruins a toast and
peek to the forum and the Colosseum I
wanted to kiss her and I wanted to fall
in love on my own terms and show the
entire city that I was falling in love
for the very first time but we are not a
straight couple so it was not so simple
at a concert we attended a group of
young men approached us and started
breathily asking questions into my ear
such as how can such a feminine girl be
gay and are you 100% lesbian one of them
asked us to kiss in front of him a gross
attempt a tree appropriating our own
intimate form of expressing our love
another time on the way to picnic in a
nearby park we stopped by a cafe to pick
up some sandwiches and at this cafe
right by my home I had come to be really
friendly with one of the waiters there
but this day when we walked in he took
one look at Alessia and said to me
confused who is this
is my girlfriend I said and he paused
and said are you sure we have countless
stories like this and none of them were
easy to experience so we had to face
face the facts face the facts that in
this city there are people that want to
prove that I love is an authentic in
this city we are not only unwelcome we
are actively excluded so the question
became how do we do this on our own
terms how do we make visible what
existed previously only behind closed
doors or in our own interior T’s how do
we emerge from a whole history of
repression and assert a relationship as
our very own how do we find a way to
belong in spaces that exclude us this is
really complicated and I am sure every
queer individual knows that that it’s
hard and it’s scary so it’s really
important to recognize that we were so
hugely privileged to be able to safely
protest in Rome and there’s a lot to
protest about my gap year in Rome
happened to coincide with a hugely
important year in the history of LGBTQ
rights in Italy moneka Chitina a
Democratic senator penned a bill on the
right of same-sex couples to enter into
civil unions not marriage civil unions
the bill did eventually pass in February
of 2016 but only after countless
negotiations and changes including the
removal of the right of same-sex couples
to adopt children all in all it was a
huge disappointment but in the time
leading up to the vote the community
protested and demonstrated almost every
week and I was really lucky to be able
to participate and on Valentine’s Day
we took our proud unapologetic selves to
the Pantheon and we celebrated love
bocce
were given out bocce candies bocce
meeting kisses and we took part
in a big celebration some people chose
to kiss someone chose to express their
love in other ways there is no one right
way to express love so in front of this
Roman temple turned Church built two
millennia ago one of the most
recognizable landmarks in the city we
stood and demanded that our history be
recognized as just as important and on
March 5th
we took the Piazza del Popolo in the
months leading up to the vote these
demonstrations were happening across the
entire country and across the world but
on that day people congregated in Rome
for a huge demonstration for
performances and for appearances from
Italian celebrities was really exciting
so in the square known as the People’s
Square we stood and we demanded to be
seen as just that as people and then of
course there’s Saint Peter’s Square a
space that has been used by so many
queer activists to demonstrate for our
rights yet one that continues to be
incredibly exclusive my gap year also
happened to coincide with a really
important year in the history of this
very square Pope Francis called 2016 to
be a Jubilee year also known as the year
of mercy and many made pilgrimage to
Rome about four million tourists total
came to the city that year and they
poured into that Square every week to
look up in awe at Pope Francis as he
emerged from his window in the Vatican
to give mass and they waved and cheered
and held up banners it was always so
overwhelming I’m always overwhelmed when
I’m in that space overwhelmed by the
power of religion and community and love
but I’m also overwhelmed by an
inescapable fear that in this space that
means so much to me I am not welcome to
be entirely Who I am legally I just
don’t belong in these spaces Saint
Peter’s Square is technically under
Vatican jurisdiction
nevertheless the two places are of
course deeply connected and legality
aside many including the curators of the
space have made it clear that we are not
welcome using language such as
homosexual tendencies the Church’s
official stance on queer identities is
hard to swallow in the eyes of the
church the church that I was baptized
into we are morally unjustifiable it is
written in the Catechism that our
identities cannot be explained and
according to Joseph Ratzinger we take
part in an intrinsically bad behavior
one that is objectively disorderly
Ratzinger would go on to become pope
benedict xvi and of course have
tremendous influence in the country and
pope francis the current pope he once
famously said Who am I to judge a moment
that gave so many of us hope but
disappointingly soon after argued that
there is an undeniable difference
between heterosexual and homosexual
couples he also reaffirmed the Church’s
rule that openly queer men cannot enter
the priesthood Francis is lauded as a
progressive queer friendly Pope but
toleration if we can even call this
toleration is not nearly enough and it
is certainly not justice for people like
afraid or tomando we want to be able to
take part in this world through our own
definitions not through definitions
placed upon us by others by institutions
that surround us we want the same kind
of accessibility unsafety and comfort
and freedom afforded to straight
individuals within these spaces we’re
not so we kiss and the thing is we’re
kissing in these these incredible spaces
that were built for each and every one
of us they are a great human inheritance
and they belong to all of us when
Bernini was designing the
for Saint Peter’s Square he wanted
everyone inside the square to feel like
they were being embraced by warm loving
arms
so when LSE and I kiss we remind
ourselves of that fact when we kiss we
get stares and sometimes comments when
we kiss we become the center of unwanted
questioning and confusion and hatred but
then we kiss and that kiss has never
changed and at the very least that kiss
has shown up in many a tourist photo and
I have to say it gives me great pleasure
knowing that people are returning home
with these photos to remember the
Vatican by that are decorated with queer
love a couple days ago a friend asked me
as I was telling him about this talk if
there were one thing I could say to the
members of the Vatican Cardinals the
bishops the Pope even the Swiss Guards
what would it be there are a lot of
things but I would certainly say that
our love is the same love that you teach
in Scripture it’s the same love that is
celebrated in Scripture the same love
felt in prayer and sung and hymns it is
a love that deserves to be broadcast on
TV and hung up on banners written into
law as equal and celebrated in your
churches but it is not so until then you
can look forward to a lot of queer
kissing in your square thank you so much
[Applause]
public declaration of queer love this is
my girlfriend
Alessia and me we are kissing in front
of st. Peter’s Basilica one of the key
landmarks in the Italian and global
Christian landscape right where the
obelisk lines up with the dome recall
that kissing point and we kissed there
often when I come to stay in this city
we live right around the corner so st.
