[Applause]
let’s talk numbers
really quick too
the number of people it took to exchange
their genetic loading and love resulting
in yours truly 1985 the year I was born
six the number of years that they
endured before ending a toxic marriage
one the number of people who finally
asked what was going on at home
eleven how old I was when I moved from
one parent to another three the amount
of teachers who rallied around me in
court as I entered foster care five
hundred and sixty seven thousand the
number of kids in care that year that I
joined in 1999 twenty seven the amount
of miles that those teachers drove each
day to make sure that I could stay in
the same school for the amount of social
workers I went through in a span of two
years ten the amount of times I remember
moving over a span of four years
twenty-six the age of my sister when she
took me in when I was a junior in high
school as my final foster home one the
amount of time she grounded me
maybe maybe more than that nine point
five my eighth score now that number
like many of the other ones are out of
my control
that number nine point five was stamped
on my development without any warning
and the CDC defines an ace score as
adverse childhood experiences
it’s a score that helps to tally the
amount of traumatic events that a young
person experiences in their first 18
years of life the score goes from 0 to
10 and it also helps to implicate the
potential long-term effects that that
young person may experience as an adult
in the areas of physical social
spiritual mental health and well-being
so with that score 9.5 completely out of
my control I am at a 4 to 12 times more
alcoholism suicide disease chronic
health problems
I shouldn’t be educated nor articulate I
should have had multiple babies by now
most likely from different relationships
and it’s odd that I don’t carry a
criminal record or have any inpatient
hospitalizations under my belt but the
most shocking statistic that I found
when I learned of this ace score is that
because of that 9.5 there is a very high
chance that I will die 20 years younger
than my counterpart well that’s rude so
let’s go back to numbers 33 the number
of years I’ve managed to stay alive
despite all of those odds listed before
you 4.0 my GPA in high school in college
– the number of clinical degrees I hold
in social work 13 the number of years I
have worked steadily as a social worker
in the clinical field zero the amount of
health problems I currently have despite
a little bit of high cholesterol but
that’s due to an obsession with cheese
so
doesn’t count doesn’t count
last number most important number and
it’s why I’m here is 25 that’s the
number of people in my village that
helped to bring me here today and I want
to ask you to think about your village
so picture it what street did you grow
what’s your room look like would you do
for the holidays who disciplined you and
how who got you ready for prom who moved
you into your first apartment who would
you call right now for advice I could
keep going with questions but for hope
hopefully for some of you and most of
you these images that flash before you
like a home video were images of people
places and things that represented
relationships reflections of health and
happiness permanency and normalcy as you
developed for some of us in the audience
those images might have been random or
inconsistent unhealthy simply not there
and if that’s the case what does that
mean does it mean anything like I said
before it means a little something
because whether we like it or not those
images flashing before your eyes today
have a lot to do with who you are right
now in this moment your values your
attachment to others your moral compass
your ability to trust the world and most
importantly your sense of self
I remember being asked what it meant for
me the very first time when I was a
college student I was 20 years old I was
working as an intern observing a parent
training for a foster care program that
I worked for and it was then that I
first learned of the a score sitting in
the back of the audience the second
thing that I learned at that training
was that the human brain is
pretty badass it has the ability to
reorganize itself despite any level of
trauma it can rewire itself through
relationships it can build new pathways
to change what’s been done around it so
I learned in that training as I was
listening to the story of my traumatized
brain I was learning that it’s
neuroplasticity would allow itself to
rewire and the best thing that I learned
in that training is that the one word
that would allow to rewire my brain was
relationships so as I prepared for my
talk today linking my story to bringing
people together I outreach to a few
members of my initial village and for
privacy purposes I will refer to them as
hey lady and her family and the
okey-dokey team mr. H and mrs. mr. D and
these people took a chance on a young
and rattled girl they were assigned
roles in my life they were teachers
science English psychology and history
teachers to be exact and among the
turmoil of that time in my life my brain
protected itself by periods of blackouts
non memories but I vividly remember
these three teachers I remember standing
in my seventh grade science room well
hey ladies stood on the table and
instead of teaching she’s how to showed
us how to clap and I learned then how to
say endoplasmic reticulum and obviously
it’s stuck I learned then that these
people rallied around me because they
saw something inside they went to court
and they rallied to show me as a village
some level of safety structure and
support the okie-dokie team helped me to
stay on track and not kids to try to
sidetracked with boys they drove me to
and from this long-term foster home so
that I could stay in the same school
district and not experienced so much
disruption
hey lady ended up being a foster
placement for me my sophomore year in
high school and the hey lady’s story was
told to me by her adult son who
nicknamed her hey lady when he was
younger and they took me away on this
family vacation and I learned what hey
lady was hey lady and the okie-dokie
team stayed with me for three years as I
threw myself into school and fought my
way towards permanency and normalcy in
any sense of the word and these team of
strangers were guardian angels to me and
my sister she prepared her place to take
me as a junior in high school they were
strangers to her and they were familiar
faces to me providing me a constant face
on an unpredictable ride these three
people became the bumpers on my lane of
life as I continued to educate myself
and found through my internship that I
could bring people together through this
foster care experience simply by sharing
examples of how these relationships
directed and impacted my life I learned
then that I had some sort of gift for
being able to make sense of this
personal and professional complex issue
by merging those pieces and telling
stories of how I survived and why I made
it and I learned then and I’ve spoken
since then and I believe truly I’ve
spread that belief that over 15 years
ago these adults who rallied around me
as the initial members of my village
have truly impacted the person in the
brain who was in front of you today
telling the story now it’s your turn how
do you take my words today and live them
tomorrow I’ll tell you how I do it
I bring people together every day as a
social worker I’ve held permanency team
meetings with over 15 people in one room
all responsible for the well-being of
one child none of which who would have
gotten there if it weren’t for my
shark-like
yet respectful efforts at collaboration
I’ve spent 10 years training community
mentors to be matched with kids in a
Rhode Island foster care system passing
on the importance of a village to over
538 relationships to date I’ve sat
across teenagers on an inpatient
psychiatric unit sharing pieces of my
I’ve expanded my village by making
co-workers family exes friends and
sharing my heart with anybody who
wouldn’t hurt it now again back to your
turn what do you do two answers one pay
attention if you go to school if you
have kids that go to school and you
notice somebody that kid on the field no
one’s cheering cheer if you notice that
kid and you’re able to carpool so that
that kid can stay in their school
district carpool match up if you can to
somebody on campus that has nowhere to
go during parent weekend or family
weekend donate your suitcases and prom
dresses so that kids and care can have
some dignified experiences the second
thing you can do tomorrow is build
relationships connect with an agency
around in your community that connects
you with kids and teens in foster care
mentor a young person or if you work in
a role that works with young people know
that although your relationship is
assigned at first it can potentially be
the most influential relationship that
that young person can have in the
absence of parental support no pressure
and I would be remiss if I didn’t
mention my secret village a village of
four people that came together out of
need and they were a village that I
watched at eleven o’clock at night on
life
secretly in most of my foster homes in
our village called the Golden Girls and
I told myself that if I ever got stuck
today I would picture you guys naked but
I don’t think I need to do that so and
what I meant to actually say is that I
wouldn’t picture you naked that I would
sing the theme of the Golden Girls but
that just happened so instead I will say
thank you for being a friend because
when you leave here today know that you
are part of my ever-changing story and
know that I will leave with pride and
gratitude and I will continue to love
and support the most important relationship of all the one with myself
let’s talk numbers
really quick too
the number of people it took to exchange
their genetic loading and love resulting
in yours truly 1985 the year I was born
six the number of years that they
endured before ending a toxic marriage
one the number of people who finally
asked what was going on at home
eleven how old I was when I moved from
one parent to another three the amount
of teachers who rallied around me in
court as I entered foster care five
hundred and sixty seven thousand the
number of kids in care that year that I
joined in 1999 twenty seven the amount
of miles that those teachers drove each
day to make sure that I could stay in
the same school for the amount of social
workers I went through in a span of two
years ten the amount of times I remember
moving over a span of four years
twenty-six the age of my sister when she
took me in when I was a junior in high
school as my final foster home one the
amount of time she grounded me
maybe maybe more than that nine point
five my eighth score now that number
like many of the other ones are out of
my control
that number nine point five was stamped
on my development without any warning
and the CDC defines an ace score as
adverse childhood experiences
it’s a score that helps to tally the
amount of traumatic events that a young
person experiences in their first 18
years of life the score goes from 0 to
10 and it also helps to implicate the
potential long-term effects that that
young person may experience as an adult
in the areas of physical social
spiritual mental health and well-being
so with that score 9.5 completely out of
my control I am at a 4 to 12 times more
alcoholism suicide disease chronic
health problems
I shouldn’t be educated nor articulate I
should have had multiple babies by now
most likely from different relationships
and it’s odd that I don’t carry a
criminal record or have any inpatient
hospitalizations under my belt but the
most shocking statistic that I found
when I learned of this ace score is that
because of that 9.5 there is a very high
chance that I will die 20 years younger
than my counterpart well that’s rude so
let’s go back to numbers 33 the number
of years I’ve managed to stay alive
despite all of those odds listed before
you 4.0 my GPA in high school in college
– the number of clinical degrees I hold
in social work 13 the number of years I
have worked steadily as a social worker
in the clinical field zero the amount of
health problems I currently have despite
a little bit of high cholesterol but
that’s due to an obsession with cheese
so
doesn’t count doesn’t count
last number most important number and
it’s why I’m here is 25 that’s the
number of people in my village that
helped to bring me here today and I want
to ask you to think about your village
so picture it what street did you grow
what’s your room look like would you do
for the holidays who disciplined you and
how who got you ready for prom who moved
you into your first apartment who would
you call right now for advice I could
keep going with questions but for hope
hopefully for some of you and most of
you these images that flash before you
like a home video were images of people
places and things that represented
relationships reflections of health and
happiness permanency and normalcy as you