Peter’s Square has really become a home
for us and this has become a beloved
tradition of ours kiss scene as an
openly queer couple in a space that
means so much to us but continues to
exclude us we have become very
accustomed to some of the most common
reactions including think of the
children you must repent for that and
why do you care so much things are
getting better anyways NSA and I are not
interested in waiting for the world to
become more welcoming for us we are not
interested in atoning for this supposed
sin we want to bathe in this sin we want
to soak it up we want to taste it we
want to hold it in our arms whenever and
wherever we want inevitably we sometimes
don’t go unnoticed but this is our goal
we spend much of our lives as invisible
sometimes we masquerade as straight
friends to maintain our own safety
sometimes despite our best efforts to be
seen we are made out to be deplorable
and unnatural by certain people
institutions and ideologies that
surround us it’s not easy for us so
we’ve made our own little form of
protest one that serves the both of us
and brings us both much happiness but it
is far from the first to have taken
place within this very space people have
run nude through st. Peter’s Basilica
people have demonstrated for the right
of
women to enter into the priesthood in
the middle of the square and LGBTQIA
after activists have brought much color
to the square with pride flags and there
is one protestor who has had a
particular impact on my life
one that Alesi and i try to pay homage
to every time we kiss in this Square and
that is Alfredo mondo on January 13th
1998 or mondo set himself on fire in st.
Peter’s Square as pope john paul ii was
speaking to a crowd and orlando a gay
man did this as an act of protest
against the church’s denunciation of
homosexuality he died 11 days later in
the hospital at 39 years old
despite Orlando’s tragic death his story
has gone largely forgotten in history
but as memory is honored by the Italian
queer community during a gap year that I
took in Italy about two years ago after
high school I watched this community
make itself visible
I watched it occupies spaces as its very
own using kissing as a tool of protest
when that is immediately recognizable
and this image of the queer kiss it
became so powerful and especially within
an Italian context so shocking that it
immediately caught on as a key image and
part of this key slogan so hashtag lost
the sabato meaning the same kiss and our
kisses were the romantic or friendly
pecks on the cheek they showed up in
newspapers across the country garnering
a really exciting amount of attention
but at this particular protest I did not
kiss my girlfriend Alessia and I didn’t
kiss her because I hadn’t yet found the
courage to have an entire conversation
with her our story which I would really
love to share with you all was very much
just beginning
I meant Alessia at the aptly named gay
Center in Rome during
meeting for queer youth when I first saw
her we were doing a kind of warm-up
exercise we were instructed to pretend
to be trees to extend our arms to the
side like branches close our eyes and
feel our legs sturdy and grounded so
there I was in a foreign country
surrounded by people speaking a language
I wasn’t yet familiar with pretending to
be a tree squinting my eyes and staring
at the most beautiful girl I’ve ever
seen and today when I look at her in
person or over Skype I’m just as
overwhelmed but we almost missed our
opportunity because we’re both very shy
when we finally found the courage to
spend some time just the two of us I
found the words so what’s going on
between us come tumbling out of my mouth
and she kissed me and it was the most
intense kiss I’ve ever experienced and
from that moment forward all I wanted to
do was kiss this girl from San Pietro to
Pina though from the ruins a toast and
peek to the forum and the Colosseum I
wanted to kiss her and I wanted to fall
in love on my own terms and show the
entire city that I was falling in love
for the very first time but we are not a
straight couple so it was not so simple
at a concert we attended a group of
young men approached us and started
breathily asking questions into my ear
such as how can such a feminine girl be
gay and are you 100% lesbian one of them
asked us to kiss in front of him a gross
attempt a tree appropriating our own
intimate form of expressing our love
another time on the way to picnic in a
nearby park we stopped by a cafe to pick
up some sandwiches and at this cafe
right by my home I had come to be really
friendly with one of the waiters there
but this day when we walked in he took
one look at Alessia and said to me
confused who is this
is my girlfriend I said and he paused
and said are you sure we have countless
stories like this and none of them were
easy to experience so we had to face
face the facts face the facts that in
this city there are people that want to
prove that I love is an authentic in
this city we are not only unwelcome we
are actively excluded so the question
became how do we do this on our own
terms how do we make visible what
existed previously only behind closed
doors or in our own interior T’s how do
we emerge from a whole history of
repression and assert a relationship as
our very own how do we find a way to
belong in spaces that exclude us this is
really complicated and I am sure every
queer individual knows that that it’s
hard and it’s scary so it’s really
important to recognize that we were so
hugely privileged to be able to safely
protest in Rome and there’s a lot to