developed for some of us in the audience
those images might have been random or
inconsistent unhealthy simply not there
and if that’s the case what does that
mean does it mean anything like I said
before it means a little something
because whether we like it or not those
images flashing before your eyes today
have a lot to do with who you are right
now in this moment your values your
attachment to others your moral compass
your ability to trust the world and most
importantly your sense of self
I remember being asked what it meant for
me the very first time when I was a
college student I was 20 years old I was
working as an intern observing a parent
training for a foster care program that
I worked for and it was then that I
first learned of the a score sitting in
the back of the audience the second
thing that I learned at that training
was that the human brain is
pretty badass it has the ability to
reorganize itself despite any level of
trauma it can rewire itself through
relationships it can build new pathways
to change what’s been done around it so
I learned in that training as I was
listening to the story of my traumatized
brain I was learning that it’s
neuroplasticity would allow itself to
rewire and the best thing that I learned
in that training is that the one word
that would allow to rewire my brain was
relationships so as I prepared for my
talk today linking my story to bringing
people together I outreach to a few
members of my initial village and for
privacy purposes I will refer to them as
hey lady and her family and the
okey-dokey team mr. H and mrs. mr. D and
these people took a chance on a young
and rattled girl they were assigned
roles in my life they were teachers
science English psychology and history
teachers to be exact and among the
turmoil of that time in my life my brain
protected itself by periods of blackouts
non memories but I vividly remember
these three teachers I remember standing
in my seventh grade science room well
hey ladies stood on the table and
instead of teaching she’s how to showed
us how to clap and I learned then how to
say endoplasmic reticulum and obviously
it’s stuck I learned then that these
people rallied around me because they
saw something inside they went to court
and they rallied to show me as a village
some level of safety structure and
support the okie-dokie team helped me to
stay on track and not kids to try to
sidetracked with boys they drove me to
and from this long-term foster home so
that I could stay in the same school
district and not experienced so much
disruption
hey lady ended up being a foster
placement for me my sophomore year in
high school and the hey lady’s story was
told to me by her adult son who
nicknamed her hey lady when he was
younger and they took me away on this
family vacation and I learned what hey
lady was hey lady and the okie-dokie
team stayed with me for three years as I
threw myself into school and fought my
way towards permanency and normalcy in
any sense of the word and these team of
strangers were guardian angels to me and
my sister she prepared her place to take
me as a junior in high school they were
strangers to her and they were familiar
faces to me providing me a constant face
on an unpredictable ride these three
people became the bumpers on my lane of
life as I continued to educate myself
and found through my internship that I
could bring people together through this
foster care experience simply by sharing
examples of how these relationships
directed and impacted my life I learned
then that I had some sort of gift for
being able to make sense of this
personal and professional complex issue
by merging those pieces and telling
stories of how I survived and why I made
it and I learned then and I’ve spoken
since then and I believe truly I’ve
spread that belief that over 15 years
ago these adults who rallied around me
as the initial members of my village
have truly impacted the person in the
brain who was in front of you today
telling the story now it’s your turn how
do you take my words today and live them
tomorrow I’ll tell you how I do it
I bring people together every day as a
social worker I’ve held permanency team
meetings with over 15 people in one room
all responsible for the well-being of
one child none of which who would have
gotten there if it weren’t for my
shark-like
yet respectful efforts at collaboration
I’ve spent 10 years training community
mentors to be matched with kids in a
Rhode Island foster care system passing
on the importance of a village to over
538 relationships to date I’ve sat
across teenagers on an inpatient
psychiatric unit sharing pieces of my
I’ve expanded my village by making
co-workers family exes friends and
sharing my heart with anybody who
wouldn’t hurt it now again back to your
turn what do you do two answers one pay
attention if you go to school if you
have kids that go to school and you
notice somebody that kid on the field no
one’s cheering cheer if you notice that
kid and you’re able to carpool so that
that kid can stay in their school
district carpool match up if you can to
somebody on campus that has nowhere to
go during parent weekend or family
weekend donate your suitcases and prom
dresses so that kids and care can have
some dignified experiences the second
thing you can do tomorrow is build
relationships connect with an agency
around in your community that connects
you with kids and teens in foster care
mentor a young person or if you work in
a role that works with young people know
that although your relationship is
assigned at first it can potentially be
the most influential relationship that
that young person can have in the
absence of parental support no pressure
and I would be remiss if I didn’t
mention my secret village a village of
four people that came together out of
need and they were a village that I
watched at eleven o’clock at night on
life
secretly in most of my foster homes in
our village called the Golden Girls and
I told myself that if I ever got stuck
today I would picture you guys naked but
I don’t think I need to do that so and
what I meant to actually say is that I
wouldn’t picture you naked that I would
sing the theme of the Golden Girls but
that just happened so instead I will say
thank you for being a friend because
when you leave here today know that you
are part of my ever-changing story and
know that I will leave with pride and
gratitude and I will continue to love
and support the most important relationship of all the one with myself
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