protest about my gap year in Rome
happened to coincide with a hugely
important year in the history of LGBTQ
rights in Italy moneka Chitina a
Democratic senator penned a bill on the
right of same-sex couples to enter into
civil unions not marriage civil unions
the bill did eventually pass in February
of 2016 but only after countless
negotiations and changes including the
removal of the right of same-sex couples
to adopt children all in all it was a
huge disappointment but in the time
leading up to the vote the community
protested and demonstrated almost every
week and I was really lucky to be able
to participate and on Valentine’s Day
we took our proud unapologetic selves to
the Pantheon and we celebrated love
bocce
were given out bocce candies bocce
meeting kisses and we took part
in a big celebration some people chose
to kiss someone chose to express their
love in other ways there is no one right
way to express love so in front of this
Roman temple turned Church built two
millennia ago one of the most
recognizable landmarks in the city we
stood and demanded that our history be
recognized as just as important and on
March 5th
we took the Piazza del Popolo in the
months leading up to the vote these
demonstrations were happening across the
entire country and across the world but
on that day people congregated in Rome
for a huge demonstration for
performances and for appearances from
Italian celebrities was really exciting
so in the square known as the People’s
Square we stood and we demanded to be
seen as just that as people and then of
course there’s Saint Peter’s Square a
space that has been used by so many
queer activists to demonstrate for our
rights yet one that continues to be
incredibly exclusive my gap year also
happened to coincide with a really
important year in the history of this
very square Pope Francis called 2016 to
be a Jubilee year also known as the year
of mercy and many made pilgrimage to
Rome about four million tourists total
came to the city that year and they
poured into that Square every week to
look up in awe at Pope Francis as he
emerged from his window in the Vatican
to give mass and they waved and cheered
and held up banners it was always so
overwhelming I’m always overwhelmed when
I’m in that space overwhelmed by the
power of religion and community and love
but I’m also overwhelmed by an
inescapable fear that in this space that
means so much to me I am not welcome to
be entirely Who I am legally I just
don’t belong in these spaces Saint
Peter’s Square is technically under
Vatican jurisdiction
nevertheless the two places are of
course deeply connected and legality
aside many including the curators of the
space have made it clear that we are not
welcome using language such as
homosexual tendencies the Church’s
official stance on queer identities is
hard to swallow in the eyes of the
church the church that I was baptized
into we are morally unjustifiable it is
written in the Catechism that our
identities cannot be explained and
according to Joseph Ratzinger we take
part in an intrinsically bad behavior
one that is objectively disorderly
Ratzinger would go on to become pope
benedict xvi and of course have
tremendous influence in the country and
pope francis the current pope he once
famously said Who am I to judge a moment
that gave so many of us hope but
disappointingly soon after argued that
there is an undeniable difference
between heterosexual and homosexual
couples he also reaffirmed the Church’s
rule that openly queer men cannot enter
the priesthood Francis is lauded as a
progressive queer friendly Pope but
toleration if we can even call this
toleration is not nearly enough and it
is certainly not justice for people like
afraid or tomando we want to be able to
take part in this world through our own
definitions not through definitions
placed upon us by others by institutions
that surround us we want the same kind
of accessibility unsafety and comfort
and freedom afforded to straight
individuals within these spaces we’re
not so we kiss and the thing is we’re
kissing in these these incredible spaces
that were built for each and every one
of us they are a great human inheritance
and they belong to all of us when
Bernini was designing the
for Saint Peter’s Square he wanted
everyone inside the square to feel like
they were being embraced by warm loving
arms
so when LSE and I kiss we remind
ourselves of that fact when we kiss we
get stares and sometimes comments when
we kiss we become the center of unwanted
questioning and confusion and hatred but
then we kiss and that kiss has never
changed and at the very least that kiss
has shown up in many a tourist photo and
I have to say it gives me great pleasure
knowing that people are returning home
with these photos to remember the
Vatican by that are decorated with queer
love a couple days ago a friend asked me
as I was telling him about this talk if
there were one thing I could say to the
members of the Vatican Cardinals the
bishops the Pope even the Swiss Guards
what would it be there are a lot of
things but I would certainly say that
our love is the same love that you teach
in Scripture it’s the same love that is
celebrated in Scripture the same love
felt in prayer and sung and hymns it is
a love that deserves to be broadcast on
TV and hung up on banners written into
law as equal and celebrated in your
churches but it is not so until then you
can look forward to a lot of queer
kissing in your square thank you so much
[Applause]
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